Always
Live Shows – Week 3: Part 3 (Live Decider)
Kaylie’s POV
Sunday, 9th October
I had never been more angry at myself. I could have told Harry last night. I should have told him but I had been too scared. A scared little girl with everything to lose. I was sitting on the staircase, about halfway down it, resting my clasped hands on my thighs. I was even more nervous about tonight. Another elimination was on the horizon and I had to face Harry again, who was completely oblivious of the true depth of my feelings. My heart leapt in fear and I just wanted to slap myself. I was worried I would never get another chance to tell him how I truly felt about him. How much I loved him.
I had always wanted to find love and I knew it would be incredible when I would find it. Harry was incredible and the way he treated me was incredible but why did I have to find love in such a public environment? Where there were prying eyes and ears and a harsh reality of what the future would hold for us. But it had happened and while I was grateful to be in love, I wished it wasn’t in this way. We couldn’t go public. We couldn’t be caught. We had to kiss behind a freaking curtain. He had to whisper the word “angel” when other people were around us. Why does it have to be like this?
My phone buzzed next to me and I picked it up off the wood, seeing that there was a new text from Harry. I unlocked my phone and opened his text, wondering what he had said.
From Harry: Afternoon, angel. You feeling OK? x
He always checked up on me every Sunday before the live decider, which I thought was so sweet of him. He wanted to know how I was and it was one of the many reasons why I had fallen in love with him. I bit my lip as I typed back a reply.
To Harry: Hi :) I’m alright, nervous as usual x
He texted back only ten seconds later.
From Harry: I know you’ll be fine. Keep calm and just believe x
To Harry: Thank you, Harry, I appreciate that :) I’ll see you tonight x
From Harry: You’re welcome, angel. Yes, I’ll see you then x
I knew our conversation was over so I went back to the main screen and scrolled over so that all of my apps were gone. I stared at my home screen and felt my heartbeat pick up. The picture made me feel so lucky every time I looked at it. Harry was dressed in a designer leopard-print shirt that allowed his tattoos to peek out; the photo was only from the chest up. I remembered that his arm was around my waist and his lips were millimetres away from my head. It had been taken by me after one of our rehearsals last week, his eyes on me. I wore a gentle smile, lighting up my chocolate eyes, happy to be in the presence of my handsome boyfriend. The look on Harry’s face made me choke back tears. He looks so happy with me. He had a smile tugging at his lips, as if he was fighting the urge to kiss me. I wondered how long I would able to keep my feelings hidden from him and it scared me that I would tell the wrong person or I would say the words at the wrong time. But I knew I had to tell him soon because I didn’t know when or if I was going to eliminated. I couldn’t leave the show not having him know that I loved him with everything that I was. Harry needed to know.
“Kaylie?”
I looked over my shoulder and saw my older brother, Connor, walking down the stairs.
“Hi.” I said as he sat down next to me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, placing his arm around my shoulders. I pressed my lips together and shut my phone screen off before my brother could see it. I had already talked to my mother about my feelings and I didn’t want to tell anybody else but Harry. He was the one person that genuinely needed to know. It wouldn’t affect my family. It would affect him.
“Nothing. I’m OK. You don’t need to worry about me, Connor.” I said as convincingly as I could. I didn’t want my family to worry about me more than they already did. These were my feelings and I had to deal with them. It was my business, my words to say. It was all me.
Connor proceeded to tell me that Michael wouldn’t make it tonight to the show because of work and Reece couldn’t come either because he had an assignment due tomorrow so he had to work on it. So it was only my parents and Connor coming tonight. That was fine by me. Just their support alone made me happy.
0*0
It was 5:15pm when we arrived at the studios. I walked in through the doors with my parents and my brother, greeting Stacey on my way in. I turned to my family and told them that they had to come back at 7pm to get seated in the auditorium. Just as I explained that the show would air at 7:30pm, I saw the man I loved walking down the corridor towards the entrance hall, where I was. He had a water bottle in one hand while his phone was in the other.
I stopped mid-sentence when he looked in my direction, that large grin decorating his face. He completely abandoned his phone, tucking it into the back pocket of his tight jeans. I waved at him awkwardly and he waved back, quickening his speed up a little bit. My parents and my brother followed my gaze just as my mentor stopped in front of us.
“Hello, Kaylie.” Harry said with a smile.
“Hi.” I squeaked, my cheeks turning pink. Shit! I’m embarrassing myself in front of my family and the man that I love. I looked from him to my family and remembered that they had never met.
“Sorry. Um, Harry, this is my mum and my dad. And my older brother, Connor. Mum, Dad, Connor, this is Harry.” I introduced. Harry held out his hand and my father was the one who shook it. They exchanged pleasantries, saying that I was very talented. Then, he moved onto my mother, shaking her hand as well and kissing her cheek gently.
“Pleasure to meet you, Mrs Walker.”
“Oh, you can call me Hilda, Harry. What a gentleman you are.” My mother smiled. Harry ran his hand through his hair and flashed her his dimpled smile, clearly pleased from her compliment. He also shook my brother’s hand and told him that it was good to meet him, and that he looked like my other brother, Michael.
“So, you guys are in the audience again tonight?” Harry asked.
“Yes. My husband and I always are, every week.” My mother answered and my father nodded in agreement.
“It’s so wonderful that you are here to support your daughter. I find it very touching.” Harry said, glancing at me very briefly. I owed it all to my family. They were the ones who had suggested, more like badgered, that I should audition. I had had their backing from the beginning and I would have it to the very end. I loved that my parents came every Saturday and Sunday to see me perform. They truly supported me through thick and thin. I checked the time on my watch to see that it was 5:26pm. I had to get ready for the show now.
“Uh, guys, I need to get ready.” I spoke up.
“Alright, darling. We’ll see you soon.” My mother said, hugging me.
“Be back at 7, OK?” I told them as my father hugged me.
“You’ll get through, I know it.” He whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him when he let me go and allowed Connor to hug me too. The three of them walked out of the studio doors together, waving goodbye to Harry and I. It was just us now and Stacey.
“Your parents are lovely. I can see where you get your kindness from.” Harry smiled. I blushed again and rubbed my palms on the back of my jeans. I tried to think of a polite way to ask him that I needed to go and get ready for tonight’s show.
“I think I have to get to hair and make-up.” I said softly.
“I’ll walk with you. My dressing room is on the way there.” Harry responded, leaving me with having no idea what to say to that. I just began to walk down the corridor with my mentor by my side.
“Now, I only have one more member of your family to meet.” He said to me. I remembered that Harry had met Michael very briefly at last week’s show, before the incident with Melody. It was nice to see how well Harry interacted with my family and how chivalrous he was with my parents. He truly was a prince in disguise.
“Yeah, my younger brother, Reece. I’m sure you’ll meet him soon.” I said back, looking at him. He smiled at me and within the next moment, I felt his fingers touch mine ever so briefly. He then slid his hand over mine gracefully and I looked over my shoulder in alarm, hoping no-one was around. It was my ultimate fear for someone to catch us even just holding hands. I didn’t even know if we were allowed to do that. But Harry didn’t care as he was holding my hand, tugging me closer so that our shoulders touched as we walked down the corridor together.
“It’s OK. We’re OK.” He uttered. My eyes flickered to his and I saw that the look on his face was very reassuring, telling me that everything was fine without saying a single word.
We reached his dressing room within a minute and just as I was about to pull my hand away from his, he raised it up and gently kissed my knuckles, his gaze going right into my soul. I sucked in a breath when his warm breath ghosted over my skin, sending shivers running up my arms. He lowered our hands and I slowly let go, my fingers turning cold as soon as they were free from his. I wanted to feel his warm touch again but I would have to wait. I always had to wait and it killed me.
“See you later, angel.” Harry smirked and opened the door to his dressing room. I choked out a “Bye” as he flashed me a smile before he closed the door, his handsome face disappearing from my sight. I stood there for a few seconds, running my fingers over my knuckles, touching where his lips had been only mere seconds ago. There was something about the feeling of Harry’s lips, whether they were on my own or on my skin. They were always warm and soft, just perfect and sent my heart racing every single time.
I turned around and headed towards the hair and make-up department. I licked my lips to hide the goofy smile that wanted to break through. I knew for certain I was in love for Harry and right now, that felt amazing.
0*0
Cheers exploded in my ears as I left the stage with the other 9 acts. We as the Top 10 had just performed Lay It All On Me by Rudimental feat. Ed Sheeran and I had discovered that my heart had connected with the song, with the lyrics. I knew I could lay all of my thoughts and troubles on Harry because he had told me that I could do. I knew I could tell him anything and have him help in any way that he could. I knew he would never let me down and that I could trust him with my life.
But yet, I still hadn’t told him that I loved him.
I was confusing myself and it wasn’t healthy for me. But I would rather be able to love him freely than be rejected by him. I would rather love with him with my entire heart than have it shattered into a million pieces. Today, him meeting my parents, it was wonderful how easily I could see Harry fitting into my family. However, it also scared me. I had never had a boyfriend before. I had never fallen in love before. All of it was new to me and I was trying to figure everything out. I didn’t know if telling Harry my true feeling would strengthen our relationship or make it worse. I was stuck in the middle.
I returned to the wardrobe depart to get changed out of my outfit (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_group_peformance_week/set?id=210450741) and into my second one for the results (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_live_decider_week/set?id=210451458). I stepped out in my dress and heels, fiddling with the rings on my fingers. As I walked past the stylists working on the other contestants, I felt a hand grab my elbow gently. My eyes snapped up to see Gary looking at me solemnly. He had a bright pink scarf draped around his neck and in his free hand was a large black coat which I assumed was his own.
“Are you alright, honey? You look quite…frazzled.” He said with concern. Am I that obvious? It was probably written all over my face, how worried and stressed I was. It had been a difficult weekend, that’s for sure, and having to keep my love for Harry hidden, it just strained my mind more. But it was my problem and I wouldn’t drag anyone else into it.
So I lied and told Gary I was fine and just a little anxious about the results. I was nervous about the results every week but this week… After singing Hello, I wanted to get through so badly. I had my fingers and toes crossed that I would.
After reassuring Gary that I was OK, I entered the corridor and started my journey down it, heading to the girls dressing room. I just wanted to sit down and be left alone for 10 minutes so I could come to terms with everything going on in my head and what was happening around me. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I heard my name being called, rather loudly, from behind me. I looked around and saw Alicia bounding towards me, her short hair bouncing around her shoulders.
“Kaylie, come on, hurry up!” She cried, grabbing my hand and dragging me further down the corridor. I almost tripped over in my heels from how fast she was pulling me along.
“Why? What’s going on?” I asked.
“We’re going to miss him!” Alicia said, completely ignoring my questions.
“Miss him? Him who?” I demanded as we raced around the corner.
“Michael Bublé! Come on, I want to see him perform.” My friend and fellow contestant answered. I didn’t even know that Michael Bublé would be performing tonight. No-one had told me. I adored him and his music so I understood why Alicia was so desperate.
We walked into the green room where all the other contestants were, their eyes glued to the TV screen so no-one glanced at us. We looked out of breath and my ankles were killing me because of running in heels. I reminded myself to never run in heels again. Fortunately, we made it just in time for Dermot to introduce Michael to the stage. Applause echoed out of the TV when the lights appeared on him, dressed smartly in a black suit with a matching tie. The tune started as he held the microphone to his mouth, ready to sing.
“Baby, I get a little bit jealous.
But how the hell can I help it?
When I'm thinkin' on you.
Maybe, I might get a little reckless.
But you gotta expect that.
What else can a boy do?
My momma taught me how to share.
But I'll be selfish and I don't care.
Cause I want you, I need you all for me.”
The song was very upbeat and had people in the audience clapping along and up out of their seats. I had managed to find a chair to sit down on to let my feet relax but I tapped my fingers on my knee to the beat of the music.
“And I don't want anybody loving my baby.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.
And I don't want anybody thinking just maybe.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.”
The camera zoomed over to the judges for a few seconds. Mel and Dannii were smiling and getting into the performance, moving around a little, while Harry drummed on the desk, bopping his head up and down whereas Simon just sat there, barely showing a hint of movement but that was Simon for you. I looked up to see Alicia dancing, moving her hips side-to-side. I just smiled and shook my head at her. She was the kind of person that didn’t give a shit about what people thought about her. if she wanted to dance, she would, not having a care in the world if people judged her. She was carefree that way and I wished I was like that right now.
“And I know when you got a lovely lady.
It might drive the boys crazy
When she's looking so fine, woah.
I know, know, know that no one would ever blame me.
The only thing that could save me
Is just knowing you're mine.
My papa told me once or twice
Don't be cruel but don't be too nice.
Cause I want you, I need you all for me.
Cause I don't want anybody loving my baby.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.
And I don't want anybody thinking just maybe.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.”
I listened to the lyrics as I continued to tap my fingers against my knee. The chorus really got me. I didn’t want anybody loving Harry. Not my Harry. My baby. I wanted to be the only one to love him. I had my own way of loving him, different to the family love that I already knew. This was a different love. A deeper one, a stronger one, a more passionate one. Harry was mine and he would always be mine. He was mine to love. Nobody could love him the way I did. Nobody but me.
0*0
“The next act through to the Top 9 is…Kaylie!”
I threw my head back in relief and smiled widely. Alicia was the first person to embrace me, laughing softly. I rubbed her back gently before turning to Harry who locked his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. I felt his lips touch my neck for a second and then, they were gone.
“Back to rehearsals with me again, angel.” He whispered and I giggled, wondering what song he would throw at me for Week 4. I let go of Harry, very reluctantly, and forced myself to give Melody a one-armed hug. If we didn’t hug, it would look odd on the cameras. We were all supposed to be jolly with each other but Melody and I were far from jolly. We had to fake it for the live broadcasts every week. Her eyes burned into me like a pair of blue daggers but I quickly walked away from her, slapping the hands of people in the audience as they yelled out my name.
I was the second contestant to get through safely so I had to wait like everyone else to see who would be joining me. Purity got through, then Maria, then Robbie and finally Alicia. She came off the stage and we hugged, happy that we were both still in this competition together. But since the two of us were safe, Melody had Harry all to herself on the stage. She gravitated towards him, pushing her body up against his. I could tell Harry didn’t want that but he was a gentleman and kept his arm around her waist. I hated that he was touching her and that her eyes devoured him each time she looked at him. Melody had no clue about the connection Harry and I had. She didn’t know the way he kissed me and how he called himself mine. She didn’t know how close we were and I longed to see the look of loathing on her face when Harry and I would finally be able to be together freely. I already knew Melody was jealous of me. I had known that ever since Judges’ Houses. But it wasn’t my fault that Harry was falling for me. I hadn’t pressured him into liking me. That all fell into place in its own accord. I wished she could be out of my life, out of Harry’s, so that we wouldn’t have to worry about her anymore.
However, that dream of mine was crushed when Dermot called Melody’s name out.
I wanted to fall to the floor in a heap but the pressure of Alicia’s arm through mine kept me standing. The only good thing that had come out of it was that Harry was showing he was a fantastic mentor, since all three of his contestants had advanced further into the competition. I didn’t know what he did during rehearsals with Melody or Alicia because I focused on my own with him but whatever he was doing, it was working.
Harry and Melody walked off the stage together, joining Alicia and I plus two other contestants. Melody smirked at me when she slowly removed her arm from Harry’s one. I glared at her and mentally told her to “Fuck off.” Why can’t the public see who she truly is? She was a tart who only wanted to get into Harry’s pants. But there was more to Harry than just sex. He was a wonderful man, inside and out, with a heart of gold and a pair of gold boots to match. However, I knew Melody would never know the Harry that I knew. That side of Harry was just for me and only me. I remembered all of his sweet words every day just to remind myself that he was mine and I was his. I would fight for Harry if it came down to that. I would fight for the man I loved and maybe, that would show Harry that I loved him. But I hoped it wouldn’t come to a fight. I just wanted to love Harry freely without worrying about it all the time. And I knew that one day, someday, I would.
Sunday, 9th October
I had never been more angry at myself. I could have told Harry last night. I should have told him but I had been too scared. A scared little girl with everything to lose. I was sitting on the staircase, about halfway down it, resting my clasped hands on my thighs. I was even more nervous about tonight. Another elimination was on the horizon and I had to face Harry again, who was completely oblivious of the true depth of my feelings. My heart leapt in fear and I just wanted to slap myself. I was worried I would never get another chance to tell him how I truly felt about him. How much I loved him.
I had always wanted to find love and I knew it would be incredible when I would find it. Harry was incredible and the way he treated me was incredible but why did I have to find love in such a public environment? Where there were prying eyes and ears and a harsh reality of what the future would hold for us. But it had happened and while I was grateful to be in love, I wished it wasn’t in this way. We couldn’t go public. We couldn’t be caught. We had to kiss behind a freaking curtain. He had to whisper the word “angel” when other people were around us. Why does it have to be like this?
My phone buzzed next to me and I picked it up off the wood, seeing that there was a new text from Harry. I unlocked my phone and opened his text, wondering what he had said.
From Harry: Afternoon, angel. You feeling OK? x
He always checked up on me every Sunday before the live decider, which I thought was so sweet of him. He wanted to know how I was and it was one of the many reasons why I had fallen in love with him. I bit my lip as I typed back a reply.
To Harry: Hi :) I’m alright, nervous as usual x
He texted back only ten seconds later.
From Harry: I know you’ll be fine. Keep calm and just believe x
To Harry: Thank you, Harry, I appreciate that :) I’ll see you tonight x
From Harry: You’re welcome, angel. Yes, I’ll see you then x
I knew our conversation was over so I went back to the main screen and scrolled over so that all of my apps were gone. I stared at my home screen and felt my heartbeat pick up. The picture made me feel so lucky every time I looked at it. Harry was dressed in a designer leopard-print shirt that allowed his tattoos to peek out; the photo was only from the chest up. I remembered that his arm was around my waist and his lips were millimetres away from my head. It had been taken by me after one of our rehearsals last week, his eyes on me. I wore a gentle smile, lighting up my chocolate eyes, happy to be in the presence of my handsome boyfriend. The look on Harry’s face made me choke back tears. He looks so happy with me. He had a smile tugging at his lips, as if he was fighting the urge to kiss me. I wondered how long I would able to keep my feelings hidden from him and it scared me that I would tell the wrong person or I would say the words at the wrong time. But I knew I had to tell him soon because I didn’t know when or if I was going to eliminated. I couldn’t leave the show not having him know that I loved him with everything that I was. Harry needed to know.
“Kaylie?”
I looked over my shoulder and saw my older brother, Connor, walking down the stairs.
“Hi.” I said as he sat down next to me.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, placing his arm around my shoulders. I pressed my lips together and shut my phone screen off before my brother could see it. I had already talked to my mother about my feelings and I didn’t want to tell anybody else but Harry. He was the one person that genuinely needed to know. It wouldn’t affect my family. It would affect him.
“Nothing. I’m OK. You don’t need to worry about me, Connor.” I said as convincingly as I could. I didn’t want my family to worry about me more than they already did. These were my feelings and I had to deal with them. It was my business, my words to say. It was all me.
Connor proceeded to tell me that Michael wouldn’t make it tonight to the show because of work and Reece couldn’t come either because he had an assignment due tomorrow so he had to work on it. So it was only my parents and Connor coming tonight. That was fine by me. Just their support alone made me happy.
0*0
It was 5:15pm when we arrived at the studios. I walked in through the doors with my parents and my brother, greeting Stacey on my way in. I turned to my family and told them that they had to come back at 7pm to get seated in the auditorium. Just as I explained that the show would air at 7:30pm, I saw the man I loved walking down the corridor towards the entrance hall, where I was. He had a water bottle in one hand while his phone was in the other.
I stopped mid-sentence when he looked in my direction, that large grin decorating his face. He completely abandoned his phone, tucking it into the back pocket of his tight jeans. I waved at him awkwardly and he waved back, quickening his speed up a little bit. My parents and my brother followed my gaze just as my mentor stopped in front of us.
“Hello, Kaylie.” Harry said with a smile.
“Hi.” I squeaked, my cheeks turning pink. Shit! I’m embarrassing myself in front of my family and the man that I love. I looked from him to my family and remembered that they had never met.
“Sorry. Um, Harry, this is my mum and my dad. And my older brother, Connor. Mum, Dad, Connor, this is Harry.” I introduced. Harry held out his hand and my father was the one who shook it. They exchanged pleasantries, saying that I was very talented. Then, he moved onto my mother, shaking her hand as well and kissing her cheek gently.
“Pleasure to meet you, Mrs Walker.”
“Oh, you can call me Hilda, Harry. What a gentleman you are.” My mother smiled. Harry ran his hand through his hair and flashed her his dimpled smile, clearly pleased from her compliment. He also shook my brother’s hand and told him that it was good to meet him, and that he looked like my other brother, Michael.
“So, you guys are in the audience again tonight?” Harry asked.
“Yes. My husband and I always are, every week.” My mother answered and my father nodded in agreement.
“It’s so wonderful that you are here to support your daughter. I find it very touching.” Harry said, glancing at me very briefly. I owed it all to my family. They were the ones who had suggested, more like badgered, that I should audition. I had had their backing from the beginning and I would have it to the very end. I loved that my parents came every Saturday and Sunday to see me perform. They truly supported me through thick and thin. I checked the time on my watch to see that it was 5:26pm. I had to get ready for the show now.
“Uh, guys, I need to get ready.” I spoke up.
“Alright, darling. We’ll see you soon.” My mother said, hugging me.
“Be back at 7, OK?” I told them as my father hugged me.
“You’ll get through, I know it.” He whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him when he let me go and allowed Connor to hug me too. The three of them walked out of the studio doors together, waving goodbye to Harry and I. It was just us now and Stacey.
“Your parents are lovely. I can see where you get your kindness from.” Harry smiled. I blushed again and rubbed my palms on the back of my jeans. I tried to think of a polite way to ask him that I needed to go and get ready for tonight’s show.
“I think I have to get to hair and make-up.” I said softly.
“I’ll walk with you. My dressing room is on the way there.” Harry responded, leaving me with having no idea what to say to that. I just began to walk down the corridor with my mentor by my side.
“Now, I only have one more member of your family to meet.” He said to me. I remembered that Harry had met Michael very briefly at last week’s show, before the incident with Melody. It was nice to see how well Harry interacted with my family and how chivalrous he was with my parents. He truly was a prince in disguise.
“Yeah, my younger brother, Reece. I’m sure you’ll meet him soon.” I said back, looking at him. He smiled at me and within the next moment, I felt his fingers touch mine ever so briefly. He then slid his hand over mine gracefully and I looked over my shoulder in alarm, hoping no-one was around. It was my ultimate fear for someone to catch us even just holding hands. I didn’t even know if we were allowed to do that. But Harry didn’t care as he was holding my hand, tugging me closer so that our shoulders touched as we walked down the corridor together.
“It’s OK. We’re OK.” He uttered. My eyes flickered to his and I saw that the look on his face was very reassuring, telling me that everything was fine without saying a single word.
We reached his dressing room within a minute and just as I was about to pull my hand away from his, he raised it up and gently kissed my knuckles, his gaze going right into my soul. I sucked in a breath when his warm breath ghosted over my skin, sending shivers running up my arms. He lowered our hands and I slowly let go, my fingers turning cold as soon as they were free from his. I wanted to feel his warm touch again but I would have to wait. I always had to wait and it killed me.
“See you later, angel.” Harry smirked and opened the door to his dressing room. I choked out a “Bye” as he flashed me a smile before he closed the door, his handsome face disappearing from my sight. I stood there for a few seconds, running my fingers over my knuckles, touching where his lips had been only mere seconds ago. There was something about the feeling of Harry’s lips, whether they were on my own or on my skin. They were always warm and soft, just perfect and sent my heart racing every single time.
I turned around and headed towards the hair and make-up department. I licked my lips to hide the goofy smile that wanted to break through. I knew for certain I was in love for Harry and right now, that felt amazing.
0*0
Cheers exploded in my ears as I left the stage with the other 9 acts. We as the Top 10 had just performed Lay It All On Me by Rudimental feat. Ed Sheeran and I had discovered that my heart had connected with the song, with the lyrics. I knew I could lay all of my thoughts and troubles on Harry because he had told me that I could do. I knew I could tell him anything and have him help in any way that he could. I knew he would never let me down and that I could trust him with my life.
But yet, I still hadn’t told him that I loved him.
I was confusing myself and it wasn’t healthy for me. But I would rather be able to love him freely than be rejected by him. I would rather love with him with my entire heart than have it shattered into a million pieces. Today, him meeting my parents, it was wonderful how easily I could see Harry fitting into my family. However, it also scared me. I had never had a boyfriend before. I had never fallen in love before. All of it was new to me and I was trying to figure everything out. I didn’t know if telling Harry my true feeling would strengthen our relationship or make it worse. I was stuck in the middle.
I returned to the wardrobe depart to get changed out of my outfit (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_group_peformance_week/set?id=210450741) and into my second one for the results (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_live_decider_week/set?id=210451458). I stepped out in my dress and heels, fiddling with the rings on my fingers. As I walked past the stylists working on the other contestants, I felt a hand grab my elbow gently. My eyes snapped up to see Gary looking at me solemnly. He had a bright pink scarf draped around his neck and in his free hand was a large black coat which I assumed was his own.
“Are you alright, honey? You look quite…frazzled.” He said with concern. Am I that obvious? It was probably written all over my face, how worried and stressed I was. It had been a difficult weekend, that’s for sure, and having to keep my love for Harry hidden, it just strained my mind more. But it was my problem and I wouldn’t drag anyone else into it.
So I lied and told Gary I was fine and just a little anxious about the results. I was nervous about the results every week but this week… After singing Hello, I wanted to get through so badly. I had my fingers and toes crossed that I would.
After reassuring Gary that I was OK, I entered the corridor and started my journey down it, heading to the girls dressing room. I just wanted to sit down and be left alone for 10 minutes so I could come to terms with everything going on in my head and what was happening around me. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I heard my name being called, rather loudly, from behind me. I looked around and saw Alicia bounding towards me, her short hair bouncing around her shoulders.
“Kaylie, come on, hurry up!” She cried, grabbing my hand and dragging me further down the corridor. I almost tripped over in my heels from how fast she was pulling me along.
“Why? What’s going on?” I asked.
“We’re going to miss him!” Alicia said, completely ignoring my questions.
“Miss him? Him who?” I demanded as we raced around the corner.
“Michael Bublé! Come on, I want to see him perform.” My friend and fellow contestant answered. I didn’t even know that Michael Bublé would be performing tonight. No-one had told me. I adored him and his music so I understood why Alicia was so desperate.
We walked into the green room where all the other contestants were, their eyes glued to the TV screen so no-one glanced at us. We looked out of breath and my ankles were killing me because of running in heels. I reminded myself to never run in heels again. Fortunately, we made it just in time for Dermot to introduce Michael to the stage. Applause echoed out of the TV when the lights appeared on him, dressed smartly in a black suit with a matching tie. The tune started as he held the microphone to his mouth, ready to sing.
“Baby, I get a little bit jealous.
But how the hell can I help it?
When I'm thinkin' on you.
Maybe, I might get a little reckless.
But you gotta expect that.
What else can a boy do?
My momma taught me how to share.
But I'll be selfish and I don't care.
Cause I want you, I need you all for me.”
The song was very upbeat and had people in the audience clapping along and up out of their seats. I had managed to find a chair to sit down on to let my feet relax but I tapped my fingers on my knee to the beat of the music.
“And I don't want anybody loving my baby.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.
And I don't want anybody thinking just maybe.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.”
The camera zoomed over to the judges for a few seconds. Mel and Dannii were smiling and getting into the performance, moving around a little, while Harry drummed on the desk, bopping his head up and down whereas Simon just sat there, barely showing a hint of movement but that was Simon for you. I looked up to see Alicia dancing, moving her hips side-to-side. I just smiled and shook my head at her. She was the kind of person that didn’t give a shit about what people thought about her. if she wanted to dance, she would, not having a care in the world if people judged her. She was carefree that way and I wished I was like that right now.
“And I know when you got a lovely lady.
It might drive the boys crazy
When she's looking so fine, woah.
I know, know, know that no one would ever blame me.
The only thing that could save me
Is just knowing you're mine.
My papa told me once or twice
Don't be cruel but don't be too nice.
Cause I want you, I need you all for me.
Cause I don't want anybody loving my baby.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.
And I don't want anybody thinking just maybe.
Nobody, nobody, nobody but me.”
I listened to the lyrics as I continued to tap my fingers against my knee. The chorus really got me. I didn’t want anybody loving Harry. Not my Harry. My baby. I wanted to be the only one to love him. I had my own way of loving him, different to the family love that I already knew. This was a different love. A deeper one, a stronger one, a more passionate one. Harry was mine and he would always be mine. He was mine to love. Nobody could love him the way I did. Nobody but me.
0*0
“The next act through to the Top 9 is…Kaylie!”
I threw my head back in relief and smiled widely. Alicia was the first person to embrace me, laughing softly. I rubbed her back gently before turning to Harry who locked his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. I felt his lips touch my neck for a second and then, they were gone.
“Back to rehearsals with me again, angel.” He whispered and I giggled, wondering what song he would throw at me for Week 4. I let go of Harry, very reluctantly, and forced myself to give Melody a one-armed hug. If we didn’t hug, it would look odd on the cameras. We were all supposed to be jolly with each other but Melody and I were far from jolly. We had to fake it for the live broadcasts every week. Her eyes burned into me like a pair of blue daggers but I quickly walked away from her, slapping the hands of people in the audience as they yelled out my name.
I was the second contestant to get through safely so I had to wait like everyone else to see who would be joining me. Purity got through, then Maria, then Robbie and finally Alicia. She came off the stage and we hugged, happy that we were both still in this competition together. But since the two of us were safe, Melody had Harry all to herself on the stage. She gravitated towards him, pushing her body up against his. I could tell Harry didn’t want that but he was a gentleman and kept his arm around her waist. I hated that he was touching her and that her eyes devoured him each time she looked at him. Melody had no clue about the connection Harry and I had. She didn’t know the way he kissed me and how he called himself mine. She didn’t know how close we were and I longed to see the look of loathing on her face when Harry and I would finally be able to be together freely. I already knew Melody was jealous of me. I had known that ever since Judges’ Houses. But it wasn’t my fault that Harry was falling for me. I hadn’t pressured him into liking me. That all fell into place in its own accord. I wished she could be out of my life, out of Harry’s, so that we wouldn’t have to worry about her anymore.
However, that dream of mine was crushed when Dermot called Melody’s name out.
I wanted to fall to the floor in a heap but the pressure of Alicia’s arm through mine kept me standing. The only good thing that had come out of it was that Harry was showing he was a fantastic mentor, since all three of his contestants had advanced further into the competition. I didn’t know what he did during rehearsals with Melody or Alicia because I focused on my own with him but whatever he was doing, it was working.
Harry and Melody walked off the stage together, joining Alicia and I plus two other contestants. Melody smirked at me when she slowly removed her arm from Harry’s one. I glared at her and mentally told her to “Fuck off.” Why can’t the public see who she truly is? She was a tart who only wanted to get into Harry’s pants. But there was more to Harry than just sex. He was a wonderful man, inside and out, with a heart of gold and a pair of gold boots to match. However, I knew Melody would never know the Harry that I knew. That side of Harry was just for me and only me. I remembered all of his sweet words every day just to remind myself that he was mine and I was his. I would fight for Harry if it came down to that. I would fight for the man I loved and maybe, that would show Harry that I loved him. But I hoped it wouldn’t come to a fight. I just wanted to love Harry freely without worrying about it all the time. And I knew that one day, someday, I would.
Notes
AND, it’s finally up!! I’m so sorry for taking so long to post this chapter! I’ve been super busy, going out with my family and my friends! How have you all been?
I don’t know why but these next couple of chapters have been quite difficult for me to write and that’s very frustrating :/ I am working on The Bachelorette as well but I don’t know when there’ll be an update for that. Both of these stories are works in progress and it can be hard to juggle them, I apologise! However, I hope you liked this update and the next one will come soon :)
blankspace1 xx
We’re dying for an update here. I love it. <3
11/19/17