All Hidden Away

I can’t do this to them… this is all I have been thinking about the whole time I have been sitting under the tree. they actually deserves someone real, not a fake relationship. They are all such a nice guys and so caring. Why did I have to fuck this up for them. Not just for them, but for everyone. This was all my fault. This entire situation wouldn’t even exist if I had just read more carefully or asked questions. But then it would just be some other girl I guess. At least if it was me, I know I wouldn’t develop feelings for them, they could have a real relationship… well not really because then they’d be “cheating on me.” These thoughts were tumbling around my head. My fault. But it did seem like management wanted it to be with Niall. I suppose it’s because he can be more shy than the other lads.

My phone rang for what felt like a hundredth time, but it wasn’t one of the boys. It was my best friend Michelle who I hadn’t seen in such a long time, she lives in South Africa and we met when I was there for a school tour in 2010 and she is now studying vet at Oxford. I contemplate not answering but finally gave in.
“Hellooo?” she said as I picked up.
“Hey, how’s life my friend?” I ask still sniffing.
“It’s all good, just missing you… but you don’t sound too hot. What’s wrong?” I knew she would know. She always does.
“Ugh, family drama as usual. Did you call for a catch up or-?”
“Just a catch up, but right now it sounds like you need to pick your arse up off the ground from wherever you are busy crying, and go home! Especially if Harry and the lads are there, which it sounds like, as otherwise you don’t have family drama. Ill call later, Tash, go sort out what you need too.”
“How do you do that?” I ask genuinely smiling.
“Do what?” she asks laughing.
“Know me so well… it’s creepy. Chat later. Love you.”
“I love you too, chat soon.”

I hang up but I don’t think im quite ready to go back yet. I see I have an email from management and reluctantly open it. It’s been sent to the boys, mum and I. It’s from Claire…
I see the title: “Our Unfinished Discussion.” Wanting to slap myself I open the email and quickly read through it.

Dearest All,

This email has been sent to confirm some areas of previous confusion.

After a long discussion with my various bosses and inelegances, it has come forward that Natasha shall not be able to decide who will be escorting her around for the next month. It has been decided that Niall should be the person to escort her to help benefit the image of the band and him personally. We will have a meeting in person soon to discuss further information.

Kind regards,
Claire Maxwell.
I look at the time and see its just after one o’clock. The managed to decide this in a couple of hours? My heart breaks for Niall and I feel like shit for him. I slowly stand up, wiping my eyes and dusting off my cloths. I walk home slowly with my head down. I walk to the front of the house and don’t even have time to ring the bell before the gates open and I walk inside. My head still hanging down, I walk inside. Im greeted by a pair of strong arms holding my tightly. I hold back the tears as I hug my brother back.
“Im so sorry…” I whisper into his chest. He shushes me and then asks,
“Did you get the email?” I look up at him and nod my head. He sighs and leads me to the living room.
“Tasha!” screams Louis who comes over and joins our hug. Soon it turns into a dog pile with me on the bottom. Someone’s elbow was digging into my ribs making it slightly hard to breathe. I start laughing at how squished I am getting.
“Guys? What are we celebrating?” asks Niall who has obviously just walked in I can hear the happiness that is always in his voice. Someone’s shirt has slipped and is now covering my face, I start to panic but try taking calming deep breaths while still laughing.
“Tasha came back!” exclaims Louis somewhere from right above me. I try focus on my breathing but the black dots all already dancing in front of my eyes. I stop laughing and I let out a deep breath of air and battle taking more in.
“What?? Where is she?” exclaims Niall suddenly confused. I take two breaths of air but they go nowhere. I need to get out from underneath the five guys, I try pushing them off but they can’t budge and I can’t move and can’t speak. I feel paralysed.
“Where do you think she is mate?” Harry grunts also from above me. The sound starts getting muffled I just hear Niall start shouting.
“What the fuck?! Guys get off her!! She has had two panic attacks in one week! She probably can’t breathe!” I hear him run over as everyone gets off. A whimper escapes my mouth with a small laugh as I can suddenly feel air enter my lungs again. Harry runs forward and gently starts rubbing my back comforting me while the others stand around looking confused.
“Shit… Tasha? You okay?” I hear Harry sitting next to me ask. Louis joins him and also starts rubbing my back. I nod and lie down on my back trying to get as much air into my lungs as I can.
“Fuck luv… sorry we weren’t thinking.” I smile at Louis showing its okay, he doesn’t need to apologise.
“It’s okay… it happens…” I say in-between deep breaths.
“What, shit?” asks Liam with a smile, catching my reference.
“Some times.” I say in my imitation of Forest Gump. I start laughing and sit back up feeling better. Everyone joins in my laughter, but I can tell they are slightly confused why im laughing at this point when they can clearly see I’ve been crying.
Mum suddenly walks in and sees me and gives me a big hug.
“I have to get to work, but we will chat later okay sweet- pea?” she kisses my forehead before turning to the boys. “Try not killing the poor girl?” and she walks out of the door to work. Awkward silence descends on or small group.
“I’m sorry, I just needed some space to think.” I say after a bit.
“No, it’s my fault. Im the one who is sorry.” Says Niall looking at the floor.
“No Niall… shut up. There is nothing we can do about it. But it’s not your fault. Can I go make myself some tea?” I ask standing up.
“I’ll make it for you. Stay there for a bit.” Says Jared smiling standing and walking into the kitchen.
I sit and play with my hands for a bit. I look up to see everyone watching me.
“What…?” I ask waiting for someone to tell me some more bad news.
“Well… it’s Monday and you go on Vac on Thursday… and we were thinking if you’d like to change plans a bit. Stay here tonight and then tomorrow go pack and then we go to mine.” Says Harry with a smile. I nod in agreement and smile back.
“Sounds good.” I say. Another awkward silence descends on our group. I look up and meet Louis sad look. “What else?” I ask after a while. I look at Harry telling him to tell me the truth.
“We tried to convince them to not force you too… but they weren’t hearing it. So they just chose for you… im so sorry.” mumbles Niall from next to me. I look at him. He has tears in his eyes. My mouth is slack and as I look at him with a frown.
“I know, I got the email. But Niall it’s not that bad right? I mean we won’t actually have to date.” Im trying to comprehend and stop him from feeling so guilty, I mean if anything it’s my fault. I look at Harry for advice but he won’t meet my eyes. “What else…” I say looking at him knowing he’s hiding something.
“They’re going on a small tour around the UK and management wants you to go with them.” Says Jared bringing me my tea. I nod in understanding.
“It’s just three weeks, Bug, and we can get work for you, and I promise it will be fun.” Says harry, I keep looking at my cup. Im not excited to be missing varsity but I understand that I don’t have a choice... I don’t get a say. It’s just, happening.
I sit and think for a couple of minutes before I can help it a small giggle escapes my lips. Soon I am full on laughing while everyone looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I’m sorry! It’s just, they didn’t really think this one through did they?” I ask still laughing a little.
“What do you mean Bug?” asks Harry looking concerned at Niall and Louis.
“What are they going to do, change my name? Because otherwise it’s going to be kind of obvious im your sister Hazza, meaning its obviously fake which will end up exposing everything!” I say giggling again. Liam and Louis catch on and join my laughter. Soon we are all laughing and joking around again.
“Okay.” I say before I sip on my now cold tea. “But seriously, what’s the plan.” Everyone shrugs and looks at Harry.
“We will sort that out later.” He says with a smile and we start playing Fifa, grateful for the light hearted mood. We sit there like that for another 20 min before Paul comes running in.
“You could have told me she got back!” he mumbles when he sees me sitting there. He sounds out of breath.
“Sorry.” I say again still sipping on now cold tea.
“I don’t get paid enough looking after you lot… seriously.” He mumbles before picking up his phone to call the two other security men looking for me. I smile at the thought of tour. It would be my first full tour with the guys. And im excited to be spending more time with my brothers.

Notes

Hi all! thank you all for the support, it really means so much to me! xx I have a very busy week fulled with tests and projects due, so unfortunately i wont be able to update much, but will try my best! let me know what you think xx L.