You Lost Me

Bella’s POV

“Bella, can we please just talk about this?”, Harry asks through the door exactly like how he did the night I just remembered. He knew, well he knows better than to do that! He knows what I went through with previous boyfriends, the way that two of them (out of the three serious ones I’ve had since high school!) have cheated on me and used me like a toy. Harry knows how much I trust him. He knows everything about me and I remember so little about him and that’s what hurts. Maybe moving in with him right from the hospital was a bad idea. I’m not ready for this. Not at all, and I just wish I could’ve realized this sooner.

“Not right now, Harry”, he tries to say something else but I quickly interrupt him with, “Just give me time. Please.” I hear him sigh and take a few steps away from the door. I’m sitting with Niall in one of the many guest rooms at Harry’s house. He’s just been trying to comfort me as I remain silent. My mind isn’t silent though. It’s been thinking non-stop about everything. Where I want to go? How I’m going to get there? Louis, Niall, and Liam are my tickets away from Harry right now and I think that’s exactly what I need.

“Bella?”, Niall says timidly. Almost like he’s scared to interrupt my thoughts. Maybe he should be because I’m pretty deep into my brain right now. I look up to him anyways, “What are you going to do?”

I sigh and look down. That’s why I’ve been silent and thinking for all this time! “I really don’t know Ni.” I pause for a minute, “Can I stay with Louis for a bit? I want to meet Eleanor again.”
His face lights up a little and he forms a half smile, “Yeah! El misses you so much, she’s been bothering Louis all day every day on when she can see you again. I’ll text Louis right now even though he’s just in the other room.” I laugh lightly when he mentions Eleanor. From the one night I remember with her, we had a lot of fun together. She seemed like a sister by the way we danced together and joked about every single thing. Especially when we were drunk.
I find it ironic that my second memory happened while I was slightly drunk.

“Louis says of course you can go there and he offered to pack you a bag so you don’t have to talk to Harry.”, I swear sometimes Louis can read my mind perfectly.

“Yes! Tell him I say thank you please”, I say a little bit louder.

“Um, Bells do you want to talk about it? Or like, about what you’re gonna do?”, Niall is genuinely concerned.

“I need to think”, I say after a minute, “I don’t think I should’ve come right here after the hospital. Everything is becoming really overwhelming for me and I just need time to think. I don’t think Harry and I have been more than a room apart in about two weeks! It’s just… a lot.”

“I get that.” he talks quietly, “I know we aren’t as close as you are with Louis, but you can always come to me if you need to talk about anything or get away for awhile. Or Liam too, we’re all here for you Bells.”

“Thanks Nialler”, he wraps his arm around me and I lean into him comfortably.

*Ding* I look up to see Niall looking at his phone.

“K, Louis said he’s ready when you are.” *Ding* he gets another text, “Aaaand he said Harry’s being moody and emotional so I’m going to go out first to distract him and Louis’ gonna sneak out and drive you to his.”

“Thanks”, I laugh lightly and roll my eyes. I’ve noticed over the past few weeks how emotional he is. It’s like he’s borderline bipolar disorder…

We get up and Niall goes out the door first. He turns and gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek along with a smile before pushing me lightly towards the staircase. I quickly escape down them and look behind me to see Louis coming down the stairs behind me with a duffel bag.

“Ready love?”, he asks as he opens the door. I nod and try to force a convincing smile.

***

We pull up to a house fairly close to Harry’s. It looks similar to his too. I mean, it’s huge for only two people living there. I think Eleanor lives with Louis, I haven’t actually asked.
“So do you live here with Eleanor?”, now’s as good of a time as ever to ask.

“No we don’t live together officially, but we basically do. She’s always here and she has stuff here and all that”, he opens up the door for me, “El? Look who I have!” he yells into the house. I walk in and stand right outside the doorway as a brunette comes bouncing into the hall.

Her jaw drops slightly in surprise, “Hi Bella!” she says softly in disbelief almost. Now she looks to Louis, “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing her?”

He shrugs with a huge smile on his face like he’s proud of what he did. Eleanor looks back to me and says with excitement, “I’m Eleanor and you’re one of my favorite people ever. We need to do some bonding!”

“Good because I’ve been surrounded by guys for about a month now and I need some girl time.”, I say smiling. I like El, she’s smiley. She seems like she can bring my spirits up easily which is perfect because it’s just what I need.

We’re interrupted by Louis phone dinging. El and I look to him and his face falls as he rolls her eyes. “Niall said Harry’s sad and now Harry’s blowing my phone up.”, he sounds defeated almost and I feel bad I’m causing drama in their lives. If I wasn’t here,they would all be happy on their break from tour. Niall told me he signed a solo deal! But instead of working on his music, he’s sitting there taking care of me and now Harry.

“Maybe I could talk to Harry?”, I say it cautiously, “I could just tell him that I need time, ya know? Maybe he’d stop being sad and whining.”

“Sure”, Louis tosses me his phone to call Harry, “But Harry’s never gonna stop being whiney.” He winks and breaks my frown into a smile as he walks away with Eleanor. I take a deep breath before sitting on the stairs and calling Harry.

“Louis? Where did you bring her?”, he answers on the third ring.

“Hi Harry”

“Bella? Oh hi Bella! Where are you? Are you safe?” his voice is eager.

“I’m staying at Louis’ for a bit. I didn’t wanna tell you 'cause I didn’t want you trying to keep me at yours. I just- I just need a bit of time, Haz.”

“How long are you staying there?”

“Well, I don’t know. I feel overwhelmed with memories and my mom and dad and you and everything going on. I need time to think and try to get away from things. Plus, I can’t go to my house with my mom for obvious reasons.”

Harry sighs heavily, “Takes as long as you need Bella, but please just be safe. And text or call me anytime, I’ll pick up no matter what. And enjoy Eleanor she’s been blowing up our phones, missing you like crazy.”

“I heard and I will!”, I laugh, “Okay I’m gonna go now Harry. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Bells! I love you!”

Wait, what? I can feel my heart stop for a minute. I know we dated for awhile, but I’m not ready for “I love you”s! This is the perfect example as to why I’m here and I need a break.

“I-I mean, I, um-”

“Okay, bye Harry.”, I hang up quickly. Oh man, it’ll be an interesting day. And it’s barely noon.

***

Notes

I re-watched This Is Us... oh my gosh I love them so much!!

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