Love in a Photograph

My phone has not stopped ringing, every single the sound of another text message. But I block it all out. Here in my safe haven - painting room where nothing exits, just me, a brush, countless colour and a blank canvas where I paint and feel no pain, noting at all just numb. Each stroke I apply on the canvas apart of me feels alive and at the same time dead inside.

Headphones in, volume up, and tune out the drama that is happening in my life. I take a step back from my canvas and look over at my phone 57 missed calls from him. It's been a few days since he came here and I told him I never wanted to see him ever again.

From Harry:
Please Hayley, I need to speak to you. I miss you, I Love you.

From Harry:
Hayley I need to explain, please I love you, only you xxxxx

From Harry:
Hayley please you are the most important person in my life I would never hurt you, please let me explain.

I see only some of the messages he has left me. I see my message bank is full also.

"Hayley," My heart breaks as I hear the silent, desperate sound in his voice and I know he has been crying. "Please Hayley, you are my only, it's only you and I. You know that I love you more than anything in this world. None of this is what it looks like, please let me explain. I love you."

Do I want to talk to him? yes
Do I want to talk to him now? No
Do I believe him? I'm not sure, should be easy though but I'm just so confused and conflicted about everything.

I resume back to my painting and listen to 'Starlight' and think back when Harry and I were on the beach when it all began and how happy, the unknown feeling of being in love and free. I'm afraid I'll never experience it again. http://www.museosenfemenino.es/sites/default/files/styles/zoom-completa/public/muchacha_ventana.jpg?itok=nuXGiBJC


I finish my painting and the girl looking out the window represents me, a young, naive, innocent girl looking out to what she wants to see even if it's all seen in just her imagination she knows and feels that is real as it gets.

After hours of healing (PAINTING) instead of going in my room, I go to his. I reach for my favourite cologne bottle of his and my hand gives in, I pick it up ad spray it and feel him in the air. From the ceiling to the floor I know he has been here before, it's like he never left.
smelling his familiar scent, even though I'm home alone I feel him here with me, me just alone wearing his cologne. I look around and think about the mazing memories I have shared with him, cuddling, loving one another, being intimate, forever in the moment with him and talking about our forever until infinity the two of us against the world.

My almost pregnancy, him never leaving my side. Was it all a lie? What was I to him? Comforting him about his parents, he finally let his guard down, was it all an act? I can't even believe these thoughts cross my mind I haven't even given him a chance to explain, but what could he say to me that is was one time thing? that he didn't mean to hurt me all these scenarios circle my mind. I put his cologne bottle down and leave his room and return to mine.




"How's the food." Mum asks me being subtle as she can. I look down at my plate and play with it like a five year old. "Not hungry". I stand up and take my plate to the sink, then I hear the doorbell. I wipe my hands on the tea towel and open the door.





"What are you doing here"?..................

Notes