f i f t y s i x - seven.
//when love is real, it finds a way//
Two hours went by before I was allowed back inside to see Harry. They had taken him to his room, as I was told, and cleaned the blood from his skin and attempted to fix the wound. I didn’t know a thing about the injury, only that it was bloody and messy. Sophia had to go and take over so the guys wouldn’t do anything wrong. I had never been so afraid before and I have been through a lot. I watched my own mother die, and I still shed more tears when I saw them carry Harry into the house than I did at her funeral. Many times, I have longed for Harry’s return - even when I was little and I wasn’t even aware of who, or what, he was.
Love is real. It truly is real.
“Julianne.” Perrie opened my door after a quiet knock. I sniffle, trying to clear myself of evidence of previous waterworks but it’s nearly impossible. They let me come in ten or so minutes ago but told me to stay in here until they got all of the blood off of him and changed him into new clothes. I could see him soon, but soon doesn’t seem soon enough.
“Is he.. Is he okay?” I nervously question, not really wanting to know the answer though. She nods lightly before taking a deep breathe. “They found another deep cut.. So they have to stitch it up.” She informs me and I feel my heart sink even lower into my chest. “How.. how many were there?” I stammer slightly, the anxiety is taking over my body and I am imagining the worst. “Seven. Three really deep ones.. The rest not as bad. He lost a lot of blood and energy, that’s why he couldn’t walk on his own.” She tells me as she sits down at the end of my bed, wiping her thumb underneath her eye to free herself of tears. I decided a while ago to not care about who saw me cry.
A painful scream came from above me and I covered my ears, I couldn’t take it anymore - that was the tenth scream I have heard come from his mouth, and I have been counting just to be sure. “Fucking kill me, Perrie!” I cry out, bringing my knees as close to my chest as possible. “It’ll be alright, we heal really fast.” She tells me but I don’t want to hear it. I just want to see him already. I miss him, and I love him. He’s in pain and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Another scream echoed within the house, the time between the yells is getting shorter with each time. “I’ll come get you when he’s.. sewed up.” Perrie sighs out as she stands from the bed and silently exits. I bite hard on my index finger, I can’t believe he’s suffering and they are just making it worse - or so it sounds that way at least. Harry doesn’t deserve to feel that way, to bleed so fucking much. I suck up the snot in my nose as I rub my fists against my eyes, trying to dry all these stupid tears.
I tear the cover off of my body, my feet hitting the cold ground moments later. I lead myself to the bathroom, I have to find a way to get over this - to calm myself while he’s going insane above me. The door shuts behind me and I hurry to the closet in the corner. I open the door and reach into the basket. I know for a fact that Gemma keeps razors in it. I grab one of the refills and I slam it down on the ground. It didn’t break so I opt for another method. I grab a bottle of unopened shampoo and I kneel down on the cold tile. I hit the cartridge with the bottle, trying to get it to crack and fall apart.
Harry lets out an ear shattering scream, making me hit the thing harder and harder. Tears start to form in my eyes once again, despite my attempt to hide my emotions from myself. After a few more hard hits and another bombing yell, it breaks.
I pick up one of the blades and I take a deep breath. It’s been a long time but I haven’t forgotten. I pull the leg of my shorts up to reveal my already scared thigh. I stare at my skin, knowing how much this will hurt me. Without further thinking, I poke the tip of the blade into my skin, creating a tiny hole. I use all my strength and throw my arm out to the side - the metal tearing through my cold flesh. I throw it against the wall, not wanting to touch it again.
That was too hard, too rough.
The cut I made is messy, instead of my usual straight lines. I ignore the stinging and the bleeding as I pick up one of the other blades. I decide on suffering almost as much as Harry is at the moment. I add three more slices to that leg, much shorter than the first one though and none as deep either. To my right thigh, I add three cuts to my body. Seven.
My stomach becomes a bit queasy as I watch the blood flow down the side of my leg and drip onto the floor below me. I lean my back against the tub, my eyes falling shut. I wince, the stinging has became too much. I knew this would happen - I knew I would do it then be a complete chicken when the pain washed through my body. I couldn’t risk Harry seeing them, I remind myself of what he told me that day. I hurry to my unsteady feet and grab a washcloth from the closet. I wet it with some warm water before I drop to my knees again. I wipe up the blood from the floor, hoping that it didn’t leave behind a stain. I use the same towel to wash off my leg, but the marks will be there for a while. The blood continues to drip from the deeper few and I know I’m screwed.
He will smell it, if he doesn’t already, and he will surely see it.
“Anything I can get you?” Zayn asks as he appears at my bedside. I open my eyes a bit wider, so I could actually see him. I nod slightly, my entire body is still weak and in pain. I hate it, it makes me feel like a coward - I could have taken that little wolf, I could have slaughtered him easily, yet I didn’t. “What?” He says, willing to do as I ask I know. “J-julianne.” I mumble her sweet name, I haven’t seen her in hours. Perrie said she was shaking to death on her bed, due to my yelling.
“Harry.. It’s too soon, mate. She’s.. She’s too.. Emotional.” Zayn shakes his head from side to side, denying my needs. “I said.. bring Julianne to me. Now.” I say with gritted teeth, they are all starting to piss me off. She isn’t emotional she’s just fucking human, everyone cries when they’re hurting. Even I do. “Harry, no.” Zayn says and I nearly jump up and slam him against the wall - but I remind myself that I’m rather weak at the moment and I have stitches all in my skin. I can’t do anything too extreme at the moment.
“I’m your god damn Alpha and I said to fucking go get my girl.” I raise up on the bed, the cover falling from my chest. Zayn sighs out with an eye roll as he turns to the door and leaves the room, going to get Julianne. I lay back down, my eyes falling shut within seconds. I haven’t been this tired since my mother’s death. I stayed up for days at a time during the first six months without her here. But this tiredness is rather different. I’m sick of being in this bed and it’s only been a few hours. I’m tired of being pushed away from my girl, she’s mine and I deserve to hold her while I sleep.
“I’ve got you another warm towel, dear.” Sophia comes through the door with a damp washcloth and I smile gently at her, those always ease my headaches. “Here.” She mumbles while placing the cloth over my forehead. I sigh in relief, finally something nice. A thought pops into my mind, I forgot to ask this earlier. “Was… was Julianne shaving her legs earlier?” I question with furrowed brows as Sophia adjusts the covers over me so that my love won’t have to see the gruesome wounds. Sophia shakes her head from side to side, “Not that I know of. She hasn’t taken a bath.. still wearing the same clothes as this morning, why?”
A lump begins to form in my throat, she wasn’t in the bathtub shaving her legs but I know good and damn well I smelt blood earlier, and not just any blood either - her blood. Not only that, but I also felt her pain. My thighs began to burn earlier and I didn’t really know why - but now I do. Sophia’s eyes widen as she stares at me, I know she heard what I just thought because I forgot to block them out. I have been in so much pain - privacy is the least of my worries. “Do you think she.. cut herself?” Sophia whispers the same moment that we both hear footsteps coming up the staircase.
“I.. I don’t know. I’ll check.” I mutter back just as the door opens. Zayn pops his head in and raises his eyebrows. “Making sure you won’t naked.” He gives me a devious smirk which only makes me roll my eyes at him. He pushes the door open and looks over his shoulder. “I.. I’ve never.. been in.. his room.” I hear Julianne’ soft voice say, fear laced in her tone. “There’s a first time for everything, love.” Zayn shrugs, giving her a kind smile. I can hear the unsteady pattern of her breathing and the jumpy beat of her heart. She appears in the door frame, her eyes on the ground and her hair covering her pretty face.
Sophia and I share a glance, something is wrong and we both know it. She continues to check on the gash on my side, making sure she got it all stitched up. “Does he.. does he want to see m-me?” She asks Zayn with a shaky voice. Oh trust me love, I definitely want to see you. I try to speak but Sophia points her index finger at me like I’m a small child that’s being scolded. I forgot she told me to limit my speaking until my throat heals up. It’s been sore from all my screaming. I couldn’t refrain from the yelling though - I’m sure anyone would yell if they had four people forcing their skin to seal up after they have been slashed open a few good times by sharp claws and pointy teeth.
“Of course he wants to see you, sweetie. C’mere.” Sophia cracks the ice with a bright smile, motioning for Julianne to come over to the side of the bed. She pushes her hair behind her ear as she takes a few small steps. I lift my hand, flicking my index finger back and forth - hoping that she gets the gist and hurries to me because, damn, the movement is making me hurt. She thankfully takes notice and picks up her pace, coming to the side of the bed opposite of Sophia.
Her fingertips run over my palm as she stares down at my open hand. “Don’t be afraid.” I whisper, trying to keep my voice down. Julianne’s eyes lift to meet mine and she curves her lips just slightly, she’s so damn gorgeous. I’m the luckiest man on earth. “Hey pretty girl, I missed you so much.” I say as she carefully slides her hand up my arm, her wrist resting in my palm. She keeps silent though, but I’m not going to complain. Having her here makes the pain easier to handle.
“I’m going to run and get a clean towel, no touching the cut, Harry.” Sophia says as she throws the red stained towel into the trash bin. I nod to her before she walks off. I thank her in my mind, I know she only done that so that I would have some private time with Julianne. The door shuts gently and I let out a sigh, how could I allow this to happen. “Please say something baby, your beautiful voice makes me feel so much better.” I attempt to get her to speak to me, her eyes dart from mine and she carries her hand up further, her fingertips sitting in the bend of my elbow. I wrap my own fingers around her scared arm, keeping a firm hold on her. She’s never done this, but I like it. Brings me close, even when I’m not supposed to be moving much.
“I.. I got them away from here.” I tell her, hoping that it will comfort her worrying mind. I know she was so afraid when I ran off into the woods, I could hear her heart rapidly pumping in her chest the entire time. But it’s over now and I can’t go back. I had to protect my land, and most importantly I had to keep my family safe. “You.. you look terrible.” She murmurs, her eyes flickering up. I catch them and she holds onto my gaze.
“Thanks.” I say with a playful eye roll, she was blunt about it. At least she’s honest. “I felt it.” Julianne states in a soft tone, her eyes still glued to mine. “What?” I ask, slightly confused on what exactly she meant by that. “I was sitting on the couch.. And right before I heard them… I felt this sting in my heart.. and my lungs got really heavy.” She informs me and I immediately understand her now. She felt my pain - now that I have claimed her she can slightly feel it if I get hurt, even if it’s a damn paper cut.
“I.. I felt it, too.” I nod lightly. “Of course you did.” She gives me a taken back expression, her eyebrows lowered as she studies my face. “No baby.. I felt your pain.” I release her arm and allow my hand to travel closer to her legs. She took a step back but I snapped my fingers at her, “Don’t walk away from me.” I warn, high brows and a stern voice. She sniffles lightly, rubbing her nose with the side of her hand. She steps back to the bed and I grab the hem of her shorts.
“God.. Julianne.” I sigh out as I see the deep line dug out of her skin, in addition to a few more. Her other hand drops to the other leg and she pulls up the leg of the shorts, showing me those scars as well. “Baby..why?” I say, not really able to find any anger to show. I was pissed, no doubt, but I’m even more worried. “I.. I wanted to.. to hurt, too.” She tells me with a gulp, her hand finding mine again. I shew her away though, I need to feel these marks.
“Ow, Harry.” She winces as my fingertips dance along the deepest cut, her pale skin is stained with blood. Things are quite different when there’s a human involved - even though I have claimed her, she can not truly feel any pain I get. However, she can get the feeling that something bad happened, like she already said she did. I, on the other hand, can feel every bit of pain she gets now because I have claimed her. She’s mine, and everything she does effects me entirely. Of course, it’s not as bad as her initial pain but it’s still there.
“I told you.. not to do this.” My teeth start to grit, despite my heart attempting to calm my raging soul down. There is no taming the wild wolf, once that part of me is mad - my entire body is on fire. “I didn’t want you to.. to be the only one hurting.” She stutters lightly with her words, that nervous heart in her chest is violently slamming against her rib cage. “That doesn’t make any fucking sense, babe!” I snap suddenly, my blood is boiling underneath by skin.
The door opens a moment later, Sophia and Liam returning to the room to watch over me, and probably to prevent any more commotion. “I’m.. I’m sorry.” Julianne’s bottom lip starts to quiver, a sign that she’s about to let her eyes flood like a busted damn. “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Julianne. I wasn’t there to help you. You could have bled out on the bathroom floor.” My voice rises above normal once more, she flinches away from the bed - surprisingly she finds a hiding spot behind Liam.
“Calm down, mate.” He says, holding his hands out to me as if he was surrendering - which is exactly what these stupid people need to do. I am their Alpha, I rule this house, I rule this pack. What are you fucking saying, Styles? You need to stop it and remember who’s in this room. You love her, you fucking love her more than you ever loved yourself or anyone else. But I’m still her Alpha, she has to obey.
“Harry, take some deep breaths, love.” Sophia insists as she steps over to me, her hand pushing my head in her direction, tearing my angered gaze with Julianne. “She was trying to ease her own pain, Harry. It’s her way of coping with things.” Sophia tries to explain this laod of bull shit to but it’s just stupid. Why the hell would anyone want to hurt themselves just because someone they care about is hurting already? There is no sense, nor logical thinking behind that theory - hell, there’s no thinking of any kind apparently!
“Stop being so mean, she’s been waiting all night to come and see you. She loves you and she just wants you to be okay.” Sophia smacks my arm, the part that isn’t fucking hurting. I breathe out slowly and deeply as she suggested, trying my best to hide the wolf inside of my soul. I have to try and get it uncontrol, Julianne is my entire world and I can not dare harm her in any way. I have already broken her heart so many times, she needs a break from this.
“I need you to calm me down, baby. Please.” I struggle to lean my body up. Liam rushes to my side and helps me up, stuffing an extra pillow behind me as I lean on the headboard. “I need you to touch me..talk to me.” I mumble now, my voice is going down and I have lost the blazing heat in my veins - the wolf has been tucked away. Julianne gladly takes a few steps closer, but still I can feel the nervousness radiating off her cold, milky white skin. “Please, baby.” I beg once more, hoping and praying to God that she loses her shyness and just climbs on me. I want her rub her hands all over my body, tell me that everything will be okay and that she loves me. I just want her on me, I crave her.
I need her.
Harry lifted his shaking hand and I accepted the offer. I take a hold of it and squeeze it just slightly, he returns the favor as I sit on the edge of the bed, facing him. “I didn’t intend to be mean, I’m sorry.” He mumbles, an apologetic smile on his handsome face. “It’s okay.” I find myself whispering back to him as if I were afraid at the moment. No, I think I’m only trying to keep things low for his sake. “Once I can get out of this bed.. I’m taking you somewhere special. It’ll be a few days, but it’ll be great.” He tells me, bringing my hand up to his lips.
His plump, swollen lips ghost over my knuckles before he goes back and plants a kiss on each one as well as the small spaces between them. “Sounds great.. Maybe this time I can hold down my stomach contents.” A grin happily finds its way to my lips. Harry chuckles with a shake of his head, probably surprised that I brought that horrible memory up.
“You’re adorable, Julianne.” Harry lowers my hand to his lap where he laces our fingers together. I smile down at the sight, I adore holding his hand - it makes me feel safe, gives me something to hold on to. “How long will it take for you to recover?” I ask with furrowed brows, no one ever gave me a number of days or even an estimate. “Three days.” Sophia answers without looking at me. She is preoccupied with packing up the medical supplies. I watch as Harry’s emerald eyes move around the room, watching Sophia and Liam gather the things and head for the door.
They say a quick goodbye, shutting the door behind them. Harry’s door makes the same annoying squeaking sound as mine does. Perhaps it’s because of the house’s age, it has to be at least fifty. It’s a lovely place, though, they keep it looking beautiful. “Please..” I mutter without even thinking. Harry’s eyes dart to mine and he draws his thick eyebrows together, slight confusion on his face.
I take a deep breath, my gaze dropping to his lap once again where I see our hands are still tied together. My heart starts to pound in my chest, do I really want the answer to my question? What if it was horrific and terrible? But what if it wasn’t? “What happened.. How.. how did you get hurt?” I ask with a pout to my lips, I’m still fighting more tears now and I swear if it turns out to be a bad story I might just drown us both with my tears.
Harry leans his head back against the headboard, his eyes wondering up to the ceiling fan. I keep mine trained on his beautiful face. I take notice of the knicks and small scraps, but he is still gorgeous to me. “When we were on the couch.. I picked up on the scent of a pack. I didn’t recognize them.. So I sort of freaked out.” He began after a sigh, his eyes still never meeting mine. “There are a few packs that have to pass through in order to get to their own territories. We know them and we’ve made the agreement with them. But that pack wasn’t one of those.. They were just a bunch of unruly rogues that ended up together.” He informs me and I mentally take notes, I’m trying to keep track of all the information I know about their kind so that I don’t get confused later on when I’m thinking in my head about all of these wondrous things.
“Sophia and Niall ran up on them first.. One of the males attacked Sophia. Niall was holding the others back.. I had to intervene. She’s female and frankly females aren’t as strong as males when it comes to fighting.” Harry’s other hand reaches over to our intertwined fingers. The tips of his fingers carefully dance along my scared wrist, but he keeps his stare above the two of us. “I didn’t want them to hurt her.. I lunged on the Alpha, or at least they say it’s an Alpha. Two of the others jumped into the fight and I was out numbered. Niall was guarding Sophia from the others.. And the boys were going as fast as they could to get to us.” Harry’s jaw clenches and he tilted his head forward, soft eyes finding my intense stare.
“I could have taken them.. but I got distracted.” He shrugged a shoulder at me, as if it was nothing but it certainly is something major. “By what?” I ask in a small murmur, afraid to really know what got his attention off the other wolves. “I could hear Sara talking to you.. something about me changing you.. I.. I didn’t want her to tell anyone.. I.. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have let that spook me.” He huffed out, clearly upset with himself. I lift my free hand off my leg and I place it against the scar on his cheek.
The jagged line of skin is wrinkly, but yet soft, against my fingertips. Harry shudders as my thumb plays at the corner of his mouth. His eyes fall shut and I feel my heart melt in his hands.
“I love you.” I remind him as I lean a bit closer, careful not to bump him in any way. A soft smile spreads over his red lips. “I love you more.” He mutters as I place my own lips against his. He puckers up like I do and we seal the distance. Love might destroy me, but it will definitely be a wondrous act of destruction.
Morning fell in faster than I had wished. As soon as the sun rose in the sky, Sophia entered the bedroom and ripped me away from Harry, claiming that I had to sleep and get some rest while I can. Harry had been passed out, sleeping like a newborn baby when I left. Here I am now, resting in my own bed while I await him to open his beautiful eyes. Sophia promised that I could go see him when he awoke from his sleep.
I sit back against my pillows, thinking of how Harry’s room looked. It was beautiful, dark grey walls and brown hardwood flooring. He had a wall lined with windows, literally there was seven windows on one wall. His room was much larger than mine, but I assumed the reason was because he was the Alpha - the top notch around here.
He had a few photos hanging in frames on the walls, and there was a black metal desk in the far corner with a lamp and a stack of paper, along with a cup of pens. I began to ponder on what he done up there. I could only imagine that he wrote out his feelings and thoughts on the those papers, then balled them up because his trash bin by the desk was full of paper balls. I shrug it off as I pull my journal out and grab my pen.
I flip to my most recent page, remembering that I had enough room to continue writing something down. I took a deep breath and a heavy sigh left my mouth afterwards. I pop the cap off the pen and begin to write down whatever came to my confused, jumbled up mind.
Harry is perfect. He’s so wonderful, and I adore him with my entire heart. When you told me that there was someone willing to take over once you passed, I never even imagined someone as great as Harry.
Of course we started off rough, but we are steadily going strong and I love him so much. He drives me insane sometimes, like today when he left and came back bleeding out of seven cuts on his strong body. Yet I still love him. I never thanked you for him Mom, he is perfect and I can’t believe you knew him all those years before I did.
I have yet to hear from David, I’m sure he has given up. A few weeks ago we went to a cute diner in a few towns over, you would have loved it Mom, and me and Harry had to suddenly leave because my face was on over a dozen missing person posters on the back wall.
I have started to wonder if you knew the others like you did Harry. I really hope he turns me into what they are, Mom. They’re so magnificent and beautiful creatures. I can’t believe that the huge wolf I saw so many times when I was child is actually Harry. You were definitely right Mom, older men are better.
of course, excuse any clumsy errors of mine. I will hopefully go back and edit when I can.
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