All Hidden Away

Chapter 14

I wake up early with a bundle of stress and nerves in my stomach. To the point where I feel nauseous and like im about to throw up everywhere. It’s about five and my meeting starts at eight with us needing to be there at seven. I decide to go for a run to get rid of some of my nerves but know I can’t just disappear in case someone comes to look for me, especially now im not at home. I pull on my running shirt, shorts and shoes and write a note in the kitchen on the main table. I start heading for the door when I hear someone coming down stairs. It’s Liam and when he sees me he smiles.
“I’m going to go for a run, be back later.” I say with a smile. He nods still obviously half asleep and goes to put the kettle on.

I run till just after six and start making my way back to the hotel after pushing myself to my limits. Im dripping with sweat and panting hard from my exertion but do feel better for it. I open the front door and see six heads look at me from various placements in the hotel room.
“Morning.” I say going to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen.
“Don’t ‘morning’ us!” says Louis, following me into the kitchen. I turn to look at him still drinking my water.
“Why not?’ I finally say annoyed at him for attempting to make me feel bad.
“Because we are not morning people.” Says a grumpy looking Harry who comes to stand close to me. He pretends to sniff the air and makes a big show of indicating im smelly from my run.
“They’re just jealous they can’t casually do anything at five in the morning… let alone go for a run.” Says Liam coming over to stand next to me.
“Don’t get to close mate.” Says harry with a smile.
“It’s not like I bite.” He says with a bit of a frown and laugh in Harry’s direction.
“You don’t, but you don’t want to get too close to her smelly-ass right now.” He says laughing. He and Louis are slowly waking up a bit more. I stick my tongue out at him and head upstairs for a shower.

I wash and blow-dry my hair and feel like I need to wear something smart and pretty, I also think about putting on more makeup than I normally would. My hair falls in its loose curls down my back and I end up wearing a simple black and white floral print dress with spaghetti straps which comes to my mid-thigh. Im wearing simple make up but still look older somehow. I grab my white Converse and walk down stairs. It’s about half past six now and we should leave in about 20 minutes to get to the meeting on time.

I get downstairs and see mum has left me a lemon and poppy seed muffin and a warm cup of earl grey tea out. Im thankful but don’t think I can stomach food right now. The boys all come downstairs.
“Wow…” says Louis with raised eyebrows as he walks into the kitchen. “I didn’t know you owned more than one dress.”
The other boys too gave me strangely worded compliments. I think it was mum who was the least surprised as she knows how nervous these meetings make me.

“Ready to go?” asks Harry as the boys finish clearing their breakfast plates.
“You’ve hardly touched your breakfast. You know you should have something else.” Says mum with a sympathetic smile. I grab an apple and promise to eat it in the car ride there. She wishes me the best of luck and lots of love as I walk out. She isn’t coming today as all the boys will be there and she wants me getting used to doing more talking and she knows if she is there I will manage to not say a word and just get her to do everything.

The car ride felt so long and like the space in the spacious vehicle just kept getting smaller and smaller. Like Niall, I suffer greatly from claustrophobia. Especially when im already nervous. After a rather silent drive, other than the boys cracking jokes trying to get me less scared, we finally arrive at the large towering building that so often haunts my dreams. I quickly get out of the car and enjoy the breeze hitting my face. Paul is quickly at Harry’s side and some other rather large man is next to me.
“Hi, im Ron and im just going to make sure you get in and around safely today.” All of these guys are big softies underneath their exterior.
“Nice to meet you Ron. Thank you.”

We quickly get inside and sit in a private waiting room before we are summoned to the meeting. The boys can tell im nervous and don’t say much, trying to not stress me out anymore. They offer me tea, water and something to eat repeatedly to the point I ask to go to the lou to escape for a few moments. Ron stands up to escort me but I just shake my head and tell him I will be fine. Finding the lou is a problem and I end up on the sixth floor but once im there I touch up my makeup and ensure I look fine, fiddling with my dress and my hair. My phone vibrates and shows I only have 8% battery life left after forgetting to charge it last night.
“Shit…” I mumble as I make my way out of the bathroom to the elevators. I wait a few moments for it to arrive on my floor and contemplate taking the stairs, but I don’t want to bump into people walking up and down. My phone vibrates once more and it’s a message from Harry saying that everyone will be ready in about 5 minutes. I send one back saying im on my way. I step into the elevator and am happy to see it’s empty. I push in the button for the first floor and wait patiently for the lift to take me to the meeting. After a few seconds the elevator shudders and all the lights other than the emergency ones go off. I look around and quickly grab my phone which is now sitting on 5% battery. I almost immediately regret my choice of not taking the stairs.

“Okay Tash... just breathe… just breathe…” I take 3 deep breaths and call Harry. He picks up almost immediately.
“Tasha? Where are you? We’ve just been told 2 minutes? Are you okay?” I can hear he’s stressed and concerned so I try to sound as calm as possible even though Im already shaking and want to cry.
“Um, small problem. Im stuck in a- in a lift.” I say my voice coming out slightly high pitched and wobbly.
“Fuck… okay, Tasha we’ll get you help now. Paul! Ron! She’s stuck in a lift- Tasha? Just breathe okay? I’ll stay on the phone with you so you can-“
“My phones about to die, I didn’t charge it last night.” I say walking around the small dark room.
“fuck… okay, Tash, Paul is just talking to the people in the front. HANG ON NIALL!” he screams the last part to Niall who I can hear is bugging him to speak to me.
“Harry, please just hurry. It’s already starting.” I say sitting down and put my head between my knees taking deep breaths.
“Tasha? Its Niall. You’ll be okay, okay? Just remember to keep standing up and walking around, remind yourself it’s not that cramped a space. Take deep breaths, we’re getting you help as fast as we can okay?” I put on a brave face for Niall and nod my head.
“Mmhmm.” I say taking another couple of deep breaths.
“Natasha? You still there?” asks Harry, I can tell Louis told him to stay calm, he’s got that sound in his voice when I know he’s panicking about something but can’t show anyone.
“yes,” I whisper. “Harry I need to go in case my battery dies and I need it more urgently later.”
“Alright, im right here okay? The boys send love. Just keep breathing.”
He hangs up and I check my battery on the phone. 3%. I stand up and walk around like Niall suggested but all that it did was make me feel like the walls were getting smaller. I sat back down, taking shaky breaths and trying to breathe through my mouth which felt like it had a sock in it. My entire body was shaking now and my breathing was becoming more difficult. Air I need air… why can’t I just find some air!? My heart is beating so fast and I can’t hear anything over the ringing in my ears. My breaths are reduced to short gasps and everything is starting to spin, making me feel motion sickness almost immediately. I lie down and pull my legs into the foetal position knowing it can sometimes help with panic and claustrophobia attacks. It seems like im having both right now.
“Just breathe. Just breathe Tasha…” I tell myself over and over again.

-Harry POV-

After I hung up on her I can’t stop pacing around the room. The lads keep telling me to breathe, but they haven’t seen her when she has a panic attack. It can be worse than Niall.
“Come, sit down and give Paul a chance to do his thing and sort this out.” Liam says coming and walking me over to Louis who puts an arm around my shoulder trying to comfort me.
“She’ll be okay mate. She’s tough that one.” Says Niall standing and coming to sit in front of me. I keep thinking back to the night before she signed her contract with us and Modest! she had a nightmare and I heard her screaming from my room. I rushed to her to find her in a full body sweat and shaking and mumbling incoherent sentences. I grabbed her and pulled her into my lap calling for mum to come help me. It took us so long to calm her down and get her breathing back to normal again. I hated that I was the one who made her freak out like that. She still hasn’t told me what the dream was about, and I don’t think she likes talking about it. She hates feeling vulnerable. The guys are busy talking about some football game or something but Im not paying any attention. Paul and Ron suddenly walk in and I jump up to run to them.
“What’s going on?” I ask, realising im shaking slightly from nerves.
“The guys who are going to fix it and get her out are on their way, 5 minutes max.” Paul is just as concerned about her and I can tell because he’s chewing on his bottom lip.
“thank you.” I say checking the time. She called me at about 7:25, it’s now just gone 7:35…She’s been in there for close to ten minutes.
“I need to call her.” I say grabbing my phone from the coffee table, but Liam’s hand is holding it.
“Not before you call Anne.” I looked at him and he nods his head handing me my phone. I speed dial her number. Louis comes and places his comforting hand on the small of my back. He always knows how to calm me down. Especially when it has to do with family, especially my little sister.

-Tasha’s POV-

My phone starts ringing but im shaking so badly I battle to accept Harry’s call.
“Hello?” I ask, my voice betraying my crying state. My breaths are ragged and it feels like all the walls surrounding me just keep getting closer and closer.
“Hey. The guys are on their way to help you. Shouldn’t be long now.” I can tell he’s stressed and can hear Louis talking to Niall next to Harry. Im glad he’s got the lads with him. It’ll keep him calm.
“Harry, it’s – it’s really bad. And I – I can’t stop – stop it or catch my – catch my breath.” I say through harsh breaths of air.
“Shhhh…” he whispers to me. “It’s okay, just breathe. Take some deep breaths and think about being on the beach or something nice like-” my phone gives up on me and dies. The room is dark and I can hear my attempt at breathing echo off the closing in walls. I start crying again. My head and chest pounding from the lack of air. Everything hurts and slowly goes black and numb.

- Harry’s POV-

“FOR GOD’S SAKE!” I scream and throw my phone onto the couch and sit down on the floor. The lads and Paul run over. “Her phone died!” I say holding back tears that are threatening to spill over.
“How was she doing though? Alright?” asks Louis who still has his arms around me, trying to get me to calm down.
“She wasn’t great by any standards… im really worried about her.” I say not being able to hold back the tears now. Louis gives me a big hug as I stand, wiping at my eyes. Niall comes over hugging me, telling me she’ll get through it. And I know he knows what she’s feeling so I can’t help but feel slightly comforted by this. The next thing I know, Ron runs into the room explaining that the guys are here to fix the elevator.
They manage to get the elevator onto the first floor, but it’s not opening. We can hear Tasha shouting and crying through the large metal doors, and it breaks my heart. I can’t stand hearing it. Both Niall and Louis are screaming through the doors for her to know that we’re here and she’ll be okay. I think it was Paul who called the ambulance to come make sure she was okay when they would finally manage to open the doors. It was 7:50 now… she’s been in there for nearly twenty five minutes. Two minutes later the doors are just about open and the paramedics are here all set up to help her. As soon as the doors are open I see her. My little sister. Looking the smallest and most vulnerable I have ever seen her. She’s crawled into the foetal position, with a tear stained face. I run forward and pick her up into my lap and cradle her before Louis comes. He’s saying something to me but I can’t hear him my heart is pounding so loudly, I notice Tasha is still battling to breath and carefully push the hair out of her face and hand her over to the paramedics. I can tell that is what Louis was asking me to do when he smiles a small smile at me and pulls me in for a hug. I can’t lose it here though, I needed to stay strong for Tasha and mum who still hasn’t arrived. The paramedics have placed her on a stretcher with a drip and an oxygen mask over her face. She looks like she could be about ten again. I feel like it’s all my fault… my little sister, how could I let this happen to her?

Notes