Always
Live Shows – Week 3: Part 1
Kaylie’s POV
Saturday, 8th October
My dream last night had been perfect. It was something that I wished was a reality. The man I had fallen in love with said that he loved me too. I wanted Harry to love me so badly. I would be completely shattered if he didn’t because my love for him was so deep. I loved him more than my own life. My future would be nothing without him. I just loved him so so much.
I abandoned the practice English essay in front of me, pushing the sheets of paper away to the other side of my desk. I couldn’t concentrate on school work right now. I had to be focused on tonight’s live show. I was so nervous to sing Hello. In all of my rehearsals, I had sung it well but there had been no audience, no pressure on doing it live. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely terrified. But I had Harry’s support, my family’s belief and my friends’ words of encouragement. I just have to believe that I could do it.
Thursday morning had been one of the best mornings of my life. I had arrived at the studios early because if I had caught the next train, I’d be late. I always liked being early than late. The halls were quiet and all I had heard was the soft tune from a piano coming from the auditorium. As I had gotten closer, the voice of my mentor reached my ears. I had walked into the auditorium silently and watched him sit at the piano, singing Little Things, completely unaware of my presence. I could listen to his voice all day, it was so soothing. I had no idea he could play the piano! It only gave me another reason to love him.
I couldn’t let him not finish the song so I had decided to sing the second verse, walking up to the stage. The look on his face had been priceless. His emerald green eyes piercing my heart, his smile setting my body on fire, his voice making my fingers shake. I had to keep it together when we had sung the chorus together. Our voices melted into one another, like a swirling mixture of dripping caramel and melted chocolate, just like the colours of our hair. It had been amazing.
Did I ever think that I would ever get the chance to sing with Harry Styles? Absolutely not. But it had been a dream come true for me. I hadn’t told anyone about it because it was a memory that only I wanted to remember forever. Just a little something between Harry and I.
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. I turned around in my swivel chair and told the person to come in. The door opened and my mother appeared, a smile on her face and a wrapped parcel and an envelope in her hand.
“What’s that?” I asked, looking at the contents in her hand.
“A present for you, darling. I just got the mail and this was addressed to you.”
“A present from who?”
“One can only guess.” My mother winked at me and placed both the present and envelope on the end of my bed. I gulped as I stared at them, wondering who had sent me mail. My mother left me in peace to open the present, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, I leapt off my chair and onto my bed, grabbing the envelope first. It had my name written on the back in a person’s handwriting. I knew who the handwriting belonged to which only made me open the envelope faster. A single piece of paper slid out and I unfolded it, gasping in shock.
My dear angel,
Words cannot describe how much you mean to me.
You and I are meant to be.
My feelings deepen for you each and every day
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Please make use of my gift tonight
And this time, I promise I won’t bite.
All my love,
Harry xx
I was so enraptured in his sweet words and in his talent for poetry. I held back tears as I re-read his poem, falling irrevocably and utterly in love with him. I didn’t know how to react because I had never been treated in such a way before. Harry treated me in a way that I never thought any guy would treat me. He always had my best interests at heart and didn’t try to change me into somebody that I wasn’t. He simply empowered me.
I placed the piece of paper next to me and I reached over to grab the present. It wasn’t that big and it was a thick rectangular shape. I curled my lip as I tore at the wrapping paper, pulling it away to reveal Harry’s gift.
“No way…!” I cried once all the wrapping paper was off. He didn’t… But he had. In my hands was a bottle of one of the most expensive Coco Chanel perfumes. Harry had spoilt me already with his loving affection and his gentle kisses but giving me this present just upped the standards. It was barely 11 in the morning and I was already overcome with so much emotion. So he wants me to wear this tonight? Of course I would. He had politely asked me in his poem to do so. I opened the bottle and sprayed a little bit on my wrist. I sniffed it and Oh My God… it smelt so nice. I smiled at the thought of Harry smelling my neck tonight, his strong arms holding me close.
I gripped the perfume bottle in one hand while I picked up his letter in the other. I slipped the piece of paper into one of the drawers underneath my desk before walking out of my room, going down the stairs in a daze. I couldn’t believe Harry had sent me this. There had been no need to me. He didn’t need to give me any present. He was a present himself, one that I had the pleasure of being gifted almost every day.
“Mum?” I called out as I walked down the hallway. Her head popped around the corner, her eyes, the same colour as mine, shining.
“Hello, darling. Who was the present from?”
“Harry.” I answered as I stepped into the dining area.
“As I had thought.” My mother smiled and walked into the open kitchen, flicking the switch on the kettle. She was about to get herself a cup of tea and asked if I wanted one too. I said yes as I sat down on my usual chair by the dining table, placing the bottle of perfume in front of me, staring at it. A couple of minutes passed as my mother got two cups of tea ready.
“Is that what he sent you?” She asked, approaching me, setting one cup of tea before me while she sipped the other one. She slid into the seat next to me, which was at one head of the table, so she wasn’t right next to me. I watched my mother pick up the bottle, the liquid sloshing about inside.
“Wow, sweetie, he really does like you a lot.” My mother’s smile was full of happiness while mine was a little weaker. As she set the bottle back down, I told her my secret, one that I had been holding back for almost a week.
“I love him.”
“You’ve told me that many times for the past two years, Kaylie. It’s no surpri-” My mother said but I cut her off, shaking my head.
“No, Mum, I mean, I’m in love with him.” I explained. The eyes that matched mine stared at me as she reached over, taking my hand in her own. I looked at the perfume bottle and just thought about Harry wrapping it up for me, writing that letter. It brought tears to my eyes.
“I can’t explain it, Mum. I just love him so much.” I choked on my words. My mother curled her fingers around mine and made me look at her. She looked surprised yet happy. I had to get my feelings out. I had to say the words out loud and my mother, I knew I could trust her with a revelation like this.
“Oh, honey… that’s so wonderful.” She smiled.
“Is it? Mum, I haven’t told Harry. What if he doesn’t love me back? I don’t want to be in love if my heart is going to get broken.”
I was fearful to tell Harry, too fearful. I knew he liked me. He told me all the time. He said sweet romantic lines that made my cheeks flush but I didn’t know if he loved me because he had never said so. Why would he give his love to me? Harry told me not to doubt what we have and I wouldn’t but that only made me nervous to reveal my deeper feelings to him. I was afraid of rejection and especially since he was my first love, I was more afraid. I wanted Harry to be my last love as well as my first. My only love.
“Are you scared to tell him, sweetie?” My mother asked as I picked up my cup with my free hand and sipped the hot tea, its sweet taste relieving my dry throat. I nodded my head as my mother’s hand tightened around mine.
“What gives you the impression that he won’t love you back?”
I raised my eyebrows at her and fought the urge to scoff.
“Mum, I’ve told you this before, he’s Harry Styles. How can he love me? I know he’s attracted to me and the way he treats me is incredible, like I’m the only girl in the world. But I don’t know if he feels the same way as me. What if he doesn’t? What if he just wants us to be the way we are? I couldn’t do that, Mum. I couldn’t maintain just a “I really like you” relationship with the person I love more than I love myself.”
My voice began to break as I spoke but in a way, it felt good to get all of these thoughts out of my head and out in the open. Me being in love with Harry had loomed over my head since Monday, the day I started having this deep feeling, and I didn’t want that to distract me from my performance tonight. So what am I to do?
“You have to tell him, Kaylie.”
I stared at my mother with wide eyes.
“No, no, I can’t!”
“If you don’t tell him, it’ll eat you up inside. It won’t go away and it’ll slip out of your mouth when you don’t want it to. You never know, he could love you too.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Because I saw the way he looked at you at your audition. I watched his facial expressions on the TV when you were at Bootcamp and Judges’ Houses. Just the way he talks to you after you perform during the live shows, I can see it clearly in his eyes. Plus, he came around here to the house to see you, to apologise. Then he sends you this, darling.” My mother said, gesturing to the perfume bottle with her head. I gulped down more of my tea, hoping that it would calm me down. I glanced at the bottle and pressed my lips together, my heart bleeding with terror.
“Kaylie, he’s in love with you too.”
Tears shone in my eyes when I asked my mother if she really thought so; she nodded. If Harry loves me, is he ready to give all of his love to me? My mother was right. I would never know if I didn’t tell him. I just had to find the courage to let him know and do it at the perfect time. I had to trust myself. Please, Harry, please love me back.
0*0
I waited backstage as Dermot announced a commercial break. My hands trembled and I locked my fingers together in an attempt to stop them from shaking. This was the most terrified I had been in the competition, apart from my audition. I was about to tackle one of the biggest and successful songs of the 21st century. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, telling myself that I could do it. I had worn the perfume, just like Harry wanted, and I had to admit, I smelt really nice. I flattened the sides of my dress (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_live_shows_week/set?id=209753512) before walking out onto the dark stage, my microphone pack already attached to my outfit.
The audience cheered when they saw me take my place on the stage, adjusting the microphone stand to my height. I made sure the earpieces were in my ears properly and smiled at the people calling out my name, waving at them. It was crazy to me that I already had fans. It brought me joy that I had the support of people that I had never even met.
I caught a glimpse of Harry in the dark, his black suit and blue dress shirt flattering his glorious upper body. His cross necklace glinted against his exposed chest and his curls lay long and loose past his shoulders. I wanted to make him proud tonight. I wanted to prove to him that I could perform this song. I wanted to show him how much I loved him.
The show resumed and the same pattern of Dermot asking Harry to introduce me repeated again tonight. The crowd applauded as the first beats of the song started and a single spotlight shone down on me, just as I began to sing.
“Hello, it's me.
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything.
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing.
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free.
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet.
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles.”
I breathed correctly, just like my mentor had advised me to. The lights behind me shone in circles as the music built to the chorus in my ears. I wrapped my fingers around the microphone and belted out the big note that I had been practicing for days.
“Hello from the other side.
I must have called a thousand times.
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home.”
I smiled when the crowd screamed for me, clapping at my vocals. From the response of the audience, I gained a flash of confidence and sang the second part of the chorus.
“Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart.
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.”
I reached the bridge of the song and gripped the microphone tightly, staring down the barrel of the camera. The audience began to clap to the beat of the music as the woosh of the classical tune filled the entire auditorium. I couldn’t believe how into the performance the crowd was getting. It was incredible. I felt so privileged and it only made me put more effort into the final chorus, knowing that this performance was my most important one to date.
“Hello from the other side.
I must have called a thousand times.
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home.
Hello from the outside.
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter. it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.”
The music returned to its softness and my voice faded out as the lights went down, smothering me in darkness. I took my earpieces out and grinned when I finally heard the whole audience scream in delight. It was definitely the loudest reception I had ever gotten and it made me feel fantastic. Like I had done my job well. I had entertained all these people and that’s what an artist did.
The familiar X Factor logo and lights lit up the stage and I walked forward, my microphone in my hands. All four judges were on their feet as was the entire auditorium. I covered my mouth with my hand and looked around in shock. I spotted my family and waved at them; my brothers screamed out my name and my smile only widened. After all the anxiety and being so terrified to sing this song, it had all been worth it. To get this response from the crowd, from the people of the United Kingdom, from the four superstar judges… There was no place I would rather be right now.
Even after the judges had sat back down, screams were still loud and I bit my lip, completely shocked. I looked at the judges nervously and discovered that Harry was trying to hide his goofy grin; I could tell he was using all of his power not to smile like a complete fool, his perfect cheesy smile. The smile that got my heart racing every time I saw it.
“Well, Kaylie…” Mel spoke over the screams. For me, it was her and Simon I was most fearful of in terms of feedback. They were the harsher judges; Harry and Dannii were a lot more sweeter. I saw the crew trying to quieten the crowd down so we could all hear what the judges had to say.
“That is a big song for anyone to sing. It’s hard to tackle Adele and My God, girl, you did it. You did it! And you were amazing.”
What? Really? I admired Mel as an artist, having been a member of the Spice Girls and also having a solo career that was a success. To have her commend me on my performance of Hello, such a huge tune, was so great.
“You hit those big notes so well. You were confident. You smiled when the crowd began to clap. You connected with everybody in this room and from the response you got, I’m sure they all agree with me.” Mel smiled and the crowd definitely did agree with her by screaming again. There were a bunch of girls who looked like they were around my age at the front waving at me, wanting to get my attention. I waved back at them and they squealed. I thanked Mel for her comments and then, it was Dannii’s turn.
“I know that Adele would be very proud of that performance and long story short, you’re incredible and you deserve to be here. You’re a real contender to win this show, Kaylie. You were astounding tonight.”
“Thank you so much, Dannii.” I said into my microphone and she smiled at me, her blue eyes sparkling. I turned to look at Simon who had his eyebrow raised to his fellow judges. His gaze went to me and he raised his hands up, sighing.
“Firstly, Kaylie, I will admit, I was nervous when I found out that Harry chose this song for you. It was going to go one of two ways. You would either be absolutely outstanding or you would just fall flat.”
I nodded, agreeing with him. I understood his comment. I had been nervous that it would be the latter of his statement. I knew if I had stuffed this performance up, I would be out of the competition. So I had worked hard to get it right.
“And you were absolutely outstanding.” Simon said. The audience cheered loudly and I clutched my chest in relief, smiling. Harry also had a smile on his face as Simon clamped his hand down on his shoulder.
“Great mentoring, Harry.”
Harry nodded at him and the crowd’s screams died down again. My eyes locked to my boyfriend’s green ones as he ran his hand through his hair, pushing strands behind his left ear. Tonight had been for him. I always wanted to make Harry proud but this night was the night that I really wanted to prove to him that I could be there with him at the end of this. And then, we could finally be together.
“You worked extremely hard this week, Kaylie, and I can honestly say that you nailed every single lyric in that performance. All those long rehearsals were worth it. I urge the public to please vote for you because you need to be here. I want to take you to the end and I believe in you. Fantastic job, Kaylie.”
I thanked Harry with a smile and the audience cheered and applauded as Dermot joined me on the stage. He congratulated me on getting another standing ovation and told everyone at home how to vote for me. As I walked off the stage, I did the peace sign with my fingers and blew kisses the audience. I slapped people’s hands at the front as I journeyed into the dark, heading backstage. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I raised my arms in the air, laughing quietly, my hands coming to rest on my forehead. I had done it. Another performance down and it had been received so well. It was all down to the public now and I had my fingers crossed that I would get through to Week 4 of the competition.
0*0
“Kaylie, you were amazing!” Alicia almost screamed after the show had concluded. We were backstage and people were filing in and out, contestants getting ready to go home. Alicia bounded towards me and wrapped her arms around me, swaying me from side-to-side as we hugged.
“So were you!” I cried back and grinned at her when she let me go. Alicia had sung When Love Takes Over by David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland and she had been incredible. I wished there didn’t have to be a single winner. I wished there could be two winners so Alicia and I could take the title out together. But if I could put my money on someone to win, it would be Alicia. And I wasn’t just saying that because she was one of my best friends. She truly had wonderful talent in her vocals and was so down-to-earth. She deserved to win and if she did, I would be so happy for her.
“You hit those big notes so well!” She beamed widely, her make-up bringing out her bright blue eyes that spoke friendliness.
“Oh My God, I was so nervous! I was worried that I would choke on my own breath but I got through it.” I sighed with relief. I was so happy that I had done the performance and I didn’t have to revisit it. Singing that song once was enough for me.
“Harry looked extremely pleased with you…” Alicia smirked and I pushed her back by shoving my hand against her shoulder, biting back a smile.
“Shut it, Alicia.”
“I’m serious. He did.”
“Sssh, anyone could hear us talking.” I said more loudly than I wanted.
“Anyone could hear you two talking about what?”
Crap! I looked to my left and saw the very person Alicia and I had been talking about walking in our direction. His tall body looked impeccable in the clothes he wore, making my knees wobble. Every time I saw him, my heartbeat quickened, which was a sign of my love for him.
“We were talking about, uh, about…” I didn’t know what to say but fortunately, Alicia came to my rescue.
“About our performances. We were both commending each other.” She told Harry and I nodded in agreement.
“Well, both of you were outstanding tonight. I’m very proud of you two.” Our mentor smiled at us, showing his sweet dimples. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. As he engaged in a small chat with Alicia, I stared at him in awe. How the black suit jacket hugged his shoulders and torso was beautiful and how his swallow tattoos peeked out from the blue dress shirt made me gulp deeply. Whether Harry was in a T-shirt and jeans or dressed in the most stunning suit, he looked delectable. I wanted him so badly and he lit up desires in me that I never even knew existed. I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t hear either Alicia or Harry say my name, not until Harry touched my shoulder.
“Kaylie, are you OK?” He asked me.
“Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.” I said gently, my cheeks heating up.
“And that’s my cue to leave. See you next week, Harry.” Alicia winked at me and gave Harry a hug. He returned him and once again told her how amazing she had been tonight. She hugged me goodbye and whispered in my ear so that Harry couldn’t hear.
“Don’t let go of him. He’s a good one.”
I smiled at her and she smiled back. With one last wave, Alicia left Harry and I alone. We were behind the stage so no-one was around. I looked at Harry who nodded his head in the direction of a large black curtain. I bit my lip and slowly walked behind the curtain, standing in almost complete darkness. I heard the shuffle of feet as his arms circled my waist, hugging me from behind. I felt his nose dig into my neck and his soft lips soon followed. I kept quiet, fighting back a moan, as he peppered my neck with smooth kisses.
“You smell delicious.” Harry murmured and pulled me to his chest. I folded my hands over his and smiled to myself, turning my head to the side.
“Thank you for the perfume. You didn’t have to get it for me.” I said.
“It was my pleasure, angel. I knew you would smell lovely wearing it.” I could hear the smile in his voice. I turned around in his hold and threw my arms around his neck. I felt his breath on my face as I titled my head up to kiss him. I had 8cm heels on so it was easier for me to find his lips. My fingers made a journey into his silky curls as his tongue swept across my top lip, seducing me. My heart crumbled into love-struck pieces and I had a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach. If this was my last moment on Earth, I would die happily. Being in Harry’s arms was like nothing else. It was a place I would always love to be. The true place where I felt safe. And loved.
As our kissing intensified, he placed his hands on my hips and pushed me back. I gasped into his mouth when my back slammed against the wall, my hands carding through his hair. His fingers made my skin flush through the lace of my dress and I felt a pool of lust growing in my nether regions. My mouth opened to welcome another passionate kiss, letting Harry take control over my lips. One of his hands came up to stroke my cheek as he crushed his mouth down on mine, making my insides squirm with yearning.
“Le mien. Pour toujours.”
And right then, I melted.
I had no idea what he had just said but I didn’t care. It must have been something good because the way he had said it, his tone was like pure sex. I never knew that he could speak French so well. I thought he could only say one or two sentences but Harry had surprised me yet again. Another very good surprise indeed.
He pressed his lips to mine once more before halting our kissing period. Our foreheads touched and my hands ran down to his chest, keeping my eyes closed. I had to tell him. I had to tell him right now. It was killing me, having these feelings and not letting him know. I opened my eyes and stared at his chest, my vision making out the two swallows inked on his chest. My fingertips ghosted over their wings and across their small beaks, his skin warm and making me want to kiss his soft flesh. Harry’s hand lay over mine and I looked up at him, a slight smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
“You like them?” His green eyes flashed in the darkness and I could clearly make out his smirk in the muted light.
“Very much.” I whispered. I never really had a thing for tattoos but on Harry… That was a whole different story. Every single tattoo of his had a meaning and the way they looked on his fair skin was amazing. I knew I would never rock a tattoo the way he did.
My heart beated faster when he ran his index finger down the side of my face, tracing the curve of my jawline, moving over my slightly-parted lips before stroking the apple of my cheek with his knuckles. He turned his hand around and rested his palm against my cheek. I leaned into his touch and placed my hand over his, staring up at him with a loving expression. This was my time. I had to tell him. I had to tell him those three words.
“Harry, I…”
But I never got to finish my sentence.
Harry placed his fingers over my mouth and stopped me from talking. His breathing became almost silent and I wondered why he all of a sudden went quiet. The reason turned out to be footsteps and voices of the crew of The X Factor. It sounded like they walked right past us, having no idea that Harry and I were standing behind the curtain. My mentor waited a full minute before removing his fingers from my lips. That was so close… I thought, terrified that we could have gotten caught. All I knew was that Harry was indeed insatiable. He couldn’t start the day without kissing me and he couldn’t end the night without kissing me. He was so passionate in everything he did when he was around me, it made me smile. Harry tucked some hair behind my ear and rested his hand on my upper arm.
“Sorry, angel, what were you going to say?”
I couldn’t tell him now. The moment had passed. I couldn’t just blurt out “I love you”. The time was gone and that moment would never be the same again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to the column of his throat.
“Nothing. Can I just have a hug?”
I placed my cheek on his chest and closed my eyes as I felt Harry’s arms wind around me, pulling me close. I was so angry at myself. I badly wanted to tell him but that perfect moment had been broken. There was tension within me now and I couldn’t bring myself to let my heart’s feelings be known to Harry. I forced myself not to cry and just held onto the man I loved tightly, never wanting to let go. Harry was all for me and I was all for him and to me, that was love. I heard the thump of his heart beneath my ear and my eyes opened slowly as his lips touched my forehead. Harry, I love you. But the words never left my mouth and a single question loomed over me.
Will I ever get another chance to tell him?
French to English
Le mien. Pour toujours – Mine. Forever
Saturday, 8th October
My dream last night had been perfect. It was something that I wished was a reality. The man I had fallen in love with said that he loved me too. I wanted Harry to love me so badly. I would be completely shattered if he didn’t because my love for him was so deep. I loved him more than my own life. My future would be nothing without him. I just loved him so so much.
I abandoned the practice English essay in front of me, pushing the sheets of paper away to the other side of my desk. I couldn’t concentrate on school work right now. I had to be focused on tonight’s live show. I was so nervous to sing Hello. In all of my rehearsals, I had sung it well but there had been no audience, no pressure on doing it live. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely terrified. But I had Harry’s support, my family’s belief and my friends’ words of encouragement. I just have to believe that I could do it.
Thursday morning had been one of the best mornings of my life. I had arrived at the studios early because if I had caught the next train, I’d be late. I always liked being early than late. The halls were quiet and all I had heard was the soft tune from a piano coming from the auditorium. As I had gotten closer, the voice of my mentor reached my ears. I had walked into the auditorium silently and watched him sit at the piano, singing Little Things, completely unaware of my presence. I could listen to his voice all day, it was so soothing. I had no idea he could play the piano! It only gave me another reason to love him.
I couldn’t let him not finish the song so I had decided to sing the second verse, walking up to the stage. The look on his face had been priceless. His emerald green eyes piercing my heart, his smile setting my body on fire, his voice making my fingers shake. I had to keep it together when we had sung the chorus together. Our voices melted into one another, like a swirling mixture of dripping caramel and melted chocolate, just like the colours of our hair. It had been amazing.
Did I ever think that I would ever get the chance to sing with Harry Styles? Absolutely not. But it had been a dream come true for me. I hadn’t told anyone about it because it was a memory that only I wanted to remember forever. Just a little something between Harry and I.
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. I turned around in my swivel chair and told the person to come in. The door opened and my mother appeared, a smile on her face and a wrapped parcel and an envelope in her hand.
“What’s that?” I asked, looking at the contents in her hand.
“A present for you, darling. I just got the mail and this was addressed to you.”
“A present from who?”
“One can only guess.” My mother winked at me and placed both the present and envelope on the end of my bed. I gulped as I stared at them, wondering who had sent me mail. My mother left me in peace to open the present, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, I leapt off my chair and onto my bed, grabbing the envelope first. It had my name written on the back in a person’s handwriting. I knew who the handwriting belonged to which only made me open the envelope faster. A single piece of paper slid out and I unfolded it, gasping in shock.
My dear angel,
Words cannot describe how much you mean to me.
You and I are meant to be.
My feelings deepen for you each and every day
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Please make use of my gift tonight
And this time, I promise I won’t bite.
All my love,
Harry xx
I was so enraptured in his sweet words and in his talent for poetry. I held back tears as I re-read his poem, falling irrevocably and utterly in love with him. I didn’t know how to react because I had never been treated in such a way before. Harry treated me in a way that I never thought any guy would treat me. He always had my best interests at heart and didn’t try to change me into somebody that I wasn’t. He simply empowered me.
I placed the piece of paper next to me and I reached over to grab the present. It wasn’t that big and it was a thick rectangular shape. I curled my lip as I tore at the wrapping paper, pulling it away to reveal Harry’s gift.
“No way…!” I cried once all the wrapping paper was off. He didn’t… But he had. In my hands was a bottle of one of the most expensive Coco Chanel perfumes. Harry had spoilt me already with his loving affection and his gentle kisses but giving me this present just upped the standards. It was barely 11 in the morning and I was already overcome with so much emotion. So he wants me to wear this tonight? Of course I would. He had politely asked me in his poem to do so. I opened the bottle and sprayed a little bit on my wrist. I sniffed it and Oh My God… it smelt so nice. I smiled at the thought of Harry smelling my neck tonight, his strong arms holding me close.
I gripped the perfume bottle in one hand while I picked up his letter in the other. I slipped the piece of paper into one of the drawers underneath my desk before walking out of my room, going down the stairs in a daze. I couldn’t believe Harry had sent me this. There had been no need to me. He didn’t need to give me any present. He was a present himself, one that I had the pleasure of being gifted almost every day.
“Mum?” I called out as I walked down the hallway. Her head popped around the corner, her eyes, the same colour as mine, shining.
“Hello, darling. Who was the present from?”
“Harry.” I answered as I stepped into the dining area.
“As I had thought.” My mother smiled and walked into the open kitchen, flicking the switch on the kettle. She was about to get herself a cup of tea and asked if I wanted one too. I said yes as I sat down on my usual chair by the dining table, placing the bottle of perfume in front of me, staring at it. A couple of minutes passed as my mother got two cups of tea ready.
“Is that what he sent you?” She asked, approaching me, setting one cup of tea before me while she sipped the other one. She slid into the seat next to me, which was at one head of the table, so she wasn’t right next to me. I watched my mother pick up the bottle, the liquid sloshing about inside.
“Wow, sweetie, he really does like you a lot.” My mother’s smile was full of happiness while mine was a little weaker. As she set the bottle back down, I told her my secret, one that I had been holding back for almost a week.
“I love him.”
“You’ve told me that many times for the past two years, Kaylie. It’s no surpri-” My mother said but I cut her off, shaking my head.
“No, Mum, I mean, I’m in love with him.” I explained. The eyes that matched mine stared at me as she reached over, taking my hand in her own. I looked at the perfume bottle and just thought about Harry wrapping it up for me, writing that letter. It brought tears to my eyes.
“I can’t explain it, Mum. I just love him so much.” I choked on my words. My mother curled her fingers around mine and made me look at her. She looked surprised yet happy. I had to get my feelings out. I had to say the words out loud and my mother, I knew I could trust her with a revelation like this.
“Oh, honey… that’s so wonderful.” She smiled.
“Is it? Mum, I haven’t told Harry. What if he doesn’t love me back? I don’t want to be in love if my heart is going to get broken.”
I was fearful to tell Harry, too fearful. I knew he liked me. He told me all the time. He said sweet romantic lines that made my cheeks flush but I didn’t know if he loved me because he had never said so. Why would he give his love to me? Harry told me not to doubt what we have and I wouldn’t but that only made me nervous to reveal my deeper feelings to him. I was afraid of rejection and especially since he was my first love, I was more afraid. I wanted Harry to be my last love as well as my first. My only love.
“Are you scared to tell him, sweetie?” My mother asked as I picked up my cup with my free hand and sipped the hot tea, its sweet taste relieving my dry throat. I nodded my head as my mother’s hand tightened around mine.
“What gives you the impression that he won’t love you back?”
I raised my eyebrows at her and fought the urge to scoff.
“Mum, I’ve told you this before, he’s Harry Styles. How can he love me? I know he’s attracted to me and the way he treats me is incredible, like I’m the only girl in the world. But I don’t know if he feels the same way as me. What if he doesn’t? What if he just wants us to be the way we are? I couldn’t do that, Mum. I couldn’t maintain just a “I really like you” relationship with the person I love more than I love myself.”
My voice began to break as I spoke but in a way, it felt good to get all of these thoughts out of my head and out in the open. Me being in love with Harry had loomed over my head since Monday, the day I started having this deep feeling, and I didn’t want that to distract me from my performance tonight. So what am I to do?
“You have to tell him, Kaylie.”
I stared at my mother with wide eyes.
“No, no, I can’t!”
“If you don’t tell him, it’ll eat you up inside. It won’t go away and it’ll slip out of your mouth when you don’t want it to. You never know, he could love you too.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Because I saw the way he looked at you at your audition. I watched his facial expressions on the TV when you were at Bootcamp and Judges’ Houses. Just the way he talks to you after you perform during the live shows, I can see it clearly in his eyes. Plus, he came around here to the house to see you, to apologise. Then he sends you this, darling.” My mother said, gesturing to the perfume bottle with her head. I gulped down more of my tea, hoping that it would calm me down. I glanced at the bottle and pressed my lips together, my heart bleeding with terror.
“Kaylie, he’s in love with you too.”
Tears shone in my eyes when I asked my mother if she really thought so; she nodded. If Harry loves me, is he ready to give all of his love to me? My mother was right. I would never know if I didn’t tell him. I just had to find the courage to let him know and do it at the perfect time. I had to trust myself. Please, Harry, please love me back.
0*0
I waited backstage as Dermot announced a commercial break. My hands trembled and I locked my fingers together in an attempt to stop them from shaking. This was the most terrified I had been in the competition, apart from my audition. I was about to tackle one of the biggest and successful songs of the 21st century. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, telling myself that I could do it. I had worn the perfume, just like Harry wanted, and I had to admit, I smelt really nice. I flattened the sides of my dress (http://www.polyvore.com/kaylie_live_shows_week/set?id=209753512) before walking out onto the dark stage, my microphone pack already attached to my outfit.
The audience cheered when they saw me take my place on the stage, adjusting the microphone stand to my height. I made sure the earpieces were in my ears properly and smiled at the people calling out my name, waving at them. It was crazy to me that I already had fans. It brought me joy that I had the support of people that I had never even met.
I caught a glimpse of Harry in the dark, his black suit and blue dress shirt flattering his glorious upper body. His cross necklace glinted against his exposed chest and his curls lay long and loose past his shoulders. I wanted to make him proud tonight. I wanted to prove to him that I could perform this song. I wanted to show him how much I loved him.
The show resumed and the same pattern of Dermot asking Harry to introduce me repeated again tonight. The crowd applauded as the first beats of the song started and a single spotlight shone down on me, just as I began to sing.
“Hello, it's me.
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything.
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing.
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free.
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet.
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles.”
I breathed correctly, just like my mentor had advised me to. The lights behind me shone in circles as the music built to the chorus in my ears. I wrapped my fingers around the microphone and belted out the big note that I had been practicing for days.
“Hello from the other side.
I must have called a thousand times.
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home.”
I smiled when the crowd screamed for me, clapping at my vocals. From the response of the audience, I gained a flash of confidence and sang the second part of the chorus.
“Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart.
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.”
I reached the bridge of the song and gripped the microphone tightly, staring down the barrel of the camera. The audience began to clap to the beat of the music as the woosh of the classical tune filled the entire auditorium. I couldn’t believe how into the performance the crowd was getting. It was incredible. I felt so privileged and it only made me put more effort into the final chorus, knowing that this performance was my most important one to date.
“Hello from the other side.
I must have called a thousand times.
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home.
Hello from the outside.
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter. it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.”
The music returned to its softness and my voice faded out as the lights went down, smothering me in darkness. I took my earpieces out and grinned when I finally heard the whole audience scream in delight. It was definitely the loudest reception I had ever gotten and it made me feel fantastic. Like I had done my job well. I had entertained all these people and that’s what an artist did.
The familiar X Factor logo and lights lit up the stage and I walked forward, my microphone in my hands. All four judges were on their feet as was the entire auditorium. I covered my mouth with my hand and looked around in shock. I spotted my family and waved at them; my brothers screamed out my name and my smile only widened. After all the anxiety and being so terrified to sing this song, it had all been worth it. To get this response from the crowd, from the people of the United Kingdom, from the four superstar judges… There was no place I would rather be right now.
Even after the judges had sat back down, screams were still loud and I bit my lip, completely shocked. I looked at the judges nervously and discovered that Harry was trying to hide his goofy grin; I could tell he was using all of his power not to smile like a complete fool, his perfect cheesy smile. The smile that got my heart racing every time I saw it.
“Well, Kaylie…” Mel spoke over the screams. For me, it was her and Simon I was most fearful of in terms of feedback. They were the harsher judges; Harry and Dannii were a lot more sweeter. I saw the crew trying to quieten the crowd down so we could all hear what the judges had to say.
“That is a big song for anyone to sing. It’s hard to tackle Adele and My God, girl, you did it. You did it! And you were amazing.”
What? Really? I admired Mel as an artist, having been a member of the Spice Girls and also having a solo career that was a success. To have her commend me on my performance of Hello, such a huge tune, was so great.
“You hit those big notes so well. You were confident. You smiled when the crowd began to clap. You connected with everybody in this room and from the response you got, I’m sure they all agree with me.” Mel smiled and the crowd definitely did agree with her by screaming again. There were a bunch of girls who looked like they were around my age at the front waving at me, wanting to get my attention. I waved back at them and they squealed. I thanked Mel for her comments and then, it was Dannii’s turn.
“I know that Adele would be very proud of that performance and long story short, you’re incredible and you deserve to be here. You’re a real contender to win this show, Kaylie. You were astounding tonight.”
“Thank you so much, Dannii.” I said into my microphone and she smiled at me, her blue eyes sparkling. I turned to look at Simon who had his eyebrow raised to his fellow judges. His gaze went to me and he raised his hands up, sighing.
“Firstly, Kaylie, I will admit, I was nervous when I found out that Harry chose this song for you. It was going to go one of two ways. You would either be absolutely outstanding or you would just fall flat.”
I nodded, agreeing with him. I understood his comment. I had been nervous that it would be the latter of his statement. I knew if I had stuffed this performance up, I would be out of the competition. So I had worked hard to get it right.
“And you were absolutely outstanding.” Simon said. The audience cheered loudly and I clutched my chest in relief, smiling. Harry also had a smile on his face as Simon clamped his hand down on his shoulder.
“Great mentoring, Harry.”
Harry nodded at him and the crowd’s screams died down again. My eyes locked to my boyfriend’s green ones as he ran his hand through his hair, pushing strands behind his left ear. Tonight had been for him. I always wanted to make Harry proud but this night was the night that I really wanted to prove to him that I could be there with him at the end of this. And then, we could finally be together.
“You worked extremely hard this week, Kaylie, and I can honestly say that you nailed every single lyric in that performance. All those long rehearsals were worth it. I urge the public to please vote for you because you need to be here. I want to take you to the end and I believe in you. Fantastic job, Kaylie.”
I thanked Harry with a smile and the audience cheered and applauded as Dermot joined me on the stage. He congratulated me on getting another standing ovation and told everyone at home how to vote for me. As I walked off the stage, I did the peace sign with my fingers and blew kisses the audience. I slapped people’s hands at the front as I journeyed into the dark, heading backstage. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I raised my arms in the air, laughing quietly, my hands coming to rest on my forehead. I had done it. Another performance down and it had been received so well. It was all down to the public now and I had my fingers crossed that I would get through to Week 4 of the competition.
0*0
“Kaylie, you were amazing!” Alicia almost screamed after the show had concluded. We were backstage and people were filing in and out, contestants getting ready to go home. Alicia bounded towards me and wrapped her arms around me, swaying me from side-to-side as we hugged.
“So were you!” I cried back and grinned at her when she let me go. Alicia had sung When Love Takes Over by David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland and she had been incredible. I wished there didn’t have to be a single winner. I wished there could be two winners so Alicia and I could take the title out together. But if I could put my money on someone to win, it would be Alicia. And I wasn’t just saying that because she was one of my best friends. She truly had wonderful talent in her vocals and was so down-to-earth. She deserved to win and if she did, I would be so happy for her.
“You hit those big notes so well!” She beamed widely, her make-up bringing out her bright blue eyes that spoke friendliness.
“Oh My God, I was so nervous! I was worried that I would choke on my own breath but I got through it.” I sighed with relief. I was so happy that I had done the performance and I didn’t have to revisit it. Singing that song once was enough for me.
“Harry looked extremely pleased with you…” Alicia smirked and I pushed her back by shoving my hand against her shoulder, biting back a smile.
“Shut it, Alicia.”
“I’m serious. He did.”
“Sssh, anyone could hear us talking.” I said more loudly than I wanted.
“Anyone could hear you two talking about what?”
Crap! I looked to my left and saw the very person Alicia and I had been talking about walking in our direction. His tall body looked impeccable in the clothes he wore, making my knees wobble. Every time I saw him, my heartbeat quickened, which was a sign of my love for him.
“We were talking about, uh, about…” I didn’t know what to say but fortunately, Alicia came to my rescue.
“About our performances. We were both commending each other.” She told Harry and I nodded in agreement.
“Well, both of you were outstanding tonight. I’m very proud of you two.” Our mentor smiled at us, showing his sweet dimples. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. As he engaged in a small chat with Alicia, I stared at him in awe. How the black suit jacket hugged his shoulders and torso was beautiful and how his swallow tattoos peeked out from the blue dress shirt made me gulp deeply. Whether Harry was in a T-shirt and jeans or dressed in the most stunning suit, he looked delectable. I wanted him so badly and he lit up desires in me that I never even knew existed. I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t hear either Alicia or Harry say my name, not until Harry touched my shoulder.
“Kaylie, are you OK?” He asked me.
“Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.” I said gently, my cheeks heating up.
“And that’s my cue to leave. See you next week, Harry.” Alicia winked at me and gave Harry a hug. He returned him and once again told her how amazing she had been tonight. She hugged me goodbye and whispered in my ear so that Harry couldn’t hear.
“Don’t let go of him. He’s a good one.”
I smiled at her and she smiled back. With one last wave, Alicia left Harry and I alone. We were behind the stage so no-one was around. I looked at Harry who nodded his head in the direction of a large black curtain. I bit my lip and slowly walked behind the curtain, standing in almost complete darkness. I heard the shuffle of feet as his arms circled my waist, hugging me from behind. I felt his nose dig into my neck and his soft lips soon followed. I kept quiet, fighting back a moan, as he peppered my neck with smooth kisses.
“You smell delicious.” Harry murmured and pulled me to his chest. I folded my hands over his and smiled to myself, turning my head to the side.
“Thank you for the perfume. You didn’t have to get it for me.” I said.
“It was my pleasure, angel. I knew you would smell lovely wearing it.” I could hear the smile in his voice. I turned around in his hold and threw my arms around his neck. I felt his breath on my face as I titled my head up to kiss him. I had 8cm heels on so it was easier for me to find his lips. My fingers made a journey into his silky curls as his tongue swept across my top lip, seducing me. My heart crumbled into love-struck pieces and I had a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach. If this was my last moment on Earth, I would die happily. Being in Harry’s arms was like nothing else. It was a place I would always love to be. The true place where I felt safe. And loved.
As our kissing intensified, he placed his hands on my hips and pushed me back. I gasped into his mouth when my back slammed against the wall, my hands carding through his hair. His fingers made my skin flush through the lace of my dress and I felt a pool of lust growing in my nether regions. My mouth opened to welcome another passionate kiss, letting Harry take control over my lips. One of his hands came up to stroke my cheek as he crushed his mouth down on mine, making my insides squirm with yearning.
“Le mien. Pour toujours.”
And right then, I melted.
I had no idea what he had just said but I didn’t care. It must have been something good because the way he had said it, his tone was like pure sex. I never knew that he could speak French so well. I thought he could only say one or two sentences but Harry had surprised me yet again. Another very good surprise indeed.
He pressed his lips to mine once more before halting our kissing period. Our foreheads touched and my hands ran down to his chest, keeping my eyes closed. I had to tell him. I had to tell him right now. It was killing me, having these feelings and not letting him know. I opened my eyes and stared at his chest, my vision making out the two swallows inked on his chest. My fingertips ghosted over their wings and across their small beaks, his skin warm and making me want to kiss his soft flesh. Harry’s hand lay over mine and I looked up at him, a slight smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
“You like them?” His green eyes flashed in the darkness and I could clearly make out his smirk in the muted light.
“Very much.” I whispered. I never really had a thing for tattoos but on Harry… That was a whole different story. Every single tattoo of his had a meaning and the way they looked on his fair skin was amazing. I knew I would never rock a tattoo the way he did.
My heart beated faster when he ran his index finger down the side of my face, tracing the curve of my jawline, moving over my slightly-parted lips before stroking the apple of my cheek with his knuckles. He turned his hand around and rested his palm against my cheek. I leaned into his touch and placed my hand over his, staring up at him with a loving expression. This was my time. I had to tell him. I had to tell him those three words.
“Harry, I…”
But I never got to finish my sentence.
Harry placed his fingers over my mouth and stopped me from talking. His breathing became almost silent and I wondered why he all of a sudden went quiet. The reason turned out to be footsteps and voices of the crew of The X Factor. It sounded like they walked right past us, having no idea that Harry and I were standing behind the curtain. My mentor waited a full minute before removing his fingers from my lips. That was so close… I thought, terrified that we could have gotten caught. All I knew was that Harry was indeed insatiable. He couldn’t start the day without kissing me and he couldn’t end the night without kissing me. He was so passionate in everything he did when he was around me, it made me smile. Harry tucked some hair behind my ear and rested his hand on my upper arm.
“Sorry, angel, what were you going to say?”
I couldn’t tell him now. The moment had passed. I couldn’t just blurt out “I love you”. The time was gone and that moment would never be the same again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to the column of his throat.
“Nothing. Can I just have a hug?”
I placed my cheek on his chest and closed my eyes as I felt Harry’s arms wind around me, pulling me close. I was so angry at myself. I badly wanted to tell him but that perfect moment had been broken. There was tension within me now and I couldn’t bring myself to let my heart’s feelings be known to Harry. I forced myself not to cry and just held onto the man I loved tightly, never wanting to let go. Harry was all for me and I was all for him and to me, that was love. I heard the thump of his heart beneath my ear and my eyes opened slowly as his lips touched my forehead. Harry, I love you. But the words never left my mouth and a single question loomed over me.
Will I ever get another chance to tell him?
French to English
Le mien. Pour toujours – Mine. Forever
Notes
So, Kaylie finally sung Hello and she did it well! Let’s see what the public think! Oh, she was just about to tell Harry… but she was interrupted :( Will she ever tell him? I’ve noticed I’ve gained another 5 subscribers and 4 votes, thank you so much! I never thought this story would be popular!
blankspace1 xx
We’re dying for an update here. I love it. <3
11/19/17