//Emmy//

“It was nice to get together again.” Nick states as he lets my hand go. I give him a smile and a light nod, “Yeah, thanks again for the night.” I say, displaying an unsure smile to him now. “Whenever you want to hang out again.. just let me know.” He insists, showing me his pearly white teeth. I will admit, Nick is attractive – tall, dark hair, tanned skin, deep blue eyes – but I just don’t know if I could ever trust someone again, after all I’ve been through, love seems like a thing that doesn’t exist in my life.

Nick leans in, his hand pressing against my waist. I gulp gently as his lips touch against my forehead. We’ve been meeting up for about two months now, and things are slowly moving towards a relationship – I just don’t know if I want that, no.. I Just don’t know if I need that right now.

Just as his lips push harder on my skin, I freeze – I don’t close my eyes, I don’t move a muscle, and I certainly don’t think of giving him something back. There’s only one person in his entire world that’s kissed me in this way, and he’s all I ever think about.

“Goodnight.” He mumbles as he finally loses contact with my forehead. “Goodnight.” I reply softly as I turn on my heel to the door, the key in my hand – I’m just ready to go cry like I normally do every night. Without hesitation, I stick the key in and turn it. I hear the click of the lock turning – I just want to see my angel.

Finally, the night out had officially ended as I stepped into my apartment, shutting and locking the door behind me. A sigh leaves my mouth as my eyes meet Niall’s. He gives me a half smile and a gesture of his hand. I drop my purse on the coffee table and head over to the couch. He pats his hand on the space beside him – I gladly take the offer and plop down beside him.

“How’d it go?” He asks in a mutter, placing his hand on my thigh. Another sigh slips out as my head hits his shoulder, honestly I’d be completely lost without him and Carly. “I don’t know.. if I can keep doing this.. to myself.” I let the words fall from my mouth, I honestly don’t care about keeping this shit in anymore – someone needs to know, and right now Niall’s the only one I can vent to.

“Doing what, darlin’?” Niall asks. His hand grabs mine and he grips it tight. “I keep.. trying to.. fill in the.. space. The space.. Harry.. belongs in.” I mumble softly, it gets so fucking hard to talk about him – and to mention his name out loud takes all of my mental and physical strength. “I keep telling you time after time, Em, if you want him back.. all it will take is one call and he’ll be over in within minutes. All he ever did was talk about how much he missed you and Katie. He’d kill to be back in your life.” Niall pats my leg gently as he turns slightly to face me, my head lifting off his shoulder.

“It’s not that easy, Niall.” I huff, crossing my arms on my chest as I let my back skin into the back of the couch. “I never said it was easy.” Niall states, and I can tell by the way he’s furrowing his eyebrows those weren’t his last words for this conversation. Here comes the lecture, here comes the speech – here comes everything I should’ve listened to years ago..

“I know good and well Harry’s not all there anymore, alright? He turned to alcohol because you took everything he loved away. He doesn’t give two fucks about the money or the fame. He’d do anything it would take to get you back in his arms. But at the same time,” Niall pauses as he sighs out, here it comes. “You can’t keep ignoring him when all you fuckin’ do is think about him. I know what happened with the baby and all that hurt you, but it hurt him too Emmy. And you need to stop focusing on yourself and remind your heart and mind about your daughter. I can talk from experience, no child needs to grow up with fighting parents.” Niall stands from the couch and glares down at me.

“I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with him ag-” Niall cuts me off with a long sigh. I shrug my shoulders at him, not sure why he done that. “You don’t have to be in a relationship. You don’t have to go and have sex with him. You two need to at least be friends. For Katie, not for either of you. Only for her.. she deserves all the best, and her parents actually speaking to each other is one of the top things. But like I usually say.. it’s your decision.” Niall turns on his heel and walks towards the hallway. It’s late and he’s probably going to get in the bed. Sometimes he sleeps with me – in a sexual way, but just because his back gets to hurting and I hate forcing him to sleep on the couch.

* * *

//Niall//

My eyes open suddenly as the sound of Emmy's screaming fills my ears. I roll over on my opposite side facing her just to see her thrashing around under the covers. "Emmy." I call out. She only gets louder and her gasping gets sharper. "Emmy wake up babe." I raise my voice some as I put my arm over her stomach, trying to stop her.

She only fights me back. This is the only reason I sleep in the bedroom with her - I need to be able to snap her out of those nightmares she has almost every single night. I try to ignore the fact her fingernails are clawing at my skin. With little strength, I pull her over on her side and bring her closer to me. "Stop." I say in her ear. "Harry please... Don't.. Please.. Where... where did.. You go? Harry!" she screams into my chest, her tears soaking my skin.

I start to shake her, this usually wakes her up. Her arms go around my torso and she holds me close as she mumbles pleads intended to be for Harry against me. "Emmy wake up." I say as I shake her again. Finally she stops talking and I feel her body relax, no longer tensed. But just when I think she's alright now, her body starts to shake lightly as she sobs in my arms.

Sometimes all I wanna do is take her to Harry's and let him fix it - because the truth is, only he can take her troubles away. But at the same time I want her to forget about him."Shh.. It's gonna be alright." I say as I press my hand against the back of her head and hold her close to me. This girl has cried entirely to much in her lifetime. "I just wanna have him here, Niall." Emmy cries out, her grip around me tightening. "I know babe, I know." I sigh out, there's beginning to be nothing else I can say to her about this - if she wants him like she claims she does, then she'll go and fix things.

I don't see how they manage to live without each other. How can two people who were so in love just ignore each other for years? Emmy hasn't seen Harry in person since the day she left. I dropped my life to move here and be there for them. I don't regret it because I really only came to help Katie. No child deserves to go through this shit. Been there, done that.
"Niall." Emmy mumble as she leans back some, the lights of the city coming through the sheer window curtains gives me enough light to see her watery eyes staring up at me. "What?" I ask softly, there's no telling what she's gonna say. "Would it be wrong... to call him?" she asks in a crackly voice. She's definitely upset. I gulp gently at her question, how in the hell do I answer this?
I take in a deep breath, "Of course not. I'm sure he'll be up in the morning at a decent hour.. You can do it then." I insist, that was my only idea at the moment. "No.. I mean.. I wanna call him.. Now." Emmy informs me. I let out a shaky breath, I knew this day would come.
"If you want to.. then do it." I mumble back. "I love him Niall, I never stopped loving him. I.. I wanna do what you said.. Friendship is better than.. Nothing." she speaks as she sits up and climbs out the bed. I lean up and let my elbow support my weight.
My eyes follow her as she turns the light on and grabs her phone off the dresser before going to the large French window on the other side of the room. She plops down in the small sofa and dials his number.
Harry is the luckiest man in the world. Emmy is purely beautiful and her heart is so loving. She's an amazing person and she deserves the best. I used to not think that Harry was good for her, but I as the years have passed.. I've noticed how broken she is, she needs that love they once shared, she deserves the happiness. They have a daughter together - and she's the most adorable little girl in the world. Her laugh to the little things she says, it's all so perfect. I used to think Harry was stupid for letting them slip away - but that was before I knew what really happened that night..


//Emmy//

My heart is racing and my head is aching. The images that filled my mind while I was asleep were horrifying - Harry was leaving forever, the gun to his head. Stop, don't even think about the rest of it. I gulp gently, it was horrible. After imagining him really doing that, I knew now was the time to get my life together. I've lived too long without him. Entirely too long.
I glance over at Niall, he's staring at me like he's never seen me before. I sigh as the dialing ends and the phone call stops he has no voice mail, I wish he did so I could hear his voice every now and then. I stare out the window, the city is always lite up at night. I stand up from my seat and walk past the window. I reach the balcony door and I step into the night. It’s so beautiful, the lights and the view. I lean against the railing, letting my mind drift off.
I bet Katie would be so damn happy if Harry came over to visit her. Poor thing has been crying her beautiful eyes out for days. I know Harry forgetting to pick her up is seriously a bid deal, it's quite ridiculous actually. But at the same time, it isn't. He was working and got side tracked, the last time at least. She loves him so much and begs for me to take her over there all the time. We used to have a system - she stays with me Monday through Friday evening, on Fridays Niall or Carly would take her to Harry's or meet him somewhere. Things were a tad different on holidays though. For every Christmas that has passed, Harry and I would FaceTime and I'd let him I'm watch her rip open the presents (he provided most of them). But recently we've been getting off our schedule.
All of a sudden my phone is vibrating in my hand. I sit down on the chair and stare down at the screen. It's him. I let out a deep breath, can I do this? Can I speak to the man I left in the dust? Can I handle the sound of his beautiful voice I've longed to hear? I guess I'll find out. I press the answer button and place the phone against my ear.
I don't speak - I don't know why, but I just don't. "Emmy?" Harry's raspy, accented voice says my name and my heart skips a few beats. It's been so long. He clears his throat and seconds later his voice invades my mind, nut I don't care. "Is everything okay? Is Katie alright? Are.. Are you alright?" Harry asks in a nervous voice. "Harry." I whisper gently. His voice reminds me of everything I live for. "Yeah?" he breathes out. I swallow the lump in my throat, what do I say? It's quiet on his side of the call, and on mine too.

"Emmy." Niall's voice says my name and I turn my head to see him holding Katie. "She woke up.. looking for you." he tells me as he brings her to me. "C'mere baby." I say as I pat my lap. She climbs on me and gets comfortable. Her arms go around me and her head lies against my shoulder. Niall gives me a light smile as he goes to the opposite end of the balcony and looks out at the city.

"I had a bad dream, Momma." Katie says to me, sniffling lightly. Before I could speak, Harry's voice slices the cold silence. "Is that my princess?" he mumbles into the phone, I could hear the smile on his face. "Yeah.. She had a bad dream." I say, surprising myself - I didn't know if actually be able to talk to him like we were normal people and not feuding parents.

"Momma who are you talkin' to?" Katie asks, her voice slightly muffled by my shirt. "Please, Emmy. Let me.. speak to her." Harry whispers to me. I exhale deeply, it would be the right thing to do. "It's Daddy. He.. He wants to talk to you." I tell her, a light smile on my face. She leans back and looks up at me with wide eyes. "Daddy." she says softly, a grin coming to her beautiful face.

I hold out the phone while it’s on speaker and hold it between us. "Okay Daddy, here she is." I say aloud, Harry and I refer to each other as Daddy or Momma when we talk to Katie. "Daddy!" Katie’s grin is so bright and big on her precious face. That beautiful smile reminds of me so much of Harry – almost every little thing she does she gets from him, from her sneakiness to her personality – her smile, her laugh, her heart, literally almost everything.

“Hey baby girl.” Harry says, his voice scratchy – most likely from being woken up at this time. “I miss you.” She says with a slight frown. “I miss you too, princess.” Harry’s words go straight to my heart – why have I been keeping these two apart for so long? I should’ve at least let her go for the weekend instead of making both of them suffer. “I wanted t’ go home with you.. I.. heard you, Daddy.” I furrow my eyebrows at her words.

I look up just to see Niall’s face getting pale – is there something I’m missing? Harry’s voice brings me out of my thoughts and back to reality. “I know baby. Daddy wanted to get you.. but.. I couldn’t.” Harry sighs lightly. “Are you still cryin’, Daddy?” Katie’s bottom lip is pouted as she stares at the phone, probably hoping to see his face pop up, even though it won’t. “No baby, Daddy’s okay.. for now.” Harry tells her, his gulp not very quiet. “I can’t s’eep, Daddy.” She sniffs lightly, her eyes watering up. I bite the inside of my cheek – please don’t start crying Katie. It tears me to pieces to watch her cry.

“Why’s that, darlin’?” Harry asks. I hear him clear his throat as he awaits for her reply. “I dunno.. lots of s’uff… I miss you.. and.. and there were.. scary monsters.. and.. and you and Momma.. weren’t there and.. I couldn’t.. find you.” Katie’s lips are quivering and I know to expect the water works soon – from both us most likely. “Oh, baby. Daddy wishes he could be there. But remember, princess, monsters are real.. and when you wake up Momma will be there for you.” Harry reminds her – poor thing has always had issues going to sleep, even when she was a baby.

“I know, Daddy.. but you are never here when I get up.” There it goes. A few tears trickle down her cheeks and she quickly uses the back of her head and wipe them away – there’s one thing odd about Katie, she doesn’t like for people to see her cry. And I know good and well she gets that from Harry, she lets it build up inside then goes and hides herself away. She doesn’t want to show me or him she’s upset, but somethings I guess we all get pushed over the edge and the tears just pour out.

Harry only sighs into the phone, I know there’s nothing he can really say to those words. “Baby, how about you go and get some sleep?” Harry insists, having nothing more to say on what she mentioned – something that’s been going on for years now. I swallow the lump in my throat – I need to stop letting my daughter cry herself to sleep every night. She never admits she does, but I know she does – one, because when I go to check on her, I see the tear stains on her pillows, two because I can her hear.. and three, I know she does it because I do it too – for the same reason she does.

My heart quickly makes up the decision and I let the words come out – it’s risky, but for Katie I’d do anything to make her happy again. “Maybe Daddy can come over for a little bit during his lunch break tomorrow.. if he can that is.” I propose and by the lack of response, I think I left both of them in shock. “Seriously?” Niall says in a mumble. I glance at him and give him a light smile. I’m doing what he’s been preaching to me for months now. I’m doing the right thing – the thing that will benefit my daughter more than anyone. And that’s really all I care about.

“Emmy.. are you.. for real?” Harry asks me, sounding quite surprised – it’s okay though, my heart is racing after saying that. “Yeah.. I.. I think it’s time to.. to figure things out.” I say with a nod, just to assure myself I’m okay with this. “I can’t thank you enough for this.” Harry says with a light laugh, but I know it was one of those I can’t believe this happened laughs. He’s mind blown and so am I.

“Daddy will you come?” Katie asks, biting her lip hard as she closes her eyes, waiting that reply her heart is greatly hoping for. “Of course I will, baby.” He assures her – maybe this time he won’t fuck up and miss it. Stop, Emmy. Just give the man a chance for once – how can I when all he’s done in the last four years is let her and me down? Just.. calm down.

Katie doesn’t say anything, only smiles so bright at the phone screen. “I’ll text you in the morning, I guess.” I sigh out, not really sure how to keep this conversation going any longer. “Alright, that’s fine with me. Did Katie go back to bed?” Harry asks curiously since he never received a response. “No, Daddy. I’m here. I am so happy!” She giggles lightly as she leans her head against my shoulder, her arms wrapping around me as far as they could. “I love you Momma, thank you so much.” She whispers against my shirt.

I smile lightly as I place my free hand on her back. “I love you too, Katie. Get some sleep angel.” I mumble back before cutting off the speaker and bringing the phone to my ear. “I wish you could see her smile.” I say with a light laugh as I glance down at her, that bold smile still on her pretty face. “I know.. and I wish I could see yours, too.” Harry breathes out the ending, but I heard it completely well.

“Harry.. if I allow this to happen.. I need you to promise me something.” I take in a deep inhale as I wait for him to say something back to me. There’s no telling how he’ll react to this, but I know it’s the best thing we can do for now. “Anything.” Harry mumbles to me. “Don’t.. flirt with me.. or.. anything like that, okay? I.. I’m just not ready.. for.. for anything like.. that.” I gulp gently as it grows silent once again.

It’s not that I don’t want him to, it’s just that I can’t handle anymore heartbreak – and besides, we have a lot to work on before we move past “just friends”, and honestly I barely say it will be a friendship for a while. He has to change, and everything has to go right.

“Okay. I promise.” Harry finally speaks back. I nod to myself, knowing I did a good job deciding this go around. “I’ll text you.. um.. don’t rush it though, you and Katie need to sleep as long as you can.. uh, goodnight, love.” There he goes already, I know it’s not anything to major but I just don’t want this to happen so soon. I let out a sigh, hoping he understands his mistakes. Within seconds he huffs to himself before saying something else. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit. But um, goodnight Emmy.” Harry corrects himself and I smile gently, it’s nice to hear him say my name..

Four and a half years is a very long time.

“Goodnight Harry.” I mumble back just seconds before I hang up the call and place my phone on my thigh. Now it’s time to speak to Mr. Horan about something. “Did he come over?” I ask bluntly, not in the mood for any funny business. I just want to know what happened while I wasn’t here. Niall sighs as he sits in the chair beside me, his eyes staring down at his lap.

“Harry stopped by.. to visit Katie. Carly was still here. She and I knew you didn’t want him here, especially when you weren’t… so we told him to leave. We had a short argument.. then he talked to Carly for a bit then left. He never stepped in the apartment.” Niall admits the event I was never told about. “I’m sorry.. I should’ve told you.” Niall adds in as he lets out a deep sigh.

“No, you should’ve let him see her.” I stand up and go back inside. If anything, I thought Niall understood Harry’s aching heart – all he wanted was to see Katie, and last time I checked I never told him he couldn’t attempt to get her. He has the right to see his daughter, I know I wasn’t at home but still..

I’ve been handling this issue so wrong for all this time, and now it’s the start of something new – I need to do this, not for me or Harry, but for our daughter. Katie deserves the world – a world with both parents in it constantly, not just one. This makes me feel like a horrible mother – I’ve deprived my child of spending time with her father, and that’s just cruel.

I can’t believe all it took was a horrible nightmare for me to realize how much Harry really means to me.. It’s time for a change.

Notes

//back to regular updates I promise this time!! // feedback please guys, means the world! And don't worry.. the story isn't going too fast.. :) reminder: i'm very good at cliffhangers and surprises, lol love you guys! FEEDBACK PLEASE!!

(also if you read my story Beating Heart I am hopefully doing an update tonight!)
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