Love in a Photograph

It's been seven days, seven whole days since Harry walked out. I have not seen or spoken to him. My heart breaks a little more each day I have the bottle of vodka on my bedside table I have not had any though and I am proud. It's true what they say about alcohol we don't so much like the taste of alcohol but the affects of it. It makes all your pain, emotions wash away like when a vampire switches off their switch in a sense.

I guess I have been tempted but I won't let myself fall into that trap, I have to much to lose and that is Harry. Even if he never comes back I won't let myself stumble and fall for my own sake and his.

I sit in my paint studio and work on my painting. This is the only place where I feel like my real home, my real self. I reminisce the night Harry was in here trying to draw is stick figure people and smile creeps on my face. Remembering his smile, his dimples, his brown perfect curls, his eyes, I miss is eyes and that safety feeling I feel when looking into them.

http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/a-blue-butterfly-edwin-alverio.jpg
I complete my painting . Butterly I love butterflies and what they symbolise freedom. Back when we were younger at the park when Harry and I used to play I would always try and catch butterflies in my hand, of course it never happened I was too young and naive back then to think I could catch one.

I keep listening to the song RED! it perfectly describes my feeling right now. Because I have lost Harry again.

Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong


Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red

The music takes over my emotions as I lay in my bed now. I have lost Harry and it's all my fault. Losing him sucks
Losing him makes me cry
Losing him makes me angry like rage. Because of my stupid behaviour he is forgetting me I am like someone he never met. Never had history with, nerve grew up with. The way I acted was like a complete different person I wasn't Hayley James, I wasn't the old shy girl he knew. I wasn't me I was the same person on the outside but something happened inside of me, where I had some pathetic point to prove.

Notes