For Your Eyes Only

“Annie! Annie, Look at me! Guys, I’m losing her! I’m losing her!” I didn’t realize my eyes were shut, but I had squeezed them tightly closed against flashes of my parents. I forced them open, but I didn’t see Dad standing over me with the baseball bat. I saw blond hair, not gray. I saw blue eyes, not brown. I was on my back, when suddenly the face disappeared and I was pushed up from behind. A pair of arms came around my waist and squeezed against my sporadic breathing. My back pressed against something warm. I tried to struggle, wondering when it would start to hurt, wondering when Dad would jerk my head back by my hair. But he didn't. A deep, soothing Irish voice whispered in my ear.
“Annie, love, please, breathe. Breathe. I need you to breathe. Please, Annie. Hear me. Listen to me. Breathe. Please.” My chest finally began to rise and fall. Air filled my starved lungs. Then we were swaying back and forth. “Good girl. Breathe, Annie. Breathe. Good, like that. Just think about breathing.” Finally my racing heart started to slow and my ears unplugged. I stuttered the only name going through my oxygen-deprived brain.
“N-Niall,” I forced out. The arms pulled me closer, enveloping me in comforting warmth.
“Right here, babe. Shhhh, just breathe.” We stayed like that for a long time, me trying to forget and him just holding me. Why did I remember now? Dad had been banished from my memory. I refused to even look at pictures of him. Aunt Kathy had stopped bringing my parents up completely after I screamed at her for suggesting I call them. Now, though, I only wanted to think about the strong arms wrapped around me, rocking me back and forth, and the smooth voice whispering encouragement into my ear.
It all ended when I saw Aunt Kathy running across the lawn toward me.
“Ann! Hey, baby girl. You ok?” The warmth on my back and waist vanished as Niall awkwardly climbed out from behind me. “Ann, look at me.” I focused on her, then realization swept over me. I’d just had a panic attack. Right in front of everyone. And somehow, someway, Niall had made it stop. No one was ever able to make it stop. Not unless they had a needle and restraints, like last time. I stood up too fast and fell into him. He caught me and the look on his face shocked me. His eyes held more fear than I had ever seen in another person. He was afraid for me. Why? I looked back to Aunt Kathy.
“Auntie, I-”
“I know, hun. Come one, let’s go home,” she interrupted. It was then that I noticed the other four boys standing to the side, looking a bit more than concerned.
“Auntie, how did you get here?” I asked once we were on the road.
“One of those boys found your phone on the ground and found me in your contacts. He said you had mentioned living with me, and that you had collapsed and stopped breathing. I got the day off. We’re gonna stay home all day and watch hallmark movies.”
“I didn’t just break up with someone,” I retorted. I hadn’t had a panic attack in a year and a half. The last one happened a few months after I moved in, when my dad called my phone from jail. That time I had to be sedated in the hospital. How did Niall make it stop? Why did he care? “How long did we, um…”
“He held you for about half an hour.” Half an hour? How? He held me… And I liked it. I shivered at the recent memory of his warmth on my back and his arms around me, holding me, comforting me. I had felt safe. I had never felt that safe before. Not even with Auntie, but that was different.
“Thanks for coming.”
“Honey, I told you last time. I’ll always be here for you. Always.”
“I know.”

Notes

I've never had a panic attack, so I did my best to describe it... Tell me how I did! Also I really would like some chocolate cheesecake right now.