All Hidden Away

“You want to do what?” I ask my mouth going dry at the thought.
“It’s just too recognisable. You can just chop it if you don’t like it.” Says Claire nonchalantly. I stare at her in horror.
“I am not dying my entire hair blond.” I say choking on the words.
“It’s just hair, Natasha. Stop being such a baby.” Says Claire making me glare at her.
“She won’t suit blond hair… it would look too fake with her dark features…” says Lou pointing it out.
“Lou, what if I just died the ends?” I beg her. I’ve thought about it before and it is better than going blond or cutting my hair. She looks apologetically at me and then at Claire.
“I guess that might work… Luke, it’s your image that I’m worried about. Would you date someone with dip dyed hair?” she asks seriously looking at Luke. He opens his mouth slightly looking angry.
“You are concerned about my image when you are forcing someone to first date me and now to change the way they look?” he asks frowning and getting angry. Luke and I were sitting around the kitchen island counter with Lou, Harry and Louis and Claire. Louis and Harry had been reminded to just be present as legal guardians more than once in the meeting after their disruptions and now it was my turn to remind Luke it was okay. I place my hand on his upper arm.
“No, Tasha, that’s not fair!” he says his voice rising. I close my eyes and breathe.
“I’ll get Mikey to help me dye my hair before we go out later.” I say shortly ignoring Harry, Louis and Luke’s grumbles.
“Great, at least one person is willing to work today.” Says Claire rudely rolling her eyes. Lou shoots her a look and shakes her head as I take a deep breath.
“What is happening to my…name?” I ask ignoring everyone and just trying to get this done so I can go for a run or something.
“Oh, right, well we wanted to change it but Simon and I decided it won’t be necessary to change it. You’re going to be Harry’s cousin if it comes up. It will accommodate for everything, but it will only be released as a statement as a last resort.” She says. I nod as I feel my chest tighten and I stand up.
“Great, thank you. Anything else or can I go?” I ask coldly not meeting anyone’s eyes other than hers.
“Tour’s been pushed back a few days, but will let you know about it later when I have final details.” She says looking at me. I raise my eyebrows but nod.
“Anything else?”
She looks slightly surprised but nods and I go to grab the spare set of keys on the table outside the door. I need to get out for a bit.
“Going to the store be back just now.” I call out before unlocking the door. I hear Harry telling someone to just let me go. I get a message as I get to the gate and walk out.

Stay safe, call if you need anything. Luke.

I smile and nod but keep walking. I take the long road to the store. I need to get some hair dye for Michael to use later. Fuck, I didn’t ask him if he could help. I pull back out my phone as I continue walking.

You keen to help me dye my hair later?

I send as I walk into the shop. I don’t put my phone away before I get a response.

What kind of question is that?? Sure!

I smile and go to the hair dye isle. I see a couple of colours I could go with but I have no idea. And then everything comes crashing down around me. I try to stop the choking feeling in my throat and to keep my composure but what the fuck was I doing with my life right now? Pretending to date the most amazing guy and pretending to be my brother’s cousin? I used to have a big issue with not feeling like Harry wanted me around, I especially found it hard with the filming of the video for Story of My Life… That was hard… I’m 18. I shouldn’t be about to go on tour with my brother and his friends! I should be studying and chilling at home and be going clubbing on Friday nights with my friends and being stupid. Not going to award shows and fake dates… I take a deep breath and deal with one problem at a time. First of… my hair. I dial Michael’s number.

He picks up after a few rings and I try to keep my voice steady. Before he has a chance to say hello I start talking.
“Okay so there is this god awful pink colour and a nice purple and then in a different make there is like this blue green aqua colour and then a dark navy… I’m not too keen to go for green because… although you did look nice with it that one time…” I pause a few seconds as I catch my breath.
“Tasha?” he says.
“I don’t know which make is better because I’ve never done this before… And I don’t know what colour to choose… what colour do I get Mikey?” I ask slowly feeling the tears filling my eyes.
“Hey, hey breathe… it’s okay. What shop are you at?” I look at the sign and tell him how to get here.
“I’ll be there just now. Just, breathe okay? Do you want me to bring Harry?” he asks sweetly as I can her him walking to the door.
“No, no its okay… I’m fine.” I lie as I sit on the floor in front of the hair colouring dye.
“Okay, I’ll be there now…Just breathe, Tasha.” he says before hanging up. I put down my phone and sit with crossed legs and rest my head in my hands trying to stop the need for crying. A couple of minutes’ pass before I feel someone sitting down next to me. After a few minutes he speaks.
“I’m not really good with the whole emotional girls thing… but I’m guessing you aren’t this sad because you don’t know what colour hair dye to use.” I hear Mikey say. I force out a laugh and turn to look at him.
“Wow, genius... so clever… don’t be in my inferior presence!” I say sarcastically. He laughs and puts an arm over my shoulder.
“They guys and I, all of us, are always here for you to talk to…” he says softly. I nod my head. “And I know Luke might not exactly be the guy you want to talk to if he’s the reason why-” I look at him.
“It’s not Luke I have a problem with. Honestly.” I say surprised. He smiles gently.
“I know, but I just, I think he cares a lot about you Tasha and I would just talk to him, explain what’s going on in that head of yours… I know Lou and Harry are also concerned, just talk to them… yeah?” he asks smiling while gently rubbing my back with his large hands. I nod and shoot him an apologetic smile.
“Now, something we can fix really easily...” He says standing up and pulling me to my feet. I smile. “Personally, I’d like to see you with this bluey green colour, maybe mixed with a hint of purple every now and then. Oh and you’re going to need a shit tonne of this stuff because –” he points at the boxes before turning around to me and fluffing up my loose hair. “You have a shit tonne of hair.” he says smiling fondly. I smile and pick up the boxes that he points out. We go over to the counter and he looks at a slab of chocolate. I look at him before picking up several of them and adding them to the pile.
“Why are you-?” he says after I pay for it all and we walk out as I hand one to him.
“Present for everyone.” I say before he smiles and passes me a piece. “Chocolate keeps the dementors away.” I say as I take a small bite. We walk in silence for a bit.
“This might be really personal, and you don’t have to answer, but… do you think that it’s the stress of tour that’s making you stressed or something else?” he asks chewing his chocolate.
“I don’t know… I’m worried about missing my classes…and pissing off Harry… I used to think he didn’t actually want me around but I’m kinda over that now. Just this whole thing is making me doubt some stuff… I’m just worried about a lot of things I guess.” I answer looking at him. “Do you still get nervous for tour?” I ask. He shrugs. I nod and we are once again in silence. We get to the gate of the house and go inside with a half-eaten chocolate slab and three boxes of hair dye.
“Everything alright?” asks Lou with concern as we enter. I nod.
“Don’t stress, Lou-Bear…” I say as he pulls me in for a hug. He kisses my forehead.
“Go talk to Hazza? Please luv. He’s worried.” He says frowning. I nod and put the stuff down.
“Chocolate for everyone.” I say pointing to it and walking to Harry’s master bedroom. I see him lying on the bed with his forearm covering his eyes.
“Lou, please just –” he turns to look at me, and I smile awkwardly. He sits up.
“You okay?” I ask coming to sit next to him.
“Just worried about you.” He says honestly.
“There is nothing to worry about.” I lie. I don’t want him to know what I was thinking about at the store and what I told Michael.
“Then why did Michael, when you call him, freak out and literally run to the store you were at?” he asks raising his eyebrows.
“Because he was really keen to help me choose a nice hair colour.” I say shrugging not bothering to lie convincingly and not meeting his eye contact.
“Tasha.” He warns.
“I was just thinking and started crying so he freaked and came to help me. But I’m fine Hazz…” I say looking at him.
“Tasha – bug… if you don’t want to come, if tours going to be too much then-” He shifts awkwardly.
“Hazz it’s not that I don’t want to come. I really enjoy spending time with you and everyone really…. I’m just stressing about my work and some other stuff…” I say honestly while I play with my fingers. He nods.
“I can tell… well, the lads and I would still want you to come, but I understand if – ”
“Harry, I’m still coming. I just need to get better with the crowds and doing and collecting my work.” I say. He smiles and pulls me in for a hug.
“You’d tell me if there was other stuff worrying you right?” he says pulling back. I nod. “Just know I will never say ‘my cousin’ nor purposefully lie about you okay? I don’t want you to feel like I don’t want you to be known as my sister.” He says smiling softly.
“I haven’t felt like that in a long time.” I say smiling before standing and checking the time. “I’m going to go ask Mike to start my hair for me.” I say smiling.
“Oooh what colours did you get?” he asks smiling and also standing.
“You’ll see…”
“Oh and how’s the tattoo?” he asks frowning. I smile and show it too him.
“Don’t worry. I’m taking care of it.” I say walking outside his room and straight into Luke.
“Hey.” I manage to get out before he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. “Luke…” I say after a little while. “Can’t breathe…” I say giggling as he pulls away.
“Sorry, I just, uh, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says smiling gently at me.
“I’m fine.” I giggle out. “I’m just about to ask Mike to help me with my hair…” I trail off. “Luke… don’t feel bad about anything okay? I honestly don’t blame you at all and I must be honest I’m quite willing to do anything to stay with you guys for tour.” I say shrugging slightly.
“Tasha, she wants me to tell everyone about you during the radio interview on Friday morning, but I said not unless you were okay with that…” he trails off looking at me with concern, obviously worried I’d start crying again. It wasn’t like my eyes and nose weren’t red and puffy.
“I’m just… how do you say something like that on radio?” I ask honestly curious.
“They always ask if we single or not and I’ll just say I’m not, then if they ask I’ll say your name’s Natasha…I think it’s the one where they also film us so…” he said awkwardly.
“Yeah… I mean, yeah that’s fine with me.” I say frowning before looking into his sad blue eyes. He grabs my hand.
“I know it’s a lot and I am so sorry…” He pulls me in for another hug and whispers in my ear with his deep voice, giving my slight goose bumps.
“I just, I feel bad… I just want to make sure you’re happy…”

Notes

Hey everyone, so sorry for the late update but i've been really sick and unable to update. Hope you enjoy it. xx L !