s i x t y - wonder.
//not all those who wonder are lost//
"We'll discuss this when I get back." I coldy say into the phone, ignoring Perrie's begging. She wants to apologize but it's far too late for that now. I have done something so horrible, so cruel - and it has ruined my entire morning. I yelled at her for no reason, sure she nosed her way through my phone, but it isn't that serious.
Once I had read the messages myself, I could only imagine what was going through her pretty mind while she read those. I'm sure she's freaking out inside, her heart is racing I know because I can hear it clearly. She probably isn't aware, but I'm keeping an eye on her even though she's away from me. The balcony offers a great view of the pond and the pier, in which my love sits on the edge all by her self. I want to run to her and pick her up, twirl her around and seal it with a kiss - but I have yet to move from my spot. There is no telling how she's perceiving this, how she is handling all of this pressure and yelling. Poor thing, she's on the edge of breaking down I just know it.
Whatever it is she's thinking about she's thinking real hard and deep on the subject. For the past thirty mintues she's been sitting down there, staring off at the water, lost in her mind. Her heart rate became steady as the minutes went by and her breathing eased up. She was relaxed, despite probably going mad in her head. Julianne didn't deserve the treatment I threw at her. Of course, at the same time, she didn't have the right to rumamge through my messages on my personal phone. I have decided to push it aside and stop being so hard on her. She's just curious and her mind is full of wonders, for all I know she could had just checked the time and her eyes caught sight of a message or something like that.
I sit my phone on the bed as I carry myself back through the cabin, it's time to face this and man up. Julianne's heart is so fragle, so delicate - I have to stop hurting it and crushing it, it's going to quit soon if I don't. I rush down the staircase and straight to the door, turning the handle and swiftly shutting it behind me. I calm down, take deep breathes and slow strides as I make my way out to her. We are hardly a day into our trip and things have gone terribly wrong. Everything I hoped would occur have no chance if we keep this mess up.
The mid-morning breeze chills my bare, heated skin. My lack of clothing isn't something I want to focus on now, I'm sure the squirrels and the ducks won't care about me being only in a pair of pajama pants. A few small birds fly from a bush when I walk by, my heavy steps probably scared them - sadly, birds aren't the only thing I frighten. My hand skims the post of the pier as I step onto the wood, trying to stay quiet but not entirely silent - I'd hate to scare her just by popping up. I stare straight at the back of her head, her long blonde locks moving with the wind. I gulp harshly, my palms are sweaty and my knees are growing weak - nervousness has taken over my body, not a surprise. I was truly in the wrong for being so mean to her. She contains this great sense of curiousity and wonder, such lovely things that I should never yell at her for.
I really hope she didn't believe any of those messages, I don't even want to imagine her thoughts about them. My darling girl wasn't exposed to that topic much in her life and have a stiff, heavy feeling that she's worrying over it - probably assuming I will do as they said I would. My heart starts to race quickly as I reach the end of the pier. A heavy breath enters my lungs as I carefully sit down beside her, our thighs touching immediately as I get positioned on the wood, my feet dipping into the water just like hers.
The sides of our hands brush, but I freeze and don't make any movements - this is her decision, if she wants to hold my hand then she can, if not then that's okay. I completely understand if she's mad at me for what I have done to her precious, sweet soul. I look down at her feet, they're really cute but I'm sure she doesn't like them. I ignore that thought, this isn't the time to think about the hundreds of insecurities she has. To my utter surprise, the tips of her fingers ever so gently trail down the length of my index finger. I lower my head, my eyes roaming over to look at her pretty face, even if she wasn't looking back.
Julianne's eyes were glued to where our thighs pressed together, small breathes leaving past her lips. My gaze drops to her bare legs, nothing but a pair of underwear hiding her extermities. My shirt hangs perfectly off her body, the collar dropping low to show me a bit of her chest - something that is rather new to my eyes. I flinch by accident as her soft fingers graze my palm. She doesn't stop, despite my jumpy state. I look back to her, those gorgeous eyes stuck on her our hands now. The vibes her body is radiating off aren't harsh, they're rather comforting if you ask me. I bite the inside of my cheek as her arm gently moves ontop of mine, her fingers sliding between my own.
Once she has those tiny fingers in place, I give her a squeeze. Those eyes dart to mine and I smile gently at her, she most likely didn't expect that I'm sure. She rolls in her lips, eyes dropping to where we connect now. The silence buzzing in the air is heavy and weighs down on my shoulders. I try to stay strong, try to keep my head out of the despressing thoughts, but it's extremely hard when I'm sitting beside such a broken, sad girl.
The handful of months I have spent with her are home to some of my best nights - for instance, the night I caught her trying to run out on us and her body hit against mine. Or the time when I received that handwritten reply, and the time when she opened those gorgeous eyes and took in my foreign appearance. All of those memories have kept my heart striving to make this better for her, to make her feel extremely loved. I hate to see such a childish act ruin that for us.
"The sun is out.. It's a nice time for a swim." My voice cracks the strong silence. I see the corners of her pretty lips curve upward, those eyes trailing to meet mine. "We're still in the clothes we slept in." Julianne lightly shakes her head at me, opposing my idea. A quick idea pops into my mind and I take action on it. I stand up from my spot, dropping her hand sadly. I grab the waist band of my pajama pants and shove them down, they puddle at my feet, right beside Julianne. Her curious eyes slowly roam up my legs, but she's quick to move past my crotch, until they meet my gaze.
"Harry, you're insane. I'm not doing this." Julianne laughs out, rolling her eyes at me with a playful expression. She covers her face with her hands, trying to hide that adorable laugh I adore so much but I know she doesn't like it. "Whatever, loser. You're lame, you know." I say, nudging her shoulder with my leg as I put my feet on the edges, my toes hanging off the wood. Just a nice gust of wind would push me in. "No, you're just crazy." She retorts, I could hear that smile in her words. "Have fun!" She yells out suddenly, her hands unexpectingly push against the back of my thighs and I lose my balance, landing straight into the water.
Even under the water, I can hear that beautiful giggle - she's so proud of herself for that little sneaky move. I come through the water, shoving my hair out of my eyes as I look up at the edge of the pier where she's on her knees, eyes peering down to me. "That was mean." I pout my lip out at her, I can't believe she actually pushed me in the pond.
"Oh, poor baby. Cry about it, why don't ya?" She smirks deviously at me. "Such a smart ass mouth, Julianne." I shame her with a sigh and a shake of my head, my eyes glancing up just to see her smile brightly at me. "Get in, beautiful. The water is nice." I insist, gesturing her with my extended hand. "I'd rather not." She throws her head from side to side, a smile still stuck on those pretty lips. I take a breath and lock in my lungs before I go under the water, I hear her say something about me being rude because I just left the conversation. I swim underneath the pier, right below her, so that she can't see me.
My name is continuously leaving her beautiful mouth, yet I don't dare make a sound as I bring my head out of the water. Just another inch and the top of my head will be touching the wood above me. I raise my hand from the water and carefully move it closer to her hanging legs. A smirk settles on my lips as I use the tip of my index finger to gently touch the back of her right heel. She squeals, yanking both feet up onto the edge of the wood. "Harry, stop!" She whines out, clearly not amused by my actions. I, for one, am enjoying this very much. Unfortunately for me, my fingers are too big to stick through the cracks between the planks of wood - she's lucky though, otherwise I would be torturing her right now.
"Please come back." Julianne sighs out, she seems a bit irritated with me but that won't stop me from messing with her. It's quite amusing. I keep myself silenced, I'm sure she has an idea of where I'm at, and I know she won't come looking for me. "I.. I'll get in.. if you c'mere." She tries to compromise with me, which sounds like a good deal. I lick my lips before inhaling a deep breath. I sink myself into the water, swiftly swimming the very short distance to where I previously was. A bright grin is plastered on her gorgeous face once my head is popping out of the water.
"C'mon." I say, gesturing for her to jump in with me. She throws her head back, groaning dramatically at me. "I was just kidding.. I didn't know it would make you actually come back." She throws her hands in the air like she's giveing up on everything. "Well it worked, so c'mon, dear. I'll hold you." I shrug in return, it is what it is - she should've thought it through better. Julianne scoots to the edge of the wood, making my heart begin to race. She's actually going to do this, it's very shocking and mind blowing to me. She gives me no further argument or whines, this is amazing!
If only I could spend the rest of my days here in this cabin with my lovely angel. My imortality is enabling me to live a very long time, but I could never just leave my family. No matter how much I love Julianne, my pack is part of my soul - my family is part of my soul. Maybe one day it will come, and we will all decide to split up in the area - still together, but separated into our own homes with our own little families. Now that's what I'm ready for - a family, a forever.
"Harry.." Julianne's voice pulls me out of my deepening thoughts. "Hmm?" I ask, my hold loosening on her just slightly as she looks up at me, big sparkling orbs full of wonder. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to be so nosy." She speaks to me, eyes dropping and head snuggling back into my chest. My arms snake tighter around her waist and her back, keeping her buried in me. "I know, and I'm sorry, too, for being an asshole. I took it too seriously." I sigh out, my lips kissing the top of her head. "Wh-what they s-said.. sc-scared me." She admits, forehead against my chest. One of her arms is tucked between us and is spread out on my abdomen, while the other is sitting in the valley between my shoulder blades.
"You don't need to stress over that, baby. I would never do that to you without your full permission." I assure her, my eyelids falling shut. It's late and I'm very tired, and being snuggled up with my beautiful girl isn't making it any easier to stay awake. The only thing that's keeping me awake is the fact that she's not asleep, I don't fall to a slumber until I know for sure she has drifted to sleep. "I-I'm not r-ready.. f-for that." She sniffles lightly, a sigh falling past her plump lips.
"I know, baby. Please don't worry about it." I mumble back, hoping and praying that she will let the thought of it go until it's time for us to do that - which will be whenever she decides. I've held my virginity for this long, I'm sure I can wait a few more months or a year, however long she wants to wait. I refuse to be like other Alphas when it comes to mates - I will not force her into anything, especially sex. She's human, she's far more delicate than I am. She deserves to own her innocence, her purity.
"I'm just afraid.. that I won't know.. what.. what to do." Julianne's openness throughout our little trip has been so insane, I can hardly comprehend it and as the days pass on, she becomes more honest with me. Frankly, I actually like it - it's very nice to know what she's thinking about at times. "When the time comes.. we can figure it out together. As of now, you need to get some rest." My voice is low as I speak, her fingernails scratch my back as she adjusts her arm underneath me. I hiss at the sharpness, damn she's got to tend to those claws.
"When will it be time?" She curiously keeps the topic of the conversation alive and going. I try to maintain my heartbeat speed, I don't want her to feel my chest pounding only because she asked a simple question. "I don't know, sweetheart." The room grows silent once again, the only noise is the mixed sound of our breathing. It's going to be a long night. "Go to sleep, love." I mumble, pulling us both away from the subject of sexual intercourse - I've been trying not to think about those things while apparently that's all she can think about.
The movement of small fingertips trailing up and down my abdomen forces me to open my eyes, just to look down at find my darling girl is wide awake and her eyes are burning holes through my skin. I lift my hand from her waist and bring it to her shoulder. She flinches lightly, probably a tad frightened by my unannounced action. She has slid down on the mattress, her head was resting on my chest when we fell asleep, but it's just below my stomach, her fingers don't pass my navel as they make their way back up.
"Good morning." I mumble out, running my fingers through her soft locks. She sighs softly in return to me, "Good morning." Her response wasn't too cheerful but I didn't really expect it to be peppy, it's the morning and Julianne isn't a morning person. I glance over to the clock on the nightstand, the digital numbers read 9:17 a.m. "How long have you been awake, babe?" I ask her, my hand petting her golden hair now, attempting to make her feel better just in case she wasn't at her best right now. "An hour." She mutters against my skin, swollen lips brushing against me in the process. When she says this, I automatically begin to question in my mind head. I would have realized she wasn't awake, I would have sensed it. Perhaps I was just sleeping hard and she probably didn't move much anyways.
"You could've woke me up." Her fingers stop moving as my words fill the air. I frown lightly at that, I really love it when she draws little patterns on me, or makes line up and down my skin like she was just doing. My free hand raises up and gently touches against hers, "Please don't stop." I say quietly, almost too quiet for her to even hear. Without any words to give back to me, her fingertips start to slide over my skin again. A pleased sigh escapes my mouth as soon as my hand drops back to the mattress. I don't know how I ended up on my back, but right now I'm not complaining. She looks so beautiful lying beside me.
"You were sleeping good.. I didn't want to disturb you." Julianne finally responds to my previous question, her warm breath setting a heat to my skin. "Do you feel okay? You usually don't get up early." I say with a bit of worry to my tone. She shrugs lightly, her head shifting so that her eyes were peering up at me. I prop myself up on my elbow so that I could get a good look at her, too. "I'm fine.. I just.. have this feeling." Her brows furrow as she goes to lean up as well. I don't protest it, I believe it's time we get out of bed. "What kind of feeling?" I ask as she pushes herself off me. My hand drops to the small of her back, but it then lands on the sheets when she turns around to face me, crossing her legs and tucking her hands under her thighs, she's probably freezing - she often is, so I don't doubt it.
"Like.. like something's wrong.. or not right." She nervously bites her lips as her eyes avoid to make contact with mine. I reach over, my hand touching her cheek, forcing her head to tilt up. "What's hurting? Please tell me, Julianne." I gulp out of pure nervousness, I don't want her to be in pain and not tell me. Usually I can see when she's in discomfort, and right now I can kind of see the off set to her presence. "Nothing's hurting, Harry." She murmurs back, eyes staring back at mine now.
Suddenly, an idea pops up in front of my train of thought and my gaze drops to her thighs. The most recent scars haven't lost their redness yet, and previous cuts can still be faintly seen - but nothing new. That can't be it, I would have smelt her blood as soon as it hit the air, and plus I would have felt the mattress move if had gotten up and she didn't.
"Don't worry, it's got nothing to do with me." Her small hand lifts up and wraps around my wrist. I let my hand slide to the side of her hot neck, the blood below her skin is on fire underneath my touch. "Then what is it?" My eyebrows knit together - what on earth is she referring to? "Like.. I keep getting this feeling that something's out there.. something that isn't supposed to be." She admits to me, pulling my hand down as her eyes flicker past her shoulder to glance out a window. She lowers my hand to her lap where she connects with me, slotting her fingers with mine. "I'm sure it's nothing." I mention this because it's probably the truth. "No, Harry.. I swear.." Julianne's pleading eyes bore into mine, trying to convince me to go look I'm sure but there isn't anything wrong.
"Baby, it's fine. There's a storm coming in.. that's all." I assure her after I remember checking the weather last night before we got into bed. There is an eighty five percent chance of rain, which will most likely happen because there were clouds covering up the stars last night. "Harry, please go look." She bites onto her bottom lip as she brings herself closer to me, eyes big and wide - full of worry. "There isn't anything out there that could hurt you. If there was, I would be picking up the scent right now." I remind her of my abilities, even though I'm sure she hasn't forgotten what I truly am.
"It could be far away." She retorts, still attempting to make this work when it's not going to. "I promise, baby, if I hear or smell anything that's unfamiliar then I will go check it out, but right now there isn't anything out there. Trust me, alright?" I say with an easy tone, hoping to get her to understand this clearly. She nods back to me, eyes dropping our stare. I give her fingers a squeeze, just to comfort her because I know she's afraid. There are hardly times when she's not afraid of something..
"C'mon, let's go find something to eat." I suggest. " 'm not hungry." She lightly shakes her head from side to side, eyes dropping the contact we share. "Then come watch me eat." A little faint, feathery giggle falls from her mouth and her head lifts up, her stare grabbing my attention. "Can I stay here.. sleep a bit longer?" She asks quietly, fingers messing with the hem of her shirt - which is technically mine. "Sure, doll. Whatever you want." I fall forwards some, getting close enough so that my lips fell against her forehead. I press a few pecks there before leaning back up.
Julianne watches me closely as I toss the covers off the lower portion of my body and throw my legs over the side of the bed. I can feel her intense glare as I reach down beside the bed and bring the pajama pants I put on last night back up my legs, securing the tie quickly. I start towards the door and my mind drifts to think about something. I'm glad that the bedroom isn't closed off, I like knowing she's close by if I'm not directly beside her. "Harry?" Julianne suddenly says my name, the desperation in her tone makes me turn around to her. "What is it, love?" I ask, eyebrows dropped and my eyes fixed on her. "C-can I.. can I call Sophia?" She unsurely asks, I can clearly tell she's not as confident as she was yesterday when it comes to asking me stuff.
"Of course." I nod back as I walk back to the side of the bed. I grab the handle of the nightstand's drawer and I pull it open. I pick up my phone and pass it to her. She gladly takes it from me. From the corner of my eye, I see her gaze dart to me, then to the device, then back to me. "What for?" I ask as I face her now, a hand going through my unruly curls, trying to tame the mess I call my hair. "G-girl s-stuff." She stammers out, her sight falling off me and back to the phone.
"Are you.. are you on your period? There's.. stuff under the bathroom sink." I blurt it out quickly, I just want to get that done and over with. A red tint rises to her cheeks, "No, Harry. Just.. It's girl stuff, but not that." She gulps loudly as she slides the screen open and clicks on the contacts. I watch her scroll down to where Sophia's name was located on the list and she presses it. "I'll be downstairs." My words come out as a mumble as I turn on my heel and make my way back to the staircase, maybe I can get downstairs this time.
Already I know I have to get her a phone - one reason is for things like this. I don't want her to be nervous about asking to use mine if she needed to ask one of the girls something that I might could not answer. The second reason, why not? She's a teenage girl and I'm sure she has questions she doesn't want to ask me or anyone else, so using a search engine could definitely benefit my curious little angel. It won't be a struggle at all to do, so I might have to get that done in a few weeks. I also have to make up for our ruined first date, meaning that I need to take her shopping and out for diner and perhaps a movie. Yeah, that sounds nice.
Finding myself in the kitchen now, I go to the pantry and look for something to eat for breakfast. I don't feel like cooking so hopefully we have some good cereal in here. My head snaps up the moment I see the variety of boxes - I can hear Julianne's voice above me speaking on the phone, but I know it's wrong to listen in. I fight it hard, trying to block her out but it's so damn hard. Just think about her like you were doing, just don't let yourself get distracted. After what seemed like forever, I can only faintly hear her and I don't even try to focus on what she's saying. My mind tracks back to the thought of her, what a beautiful, wondrous thought that is.
She deserves to be taken out on the town for a nice day together. I'm sure deep down inside she adores shopping like most girls, especially the ones in my house, and she'll enjoy going to get some new things. All the items she does have were purchased by someone else, so I'm sure she would like to pick out things she really likes. No matter how hard they try, Sophia and Perrie will never know Julianne's style or what she likes, not like Julianne does of course. Even I wouldn't know what to buy her, that's why I send the girls to do those things for me. I just want her to have a normal, average life - or at least as close to that as we can get.
This chapter wasn't as long as the previous ones but don't worry, there's a bunch more to come. LITERALLY I AM DYING! I can't wait for you guys to get to chapters 61 and 62. So much happens and I am soooo excited! THIS is what I've been waiting on for a LONG time! Anywaysss....
Feedback, pretty please! -- Updates soon of course xx
*Just a quick note: in these next few weeks I might run just a TAD late on updates. The reason is because I'm really into art and I have been wanting to broaden my interests and step out of my comfort zone... so basically.. I am doing a few paintings (trying.) so they will take up my mornings but I have left my afternoons for WRITING and my nights for POSTING!!!*