Flawed [Ashton Irwin]
Chapter six
Luna
I can’t remember the last time I saw such a beautiful sky. You know those kind of evenings, when the weather is so peaceful, there is wind, but it feels almost warm against your skin, and the sun is slowly making its way down behind the clouds. It creates beautiful colors swirling around, not a spot of orange and pink matching the other, thousands of different shades melting into each other. It is the kind of beauty that you want to photograph, but a camera could never catch something so breathtaking in just one picture. Trust me when I say that, I have tried; no photo could ever come close to the real thing displayed right before my eyes.
The soft wind blows my hair and makes goosebumps raise on my skin. I can hear the faint sound of birds singing into distance and the never ending LA traffic. Everybody seems to always rush somewhere and I don’t get that; why rush when you have so much time in your life? Why waste witnessing such beautiful sunsets to just go home and pull your curtains, ignoring the astonishing view this world gives us? It is in my opinion one of the worst things anyone could do, get lost in their computers and phones and ignore what is real; these kind of miracles.
I am beyond content with living the rest of my life like this. Sitting right here, admiring the thick watercolor sunset above me, with good ice cream and good company. I haven’t actually had ice cream in so long I almost forgot how it tastes. I am glad I have decided to spend my evening this way; I am really feeling a lot better now.
“Hey, Luna.” I hear the curly haired boy say softly from next to me and I lazily glance in his direction. “Are you alright?” His voice is smooth, almost as a touch on your skin that could cure any pain.
Such a simple question that requires such a difficult answer. It shouldn’t be like that, it should just have a concise answer, but that wouldn’t be very truthful. Am I alright? I don’t know to be honest. All my life I have told myself that I am alright, I could be worse, there are people out there going through tougher phases than I am, but I guess we all have our own kind of problems that are important to us on different levels. Am I feeling alright at the moment? I think so. I feel a lot better than before, so I guess I could say that I am alright, but only for now. I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow, or the day after that, but I know in the end I am always going to be just alright.
“Yes.” I say after a few seconds of thinking. “I am now.” I give him a small smile and he does the same, making me feel even better seeing the beautiful way his lips curve up.
We have been here on the same bench for over an hour, the sun going down in front of our eyes. We already had some ice cream, but honestly I want to have a hundred more and just drown my sorrow in the sweet taste of the iced dessert. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to just go home and sleep more than I do now. I usually enjoy staying outside and watching the beautiful art of nature, but today is not that kind of day. Today I just feel exhausted.
“So what happened?” He asks again after about five minutes.
“Why do you think something happened?” I answer nonchalantly with another question.
“You seemed really sad when you called me. Almost as if you were crying.” He frowns, probably trying to replay the phone conversation in his head.
“It’s nothing serious.” I shake my head, trying to get some hair out of my face, but the wind keeps blowing it in all kinds of ways so I just give up.
“If it was so bad it made you cry it should be.” He gives a small smile and I look down at my shoes.
“I wasn’t crying…” I trail off. “I was just felling sad.” Shrugging, I pick at the sleeves of my jacket.
“You are not yourself, I can see that.”
“You don’t know me.” I snap right back, but immediately regret it when I see the look in his eyes.
I didn’t mean to say that. I know I have only known him for about two weeks but he has been the only person who actually wanted to get to know me. He probably noticed more things about me than my own mother ever did. He doesn’t know me well, yes, that is true, but I feel like he started picking on my personality and maybe he started to get to know me better now. I feel bad for being rude to him, I don’t like being rude to people, it makes me even more sad.
“You’re… you’re right.” He says quietly. “Maybe I don’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”
That genuinely makes me feel better, it feels as if my heart warms up and I can’t help a smile from creeping onto my face. He is so different from any person that has ever come into my life. Nobody wants to actually get to know me. They just get what they want out of me, even if it is a homework or someone to copy from at a test paper, and then they just leave as if it never happened. And it sometimes hurts, but I don’t really let it get to me. I am already used to it. But he… he is something else; he is so much more.
“Sorry.” I mumble. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Sighing I look into his eyes and can’t help but notice how beautiful the different shades of green reflect into the light. “I’m just having a really bad day.”
“I understand.” He nods. “Want to tell me about it or just pretend it never even happened?” I laugh at that and he chuckles.
“A part of me wants to just forget it but the other part tells me I shouldn’t just bottle everything up inside of me.” I confess and I can see him nod from the corner of my eye.
“Well, let’s just walk around. If you feel like you’re ready to tell me, you will. If you don’t, you’ll just tell me another time.” A smile still lingers on his face and I don’t know why, but boy do I love his smile. It could probably make the saddest person on earth happy for just a few minutes after seeing his beautiful dimples.
“Alright.” I agree and we finally get up from the bench we’ve been sitting on for way too long now.
My legs are feeling a bit numb and they start to tingle after not moving them for so long. The sun is now almost completely down, the small shadow of a light still lingering in the sky. The street lamps have been lit and I know it is probably around nine o’clock. I should probably be heading home but I am enjoying Ashton’s company. He makes me happy, and I don’t want to leave.
We start walking down the path, not going in any certain place, just following where the road takes us. It is quiet, he doesn’t speak and neither do I. The tall trees around us block out the rest of the little sunlight that still crept from behind the clouds and everything gets a lot darker. I like nights like this, when everything seems calm on the inside, but in reality it just blocks out the chaotic reality.
“Are you cold?” He asks after about ten minutes of just walking.
“I’m okay.” I smile and he nods.
It’s not all that cold now. The thin jacket I have on today keeps me warm enough for now, even though I know that I am most likely going to be a bit colder later. It might be the beginning of summer, but it doesn’t mean that the weather is the same at night as it is in the day. But for now I don’t worry about that, I just want to talk to Ashton because if I don’t speak to someone I feel like I am going to go insane. I want to distract myself and talking to him always does that to me. Pulls me away from reality.
“What’s your favorite band?” I ask the most random question that comes to my mind.
“Can I give you another riddle?” He grins and I shake my head.
“I think it’s fair enough to say your riddles suck. And also I already knew the answer to the ones you’ve told me, so now you have to answer my questions.” A big smile makes its way onto my face.
“Fine, fine.” He sighs dramatically. “Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yours?” I like that band as well.
“Now, I can’t tell you until you have an answer to my riddle, can I?” I smile and walk in front of him.
“That is so not fair!” He huffs from behind me.
“Life is not fair.” I shrug.
I think it has been about two hours and my legs are starting to hurt. We probably walked like a thousand miles and I feel like I am about to collapse at any moment. But I did get to learn a lot of things about Ashton. His favorite color is blue, he prefers frozen yogurt over ice cream and his last name is Irwin. Also his middle name is Fletcher and he said he doesn’t like it, but I think it’s cute. I like getting to know Ashton and I wish he could get to know me as well, but I really want for him to be able to solve my riddle first. It also gives me time to see if I can trust him, because telling your life story to someone is really difficult until you know you can completely trust and believe in them.
Now everything looks like it has calmed down. There are still cars riding around the town, but not as many as in the middle of the day. Everything is peaceful, all the street lamps are on and the city lights look extremely beautiful. We are now around a very quiet alley, not even a person can be seen around.
“Are you hungry?” I suddenly ask and he frowns confused.
“Are you?” He laughs slightly and I shrug.
“I’m always hungry.”
“Okay, well, wanna grab something to eat?” He suggests and I nod, pointing out a small diner at the end of the street.
“Let’s go there.” I smile eagerly and start walking in that direction.
The sign with the diner’s name is very poorly lit, only three of the five letters actually working and it looks pretty empty, but it’s late so I don’t blame it for not having that many customers. Walking inside we go in the back and take a seat in a booth. It smells oddly nice in here; kind of like flowers and cookies. I like it. Also the booths are a very pretty baby blue color. This place doesn’t look as bad on the inside as from the outside.
“What do you want?” Ashton asks and flips open the menu from the table.
Taking a menu myself I look at the list of foods and I decide on a strawberry milkshake and a burger with fries. I haven’t had food this late at night in so long and I almost cannot wait for it. Taking my phone out of my backpack for the first time tonight I see I don’t have any missed calls or texts. I mean, I was kind of expecting for my mom to call me but I guess she probably hasn’t gotten home yet either. She’s most likely still working, as per usual.
“Hi, what can I get for you?” A boy comes to our booth and lazily takes out a pen from his pocket to write down our order. He looks really tired.
“I’m just going to have a hot chocolate, Luna?” Ashton says and looks back at me.
I give the boy my order and he scribbles it down before leaving us alone again. I am actually feeling kind of bad that I dragged Ashton in here just because I am hungry when he is not. I could have eaten something at home. But at the same time, I still don’t want to leave. Spending time with him is extremely nice and liberating.
“I have a feeling I am never going to come with an answer to your riddle.” He sighs and runs a hand through his curly hair.
“Only time will tell.” I smile and he laughs slightly, before nodding. “You know.” I start and get his attention back. “I think I want to tell you why I was so sad earlier today.” I don’t even know why I want to do that, but I just feel like it’s the right thing to do.
“That’s great.” He smiles, his eyes almost lighting up. “Tell me, whenever you’re ready.” I nod and sigh gathering myself, trying to feel mentally prepared to tell him this big mess that is a part of my life.
“Well, it is about my grandmother.” I start from the beginning. “She is sick. Very sick. She has HD, if you’ve ever heard of it.” I look to see if he knows what I am talking about but from the light frown in between his eyebrows I know he doesn’t. “It’s short for Huntington’s Disease. She basically doesn’t really remember stuff from her life all that much anymore and her body always convulses in the most awful ways possible.” I shake my head just at the thought of my grandma. “I know she doesn’t mean to say the words she sometimes says to me or to yell at me, but I can’t help but feel guilty whenever she does.” I admit. “Today I was just trying to give her some of her favorite cake and she choked so they had to take her away. Now they want to intubate her so she will be able to be fed without choking again. What I am trying to say here is that I feel like every day she starts slipping away from us more and more and I am very sad about that.”
Looking back into his eyes, I see that they are sincere. They do not judge me nor hold pity for me. They are just warm, almost comforting to gaze into, and they have a beautiful spark in them that I can’t really point out what means.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I can see that he is actually genuine when he says that. “So there’s no way of her getting better?” He asks and I lean back in my seat.
“No.” I sigh. “Unfortunately not. She doesn’t have all that long to live anymore.”
“That’s awful.” He shakes his head, creases forming onto his forehead. “I now understand why you were acting like that today.” He smiles sympathetically and I feel my body shiver when his hand stretches over the table and his fingers run lightly over my arm in comfort.
Goosebumps cover my skin because of his tender touch. It feels odd, but at the same time, soothing. His fingers are very gentle on my skin and feel extremely warm and tender. I like it; a lot. Interrupting the moment, the waiter comes back with our order and places the food on the table. Ashton pulls his hand away and I feel cold without his touch. I almost want to grab his hand back, but stop myself from doing so because that would just be weird.
After about ten minutes I actually get Ashton to also eat some of my fries so I don’t feel so awkward eating by myself. The food is good, I can’t complain about that, although the fries are a bit cold. It takes me about twenty minutes to finish and now I sit back with my knees up to my chest, sipping from my milkshake.
“Where do you live?” Ashton asks and I look up at him, letting the straw fall out from between my lips.
“About ten minutes from here, I believe. Why?” I ask confused.
“Because I’m going to take you home.” He states and I raise my eyebrows, but just shrug, agreeing. If it makes him happy, why not.
Just five minutes later we get up to leave. I take my wallet out to pay for my meal, but Ashton is faster than me, pulling out a twenty dollar bill and leaving it on the table. I actually do refuse for him paying, but he just shrugs off my comment and tugs me by my arm out before I can actually make him take his money back. I feel bad for people paying for me. I can afford it, I don’t like it when people spend their money on me. I don’t like it when my own father does, because I know he isn’t as financially stable as my mom, who has always paid for me. I just don’t want people worrying about me, I can afford myself, but I will accept it as a “gift” from Ashton this time.
“You know, you still didn’t have to do that.” I tell Ashton after walking out of the diner. “I’m going to pay you back.”
“Okay, you’ll pay next time.” He rolls his eyes but I am not really convinced that he is telling the truth about that. “When are you finishing school?” He asks randomly.
“Next week, I believe.” I haven’t thought that much about it, I don’t even think I will be attending the graduation.
“And what are you doing after that?” He keeps asking these random questions and I don’t really know where he’s going with the conversation.
“Aiming for the starts.” He frowns and I giggle. “I have no idea, I’ll just do what feels right.” I say genuinely not having an answer for his question this time. “When do you graduate?”
“This Friday.” He answers and I nod. “You could come.” He says and I look at him with confused eyes. “To my graduation. If you want, I mean.” He brings a hand to the back of his head and ruffles his hair a bit awkwardly.
“No, I would like to.” I say after seeing him get really nervous about it. “It just means I would have to skip the day.” I laugh slightly. I have never skipped before, it should be interesting.
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, seriously, I-“
“Ashton.” I stop him from talking and also from walking, stepping in front of him. “I want to come.” I smile and put my hands over his shoulders which makes me look like I am trying to reach for something on top of a shelf because he is so damn tall. “Honestly.”
“Awesome.” He smiles again and I swear it almost gives me chest pains from how beautiful his smile is. “You’re shivering.” His smile drops and is replaced with a frown.
Only then do I realize that. I am actually really cold now that I think about it. I wasn’t kidding when I said Ashton is a distraction for me. I forget about everything, even myself.
“Oh.” I frown and back away from him to see that my hands are slightly shaking. It’s really cold. “I guess I’m kind of cold.” I shrug.
He doesn’t wait another moment but unzips his hoodie and holds it out for me. I shake my head; I don’t want him to be cold just in a jumper. He rolls his eyes and takes my arm, pulling it through the sleeve, doing the same with the other one. He zips it all the way up and places the hood over my head, completely covering my eyes. I laugh slightly and lift it from over my face.
“Thanks.” I smile brightly and he follows me when I start walking away, wanting to get home as quickly as possible so he doesn’t get really cold.
After about five more minutes we arrive at my house. I take my keys out of my backpack and type the passcode to the front gate so it can open. I turn around to look at Ashton, but his eyes are widened looking at the big mansion. I was kind of expecting that reaction.
“You live here?” He asks surprised and I just roll my eyes.
“Yes, I know it’s big, now stop starring like that.” He clears his throat and mutters a “sorry” but I just shrug it off. I start unzipping his hoodie to give it back to him, but he stops me wrapping his fingers around my wrist.
“Keep it.” He surprises me by saying that and I frown genuinely concerned for him.
“But you’ll get cold.” I try to offer him the hoodie back again but he just shakes his head and I don’t argue with him; I have come to realize that it never helps the situation when I do that.
“Goodnight, Luna.” His fingers slowly unwrap from my wrist and again, I feel cold on the inside from the loss of his touch.
“Goodnight.” I whisper and he gives a small wave, walking away, his shadow getting lost in the street lights.
Going inside, I close the gate behind me and unlock the door, seeing that every light in the house is shut. I guess mom hasn’t come home yet. I look at the clock from the wall and see that it is a quarter past midnight. It’s really late and only now do I realize it’s actually a school day. Tomorrow I am going to feel and most likely look like hell. But smiling and making my way up the stairs, I know it was worth it.
I can’t remember the last time I saw such a beautiful sky. You know those kind of evenings, when the weather is so peaceful, there is wind, but it feels almost warm against your skin, and the sun is slowly making its way down behind the clouds. It creates beautiful colors swirling around, not a spot of orange and pink matching the other, thousands of different shades melting into each other. It is the kind of beauty that you want to photograph, but a camera could never catch something so breathtaking in just one picture. Trust me when I say that, I have tried; no photo could ever come close to the real thing displayed right before my eyes.
The soft wind blows my hair and makes goosebumps raise on my skin. I can hear the faint sound of birds singing into distance and the never ending LA traffic. Everybody seems to always rush somewhere and I don’t get that; why rush when you have so much time in your life? Why waste witnessing such beautiful sunsets to just go home and pull your curtains, ignoring the astonishing view this world gives us? It is in my opinion one of the worst things anyone could do, get lost in their computers and phones and ignore what is real; these kind of miracles.
I am beyond content with living the rest of my life like this. Sitting right here, admiring the thick watercolor sunset above me, with good ice cream and good company. I haven’t actually had ice cream in so long I almost forgot how it tastes. I am glad I have decided to spend my evening this way; I am really feeling a lot better now.
“Hey, Luna.” I hear the curly haired boy say softly from next to me and I lazily glance in his direction. “Are you alright?” His voice is smooth, almost as a touch on your skin that could cure any pain.
Such a simple question that requires such a difficult answer. It shouldn’t be like that, it should just have a concise answer, but that wouldn’t be very truthful. Am I alright? I don’t know to be honest. All my life I have told myself that I am alright, I could be worse, there are people out there going through tougher phases than I am, but I guess we all have our own kind of problems that are important to us on different levels. Am I feeling alright at the moment? I think so. I feel a lot better than before, so I guess I could say that I am alright, but only for now. I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow, or the day after that, but I know in the end I am always going to be just alright.
“Yes.” I say after a few seconds of thinking. “I am now.” I give him a small smile and he does the same, making me feel even better seeing the beautiful way his lips curve up.
We have been here on the same bench for over an hour, the sun going down in front of our eyes. We already had some ice cream, but honestly I want to have a hundred more and just drown my sorrow in the sweet taste of the iced dessert. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to just go home and sleep more than I do now. I usually enjoy staying outside and watching the beautiful art of nature, but today is not that kind of day. Today I just feel exhausted.
“So what happened?” He asks again after about five minutes.
“Why do you think something happened?” I answer nonchalantly with another question.
“You seemed really sad when you called me. Almost as if you were crying.” He frowns, probably trying to replay the phone conversation in his head.
“It’s nothing serious.” I shake my head, trying to get some hair out of my face, but the wind keeps blowing it in all kinds of ways so I just give up.
“If it was so bad it made you cry it should be.” He gives a small smile and I look down at my shoes.
“I wasn’t crying…” I trail off. “I was just felling sad.” Shrugging, I pick at the sleeves of my jacket.
“You are not yourself, I can see that.”
“You don’t know me.” I snap right back, but immediately regret it when I see the look in his eyes.
I didn’t mean to say that. I know I have only known him for about two weeks but he has been the only person who actually wanted to get to know me. He probably noticed more things about me than my own mother ever did. He doesn’t know me well, yes, that is true, but I feel like he started picking on my personality and maybe he started to get to know me better now. I feel bad for being rude to him, I don’t like being rude to people, it makes me even more sad.
“You’re… you’re right.” He says quietly. “Maybe I don’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.”
That genuinely makes me feel better, it feels as if my heart warms up and I can’t help a smile from creeping onto my face. He is so different from any person that has ever come into my life. Nobody wants to actually get to know me. They just get what they want out of me, even if it is a homework or someone to copy from at a test paper, and then they just leave as if it never happened. And it sometimes hurts, but I don’t really let it get to me. I am already used to it. But he… he is something else; he is so much more.
“Sorry.” I mumble. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Sighing I look into his eyes and can’t help but notice how beautiful the different shades of green reflect into the light. “I’m just having a really bad day.”
“I understand.” He nods. “Want to tell me about it or just pretend it never even happened?” I laugh at that and he chuckles.
“A part of me wants to just forget it but the other part tells me I shouldn’t just bottle everything up inside of me.” I confess and I can see him nod from the corner of my eye.
“Well, let’s just walk around. If you feel like you’re ready to tell me, you will. If you don’t, you’ll just tell me another time.” A smile still lingers on his face and I don’t know why, but boy do I love his smile. It could probably make the saddest person on earth happy for just a few minutes after seeing his beautiful dimples.
“Alright.” I agree and we finally get up from the bench we’ve been sitting on for way too long now.
My legs are feeling a bit numb and they start to tingle after not moving them for so long. The sun is now almost completely down, the small shadow of a light still lingering in the sky. The street lamps have been lit and I know it is probably around nine o’clock. I should probably be heading home but I am enjoying Ashton’s company. He makes me happy, and I don’t want to leave.
We start walking down the path, not going in any certain place, just following where the road takes us. It is quiet, he doesn’t speak and neither do I. The tall trees around us block out the rest of the little sunlight that still crept from behind the clouds and everything gets a lot darker. I like nights like this, when everything seems calm on the inside, but in reality it just blocks out the chaotic reality.
“Are you cold?” He asks after about ten minutes of just walking.
“I’m okay.” I smile and he nods.
It’s not all that cold now. The thin jacket I have on today keeps me warm enough for now, even though I know that I am most likely going to be a bit colder later. It might be the beginning of summer, but it doesn’t mean that the weather is the same at night as it is in the day. But for now I don’t worry about that, I just want to talk to Ashton because if I don’t speak to someone I feel like I am going to go insane. I want to distract myself and talking to him always does that to me. Pulls me away from reality.
“What’s your favorite band?” I ask the most random question that comes to my mind.
“Can I give you another riddle?” He grins and I shake my head.
“I think it’s fair enough to say your riddles suck. And also I already knew the answer to the ones you’ve told me, so now you have to answer my questions.” A big smile makes its way onto my face.
“Fine, fine.” He sighs dramatically. “Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yours?” I like that band as well.
“Now, I can’t tell you until you have an answer to my riddle, can I?” I smile and walk in front of him.
“That is so not fair!” He huffs from behind me.
“Life is not fair.” I shrug.
I think it has been about two hours and my legs are starting to hurt. We probably walked like a thousand miles and I feel like I am about to collapse at any moment. But I did get to learn a lot of things about Ashton. His favorite color is blue, he prefers frozen yogurt over ice cream and his last name is Irwin. Also his middle name is Fletcher and he said he doesn’t like it, but I think it’s cute. I like getting to know Ashton and I wish he could get to know me as well, but I really want for him to be able to solve my riddle first. It also gives me time to see if I can trust him, because telling your life story to someone is really difficult until you know you can completely trust and believe in them.
Now everything looks like it has calmed down. There are still cars riding around the town, but not as many as in the middle of the day. Everything is peaceful, all the street lamps are on and the city lights look extremely beautiful. We are now around a very quiet alley, not even a person can be seen around.
“Are you hungry?” I suddenly ask and he frowns confused.
“Are you?” He laughs slightly and I shrug.
“I’m always hungry.”
“Okay, well, wanna grab something to eat?” He suggests and I nod, pointing out a small diner at the end of the street.
“Let’s go there.” I smile eagerly and start walking in that direction.
The sign with the diner’s name is very poorly lit, only three of the five letters actually working and it looks pretty empty, but it’s late so I don’t blame it for not having that many customers. Walking inside we go in the back and take a seat in a booth. It smells oddly nice in here; kind of like flowers and cookies. I like it. Also the booths are a very pretty baby blue color. This place doesn’t look as bad on the inside as from the outside.
“What do you want?” Ashton asks and flips open the menu from the table.
Taking a menu myself I look at the list of foods and I decide on a strawberry milkshake and a burger with fries. I haven’t had food this late at night in so long and I almost cannot wait for it. Taking my phone out of my backpack for the first time tonight I see I don’t have any missed calls or texts. I mean, I was kind of expecting for my mom to call me but I guess she probably hasn’t gotten home yet either. She’s most likely still working, as per usual.
“Hi, what can I get for you?” A boy comes to our booth and lazily takes out a pen from his pocket to write down our order. He looks really tired.
“I’m just going to have a hot chocolate, Luna?” Ashton says and looks back at me.
I give the boy my order and he scribbles it down before leaving us alone again. I am actually feeling kind of bad that I dragged Ashton in here just because I am hungry when he is not. I could have eaten something at home. But at the same time, I still don’t want to leave. Spending time with him is extremely nice and liberating.
“I have a feeling I am never going to come with an answer to your riddle.” He sighs and runs a hand through his curly hair.
“Only time will tell.” I smile and he laughs slightly, before nodding. “You know.” I start and get his attention back. “I think I want to tell you why I was so sad earlier today.” I don’t even know why I want to do that, but I just feel like it’s the right thing to do.
“That’s great.” He smiles, his eyes almost lighting up. “Tell me, whenever you’re ready.” I nod and sigh gathering myself, trying to feel mentally prepared to tell him this big mess that is a part of my life.
“Well, it is about my grandmother.” I start from the beginning. “She is sick. Very sick. She has HD, if you’ve ever heard of it.” I look to see if he knows what I am talking about but from the light frown in between his eyebrows I know he doesn’t. “It’s short for Huntington’s Disease. She basically doesn’t really remember stuff from her life all that much anymore and her body always convulses in the most awful ways possible.” I shake my head just at the thought of my grandma. “I know she doesn’t mean to say the words she sometimes says to me or to yell at me, but I can’t help but feel guilty whenever she does.” I admit. “Today I was just trying to give her some of her favorite cake and she choked so they had to take her away. Now they want to intubate her so she will be able to be fed without choking again. What I am trying to say here is that I feel like every day she starts slipping away from us more and more and I am very sad about that.”
Looking back into his eyes, I see that they are sincere. They do not judge me nor hold pity for me. They are just warm, almost comforting to gaze into, and they have a beautiful spark in them that I can’t really point out what means.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” I can see that he is actually genuine when he says that. “So there’s no way of her getting better?” He asks and I lean back in my seat.
“No.” I sigh. “Unfortunately not. She doesn’t have all that long to live anymore.”
“That’s awful.” He shakes his head, creases forming onto his forehead. “I now understand why you were acting like that today.” He smiles sympathetically and I feel my body shiver when his hand stretches over the table and his fingers run lightly over my arm in comfort.
Goosebumps cover my skin because of his tender touch. It feels odd, but at the same time, soothing. His fingers are very gentle on my skin and feel extremely warm and tender. I like it; a lot. Interrupting the moment, the waiter comes back with our order and places the food on the table. Ashton pulls his hand away and I feel cold without his touch. I almost want to grab his hand back, but stop myself from doing so because that would just be weird.
After about ten minutes I actually get Ashton to also eat some of my fries so I don’t feel so awkward eating by myself. The food is good, I can’t complain about that, although the fries are a bit cold. It takes me about twenty minutes to finish and now I sit back with my knees up to my chest, sipping from my milkshake.
“Where do you live?” Ashton asks and I look up at him, letting the straw fall out from between my lips.
“About ten minutes from here, I believe. Why?” I ask confused.
“Because I’m going to take you home.” He states and I raise my eyebrows, but just shrug, agreeing. If it makes him happy, why not.
Just five minutes later we get up to leave. I take my wallet out to pay for my meal, but Ashton is faster than me, pulling out a twenty dollar bill and leaving it on the table. I actually do refuse for him paying, but he just shrugs off my comment and tugs me by my arm out before I can actually make him take his money back. I feel bad for people paying for me. I can afford it, I don’t like it when people spend their money on me. I don’t like it when my own father does, because I know he isn’t as financially stable as my mom, who has always paid for me. I just don’t want people worrying about me, I can afford myself, but I will accept it as a “gift” from Ashton this time.
“You know, you still didn’t have to do that.” I tell Ashton after walking out of the diner. “I’m going to pay you back.”
“Okay, you’ll pay next time.” He rolls his eyes but I am not really convinced that he is telling the truth about that. “When are you finishing school?” He asks randomly.
“Next week, I believe.” I haven’t thought that much about it, I don’t even think I will be attending the graduation.
“And what are you doing after that?” He keeps asking these random questions and I don’t really know where he’s going with the conversation.
“Aiming for the starts.” He frowns and I giggle. “I have no idea, I’ll just do what feels right.” I say genuinely not having an answer for his question this time. “When do you graduate?”
“This Friday.” He answers and I nod. “You could come.” He says and I look at him with confused eyes. “To my graduation. If you want, I mean.” He brings a hand to the back of his head and ruffles his hair a bit awkwardly.
“No, I would like to.” I say after seeing him get really nervous about it. “It just means I would have to skip the day.” I laugh slightly. I have never skipped before, it should be interesting.
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, seriously, I-“
“Ashton.” I stop him from talking and also from walking, stepping in front of him. “I want to come.” I smile and put my hands over his shoulders which makes me look like I am trying to reach for something on top of a shelf because he is so damn tall. “Honestly.”
“Awesome.” He smiles again and I swear it almost gives me chest pains from how beautiful his smile is. “You’re shivering.” His smile drops and is replaced with a frown.
Only then do I realize that. I am actually really cold now that I think about it. I wasn’t kidding when I said Ashton is a distraction for me. I forget about everything, even myself.
“Oh.” I frown and back away from him to see that my hands are slightly shaking. It’s really cold. “I guess I’m kind of cold.” I shrug.
He doesn’t wait another moment but unzips his hoodie and holds it out for me. I shake my head; I don’t want him to be cold just in a jumper. He rolls his eyes and takes my arm, pulling it through the sleeve, doing the same with the other one. He zips it all the way up and places the hood over my head, completely covering my eyes. I laugh slightly and lift it from over my face.
“Thanks.” I smile brightly and he follows me when I start walking away, wanting to get home as quickly as possible so he doesn’t get really cold.
After about five more minutes we arrive at my house. I take my keys out of my backpack and type the passcode to the front gate so it can open. I turn around to look at Ashton, but his eyes are widened looking at the big mansion. I was kind of expecting that reaction.
“You live here?” He asks surprised and I just roll my eyes.
“Yes, I know it’s big, now stop starring like that.” He clears his throat and mutters a “sorry” but I just shrug it off. I start unzipping his hoodie to give it back to him, but he stops me wrapping his fingers around my wrist.
“Keep it.” He surprises me by saying that and I frown genuinely concerned for him.
“But you’ll get cold.” I try to offer him the hoodie back again but he just shakes his head and I don’t argue with him; I have come to realize that it never helps the situation when I do that.
“Goodnight, Luna.” His fingers slowly unwrap from my wrist and again, I feel cold on the inside from the loss of his touch.
“Goodnight.” I whisper and he gives a small wave, walking away, his shadow getting lost in the street lights.
Going inside, I close the gate behind me and unlock the door, seeing that every light in the house is shut. I guess mom hasn’t come home yet. I look at the clock from the wall and see that it is a quarter past midnight. It’s really late and only now do I realize it’s actually a school day. Tomorrow I am going to feel and most likely look like hell. But smiling and making my way up the stairs, I know it was worth it.
@FadingLogic
thank you so much!! x
4/24/17