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Beating Heart

s e v e n t y s i x - someone.

//we would do anything for the one we love//



//Julianne//

A million thoughts are rapidly running through my head as I'm sitting on the front porch steps, watching Harry load suitcases into the backseat of his truck. My teeth are biting down extremely hard on my lip, I can taste the blood coming from my punctured skin. I didn't realize he would literally up and leave whenever I say so - but obviously he will. Nearly an hour and a half ago, Harry and I had the conversation about why I've been so down in the dumps lately, the whole lack of privacy thing. I jokingly said that I was mentally prepared to leave tonight if we had to.

Harry, surprisingly, jumped out of the bed, turned on the light, and headed to his closet where he then pulled out a few big suitcases. Before I could question it, he began grabbing things from his drawers and throwing them in the bags. Once he was done adding things from the bathroom into one of the bags, I followed him downstairs where he went through the drawers in the room I used to spend all my time in and gathered my clothes for me - tossing them into a suitcase. After he packed some clothes, enough for a few weeks, and the necessities we needed from the bathroom, he woke up Sophia and Zayn. He told them where we were going, and I assume how long - I wasn't in the room when he spoke to either of them. Zayn is to take over command while Harry is away - he told me he would normally tell Liam this, but of course he isn't around at the moment and Harry has definitely lost a good bit of trust in him recently.

Sophia came into the living room where I and the multiple suitcases were waiting for Harry. She told me she was going to sort through the bag and make sure Harry packed enough for me and if or not he included certain things I would need. Apparently, Harry done a pretty decent job because Sophia didn't have to take anything our or add any items into the bags. While she was doing this, Harry was in the kitchen jotting down a note for everyone else to read, just in case they wake up before Sophia or Zayn in the morning.

That leads me to where I am now - watching him toss another suitcase into the truck. I didn't realize that Harry was this committed to making me happy. I appreciate it greatly, don't get me wrong, but I'm quite confused. Last time I brought up the topic of him living with his entire family and if he got sick of it or not, he got upset with me. Yet, this time he agrees to practically run away with me and abandon the people he claims he has to protect at all times?

Perhaps Harry is beginning to see that our relationship is very important to me, it's something I want to see flourish and grow - however, we can't do that if we're constantly in a house full of people, including two little girls. It was hard for me to explain my feelings to Harry, but I'm so glad he understood what I was getting at. It's difficult for me to tell him anything serious, especially when things are bothering me, because I don't want him to get mad or feel like he caused it.

"How long are you going?" I gasp in fright as a voice suddenly speaks to me, nearly giving me a heart attack. I look up to see Perrie's face, the porch light casting it's yellow glaze over her. She isn't looking at me, she's watching Harry like I previously was. "I.. I don't know." I shrug lightly as I look down at my knees. I hope they don't become upset with me, they will surely figure out that I am the one who wanted to leave so bad, not Harry. "It'll do you some good. Back when me and Zayn first got together.. we had to leave all the time. The stress got to me.. The noise, the fighting, the screaming, just all the people.. it's tough to handle." She tells me this and I can't believe I never knew that.

Perrie and I can both relate and contrast to each other - our pasts our much different, but our problems are similar. Despite that, I never knew she had issues coping with being here, trying to have a relationship in the middle of the chaos. "Yeah.. it's a lot to try to balance out." I reply to her, a little nervous though. Ever since that day she lashed out on me, I've always been anxious when it comes to speaking to her. I don't know what her thoughts are about me, whether she likes me or not. I guess I just have to relax and be calm about it - because clearly we can relate over certain topics.

Perrie leans against the railing of the stairs, the space around us becomes quiet again. I begin to wonder what woke her up - if it was the roar of the truck engine, or Harry entering her room to wake up Zayn, or the absence of Zayn's sleeping body beside hers. I can't wonder for long though, Harry shuts the door of the truck and walks towards the house.

My eyes move away from him and back down to my knees. Even though we've grown so very close to each other, I can't seem to not feel embarrassed when he catches me staring at him. Perrie leaves me on the steps and I hear the door shut behind me. I gulp gently as I pick up the scent of Harry's soap along with the touch of his fingertips against my shoulder. "Are you sure you want to leave, baby?" He asks just as he sits down on the top step beside me. I shift slightly as his arm goes around my back, his large hand squeezing my waist.

I can't muster any words to say, so I just simply nod back to him. He pulls me in closer so that my head falls onto his shoulder. I breathe steadily, admiring the feeling of being against him. "You're my entire world, you know that, Julianne?" Harry's head falls against mine, my eyes close so that I can fully focus on the feelings racing through my body. Harry is so perfect, he doesn't even realize that every touch he gives me, every word he says to me just makes me explode inside, makes my heart skip a beat every single time.

"I love you." I whisper softly, not having to worry about if he will hear me or not, I just know he will. His other hand reaches over and rests on my thigh. "I love you, Julianne, so much." Harry returns the words to me, making my heart flutter and my stomach tingle. Without another word from either of us, Harry leans off of me. I sit up as well, knowing that it's time to leave now. His lips press against my temple, and all I can do is bite my lip.

"It's time to go, love." Harry stands up and walks down the steps until his feet are on the ground. I stand too, already feeling tired. His arm is extended out towards me, his hand opened and awaiting mine. I gladly place my palm into his - instantly his hand clutches mine. I step down the stairs and follow him as he heads to the truck. Part of me wants to tell him to walk faster so that we can get the hell out of here, yet the other part is silently begging him to take me back inside the house - where his pack is, where his family is.

Harry and I reach the truck much quicker than I thought we would, and immediately his hand grabs the door handle. He opens the passenger door for me and drops my hand, gesturing for me to get in. I do as he insists, and I hoist myself up into the truck. Harry's hand touches the small of my back just for a moment as I climb into the seat. I plop down and lean back just in time for Harry's arm to reach around me and buckle my seat belt - even though I can do it myself, I don't protest against him.

He shuts the door and my eyes follow him as he walks around the front of the vehicle. He gets in the truck and puts it in drive since it has been cranked up for the last ten minutes. Just as he presses the gas petal, he softly hits the breaks. I feel his eyes staring at me, so I look over at him. I was right - those emerald orbs are directly on me. "Are you sure?" He asks lightly, a soft, unsure smile on his lips. "Positive." I mumble back, reaching over to pick up his hand off the console. He smiles just a bit bigger at me. I give his hand a squeeze as he holds the wheel steady with his left hand and starts down the long driveway.


-


The moon is shining bright in the sky - the light flooding in through the window, yet it's giving me a creepy vibe. I've never been a fan of the dark, I find it frightening. You never know what could be lurking near you. Harry's voice catches my attention, pulling my sight away from the window and over to him. "Gemma rode into town yesterday." He starts with a deep breath, his hand squeezing mine tighter than before he began speaking. "She took the girls to the diner we all went to that morning." He tells me, sighing a moment later.

I begin to think - how does this concern me in any way? Is he just trying to pass time? Just moments ago he said we were close to the cabin, five to ten minutes away. Could these last few minutes be driving him mad? Is he tired of being with me already? Was this all a big mistake? Will this be the most horrible idea I've-

"She said the missing person flyers were gone.. the ones with your pictures." He interrupts my thoughts and I'm quite glad he did. There's no telling where my mind would have let me, what assumptions I would be thinking of next. I didn't reply to his words, I had nothing to say. I couldn't care less about those posters - my father gave up, so what? It's not the first time he's thrown in the towel. "She got curious.. so she called the police department.. asked about missing persons.. told them she might have saw someone, ya'know, just so they wouldn't question her asking." Harry continues on. Maybe I should stop thinking negatively and simply just listen to him.

"Your.. your name's.. not.. on the list anymore." My eyes widen slightly at his words, but my heart broke more than anything. My father really had given up on looking for me. Even though I hated him, I despised living there and suffering through my days - I ran away for God's sake - but I still can't believe he didn't care enough to look for me. I wiggle my hand free of Harry's grip and I return it to my lap - my eyes glaring out of the window once again.

"Are you alright?" Harry questions me, I can feel him take a glance at me, but I don't reply in any way. I guess I'm too caught up with the fact my own father stopped searching for me - his only child, his missing child. "I thought you'd.. you'd be happier about it.. M'sorry, baby. I.. I didn't mean for it to.. to upset you." Harry's hand touches against my thigh in a comforting way, yet I don't react to the gesture at all. Like I said, I'm a little busy handling something else right now.

"It's not your fault. Don't.. don't be sorry." I say to him, the last thing I want is for him to be apologizing for something he didn't do. The road is close to the edge of the woods, the moonlight still finding a way to peek through the tops of the trees though. I try to relax my tense body against the leather seat, but it's hard to do that - especially when I just found out my father doesn't care to look for me anymore. "He.. he realized you were alright..when he noticed your things were gone." Harry informs me of this - before I could process the feelings it gave me, I realized something.

How did he know?

"What do you mean?.. H-how.. do.. do you know?" I look over at him, my eyebrows scrunched. Does he have some contact with my father? No, he can't possibly - he told me himself that my father hated him from the very beginning, ever since the day my parents started dating. "There's something I need to tell you.. but m' 'fraid to. I.. don't wanna.. get you angry." Harry throws a quick look my way before focusing his vision on the road again.

Immediately, a lump begins to form in my throat - my heart is nervously beating out of pattern and it's becoming slightly harder for me to breathe. I try to force down a swallow, but it doesn't work out for me. "I.. I won't be mad." I speak softly, as much as I can get out. "I believe you will, love." Harry sighs in a regretful way - could it be something so bad that he already wishes he never opened his mouth about it? Is it just something simple that I will be able to understand? God, please give me the answers I want - make Harry tell me, please.

"I keep in touch with.. with someone your.. your father knows rather well.. They.. keep me updated.. always have." The moment my ears hear those words I know it must be someone who's a long time friend of my father's. But yet, my dad didn't have many friends - none that I can recall, actually. Who could it be then? My mothers parents passed when she was young - I can't even remember pictures of them. What does he know? More importantly, who does he know?

"Harry.. who is it?.. Do.. do I know them?" I ask curiously, but I'd have to say I'm more mad than curious. Why hasn't he told me this? This is a vital thing, all this time I could have known how my father was handling this - what he was doing or not doing to cope with me being gone. How could Harry hide this from me? I thought we agreed on no more secrets - what happened to that?

"Can we wait until we get to the cabin? I.. I don't want to start anything.. that might lead us to screaming at each other." Harry suggests this idea, but of course I am not going to jump on board. This is terrible, why can't he just man up and tell me already! Is he really afraid of my response, as if I could hurt him physically? "I don't even.. really wanna.. tell you." Harry mumbles into the silence. I bite the inside of my cheek, I could have swore all this hiding was over with? I breathe in steadily, preparing myself for the rant that's about to fly out of my mouth. I'm not sure what I'm going to spit out, but I hope he hears every single world.

"Oh.. so this must be another secret you don't want me to know? Just like the thing with Liam, huh? Why can't I know? Is it because I'm human? I have feelings, Harry, and it hurts me to know you'd rather lie and keep things tucked away than tell me! Why won't you tell me? I thought you loved me, I thought you said you'd do anything to make me happy? If you wanna make me happy then tell me, Harry, I-"

Suddenly, I gasp and grab onto Harry's forearm as he slams on the brakes - his hand still grasping my thigh. His head snaps over to look at me, and I can't resist avoiding eye contact with him. Harry scares me, I'll admit that to anyone who asks - to anyone but him. My heart nearly stops as he leans closer, his body turning so that he can get as far over as he possibly can.

"Julianne." He says gently, shocking to me - I figure he'd scream at me and call me an ignorant bitch. Don't speak too soon, the conversation hasn't even begun yet. I feel his eyes burning through the side of my head, but that doesn't frighten me enough to make me look over at him. Instead, my eyes remain on my lap - staring at where his hand lays on my leg. "Baby, I.. I've wanted to tell you, but that person didn't want you to know. And I do love you, of course I fucking love you, Julianne." Harry huffs lightly after those last words, as if it was foolish for me to say - it definitely was.

"I am willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, darlin', and if knowing who it is makes you happy.. then I will tell you. Just please, please know that this wasn't my choice. If it were up to me I would have told you months ago - but it wasn't my decision to make." His words seem true - perhaps he really didn't have an power in this situation until now. Maybe he kept a promise with said person, to keep me safe or sane. God only knows, I suppose. "Just.." I sigh gently, trying to relax my tense body, "..just tell me." All I want to know is who it is. I don't care about things they might have discussed together, or what information he might know that could potentially be vital to me - I only care to know the name.

"Your aunt, Julianne. I've been in touch with her ever since.. ever since your mother died." Harry spoke these words so quickly, I hardly had time to process them. But trust me when I say I did, very well and in depth. All these years she knew about him, she knew the better life I could have had - yet she made me live with my father and rot away miserably. "Julianne.. are you alright?" Harry's fingertips dig into my skin, squeezing my thigh to see if I were still alive. I am, hardly, but I am. "Why.. why did-didn't.. you.. tell me.. no.. why.. didn't she.. tell me about you.. I.. I could have.. had a.. a good.. life with you.. but.. I didn't." I stammer out horribly, my heart quaking in my chest - rattling my bones.

"Trust me.. it was never my wish to hide from you." Harry breathes out, clearly understanding my feelings right now. Could this have hurt him as much as it did me - all these years that have passed on, was he suffering through them just like I was? He had to be, he claims I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him so he obviously had to be dragging through life waiting - waiting on that day. Of course, I didn't know that day would even exist - I just couldn't wait to leave that house.

"Who's.. who's idea was it?" I gulp gently, afraid that I already am aware of the answer. Harry's hand gently rubs against my leg, a soft sigh escapes past his rose tinted lips. I look over at him, his eyes focused on me. "Your aunt wanted you to come live with us immediately.. At the time, she told me this elaborate plan she had thought of that would you get you away from your father and in my family's hands." Harry explains this to me, avoiding my question though. I ponder what he says - wondering why on earth didn't she just do that. I am still trying to cope with the fact she knew Harry existed before I did.

"I, of course, wanted to you take you as soon as possible. I knew you hated being there, and I knew that since your mother was gone.. you would hate it even more. But.. but I wasn't allowed to get you. I desperately wanted to, trust me. I.. for years I thought about just.. just breaking my promise and saving you." My heart is still shaking in my rib cage - I used to believe Harry was so cruel for never rescuing me like I constantly wish he would have. Oh, the countless dreams I've had about how my life would have been as a child with him and the others - how much better I would be right now. However, now I realize that Harry was just obeying what he was told. Yet, the Alpha follows no one's rules but his own.. or so I thought.

"Your mother made me swear.. that I wouldn't intervene with your life until I absolutely had to.. until you had no other choice but to be saved. She made your aunt swear to never open her mouth about me, to never take you away from this place.. so that one day.. when the time was right, I could finally have you under my protection." Harry's words are ringing a bell in my head - I recall him telling me something similar to this before, about how my mother wanted him to wait as long as fate allowed.

Should I hate her for that? Why do I feel anger towards her all of a sudden? The woman I adored so much as a child, the one I long for every single minute of each day - yet, all I want to do now is scream at her and tell her how big of a fool she is. My life could have been tremendously better with Harry in my childhood - things would be so damn good right now. I can't find it in me to forgive her for this rule she gave them, for keeping me away from Harry and his family - from safety. Why did she want me to grow up with my abusive, no good father?





"We're here." Harry's voice distracted me from my deep thoughts, instantly making me wonder how long I had been sitting there staring at his hand on my thigh. The truck comes to a halt in the driveway, the lights along the pier's railings are shining bright in the dark of the night. I still can not believe he just up and left everything to bring me here, in the middle of the night. "Do you want the key.. so you can go ahead and go in while I get the bags, love?" Harry asks as he turns off the truck's engine and pulls out the key. At first, I wanted to grab the key and run to the door as fast as I can - but then the setting sank in.. it's entirely too dark for my liking.

"I'll wait on you.. it's.. it's dark." I mumble shyly, embarrassed about my frightened state. Harry chuckles gently as he leans closer to me, lips soon pressed against my temple. "I love you, sweetheart." He mutters against my flushed skin. "I love you, too." I whisper back, leaving out a pet name though. I am not completely comfortable with allowing myself to say those kinds of things to him. I'm not sure why, though. Harry opens his door and gets out of the vehicle, leaving me alone for what I hope is the only time tonight.

I watch him walk around the front of the truck, his presence lit by the moon and the pier lights, he's so gorgeous. He glances at me through the windshield and immediately I snap my head down, I will never be okay with him catching me staring like I've never seen a human before. My door opens suddenly, making me jump in the seat. Harry's hand touches my knee, automatically calming my nerves. "Why do you do that, babe?" Harry questions in a low voice, leaning in closer to me. I lift my gaze, our eyes finding each other. "D-do what?" I stutter nervously. Honestly, I didn't know what he was referring to, but I know he'll tell me.

"You always.. look away from me.. like.. like you're ashamed.. to be caught." He winks lightly at me, once again making me blush and look down from his stare. "Hey, stop it." Harry's index finger and thumb grab onto my chin, lifting my head up so that our eyes are level again. I feel my lips rolling out into a pout, but it wasn't from anger - it's from utter embarrassment. "You don't ever have to be ashamed of yourself, baby. If you want to stare at me forever.. then I'd gladly let you." Harry tells me, yet this isn't enough to convince me. He doesn't understand the lack of confidence I have.

"I stare at you when you're not looking.. and while you're looking." He reminds me of this fact I am greatly aware of - does he not know he causes my heart to flutter constantly? "I love it when you look at me.. and when you touch me.. or speak to me.. or even just sit beside me. I wish you wouldn't be so.." Harry takes a deep breath, pausing for a few seconds. "Can you try being.. a little more open with me? I mean, baby.. I'm yours. Don't be afraid to stare.. or touch me. You can do whatever that precious heart of yours desires." Harry's lips find their way to mind and I physically can't allow myself to turn away from him. My eyelids fall just as his do, and the sparks cause flames inside of me.

-

It only took us half an hour to settle in. Harry organized our clothes into the closet and the drawers against the wall. He set up the things in the bathroom and managed to join me in the bed sooner than I thought he would. I was going to help him unpack, but he refused - claiming that it was my time to relax and rest while he done all the work. I wasn't going to protest, he would win.

"Do you think.. that everyone will be mad that we left?.. or.. that you left?" I ask as I cuddle my body against Harry's. He inhales slowly, preparing a response as his arms slide around my back and over my waist, keeping me tight against him. "Maybe just a little.. only because I didn't give them any notice." He replies genuinely. "Just another reason for them to hate me more." I sigh out this statement without fully thinking it through - I meant to keep that in my head, and away from Harry's ears.

"They don't hate you." He's quick to retort. I don't believe him, I never will believe that. Sophia seems to be the only person that I think likes me entirely - well, now that this stuff with Liam has happened I doubt she still cares like she once did. Great, I'm definitely hated for sure now.

"Besides.. I don't fuckin' care what they think about us leaving." Harry huffs, I can just sense an eye roll and a pouted bottom lip. He usually does those two things when he's irritated about something. I shouldn't have brought it up, I regret it now for sure. In order to make things better for the moment, I decide to just randomly say something I have been thinking about for days now.

"Can we get in the bath tub tomorrow night.. like we did before?" The blurted out words immediately come back to haunt me - my cheeks catch sultry flames and my eyes tightly seal shut. Ashamed doesn't even come close to describing how I feel right about now. A deep chuckle rolls out of Harry's chest, the rumbling is loud against my ear but I find it comforting. "Anytime you want, cupcake." Harry's lips press against my hairline. My eyebrows lift at that new word I haven't been called.

"Cupcake?" I question with a slight laugh. "That's a new one." Harry lets out a breathy laugh at what I said - finally things are becoming less tense and simply just peaceful - perfect even. "I like to switch it up a bit 'ere and there." He shrugs his shoulder lightly, the one not pressed into the mattress. Harry's lips plant kisses across the top of my forehead since he can't reach my lips or my cheeks at the moment. I don't mind, I enjoy feeling his lips on my skin. "What's your favorite one.. that I call you?" He asks curiously, allowing me to feel his smile against my forehead.

"Hmm." I definitely have to think thoroughly about this question. How could one simply chose just one? "I love them all.. but probably.. actually.. I don't know." I snicker lightly - seriously, I'm clueless at the moment. I can't pick between all those cute names he calls me! "Well.. you always get red when I call you baby.. And you always smile in a cute way when I say sweetheart.. then you do this little giggle, it's barely there, when I call you honey." Harry stops for a moment, probably trying to remember how I react to each name.

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "There are so many to list.. but when I say darlin' you hide your face because your cheeks are so flushed and your heart always falls off pattern. But.. I think.. The one I think you absolutely love is when I refer to you as my love." Harry concludes this, answering his own question. "And what's your reasoning for that one, hm?" I ask, sliding my hand down to his abdomen - feeling the muscles flex as he breathes and continues to speak. I bite my lip nervously, he makes me feel and think certain things sometimes that just.. that I just can't even understand.

"Well.. for starters.. your eyes get this.. sorta gleam in them.. And the right corner of your mouth always turns upwards.. Not a big smile, but enough for me to notice." Harry begins, I can just tell this will go on for a minute or two. "If your hand is free, you always tuck a strand behind your ear and look away from me.. your face is glowing pink.. and your breathing always gets so calm and steady.. like you're relieved. And your heart.. it does this.. this weird thing where it.. I hear it skip a few beats.. and.. and you can never really come up with anything to say afterwards 'cause you're trying to recover." Harry hit the nail on the head - my love is definitely my favorite.

I'm not entirely sure why - his explanation seems pretty reliable - but still, there's this deep, inner reason that I just can't pull out. I suppose some things are meant to be wondered about and never found.


Notes

***The last time I checked we had a viewing status of 123,086 which is literally insane! Thank you guys so much for the time you take out of your day to read this creation of mine! It all began in my mind and now it's something that has entertained so many people! I am beyond grateful, thank you so much! I promise I won't fail you! You will love the way this ends and the second book begins! xxx

UPDATES COMING VERY SOON -- CHECK PREVIOUS "CHAPTER" FOR MORE INFO!

**WE MADE IT INTO THE AWARDS! YAY! I'M SO EXCITED! GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN NOMINATED!! xx

**so.. just a quick little "hint" the pet name she loves the most is special to her so if you've been paying attention to flashbacks then you will know why! Also -- they are now alone at the cabin - I hope everyone remembers what happened there the first go around - things are coming, I promise! Great, wonderful, amazing things you've been waiting on! ;)

Comments

@brianna.smith
I totally understand!!! Mine are older but dealing with what I am with Matthew is such a struggle..

Allie Miller Allie Miller
3/20/19

@Allie Miller
It’s a struggle lol xxxx

brianna.smith brianna.smith
3/20/19

@brianna.smith
Absolutely you and Tessa are my two favorite people ever. Tess doesn’t get on anymore she has a baby now. But I admire how you juggle everything with Faith Leah and the twins... you’re an amazing person. :) xx

Allie Miller Allie Miller
3/20/19

@Allie Miller
I've always loved & appreciated your support! xxxxx thank you for all the love honey!

brianna.smith brianna.smith
3/20/19

IDK how i missed this update but it's fantastic the time jump goes in smoothly. I am in love with this sotry too!! and i forgot to tell you congrats on the wins.. I knew when i saw your name on the ballots you'd win for sure!! you never fail to amaze me you're writing is sensational as always. i am so glad that i've gotten to know you more than just a fan but as a true friend the past 4 years. i love you B keep up your great work girl

Allie Miller Allie Miller
3/18/19