"Good luck love." Lou hands me the key to their house. He pats my leg and I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car. I gather myself and walk up to the door, first I try the doorbell and he doesn't answer. So I grab the key from my pocket and turn it in. I carefully let myself in and see him.

His head buried on the kitchen counter, silence - you can hear a pin drop. I blink and finally decide to walk over to him. "Harry" I whisper as I walk to him he turns around and my heart is in pieces, his eyes bloodshot his been crying. He takes one glance at me then goes back to his original position.

I finally approach him, being here seeing him again, breathing the same air I feel like we are reconnected but I know there is much more work from my end to fix this. "I'm sorry I should of beloved you." He looks up at me, he has look like he doesn't recognise me and, and that's the worse pain I can endure. He was mine just yesterday it seems, it is good to see him again but I contemplate if he feels the same.
"So you listened to Louis first time he approached you,"

Now guilt is eating away at me. Like the plague overtaking my body. "He told me everything, I never should of doubted you Harry please" I take his chin and force him to look at me. "I know you would never hurt me I love you so much." I desperately plea with him to try and search his eyes for a good outcome.

"Hayley" he removes my hands. "I'm sorry, but what does all of this say about your trust for me, you have none. No matter how many nights we lay awake embraced in each others arms I always reassure you that I will always be there, and that you were the only one for me."

My eyes are watering.

"You don't trust me, no matter what I say or do. I let you see the real me and you still doubted me." He concludes. I can't control my sobs. This can't be happening I'm losing my best friend, my first kiss, my first everything all because of my stupid insecurities. This lesson here and now has made me realise that I need to grow up and be more confident and trust him.

I wipe my tears with my sleeve and decide to let it be.... for now.

"I'm sorry" I cover my mouth with my hand and run out of the house uncontrollably crying.

Losing him is definitely RED

---

I decide to take the train back home, not wanting to disturb and intrude with the rest of the boys again. Sadness, loneliness, and anger sweeps through my body.
This train ride is heading to a lonely sad road, but I now realised I am not the only one to blame in this, when I get home I have a long hard chat with my father and he will be ready to see a side of his sweet, innocent daughter he has never seen before.



I finally arrive home and anger fuels my body and I am ready to burn my emotions to the ground.


"Hayley, where you been?" Dad asks me as he sits on the kitchen counter stool.
"We need to have a talk dad" I say to him in somewhat of a sad tone but underneath burns with rage. I want him to feel sorry for me so I can keep him on my side.

But now the chains are broken and I am ready to unleash.

Notes