He's Not Worth It

May 2018

“This is such a busy week for me,” Harry said as he lay in bed, Maggie cuddled up under his arm.

“What all do you have to do?” She asked.

“Well, Stevie Nicks is coming in the studio this week to collaborate. And I have that big meeting about the album with my team. And then I have the photo shoot for the album,” he said with a sigh.

“My boyfriend, the rock star,” Maggie sighed, looking at him adoringly. Harry smiled back proudly.

“That all sounds really exciting to me,” Maggie told him.

“It is, but it’s just a lot to pack into one week,” he said with a sigh.

Maggie knew he was excited even though he was stressing out. He couldn’t stop talking about it for a week straight now.

“Stevie Nicks though… man, I am so excited for you,” Maggie said, squeezing him in her arms.

“It’s going to be unbelievable,” Harry said, smiling tiredly.

“Just do your best not to worry about things. You’re absolutely amazing, baby. Everything you touch turns to gold,” she said, smiling up at him.

“How did I get such an amazing girlfriend? You sound like a fortune cookie,” he said with a laugh.

“Mmm, fortune cookies. Mmm, Chinese food,” Maggie said, getting thrown off subject.

“Oh, hell. I distracted her with the thought of food. Come back, come back to me,” Harry said playfully.

“Chinese food is my weakness,” she giggled, burying her nose into his chest.

“I thought I was your weakness,” he said, feigning offense.

“Harry or sesame chicken. Harry or sesame chicken. Hmm. Tough choice,” Maggie said, weighing the two in her mind, even though she knew Harry would always win out in the end.

“MAGGIE MAY!” Harry scoffed, playfully pushing her away from him.

“Oh, Hazza! You know I was kidding!” She giggled, trying to cuddle up to him again.

“I’m going to go sleep with Hemingway in his dog bed!” Harry laughed as he threw off the blankets.

“No, Hazza. Don’t leave me,” Maggie whimpered, sticking out her bottom lips at him.

When he actually got up and slipped out of bed, walking out the bedroom door, Maggie really got sad.

“Harry!” She whined from his bed.

He came back in the room a few moments later with a handful of Chinese take-out menus and tossed them on the bed.

“There,” he said with a satisfied smirk.

“You are always surprising me,” Maggie cooed with a huge grin on her face.

“You’re always surprising me with the way you can throw back food like nobody’s business. You put me to shame, woman,” he said playfully as he toppled back down on the bed.

“Oooh. I like this place,” she said, grabbing the menu for a little place called Shangri La.

“Let me know what you want and I’ll order,” he told her just before he leaned in and kissed her lips.

“You’re eating too, right?” She asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. She didn’t want to eat alone.

“Hell yes. I need my strength with the way you’ve been giving it to me lately,” he said with a devilish smirk.

“You’ve noticed,” she said, heightening her eyebrows.

“How could I not? You’re a machine, woman,” he laughed, wrapping his arms around her naked body.

“You’ve been so stressed. I wanted to… relieve you,” she told him.

“Oh, you have helped more than you know,” he said, bouncing his eyebrows at her.

“Good. I’m glad to be of service,” she said, sending him a satisfied smile before her eyes went back to browsing the menu.

“I am fully serviced and ready to go,” he said trying to be seductive, but failed epically.

“Oh, Lord. That was bad, babe,” Maggie laughed.

“But you still dig me, right?” He laughed.

“I don’t know. After that one, I’m kind of questioning it,” she joked.

“Oh, really!?” He said, grabbing onto her and tackling her down on the bed.

“HARRY!” She screeched, helpless in his arms.

He tickled her relentlessly as she shrieked and fought against him.

“Stop, Harry! Stop it!” Maggie screamed, laughing uncontrollably as tears rolled out over eyes. When he finally let up, she was finally able to take a deep breath.

“Jesus Christ, Styles,” she groaned, wiping at her tear-filled eyes.

“That’ll show you. Picking on me,” he scoffed playfully.

“I can’t help that you’re a nerd,” she laughed.

“Maggie May!” He said tickling her sides again.

“Harry! Harry! HARRY!” She squealed.

“You are such a brat, you know that?” He said, stilling his fingers, sending her a glare.

“I know,” she said, smiling up at him.

“As long as we’re clear about that,” he huffed before sending her a loving smile.

“And you’re a nerd,” Maggie repeated for good measure.

“Not any bigger of a nerd than you are!” He retorted.

“NERD POWER!” She said, throwing her arm up in triumph.

“You really are, you know that?” He chuckled, laying down next her, their heads toward the foot of the bed.

“Totally,” she agreed, checking out the menu once again.

“So what are you getting, Maggie May the ruler of all nerds in Nerd-land?” Harry asked playfully.

“Well, Hazza my little slave-nerd, I am thinking I want a little sesame chicken with low mein and spring rolls galore,” she told him with a wide smile.

“What kind of spring rolls?” He asked.

“Veggie spring rolls, duh,” she said, looking over at him incredulously.

“Duh,” he mimicked, making a face at her.

He sat up to grab his iPhone from the nightstand to make the call.

“Wait, what are you getting?” Maggie asked, sitting up too.

“What does it matter?” He chuckled.

“What if it’s something I don’t like?” She asked, looking at him wide-eyed.

“It’s my food,” he laughed, sending her an odd look.

“Yeah, but… we always share,” she said with a pouty lip.

“Riddle me this, Batman: what Chinese food don’t you like?” Harry asked.

“True. Proceed, my little nerd-servant,” she told him.

He smirked and squeezed her knee to make her jump. She let out a little squeal and he laughed, pleased with himself as he dialed the number to order the food.

Less than an hour later, Maggie was in Heaven – sitting in Harry’s bed naked, with a naked Harry next to her, Chinese food in her belly, a cold beer in her hand and the love of her life, Hemingway, laying on the floor by her side of the bed. H E A V E N.

“Could things get any more perfect than they are right now?” She asked, breaking out of her food coma.

“I really hope so. Only because if things can’t get any better, then it means they can only get worse,” Harry said, using incredible logic.

“Can things just stay like this forever? I could be happy for the rest of my life if I just felt like this forever,” Maggie said, smiling over at him.

“You are too cute, Maggie May,” he said, leaning over to kiss her lips.

And as if her conversation about perfection was like a foreshadowing for bad news, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

The next morning she woke up to a phone call from her mother. She didn’t get a chance to answer it because when she reached for it blindly, without her glasses on, it fell behind Harry’s nightstand.

“Shit,” she groaned as she reached for her frames so she could see what the hell she was doing.

“What’s going on?” Harry mumbled from beside her in the bed.

“I dropped my phone,” she grumbled as she sat up, trying to gage where exactly it landed.

When she realized she would have to get up out of bed and pull the nightstand away from the wall to reach it she growled under her breath. Harry chuckled at her as he sat up watching her.

Maggie let her feet hit the floor and pulled herself up as Hemmy came running over.

“Hi, baby boy. Good morning,” she cooed, petting his head, instantly in a better mood after seeing his cute face.

“Sweet bum, baby,” Harry chuckled at Maggie who was bent over petting the dog.

“Perv,” she shot back at him along with a playful glare and he bounced his eyebrows at her.

“If I wasn’t already sporting a morning stiffy that sure as hell would have done it for me,” he laughed.

“I back my last statement. Perv,” Maggie snorted, turning toward the nightstand to pull it out.

When she finally got enough space between the piece of furniture and the wall, she squeezed her arm back there to retrieve her phone. There was also a picture frame back there that she dug out. She took a quick look at it, wondering who it was of. Her stomach clenched when she saw it was Kendall. It made her immediately wonder why Harry didn’t have any pictures of her on display in his bedroom.

“I found a picture of your girlfriend,” Maggie said, throwing the frame on the bed next to him. He picked it up and looked at it as Maggie pushed the nightstand back.

“That can go in the box of shit that needs to go back to her,” Harry said, tossing it on the floor.

Maggie quickly dialed her voicemail and listened to her mother’s message, wondering why she was calling so early in the morning.

“Hi, sweetie… I uh, I kind of have some bad news… Pop-pop took a turn for the worse last night and… we don’t know if he’s going to make it. He’s in the hospital, but he’s not doing very well. I hate that I have to tell you all of this over a voicemail, but I’m at the hospital and I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to talk,” she said, sounding super exhausted and sad. It was her father after all.

Tears immediately formed in Maggie’s eyes as her hand came up to cover her mouth.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” Harry asked, noticing her sudden mood change.

“Give me a call back as soon as you can, baby. I love you,” Maggie finished listening as her mom ended the voicemail and the robotic voicemail lady told her the message was done.

“Oh my god,” Maggie said in shock as she hung up the phone.

“What happened?” Harry asked, looking and sounding concerned as she sat down on the bed next to him.

“My grandpa is in the hospital and they don’t know if he’s going to make it,” she said as a tear streaked down her cheek.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Harry said sadly, grabbing her for a hug.

Maggie’s grandfather, who was always so strong, was the life-force of her family – the patriarch. The man who taught her how to change oil in a car, who cheered the loudest at her high school graduation, who was her biggest push when making the decision to move to Los Angeles. He wrote the check that financed the apartment she lived in – the apartment that brought her to Harry.

Her tears were streaming heavily down her face as Harry held her in his arms.

“I need to go. I need to go to Sacramento,” she told him as she pulled away from his grasp.

“Of course,” he said, agreeing with her.

Maggie got up from the bed. Her head was a mess as she grabbed her clothing from the floor.

“God, I wish I could go with you. Why does this week have to be so busy?” Harry grumbled to himself.

“No, baby. It’s okay. You have to do this,” she told him.

“But I want to be there for you. I want to…” He said sadly.

“Harry, believe me, just by your words, I know, okay. Thank you,” she told him. He paused his actions of dressing himself to kiss and hug her again.

“I will be here for you no matter what. I am always here,” he told her.

“Thank you,” she breathed as another tear streaked her cheek.

“I am so sorry, baby,” he said, kissing it away.

“Thank you,” she told him again.

Harry and Hemingway went to Maggie’s house with her as she quickly packed for her disparaging trip up to Sacramento – where her worst fears would most likely be realized.

Harry sat quietly organizing her suitcase as she threw stuff onto the bed from her closet. Even just that small act from him meant so much to her. He was perfect and he was all hers and life was hard, but not as hard with him by her side.

Once Maggie was packed, she was finally able to take a deep breath.

“Do you want me to make you something to eat before you go?” He asked.

“I couldn’t eat anything right now even if I tried,” she said sadly.

“Baby, I am so sorry,” he said, wrapping his arms around her again.

“Was she pretty certain he wasn’t going to make it? I mean, he could still pull through, right?” Harry asked, trying to be positive.

“I don’t know. I just don’t know,” she said, shaking her head.

He kissed her forehead and tightened his grasp around her. For a few moments, she felt safe and secure and nothing hurt. There was nothing weighing her down. There was nothing but her and him in those moments. But as soon as it came, it went just as fast. She was thrusted back to reality.

“I should go. Every minute here is a minute I could be losing with my grandfather,” she told him.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, nodding his head.

“Thank you so much for the support,” she said, kissing his lips.

“I am here for you, Maggie May,” he told her.

“I will call you and let you know what’s going on,” she told him.

“I’ll miss you,” he said, giving her a thoughtful look.

“I’ll miss you too,” she told him whole-heartedly.

Harry walked her out to her car, putting her suitcase in the back seat for her. Then he pulled out his wallet, grabbing a bunch of bills out for her.

“Harry, no,” she said, waving it off.

“For gas and food,” he said, grabbing her hand and putting it in her palm, forcing her to take it.

“Drive carefully, Maggie. Come back to me in once piece,” he said, sending her a small smile.

“I will,” she told him and gave him one last kiss before bending down to ruffle the fur on Hemmy’s head.

“I’ll miss you both,” she told them.

As she pulled away, she noticed that Harry shoved nearly a thousand dollars in her hand. What in the hell? Where did he think she was driving to? Egypt? Luckily, she already had a full tank of gas in her car, because she planned on driving the six hours straight through – only having to stop for gas if she needed it.

In her fourth hour of driving, she got the heartbreaking news that her grandfather passed. She pulled into the nearest gas station and broke down right in the car. Once she calmed herself down, she called Harry to let him know. He was a big support and she didn’t know what she would have done without him.

Maggie spent the entire next week in Sacramento. The funeral was held three days after his death and it was one of the hardest things she ever had to go through. Her grandfather was one of the most influential people in her life and it was hard to say goodbye to such a great man. It was hard to comprehend that she would never get to sit and talk to him about life and her hopes and dreams anymore. And he wouldn’t be there to take the fish off the hooks for her when she went fishing. He wouldn’t see her get married or see her start a family. He just wouldn’t be there anymore. It was hard.

Harry and Maggie kept in constant contact throughout the week. He was busy but he would always take her call no matter what. She even accidentally called him during his big meeting about his record and he took the call. She immediately let him go when he told her what he was doing, but it meant the world to her that she was important enough to be priority over that.

By the time she decided to go back to Los Angeles, she was more than excited to see Harry’s face. By the fifth hour of driving, she was so wound up she decided to pop in a One Direction CD and jam out to it, listening to her boyfriend’s sultry voice. God, she missed him.

When she finally pulled into the condo’s parking lot, she immediately searched for Harry’s Range Rover and spotted it right away. He was home and she was more than happy. He and Hemmy were sorely missed.

Maggie walked up to his door, just about skipping because she was so excited. She knocked briefly – hoping he would think she was someone else so she could catch him totally off guard. The door swung open and her breath caught in her throat. Her lungs burned. It wasn’t Harry. It was Kendall.

Notes