My head is pounding, it feels like someone is drilling a nail into the side of my temples. I wake up in my bed from the red dress I had on last night and wonder how I got like this. I wipe my eyes and then see Harry sitting on the chair opposite end of the room.

Did smoothing happen last night? I have no recollection of the night but I have a feeling alcohol might be involved with this pounding head drilling head ache I have. I gulp some of my morning salvia and still taste the alcohol on my tongue.

Harry remains silent with his head to the ground. So I break this beyond awkward silence.
"Wha---- how, I mean what happened" I stutter on my own words.
"Don't remember" he bluntly replies. I just shake my head. "Yea well I'm used to it.' He stands up from his seat.

"Well let me remind you I got to the party you were drunk, blinded actually and you felt the need to drink in the car right before a police car pulled us over nothing happened I guess god was on our side I got angry you got scared and that's what happens when you drown yourself in the over limit of alcohol."
He replies without taking a breath in that very long sentence.

I blink a few times and can not believe what I have heard, this is not me why would I consume so much alcohol, but then I faintly remember Harry went to Steph's last night there probably back together now, and I have ruined everything. I know alcohol and the history of Harry and his relationship to the evil liquids that is alcohol.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. He puts his hands in his pockets, "yea well I can't just forget about it, it's happened now and happened too many times." He leaves my room, leaving me in my room with my pounding headache and tears falling. I feel something in my stomach so I run to the bathroom that is connected to my room. I rush to the toilet and everything empties out. I feel so sick never again I will drink, never ever again.

Now I know Harry having to deal with this all the time when he was at home with his mum. I feel so annoyed at myself how did I get like this in one night, but I'll never do it again I promise myself and I promise Harry.

After a long hot needed shower I automatically feel better. I change into a t.shirt and ttracksuit bottom and knock on Harry's door. He lets me in "Your parents are out, so I'll wait till they get back to leave"
Where is he going? maybe Steph's have some make out time to catch up on.
But then the corner of my eye I see his bags packed. So I ask him, "where you going?"

"I'm gonna move out for a while" Did I hear him correct?
"Why?" I was supposed to say loudly but turns out to a soft whisper.
"I can't do it." short answer,
"Do what?" I reply. I don't like where this is going.

"This, last night." Yep it's going where I dread.
"Harry please last night was a one time thing" I plead.
"Yea Hayley that's what my mum always said, now she's out there with my dad doing god knows what because she is blinded by the effects of alcohol." He confesses.

"Harry I'm not like your mum, it was one time please. You have to believe me!" I cry out.
"No I can't, I can't help you, you need to deal with this" Is he serious
"FINE GO BACK TO YOUR CHEATING GIRLFRIEND" I say out of pure anger.

"I'll be at some mates house down town." He picks up his bags.

---

I lay on the floor where Harry used to be. Tears have not stopped coming down my cheeks like a waterfall. He just left. I don't know why it's not like I have an alcohol problem it was one time, but that one time to make Harry love and leave me here. He hates me now, my Harry, my best friend hates me. My heart was slowing healing when he came here now because of my own actions its breaking all apart. It's not fair but I guess I only have myself to blame.

Flashes of last night remind me I was all over him like a rash, touching him and saying I wanted him. What is my problem why did I tell him I wanted him when I was drunk. I can't even tell him how I feel when I'm sober, and now when I woke up I was completely distant and lying to him and lying to myself about my true feelings. I remember the bottle in the car and the police came, he threw the bottle away. Now his gone, but I need and want him. The right thing in his eyes is to leave me and in a way I don't blame him with his mum and all.

I don't know how to love him when I'm sober. But his love and friendship is way to good but now it's all wasted. I say all the things I was supposed to when I'm usually sober.

I take a deep breath and breath in the familiar scent of cologne that lingers in this room. One smell my senses are invaded and feel him here. Then reality hits me harder Harry is gone and not coming back probably I cry hard, letting myself feel what I need to feel. I head downstairs and no one is here I do something that I shouldn't. The thing that got me in this situation I open the liquor cabinet and stare at my kryptonite - a vodka bottle. I bite down on my lip and my hand and head gives in and reaches out to the shelf.

Notes