I sit here in a cafe staring into the distance at nothing. It's been two weeks, two weeks alone, two weeks sleeping at the beach trying to look for a job but there is nothing, and two weeks without him. I know I have myself to blame, I have left voice messages for him apologising but no response. I just want to tell him how sorry I am again but I'll let him be. I search for him on the internet but latest is his still in London, I've had no contact from Anne either which is expected.

I sip on my coffee and see a guy walk in the cafe and immediately recognise him, I stand up and go up to him. "Hey Louis, yea?" I smile, he looks at me "Oh umm Lyla yea?" I nod "yea."
"Sorry I've been so sleep deprived lately." He rubs his eyes. "Nah it's understandable."

"So is Harry with you?"
"Uh no, we kind of didn't work out" I cross my arms.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear. You guys were like perfect."

"Yea I guess these things don't work out." He smiles. "Hey you ok?" He brushes my arm I just nod trying to get emotional. "Well I'll let you go" I turn around
"Wait" I turn back around "Lets sit yea" He walks towards me and we walk to where I was sitting.

---

"Fatherhood is so amazing, I never imagined myself loving another little human so much," Louis says with the biggest smile.
"That's amazing." I smile at his smile.

"So where you live?" He asks taking some chips. "Umm I'm kinda between places" I can't tell him I'm living on a beach exactly. "Oh ok" he just nods and eats more chips.
"So maybe one day you can meet my little lad."
"Yea that be nice." We now make small talk.

I look at a guy who has just ran out of the cafe "shit" I whisper, but not enough "everything ok?" He notices my head down. "A pap"
"Ah don't worry there everywhere, you will probably be my girlfriend tomorrow," he chuckles, and I laugh lightly. "Speaking of" He looks at his phone "I need to go see my girl." He stands up and so do I "Nice seeing you Lyla." He hugs me and I hug him back.
"Maybe we can catch up soon."
"Yea absolutely." I don't think I will though.

"Bye" He waves and I wave back.




"Yes Gran I'm fine, I promise." Great another person I have to lie to.
"Ok love you." I hang up

It's a hot evening and the sun is setting as I sit on the beach by the shore and look out to the view and think and worry about Harry. I scroll through my phone and go through our selfie images. One I'm looking at the camera and he kissing my cheek, an other one he is holding the phone looking at the camera and corner of my eyes looking at him. I smile as tears run down my face. I look up to the sky and close my eyes and pray for myself to get out of this depressing faze I'm in. "Please god" I whisper.

Still sitting on the beach the waves flooding the shore as I sit criss cross. My phone goes off and with false hope I wish it's Harry but it's not.

From Jack:

See you've moved in another direction!

It's an image of Louis and I from today hugging, I delete the message god I hope Harry has not seen this. I mean of course it's nothing I just hugged him, ahh everything keeps tumbling down, but it's too late he has seen it I'm guessing, I open his twitter.

@HarryStyles Oh, baby, I was there for you. All I ever wanted was the truth.

FUCK! My guilt is eating me up like a non curable virus. I grab my phone and try and call him, "Hello" My heart stops. "Lyla, it's Anne." My heart drops again.
"can I speak to him. please" I try not to sound desperate.
"It's not a good time love."

"Please Anne, just tell him I love him and I'm sorry." I cry.
"slut." I hear his voice in the background.

I hang up and throw my phone, stand up not being able to live with myself right now I jump in the water. Letting the waves take over my guilty body and wash away all my sins and regrets.

I dunk my head again and again then I surface back up rubbing my eyes from the salt water and stay in the water and contemplate my life.

Notes