s i x t y t h r e e - selfish.
//some people create their own storms//
For an hour or so, Ruth watched the television downstairs. We asked her if she was tired and she simply shook her head. When Julianne insisted on some cartoon, the little girl's eyes widen and she nodded like crazy. So we took her to the living room and turned it on for her. During that time, Julianne and I found our way to the bedroom where I stood and held her close in my arms, just to feel her body against mine was simply mind blowing. We talked about a few simple things, like when the next time we'll come back here is, and what our schedule is for tomorrow.
It's now time for bed and I'm rather tired myself, so I assume those girls have to be as well. Julianne follows behind me as I go down the stairs, her hand tied with mine. There's something about this little getaway we had that just opened up a new part of her, let her true self out. She's more brave now, she's not afraid to speak to me about something that's bothering her.
"Do you think she'll be alright alone?" I ask in a soft tone as we reach the bottom of the stairs. Julianne's eyes drop my gaze, as if she couldn't stand looking at me. I watch as her eyebrows furrow and her lips form a straight line. "I don't know, but I'm not staying with her." She says with a slight bit of an attitude in her tone. "I never said you were, sweetheart." I keep my cool and stay collected, she's just a little upset that's all. She has every right to be confused and mad at me for this - I know it's not easy to cope with. She just ignores my eyes and shrugs her shoulders carelessly. I sigh to myself as I start towards the couch, Julianne's hand still clutching mine - there's no way in Hell she's letting me go.
I take us around the couch where Ruth sits underneath a blanket, her eyes hardly opened as she watches the show. I sit down on the couch adjacent to her, Julianne claiming the spot right beside me. "If you want, I can turn on the television upstairs for you, if you don't want to go to sleep right away." I suggest, leaning my elbows on my knees as I await some sort of response from her. Julianne's obsessive nature kicks in, her hand still holding onto mine while the other reaches up and grabs a hold of the bend of my arm, not wanting me to leave her. Frankly, I don't mind it - I think it's attractive.
Ruth surprises me as she pats her hand on the couch, lightly shaking her head from side to side. "You don't want to sleep in the bedroom?" I question her, slightly confused on why someone would pass up an offer like that for a cold leather couch. She shakes her head again, opposing the idea entirely. "Alright, well, I'll go grab you a pillow and an extra blanket. Alright?" I say to her. Ruth looks over and lightly smiles at me, at least she's showing some sort of interest in me. She nods her head up and down to me before turning her attention back to the television. I deeply breathe out, this hopefully will ease the tension Julianne is holding up - she's probably glad we will end up in the bed tonight.
I shift lightly, my head turning towards her. Those gorgeous blue eyes lift and grab my focus. "I'll be right back." The annoyance forms in her eyes as soon as I say that. She huffs as she lets me go, falling back onto the couch with her arms folded on her chest, a cute pout on her lips. My hand reaches to her chin, I tap the tip of it with my index finger. "Don't be like this, love. I'll be gone two minutes." Julianne's eyes flicker over to me, but only for a second before she drops our contact. I know it's wrong to be this way towards her, but she'll get over it.
The same heavy silence has been floating in the room for nearly an hour, just hovering above Harry and I. The contact of our skin barely exists, if it wasn't for his arm under my neck it wouldn't be a thing. We're lying on the bed together, both staring up at the ceiling. His hand loosely sits on my shoulder, my head supported by this strong arm. Our sides aren't pressing together, nor are our legs. There's a good three inches between the two of us and it's killing me slowly. I didn't have much to say to him after he helped Ruth get ready for bed and he's said little to me. It's a mutual thing I assume.
This entire situation is still very confusing to me and I can't comprehend why this is happening right now. Harry won't explain anything to me, Ruth won't even open her mouth - so how in the hell am I supposed to make sense of this? To be real frank about it, I'm not fond of the little girl's presence here - she's stealing Harry's focus and is filling his thoughts, both things I should be doing before anyone else. Jealous is one way to describe my current mood, but I would say selfish to be honest. Harry is mine, he imprinted on me, he claimed me, I should be his first concern. Sure, he told me that I was still going to come first, but so far that hasn't really happened.
My entire get away has been ruined now, and I'm not happy at all about that. I thought I would be able to explore new things with Harry - we had already done so much before this child came and I wanted to do more, nothing extreme though.
Without even debating with myself mentally, I lean off Harry's arm, sitting myself up on the comfortable mattress. Before I could even blink, Harry's hand shot up and pressed firmly into the small of my back. He leans up alongside me, his body tilting towards me more than before. "What's the matter?" He asks, concern laced in his smoky voice. A heavy sigh escaped my chapped lips - how could he not notice by now? His hand falls as I throw my legs off the bed and stand up, balancing on my cold feet. "Julie?" Harry says with a slight groan, the use of that name doesn't phase me this go around. I ignore him as I lead myself to the French doors, which meant I had to walk around the bed.
"Baby, c'mon. Tell me what's wrong." Harry pleas just as I reach the set of doors. I undo the lock and pull one of the doors open. I squeeze through the exit and quickly close the door behind me. I had no desire or need for Harry to follow me out here. I can take care of myself, I don't need him every minute of life. Right now I'm not concerned on what he's thinking or if he's upset with me because I just want to get away - I need a bit of alone time.
My shaking hands grasp the railing as I let it support me, my hair falling over my face as I look down at the ground below me. It's dark out and the clouds are blocking the moon's bright glow from reaching the grass. The last time I was out here I was on my knees shaking and falling to pieces, just to have Harry pick me up and put me somewhat back together. This time, however, there is no breaking - I have fallen apart too much already, mentally I can not handle much more.
Everything was once simple and easy going - I didn't have to worry about a stupid boy, there was nothing for me to be jealous over. Never have I had to feel my heart breaking because the person I love spoke to someone else over me. Jealousy rages like a wildfire in my heart's core, the flames boiling my blood in my veins. I don't cope with it well, if it's not already noticeable. I can comprehend the fact Harry has things he has to do because of his title, but taking care of some random child isn't one of them. At least, not one that I would take claim to. My mom never told me that life would turn out to be this hard to cooperate with.
A gentle creaking noise invaded both my mind and the quiet night. My body tenses lightly as a set of feet pad over the wood, a soft tapping pattern starts to ease my nervous. My heart skips a beat or two as I felt a warm touch cover my side, the heat melting straight through the fabric of the shirt - his shirt. All the cliché things about being in relationships used to just confuse me, but now that I experience them I adore them so much.
That same feeling ignites on my other side, this time just slightly lower. I don't even stop myself as I let my body relax and fall backwards, right into the burning fire of his embrace. I could never get enough of this warmth - of him. "Tell me what you're thinking about." Harry's rumbly voice spoke next to my ear, hands sliding to cover my stomach - skin to skin at this point. I gently sit my arms on top of his, my hands holding onto his forearms. The top of my head rests where his neck meets his chest - his heart thumping against me.
"Why do I have to.. to.." I begin to admit these thoughts to him, but immediately I'm choking on my words and I'm getting everything jumbled up in my mind. "Have to what?" Harry murmurs against my lobe, soft lips brushing my skin. I take a deep breath, my eyes falling shut as the realization of everything is beginning to settle in to my mind. I know if I hide this from him it will only make things worse, so it is better to just go on and admit everything and just get over it - whether he understands my points or not. Or, at least, I assume that's what I should do..
"You tell me anything, Julianne. If something's bothering you.. or if you don't like something I'm doing.. Please tell me." Harry's voice warms up my heart, while those hands of his continue to burn through my flesh. Like I've noted before, I wouldn't mind if I burn up in his arms - it would be an amazing way to go out, I believe. "Why do I have.. to give you up?" I bluntly ask, just as he encouraged me to do. I gulp to myself as the air around us falls silent once again and his movements are stilled - hands in place, lips still against the shell of my ear, steady breathing. "What are you talking about?" Harry's concerned tone makes me want to vomit because literally it's causing me to feel sick. How could he know understand what I'm referring to?
"That kid, Harry." Anger starts to bubble in the pit of my stomach, a feeling I haven't really had much since I've been around Harry but it's apparent that even he - the man I would gladly die for - makes me so damn furious. "Julie." Harry sighs out, he sounds like an ashamed parent after their child throws a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. Without even pondering any further, my hands lift up and grasp both of his wrists. To my utter shock, his grip loosens and he allows me to shove his hands off my body. His strong arms fall off of me and he takes a few steps back. My hands grab onto the rail, my eyes staring off into the dark of night - debating on whether to jump over or not.
"Care to explain this to me? Why you're suddenly pissed off at me?" Harry says behind me, a strained laugh laced in his voice. I clench my jaw, there are things I want to say that would be too mean, to be honest. I don't want him to feel like he's done something wrong, I just want him to be aware that there definitely is an issue between me and this new situation we're stuck in. Little to no hesitation flows through me as I turn to face him, just now noticing he must've flicked on the balcony's light before coming out here. "She's all you're thinking about and it's stupid, Harry!" I throw my hands in the air, my dramatic side has been pushed aside - this is all true, real anger.
"How is it stupid?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows and narrowing his emerald eyes at me. I stray away from thinking about his beauty - even when he's confused and just as upset as I am, he's a goddamn beauty. "You're supposed to pay attention to me! And you're not." My lips roll out into a pout, something I horribly do when I'm upset about something. Harry scoffs lightly at me, as if he couldn't comprehend this right now, "You're jealous of a little girl, Julianne." He says more as a statement than a question. "Because I hate not having you." I retort, folding my arms on my chest with a bit too much sass involved in the movement.
"What do you mean? I'm right here, babe." Harry's excessively large hands reach towards me to most likely grab a hold of my waist but I step back, my behind pressing into the railing surrounding the balcony. "For now!" My voice rises a tad as I try to state my clear point. I can guarantee that if she even stirs down there he'll run as fast as he can to make sure she's alright - and just leave me out here in the open night to be preyed upon by whatever the hell lurks in those damn woods at night. "Baby, you've got to be kidding me." Harry shakes his head lightly, taking a few steps closer to me. I don't move, mainly because there is no where else for me to run off to, and plus I didn't want him to see that the closing distance phased me.
"In a minute you'll go run to her and meet all her needs." I spit out, no compassion for him lingering anywhere in my mind at the moment - all of that bull shit has been shoved to the side for later. "I do that for you, Julianne! For you!" Harry's voice becomes a lot louder than mine, if he got any louder it would start to echo in the night sky. "My fucking mother was dying, Julianne, and I left her damn side because I could hear you fucking crying! My dying mother, Julianne! I left her for you!" Harry's voice makes me cower down in fear, spit lands on my cheeks as he towers over me - broad shoulders and a heavy chest weighing me down.
"Don't you ever fucking think I don't care about you! I love you more than any fucking thing on this damn earth! That girl is never going to change that! No one will ever change that!" His booming tone blares in my ears, making me wish I'd just go deaf already to bear all the pain. "God damn it! You make me so fucking mad sometimes!" Harry barks right into my face, his eyes are beginning to light up before me and his face is turning red from all the screaming. I look away from him, I can't bear to watch him like this.
A sharp gasp leaves my mouth as his left hand grabs my bicep, squeezing tight to keep my in place - I could promise him I'm not going anywhere right now, not while he's being this way. This other hand smacks against the side of my neck, throwing my head over so that I have no other choice than to look into his glowing eyes. "This jealously bull shit has to end right here, right now. I don't have to time to worry about you being jealous." Harry informs me, straight lined lips and lowered brows. I swallow the nervous infused lump in my throat and part my lips to speak, but before I could he interrupts me. I don't dare cut him off. "I don't wanna hear anything you have to fucking say." He snaps at me, our faces only have an inch apart. I long for those plump lips to fall upon mine but sadly I am fully aware they will not tonight, and probably not in the morning either.
I muster up all of my courage and strength to create a mixture - something that I hope will boost my confidence and allow me to speak truthfully to this man. His cold stare is the only thing I can see - my vision has decided to ignore the rest of his handsome features. "You don't have time because now you're stuck up her ass." I cold heartedly speak these harsh words to him - no other emotion but hatred filling me. "I said I don't want to-" "Frankly I don't give a shit what you don't want to hear." I barge into his sentence, anger filling his already illuminated eyes.
With a hard push against his chest, I shove him away from me. He stumbles just slightly, but he doesn't let it stop him from trying to grab onto me again - unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to rip his hand off my arm. "Don't fucking push me away, Julianne." Harry warns me as if I were some child that didn't know any better. My hand reaches up to his hard chest again, however this go around he is prepared. He grabs my wrist, just as tight as he has my arm, and he pulls it between us, slamming my hand onto the middle of his chest. At first I am rather confused, but then it ends when he slams his body against mine, leaving me to be smushed between him and the rails - I pray to God that they don't give out anytime soon.
"I'm your fucking Alpha. Do not disrespect me." Harry snarls at me, his eyes are staring holes straight through me, his words knocking me off course. He has never been this way with me - sure we've had a few arguments and misunderstandings, but those never led to this. "You do what I say. You follow my rules. I said don't fucking speak and don't fucking push me off of you. Do you understand me?" Harry's threatening tone rings in my ears - reminding me of the reason I jumped out of my window that night. I squeeze my eyes shut, there is no way I am going to let myself think of that - to think of the man that I was forced to live with, the man who mistreated me and hated me for all I was.
"Open your damn eyes, now." Harry demands, yanking tighter on my arm. I wince at the pain, his fingers are digging deep into my skin - bruises will arise there as soon as he lets me go, I just know they will. "Please don't. Please don't." I keep my eyes screwed shut, lightly turning my head from left to right. Harry's strong hold is nearly cutting off my circulation - or at least it feels that way. "Don't do this. Don't do this." My lips begin to quiver as the small murmurs of pleas escape my mouth. It all happens so fast - the wave has now drowned me before I could even step into the water properly. The tears sting my eyes as they push past my closed lids and slip down my flustered cheeks.
"Julianne." Harry breathes out my name, but it isn't enough to stop this breakdown from occurring. Within seconds of him saying that, I lost the feeling of his heavy body against mine and the grip on my arm was gone - my arms both falling to my sides. Tear streams flooded down both sides of my face, my shaking lips let little sobs and whimpers fall out of the space between them. A gust of wind tosses my hair all over the place, my crying never easing up.
A rumbling noise similar to thunder forced me to pry my own eyes open, my jaw drops to the ground as I'm met with the presence of a beast - my beast. Here he is - fully exposed and phased before me on this balcony. The anger took over him and he couldn't stop it - just like the fright filled me up and made my eyes shed an ocean's worth of water. He growls as I reach behind me and grab onto the railing, just in case he tries to do anything out of the ordinary - like make me his meal. Surprisingly, his head lowers and he makes a whimpering sound - he's done that before, when he wanted me to get close to him - but at the moment I don't think I need to do that.
Something inside of me began to turn - I think it's called courage. I swallow the lump that was stuck in my throat as I let go of the balcony and flick my hair over my shoulder. There is no need to be afraid of him, he is nothing but a dog. I keep an eye on him as I start the walk to the doors. He lifts his head and stands up tall in front of me - all four legs straight and his emerald orbs burning on me. I reach him, my heart jumping in an unsteady pattern as I part my lips to speak to the monster before me. "I hate you."
My eyes flutter open due to the light blaring against my skin. I squint before shielding my eyes by shoving my face back into the fluffy pillow, I am definitely not a morning person. My heart shakes a bit in my chest as I feel a warmth floating beside me - but it refrains from reaching my cold skin. I turn my head to the side, adjusting my arms underneath the pillow.
Harry's sleeping body is lying beside me, no movement besides the rise and steady fall of his broad chest and the flare of his nostrils as he inhales and releases his breathes. His arms are by his sides, one hand lazily resting on his abdomen while the other is on the mattress. The blankets reach just below his navel - most likely because of my constant flopping throughout the night. I hate to admit it, but it was extremely hard to sleep without his touch on me. Yet I survived, so I know I can somewhat live without it.
I lick my dried lips as I watch his eyebrows turn to a frown, his eyes squeezing shut. I swallow harshly, trying to wet my throat while still keeping my focus on him. His lips fall apart just a smidge, and his hand lifts off his stomach. I watch it glide to his messy curls, pushing them back onto the pillow. Even when I'm mad at him for being so loud and mean to me, I can't rip my eyes off of his magnificent beauty. I have never seen a human, nor creature, with the same amount as beauty as he holds - not even anything near it.
The deep snoring, which I have grown accustomed to in these recent weeks, has now faded away and he begins to stir lightly. His hand grabs the hem of the blanket and he yanks it up to his chest before swiftly rolling onto his opposite side - not facing me. Closely, I observe the way the muscles in his back flex as he breathes in and out, or when he adjusts his arms.
Even though it's shaking like crazy, I slide my hand over mattress - crossing the space between us, a distance that increased when he turned over. I stop my movements suddenly as I realize he's not snoring again, which likely means he's somewhat awake. I withdraw my hand, tucking it back under my chest along with my other one, the side of my face still pressing into the pillow. My heart began to beat a tad faster as Harry let out a grunt, fall back onto the mattress like he had previously been.
My teeth chew on my bottom lip as I watch him prop his head up by folding his large hands under his head, arms spread out - his elbow close to touching my face. I close my eyes, just in case he decides to turn my direction, which is very unlikely at this point. The final thing I said to him last night was rather harsh and honestly unneeded. The burning memory of that moment is haunting me constantly - I will never be able to forget the look of pure sadness and fear that swept into his eyes, I regret it entirely. I flinch lightly as he drops his arms on the mattress, a heavy groan spilling from his soft lips - I wish I could feel them right now.
The marvelous beauty lying beside me started to stir just a little, my eyes opening to see that he's now rolled over on his side - facing me this go around. I do the same and turn myself over, my eyes staring straight at his face. Lines form on his forehead as his eyebrows shoot up for a short moment before they fall back into a deep furrow. Usually Harry is awake before me so I have never actually witnessed him falling from a sleeping state - which is what I believe he is doing right now. His tongue darts out and swipes over his lips to dampen them. I gulp lightly as I notice the movement behind his eyelids - a definite sign that he is waking up.
A distraction took over my thought - the sight of his scar always grabs my attention. I just can't seem to comprehend why anyone would take a knife and slash it across their own child's face. My father was abusive, but it was nothing compared to what Harry had to go through constantly. I'm sure ending his father's existence was a decision he didn't take long thinking about. My heart jumps suddenly in my chest as Harry's eyes flutter open, his gaze placed directly on me. I dart my eyes away from him, I've got them flickering around like a crazy person.
A touch against my shaking hand seems to quickly calm my nervousness and my eyes train themselves on the location. The tips of Harry's index and middle fingers are softly rubbing the side of my hand, from my wrist to the tip of my pinky finger, then back down to repeat the motion again. He doesn't appear to be mad at me about anything, nothing even what happened last night. I can't inscribe into stone just yet, Harry's a difficult person to read and so far I have seen him flip sides many times within minutes - perhaps I shall just give it some time to play out.
Very faintly, the corner of his mouth turns upwards into the slightest smile I have ever seen him show off. My eyes fall to his plump, swollen from his sleep, rosy lips that gently curve more as his large hand trails down my forearm. "G'mornin', my love." He mutters to me, the warm air from his mouth glides over my skin. I remain silent as he scoots over just a few inches closer to me, making the distance between us slowly become a thing of the past. The touch of his hand sliding against my cold skin moved over my shoulder and bypasses my neck - the warmth engulfs my cheek entirely. I sigh softly at the feeling of his heat against my frozen skin cells - my heart begins to beat off pattern.
"You seem tired, darlin'. Did you get enough sleep?" Harry's smooth, smoky voice fills the space we're in, my heart skips a nervous beat as his hand falls to press against the side of my neck, fingers curling around my nape. I don't speak any form of any word to him - my only response to the sweet creature beside me is a light nod. His thumb brushes my lobe a few times as he adjusts his hand on my body. "My sweet girl." Harry breathes out, moving his head forward so that our faces are only a small two inches apart. "You're so beautiful." He murmurs with a feathery tone, his lips press against mine moments later. My lids fall and my heart goes rapid in my chest - but this isn't right.
I try to lean back away from him, but he keeps me in place by not allowing me to move my neck. "I love you." Harry whispers against my lips as he seals his words with a kiss. I squeeze my eyes as tight as I could, his tongue nudging at the small space between my lips. It didn't take him long to gain access and from there on out, it was him doing the work and me just awkwardly frozen in time. Perchance Harry started to notice my stillness, or maybe he just decided to end this barely functioning kiss we have tangled ourselves into. His lips tear from mine and he leans his head back some, enough so that we could both stare at each other - and that's exactly what we do as my eyes open.
"What's the matter, baby?" Harry asks, not hesitating one bit to find out what's gotten me so motionless. I swallow the lump in my throat and part my lips to speak. Yet, despite wanting to do this so damn bad, no words come out. His hand drops from my neck and goes down my side, grasping my bare waist once he got it underneath the shirt of his I'm wearing. I keep my eyes glued on his exposed chest, instead of those gorgeous emerald eyes. Sometimes I get lost in them, and right now I don't need to be off in some wondrous land inside of my head - I really need to figure out how I am going to approach this situation. Frankly, I am not enjoying the fact Harry is unbothered by all of this. Anyone else would be glad that their significant other is not worried about the argument they had the night before, but no I am different - I want him to be mad at me, so that we can make up and let it go. Until that happens, it will drive me up the wall and take my anxiety to another level.
"I didn't mean it." I blurt out, cutting up the silence we shared for a few moments. My eyes dart to his, just to see them already staring at me. My lips separate slightly, but I don't say anything else. The only noise in the room is the mixed sound of our breathing and my heart violently pounding in my ears. That pair of eyes I adore so much are currently holding onto a look of slight anger, combined with a bit of disgust. He probably hates me now for even mentioning it to him again. Harry's eyes drop our contact as he rolls over onto his back, pulling his touch away from my body. Mentally I curse myself and throw punches to my own gut - I am such a fool, aren't I?
Never once do I rip my eyes off of his body as he leans up, throwing those long, muscled legs over the side of the bed. I witness him stand up and reach down to the ground, standing back up seconds later - pulling up the pajama pants. He lifts both hands to tie the strings, I suppose, before he runs a hand through his unruly locks. "Harry." My voice is faint as I speak out to him, but his feet don't stop his journey to the bathroom. I sit up straight now, crossing my legs and fiddling nervously with my fingers. My eyes stare at the doorway, waiting for him to make an exit.
I overhear the sound of him releasing his bladder into the toilet bowl, making me slightly cringe. There is nothing wrong with it, it's something we all do so I don't really find it disturbing. Unexpected, maybe, but not nasty. "Would you like some breakfast?" I jump slightly in my skin as his voice frightens the life out of me. He steps through the door way and heads towards the staircase. Before I could reply, he stops at the railing and turns to face me, eyebrows highly raised - with those lines displayed on his forehead. I push a few pieces of my tangled hair behind my ear as I stand from my spot on the bed. The warmth from the mattress, mostly coming from where Harry was lying minutes ago, is something I am already longing to feel again. The floor is like ice against the soles of my feet.
I pad over to him, my feet light against the flooring. His eyes trail along with me, closely observing my every single move. I don't mind it at all, I do the very same to him all the time. "No, I want to talk about last night." I mumble finally in response to him, my hand reaching out to grab his. It is somewhat surprising that he didn't try to pull away or stop me from tracing my fingertips along the palm of his now extended hand. "Tell me what you want to eat, love. We have to leave in a few hours." Harry sighs out, eyebrows lowering now. I slide my fingers between his, a fire settling across my skin as the heat sets in. "Why won't you talk to me about this?" My lips pout out as I throw my head back, just so I could see him properly.
Harry just lightly shakes his head from side to side, as if he was in disbelief at what I was doing in front of him. I want to discuss this, I need to know that he understands I never, ever meant to say those stupid, harsh words. I love him entirely too much to ever say that and literally mean it. "Pancakes it is then, darling." Harry's hand drops mine without another word leaving his pretty lips. My heart jumps up in my throat, utter shock taking over my body now. He's rarely denied me of anything - I don't like the feeling at all. It sucks to be ignored by the only person you care to speak to every day.
"Harry!" I whine out as he starts the trip downstairs, sadly leaving me in the dust. I cross my arms on my chest, I am becoming such a whiney child because of him - he never does what I ask and now it's getting to my head. He promised me he'd do whatever I needed him to, and now that I actually have a desire to know something he refuses to even speak on the topic! With a disappointed huff leaving my mouth, I plop down onto the end of the bed and throw myself backwards, my eyes watch the fan rotate above me. What have I done? I am completely aware that what I said hurt him because it hurt me really bad, too. I just can't comprehend why he continues to ignore me when I attempt to speak to him about it.
There's a cold, calm silence floating in the kitchen, surrounding both me and Ruth as we sit quietly at the table, stacks of pancakes on the plates in front of us. She still hasn't spoke to me, but I don't mind her shyness - she has every right to be unsure of the situation, just like Julianne has the right to be upset over it. A soft sigh escapes past my lips as I sit my fork down on my plate, just the mere thought of my lovely girl being so angry with me has made my heart ache. Last night was rough, I never imagined I would hear her say those words - whether she meant them or not. I highly feel like they were just part of the fire, just came from all the bubbling anger her body suffered from hours ago. I can't blame her, because I know how I get when I become ticked off about something.
I never intended to get so violent with her, it's something that makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I had to live my whole life witnessing my father treat my mother like she was nothing, and Julianne had to do the same - I shouldn't turn to anger when I get irritated, but I don't know how not to.
"Are they good, love?" I say with a smile as Ruth shoves a fork full into her mouth. She grins at me as she starts to chew, her head nodding up and down as a reply. I just laugh at her, she's cute. I have come to notice she's very well mannered and calm, unlike my darling little sister Sara - I already know she's going to talk Ruth's head off when we get home.
My head turns towards the living room as I hear the mixture of an unsteady heart beat and footsteps - Julianne. Her stare lingers on my face for a moment before she unfreezes from her spot on the threshold and comes towards me. I watch as she pulls out the chair on the side of the table adjacent to me, she sits down and sits her folded hands on her lap, eyes burning holes through the wooden table. "Do you want something to drink?" I question her calmly, trying to keep myself collected. Julianne gives me a quick glance, along with a slight nod, before she pushes a few strands of hair behind each ear.
I stand from my seat and go over to the island where I have the orange juice, which is her favorite - I know this because of Niall. Back when she was first at the house, and I wasn't even a thought on her pretty mind, he said she asked for orange juice every morning because it helped her with her sore throat. But she doesn't like the sweet, sugary kind - she prefers the strong and bitter one, as do I.
Once I fill the glass and screw the top back on the bottle, I return to the table and sit the glass down in front of her. "If you get hungry don't be afraid to eat something, love." I tell her as I lean downwards, my lips pressing a few small pecks against her cheek bone. "Don't wait too long, we're leaving in a couple of hours." I remind her as I glide my hand across her back, the feeling of my fingers running over her soft locks is wondrous. "Harry." Julianne mumbles my name the same second my hand drops from her body. "Hmm?" I ask, leaning back down to her, my hand close to hers but I don't reach for it, just in case she didn't want me to.
"Can we talk about last night?" She asks me curiously, eyes trialing up to meet my gaze. I push aside all of my thoughts related to what happened on the balcony. "There's nothing to talk about, babe." I say in a voice just above a whisper. I glance over to Ruth, just to see if she was watching. She surely isn't - she's stuffing her mouth with pancakes, which I don't mind one bit. I'm glad she's comfortable with things at the moment. "There's plenty to talk about." She retorts with a sigh, I can see she doesn't want an argument about this but frankly I don't really care what she wants. I don't want to discuss this, so we won't. This moment started the first minute of a very long, very irritating quiet game.
I WILL CORRECT ERRORS LATER.....
Just a quick note -- I could update ten times faster if I didn't have to sit and space out the paragraphs. This over 6,000 words. It's tiring and exhausting. BUT I do it because I do not want to change the format this far into the story. HOWEVER the sequel might be formatted differently....so stay tuned of course.
Please leave some feedback. Next few chapters will be VERY exciting and.. quite different. xx Love you allll xxx