Liquor Bitch

The boys were quite jovial on the set, joking with a man named James Corden. James liked asking Harry uncomfortable questions about some girl named Taylor. If it was Taylor Swift, then that didn’t seem so bad. I could only name her song Love Story and it wasn’t that bad. Somehow all the questions about Taylor led to Harry call out Louis.

“Well, let me tell you a story about Lou”, Harry smirked. Oh God, what was this story? “At least the guys knew about Taylor and knew when we were dating. We only just met Louis’s new girlfriend yesterday!”

“So you’re already over Briana?” James asked. “Lou, you just move right on, don’t you? You’re turning into a right Harry!”

“Say what you want but my girl now is something very special”, Louis chuckled.

“Special indeed”, added Liam.

“Where is she? Do you have a picture?” James inquired.

“She’s back stage!” Harry announced, standing. “Aphrodite, come on out!” I went from peeking through monitors to a stage hand pushing me out. I waved to the audience though there was no reason. I couldn’t see them behind all the lights. The room looked black to me but I could hear the oo’s and ah’s and applause. “James Corden, this is Louis’s lovely Aphrodite!”

Sheepishly, I took a seat next to Louis which Niall graciously scooted over so I could have. “Aphrodite”, James recited. “Like the goddess?”

“Daffy like Daffy Duck works too”, I smiled awkwardly. Louis twisted his fingers into mine as James grinned.

“But you’re not a duck, right?”

“I might be”, I joked. Hopefully not a lot of people were watching this. I could get in serious trouble if I did. What if I was found out? Since the guys already mistook me for being this Aphrodite girl, maybe her fans would mistake me for her too (assuming any were watching).

“So where did you meet? The park?”

“That’s correct”, Louis chuckled. “I saw her by the pond and thought ‘mmm girl, look at that beak’. And I’ve been in love ever since.” The audience laughed and I did too.

“Do you care to tell us how you really met?” James grinned.

I looked to Louis who stared back with a smile plastered on his face. “I think Louis should tell you. He tells the story best”, I explained, which earned a mix look of what-the-fuck-are-you-doing but also acceptance from Liam.

Louis crossed his legs and leaned forward, taking my hand with him. “It’s quite funny actually”, he said. “I ran into her at a bakery buying doughnuts for me little sis and Daffy here didn’t even recognize me.”

“Was it like a full on collision or just meeting?” James wondered.

“Full on, face to face collision”, Louis smirked. “Doughnuts everywhere! People are wondering what is happening. This little blonde girl has no idea who I am and I don’t know who she is. Well, I saw her picture in a perfume ad in Rolling Stone so I had management find her managers and set us up a date to discuss a ‘modelling opportunity’. I just wanted a cute date for the Teens Choice Award.”

“I got the better end of the deal”, I quipped, pinching his cheek.

“So then, you’re a model?” James asked and Harry replied with an enthusiastic yes. “Can we get some pictures up on the screen?” I squeezed Louis’s hand as pictures of a girl popped up on the jumbo tron wall behind us. We DID look awful fucking similar. The real Aphrodite looked down at me from gorgeous portraits for Chanel, Vogue, Sports Illustrated, and loads more. She had all the grace I didn’t have. We might’ve looked alike but I still thought she was prettier. “So Harry, when are you getting a model to compete with Louis?”

“I dated Cara!” Harry whined.

“She’s an actress!” Liam argued.

James looked over his note cards before standing. “We’re going to play a game!” he called. “Daffy, since there are four of them, do you mind acting as our Vanna White?”

“Sure thing.”

James handed cards to the guys, ping pong paddles with true and false on either side. He explained that he was going to play part of a music video and state a fact. The band had to determine if it was true or false. It wound up turning into a discussion about “wouldn’t it be cool if that had really happened?” or personal stories about what had actually happened. There were jokes and a bunch of banter that went on before James announced a winner. The winner was Liam.

“And your prize, Liam!” James wailed, handing me a card. “Daffy Duck, please tell the audience what Liam has won!”

“‘Knowing you’re smarter than your band mates’”, I recited, earning laughter from the band and the audience I couldn’t see. We wrapped up the show with a few more jokes and questions before filming ended. The cameras stopped rolling and the stage lights were replaced by house lights. This time I could see the audience. There were so many girls with parents or friends in the crowd, pushing down to meet the band. Harry politely took pictures and signed things while Niall stole phones and posted selfies on people’s Twitter accounts, Liam having thoughtful conversations with anyone who would approach them, and finally Louis struggled to make clever comments to fans as he surfed the sea of bodies to me. Surprisingly, I wasn’t excluded from this. A lot of girls asked me about what it was like being with Louis. We’d only spent 24 hours together but he seemed sweet and genuine, which is what I told them.

“Louis is just a cube of sugar”, I giggled to a girl. “He’s so sweet and goes great with tea.”

“Do you really love him?” another girl asked. I frowned. Whether I knew him or not, as far as she knew, we were dating. How could the real Aphrodite not love him?

“Obviously”, I stated, reaching a hand out since he was quickly approaching.

“She’s just here for the money.”

“When did he go from brunettes to blondes?”

“She’s nothing like Eleanor.”

“She’s better than Eleanor”, Louis interrupted, dropping a hand on my shoulder. Some of the not so nice fans fell quiet. “My dear Daffy is more than I could ever wish for and I’m so happy to have a doll like her.” He planted a big, fat, sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Now, if you don’t mind, we have our weekly Friday Date Night to attend to.” I wasn’t given the option of fighting him; Louis was already dragging me off the set.

“I have to ask Liam something”, I said quickly.

Louis’s eyebrows quirked. “What for, love?”

“He’s just been...weird”, I shrugged.

Louis swatted a hand and brought me out of the studio. “Probably something about him and his girlfriend breaking up. Just wait until you see what I have planned for you tonight!”

“What could you possibly have planned?” I asked.

He turned a bright shade of red as his grin stretched over his entire face. “Something hopefully, incredibly wonderful”, Louis chuckled. “I mean...my word. Let’s just go before I spoil it!” I trailed after Louis, wondering just what in the Hell was this thing and how would Aphrodite react to it?

Notes