e i g h t y o n e - traditional.
//be patient, give it time//
Harry's anxious behavior is completely understandable, I'm not sane at the moment either. "I-I.. I'm not even s-sure how to.. to b-begin." He swallows loud enough for me to hear, a sign that he's very nervous. Don't get me wrong, I'm afraid too, but I feel like I have a little more confidence than he does right now - which is rather shocking. "Just.. relax.. we can figure it out, I'm sure." I say as I grab his hand and slot my fingers between his. He smiles gently, "I hope so."
Without any more hesitating, Harry places his hand on the side of my neck, his thumb rubbing my jaw. "If this doesn't work out.. I just want you to remember that I love you.. and that you're the most beautiful woman God has ever created." Instantly, his words have me blushing hard. I let out a soft laugh, "I love you more." Using all my courage, I stand on my tip toes and place my lips against his, and within seconds we become synced.
Like an instinct, my free hand finds it's way to the back of his head where I quickly tangle my fingers into his locks. I tug slightly, getting a smirk pressed against my mouth. Our mouths quickly are torn apart due to Harry's sudden move. A squeal comes from my mouth, making me blush from embarrassment, as Harry carries me like a bride - hm, maybe one day.
"Harry.. what are you doing?" I ask with a giggle uncontrollably following my words. "Oh, my dear, if we're going to do this.. we're doing it the traditional way, well.. for the most part." His chuckle warms my heart, gosh he's so amazing. I furrow my brows at the end of his sentence, "For the most part?" I question curiously, not really sure what he's referring to. It has to be more than just the obvious - he's clearly not fully human.
"Mhmm," He nods gently, "We aren't married." His eyes meet mine just as he reaches the bed, he freezes while still holding me in his arms. I run my fingers across his nape, tangling them in his hair - my favorite thing, other than kissing him. "That's old school." I smile faintly, not sure if this is a topic to joke about or not, Harry is definitely from a different time - traditional views aren't as respected these days.
"I know." He gives me a warm smile in return, that assures me he hasn't gotten offended by what I said. "You don't want to wait, do you?" I raise a brow, hoping that he doesn't say yes. His smile grows to a grin, " 'm at home plate now, might as well bat." My nerves tingle when he winks at me - the simplest things drive me crazy. "Even if I strike out."
I don't comment on his murmur, I don't feel the need to - his lack of self confidence is upsetting, but I can't change the way he feels about himself, at least I don't think I can. "So lucky.. to call the most beautiful, gorgeous woman in the world mine." Harry's lips place a kiss on my temple, just as he turns to face the bed. I hide my flustered face in his neck, feeling his throat vibrate as his chuckle escapes. "Don't be shy now, love."
"M'not shy." I retort quickly, lifting my face from his neck. Our eyes lock, and even though it isn't the first time we've stared at each other - it feels like it. Every time I lay my eyes on his gaze it's like the very first time.. Magical, beautiful, perfect.
While the silence regrows among us, Harry gently places me down on the mattress, on the side he sleeps on the most. I give him a soft smile as he places a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Let me grab something real quick, don't go anywhere, princess." He presses his lips on the same spot a second time before going to the bathroom. I ponder the things he could be getting - a towel, perhaps some tissue, could even be getting a cup of water-
My thoughts stop as Harry enters the bedroom, his trip was very quick. In his hand is a candle and a small lighter. I watch as he sits the candle on the nightstand, soon setting a flame on the wick. "I know you like vanilla.. it calms you. So.. I thought this could keep us relaxed." He explains without me having to ask - I don't verbally thank him for his explanation, instead I reply with a smile and a faint laugh. He's very considerate of me and it's astonishing honestly, that he cares so much about me.
"H-how do you, uh, w-want to start this?" Harry asks with a slight stammer as he sits on the edge of the bed, his hand picking up mine. As I give his shaking palm a squeeze, I look him right in those gorgeous eyes and say the words I have been dying to say for a while now. "Just.. kiss me." It doesn't take long for him to lean down beside me, one arm drapes over my stomach, the other props him up. We're tangled in a kiss, soft movements driven by lustful intentions. It's quite beautiful, really. Before I realize what I'm even doing, I grab onto his shoulder, trying to pull him over onto me.
My efforts are weak, because honestly I'm not very strong and Harry isn't light. I feel his smirk on my mouth, a sign that he gets the point. Within seconds, he climbs over me, my legs part to let him lie down comfortably. His hands hold him above me, keeping his heavy weight from crushing my bones. I use my own hands to guide his upper half closer to me. It works somewhat, but he restricts my ability to move him by tensing his muscles. I understand that he wants this to go slow, but I for one just want it to happen already.
"Julie." He grunts slightly as a result of my nails digging into his skin - trying my damn best to get as close as possible. He isn't letting me and I'm becoming highly annoyed with him. His mouth tears from mine, our eyes shoot open at the same time. Harry's chest is moving rapidly, his lungs taking in heavy breaths of air. The size of his pupils is drastically different now, but I don't have any time to actually consider that.
"Baby, we have all the time in the world.. why are you trying to rush this?" He's irritated with me, it's easy to see. "Maybe because I want this more than anything.. and.. and you won't.. you won't do this with me." I furrow my brows in anger as I stare up at this gorgeous man - how could I be upset with such a beautiful soul? "Babe, we, we just started."
I roll my eyes at his words, perhaps a bit too dramatically. He brushes it off and lowers his lips back to mine. To my utter surprise, I turn my head - his mouth hitting my cheek. "What's wrong now?" Harry asks with a huff. "I don't want to. Just.. get off me." I decide that tonight will not be the night I have been dreaming of. This isn't going to happen, not while we're constantly fighting - I won't allow it to. It's supposed to be the best night of my life, but it seems that it's starting off with both of us in an upset mood. I'd rather wait.
"You can't be serious? After all that whining you done?" Harry harshly laughs in disbelief. I refuse to shift my head back, I don't want to look at him right now. "You get mad at me for stopping but you're literally doing it right now." He adds, but yet I remain still below him. "Get off me." I mumble, squeezing my eyes shut to not only hide him from my sight, but to prevent the tears that I feel coming along.
"Whatever, Julianne. Whatever you fuckin' say." Harry wastes no more time, he climbs off of my body and instead of falling beside me like I hoped he would, he walks to the staircase. My heart begins to thump violently in my chest, I sit up suddenly, "Where are you going?" I ask in a demanding tone, even though it's obvious I have no power over him. No authority what so ever. "The fuckin' woods." He says as he starts down the stairs.
Anxiety begins to wash through my body, the thousands of things that could happen to me while he's gone flood my mind. I hurry out of the bed and I follow after him. By the time I get to the living room, he's already at the door with his hand wrapped around the knob. He freezes, probably because of my presence. "Get back upstairs." He says coldly, his voice holding no emotion. "Don't leave me." I mumble softly, afraid that he'll do just that.
"Oh, so now you want me to stay?" He shakes his head just slightly. "Harry.. please. You-you know I get.. s-scared.. with-without you here." My voice is frail, no strength left inside of me. "I'll have someone come over. Until they get here, stay upstairs." He never once turns to face me.
In an instant, the door slams shut. He didn't even say goodbye, or that he loved me, or anything that I wanted to hear. Maybe this time he isn't to blame, maybe it's my fault. He should be upset, he should want to leave. How can I blame him?
Since my arrival, the silence within the cabin has remained mostly undisturbed. The soft volume of the television is the only noise, aside from the breaths leaving my own mouth as well as Julianne's upstairs. I knew this would happen, that Harry would ask for my assistance. He would never leave her unattended - especially while he's out trying to focus on a hunt.
"S-sophia?" I stand from the couch, shocked that she's actually awake. Harry said she was sleeping well. "Hey, sweetheart. Everything okay?" I ask with a gentle tone as she walks slowly over to me, I can sense she's hurting - however, I can't tell if it's mentally or physically. "H-how long.. has.. he been g-gone?" Her lips are stuck in a frown, her eyes swollen from sleep. I swallow the nervous lump that had formed in my throat all of a sudden, I'm usually never anxious about anything - I don't know what's gotten into me.
"A few hours. He's.. He's going to be gone for a while, he said he needs to gain a lot of strength and energy." I inform of her what she questioned, even though I'm afraid she'll break down in front of me. I wouldn't mind comforting her, I just don't know how she would feel about me doing that instead of Harry taking care of it. I guess you have to learn to work with what you have on hand, who you have.
"I-I hope he.. he stays gone.. for a while." Julianne's harsh words make my eyes widen. I'm practically speechless as I watch her sit down on the couch, crossing her legs on the cushion. She grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and throws it over her body, tucking it under her neck while she slouches. "Why's that?" I sit back down where I previously was, coincidentally beside her. "He.. he didn't tell you?" She appears quite surprised as I shake my head from side to side. Harry didn't reveal any detail about how their day went - or what unfolded between them. Clearly, something bad must have occurred at some point.
"We.. we tried.. to.. to have.. s-s.. sex." I have never heard her hesitate so much, it makes me worried - there must have been something really bad that happened. She seems so heartbroken, so hurt. "I assume.. it didn't work out." She laughs gently at what I say, but I can tell she does this because she's finding things hard to believe, not because I provided some sort of humor. "It could have.. if he- if we didn't.. stop." Julianne's eyes drop to her lap, silence begins to form once again.
I lean a little closer to her, our shoulders touching slightly now. "He's just afraid of hurting you, love." Harry and I have always had a strong friendship, he's definitely like a true brother to me. He always comes to me when he has issues, when he has moments where he wants to give up on everything - including life, and Julianne. He's always been there for me as well, we talk a lot - so I know exactly what's going on with him right now. I just hope Julianne believes whatever I tell her.
"I don't understand why he's so concerned with hurting me.. He wouldn't hurt me, Sophia." I believe she's unable to see that a bruise is different than a broken bone. "His body is a lot stronger than yours.. His touch is a lot harder, tighter. He's never going to intentionally hurt you, but there is a very high chance he could on accident."
"A chance, not a guarantee." I knew this would be a difficult conversation, Julianne simply doesn't understand it. She isn't like us, she's never had to deal with the things we go through - that includes the struggles, the worry of hurting the only person you care about. Harry has it worse than the rest of us, since Julianne is entirely human, the risks are greater, and the injuries can be worse. I take a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts because, in all honesty, this is a lot to handle.
"Listen to me, alright?" I turn so that I'm facing her now, my arm resting on the back of the couch. She looks at me with a small frown, but nods in agreement. "The best advice I can give to you is to just be patient. I understand that you want this, that you want to do that with him. I get it completely, you love him - of course you're going to want to have that experience with him." A sigh escapes from her mouth, she knows that something else is going to follow what I said - something she doesn't want to hear, and definitely doesn't want to go along with.
"Harry's having a rough time.. He, he needs time. Patience is the key, and if you want it be a memorable first time, then you need to be patient and let him do it when he's ready. Things like this are hard. All he wants to do is love you, show you that he loves you.. but he will never put you into a situation where you could get hurt extremely bad. Just.. be patient. He'll come around, I promise."
"Sophia.. he didn't stop.." She says quietly, "I did." I inhale heavily, it's time to talk things through. She has to remember that I'm here for her, no matter what. "What happened? Were you scared?" Julianne's hand runs over her cheek, discarding fallen tears from her face. I bite my lip, poor thing. "I got mad at him.. because he.. he wasn't.. close enough."
"It's stupid, really, I.. I'm such an idiot!" Julianne breaks into a sob suddenly, before I even have time to reply. I hug my arms around her, her body falling against mine entirely. "Sweetheart, you aren't an idiot. You're just eager and excited. There isn't anything to be worried about. When the time is right, it will happen." I rest my chin on the top of her head, I never thought I would have to comfort her because of something like this.
"Don't be afraid to tell Harry how you feel.. I'm quite sure he'll understand and do the very best he possibly can to handle everything." I remind of her this, there is no need for fear - especially when it comes to the one you love.
//I apologize for the delay, I finally got my laptop to working right again!! happy late valentine's day xxxoooxxxx
updates coming xx leave your thoughts below! <3