*Journal Page*
I didn’t sleep well last night. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw Lizzie laying in bed, only I wasn’t the one beside her. I tried everything to distract myself from thinking about what Lizzie was doing on her wedding night. I wandered around every corner of the villa, tried to read a book, fixed myself a cup of tea. None of it worked. God help me, I need to find a way to deal with these feelings for Lizzie.
The next morning I waited nervously for Lizzie and Liam to come tell us all goodbye, before they left for Greece.
They walked into the kitchen, and I immediately noticed how beautiful Lizzie looked. Even though I tried very hard not to think about what had brought on her glow, my mind wandered for a moment. Why couldn’t I be the one to give Lizzie that glow? This isn’t some small infatuation. I don’t want to just have sex with her, I want to make love to her.
I snapped back from my thoughts as Lizzie approached me. She asked me if I was ok.
I told her it was her honeymoon, and she shouldn’t worry about me. I hugged her tight, whispering in her ear. “Please don’t worry about me. Have fun, Lizzie.” Then I kissed her ear before pulling back.
Liam came up then, giving me a hug. He thanked me for everything, then asked Lizzie if she was ready to go.
I gave her an assuring wink. Inside though, I was falling apart.

************
Alice looks up at Harry. “You know, looking back now, I remember that I suddenly noticed how sad you seemed to look in pictures. Is this why?”
Harry doesn’t respond, he just looks off at some nonexistent thing in the distance. “Why don’t you read the next page?”

*Journal Page*
Today was the first time I’d seen Lizzie since the wedding. She and I had lunch together. I tried to avoid direct conversation regarding marriage or the honeymoon. I felt it was safer to ask about Greece instead. The conversation went something like this.
“Did you love Greece, Lizzie?”
“Yes, it was incredibly beautiful. The trip was almost perfect.”
“What happened, Lizzie?”
Tears sparkled in her beautiful eyes as she recounted a story of some jealous girls at a bar in Greece. “I was in the bathroom stall, and they didn’t know. They called me jealous, then they said I wasn’t pretty enough for Liam.”
She put her head down, bringing her napkin to her eyes.
“Lizzie, Love, please don’t cry.” I pleaded with her.
She looked up at me with an expression on her face that broke my heart.
“Harry, when they said that, all of my old insecurities came up. It hurt so much.”
I reached across, putting my hand on top of hers. I didn’t care one bit that we were in public.
“Lizzie, look at me.” I waited while she wiped at her tears, then looked up into my eyes. “How can you possibly not know how incredibly beautiful you are? Those girls were just jealous because they are nowhere near as gorgeous as you.”
She manages a small smile. “You didn’t even see them, H.”
I grin. “I don’t have to, my sweet Lizzie. No other woman compares to you.”
She smiled, drying the last of her tears. “I guess it’s time to get rid of these old insecurities for good. I mean, if I have two of the most handsome men in the world, telling me I’m beautiful...it’s time to believe it.”
I gave her my best cheesy grin. “You think I’m handsome?” My hand still rested on top
of hers.
Lizzie took her free hand, laying it atop mine, her thumb rubbing it lightly. “You know I do, H.”
And there it was. The moment where all the feelings get jumbled and confused.
“I should probably go.” She told me as she pulled her hand away.

I walked Lizzie to her car. “Look, Lizzie, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. That’s never my intention.”
She sighed, and leaned against her car. “You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable,
Harry. I just get conflicted sometimes. Let’s see if I can find the words.” She looked down at the ground, then back up into my eyes. “You are important to me, H. I want...no need you in my life. I know how you feel about me, and I never want to hurt you, ever. Our friendship is so natural, so comfortable. I hope that never comes across as though I’m leading you on.” She sighed, running her hand through her long hair. “This is coming out wrong.”
I stopped her. “No it’s not, Love. I understand. You’ve never lead me on, I know exactly where you stand.” I take one of her curls, twirling it between my fingers. “Lizzie, I know that you love me...differently from how you love Liam. I also know that you will never look at me, the same way I look at you.”
“Oh, H.” She said, with tears brimming her eyes.
“I’m trying to find a way to manage my feelings for you, Lizzie. I know they aren’t going anywhere, so I need to find a way to learn to accept them. So that I never hurt you, and so that I can live a semblance of a life without you.”
Her tears spilled over then. “Can’t I just marry you both?”
I laughed loudly. My Lizzie can always make me smile.
“I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon.” I told her as I wiped away her tears.
“I’m sorry, Harry.”
I put my fingers under her chin, lifting it till she met my eyes. “Please don’t apologize, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Then I left a soft, gentle kiss at the corner of her lips.
“Lizzie, you will always, always be my favorite “what if”.”
Then I turned and walked towards my car. It took everything in me not to look back at her.

Notes