Something Good Can Work: Book Two - ON HOLD INDEFINITELY-

Short notice is always fun, Harry failed to mention the trip was next week. Apparently he’d been too nervous to ask me, which is why he put it off for so long. Gran thought it would be good for me to get some sunshine, Har left out the bit about us having our own private villa on the beach. It was for the best, she didn’t need to know every little detail after all.
My room looked like a disaster area, clothes thrown everywhere. I needed to go to Christopher’s at some point to get some of my clothes I didn’t bring, but for now. This was what I was working with. “I can’t believe she’s letting you go.” Louis said as he leaned against my doorframe, apple in hand. We hadn’t been on the best of terms. He blamed me for pushing Niall away and I was mad at him for pulling Alison closer. It was petty, but it was still very unsettling since we had been so close for so long now.
“Jealous?” I asked as I began rummaging through a box of stuff that had been packed away into my closet. I think at this point I’d stopped actually packing and was now just looking through all the stuff I hadn’t looked at in months.
“No,” He said defiantly before walking into my room and plopping down on my bed. “Maybe a little…” He admitted, I recognized that tone to his voice. The tone that said he missed me or he needed to talk to me. It was obvious.
“What’s up?” I asked, pulling the cardboard box out of my closet and placing it on the bed as I sat down beside him.
“I just…I don’t want you to go and us be on bad terms…” He said with a slight glint in his bright blue eyes.
“We’re cousins, we fight. It happens. Nothing will make me stop loving you though, you’ll always be my favorite. Even if I don’t act like it…” I admitted. He was and still is my best friend. He gave me a nod and looked down at the box. “Is this your diary?” He asked as he pulled out a leather bound journal, the brown leather was worn in completely and it was almost close to being tattered. I shook my head.
“No, I don’t know what that is actually…” My voice trailed off as I looked at Louis’ face, all the color had drained.
“It’s Niall’s….” He said softly. I gasped on reflex, how in the world did that get in there? I didn’t even know he kept a journal.
“I’ve seen it a million times, he’s had it since we were in grade school. He must have left it here that day when you left… or maybe the day that everything went down before you went to rehab…” He cleared his throat, obviously not meaning to say that aloud.
“It’s fine, I went. Whatever… let me see it, he obviously wanted me to read it.” I said as I reached out my greedy fingers. Louis let the journal go and I opened it, looking at his scribbling and messy handwriting as he recounted experiences with childhood bullies and trying out for all the sports teams he could.
“You know that may have a … a reason.” He said as he peered over the book.
“Last page?” I asked, looking at him before quickly turning to the very last page.
I frowned, he had written my name and followed by that was a long letter. I looked back up at Louis.
“Fine, but I want to know what it says when you’re done.” He said, understanding that I wanted to be alone. He stood up, pausing briefly, and then he gave me a nice big hug before planting a kiss on the top of my head. “I love you Summer, even if you are a pain.” He said with a slight grin and then walked out of my room.
I took a deep breath and looked back down at the writing.


Summer,
I didn’t want anyone else to see this. I’m sure you’ll show Louis and I am not going to hold it against you, he deserves to know also. I was diagnosed with a very late stage Leukemia. Acute Myeloid Leukemia to be exact. I may have been okay if we’d found out earlier, but we didn’t. I couldn’t die like that, they told me that there were chances of survival that chemo and radiation worked, but Summer… I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t put me parents through that. I had to just nip it in the bud. I know this seems extreme, but I don’t want to be alive if being alive means suffering tremendously while I wait for death to arrive. That is not living. Me mum and da know, but they haven’t told anyone else just yet and I intend to take care of it before they can tell anyone else. I am going to your house tomorrow and I’m going to place this notebook in your room, I don’t know if you’ll find it now or in years, but I hope that you’ll read it and you’ll remember me for who I was before all of this craziness happened. I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on you Summer, I’m not telling you this to make you feel upset or to sway your feelings. I’m actually going to see you in a couple days, Harry reached out to me and I want to help. Obviously I won’t be around to compete for your affection anymore, so if anyone is going to have you… I’d be okay with that person being Harry. I am telling you all this so that you don’t blame yourself and I want Lou to know too because I’m sure he’s blaming himself too. Also, tell him I see the way he looks at Ali and I’ve forgiven her, she has apologized multiple times. She is a great girl and she’ll make him happy. Tell him to go for it.
Summer, please know that I did this to spare my family and myself from endless suffering and pain. I don’t want to be remembered for being sick and barely living, I want to be remembered for being that cheesy irish lad who always made bad jokes and laughed at everything. I want you to remember that I cared for you deeply and also for Louis. You two were my family as much as my real family.
I love you always,
Niall J. Horan


I closed the book and exhaled for the first time in what felt like minutes. I felt the warm wet tears rolling down my cheeks. He was dying and I didn’t know.
He did everything because he was dying. How did we miss this? I placed the book next to my heart and squeezed it tight as I stood up and walked towards Louis’ room. I knocked before slowly pushing the already ajar door open.
“What did it say?” He jumped up, letting his controller land on the floor as he quickly came over to me.
“Read.” I said as I handed it to him and then turned, I didn’t want to take the moment away from him.
I knew he needed to be alone.

Notes

A little bit of closure, I didn't really research the cancer -- but I'm not stranger to other types of cancer and I know that it's an excruciating process that comes with zero fun.
Prayers for all experiencing any type of illness.
I love you all so much, thanks for reading and bearing with me as I try to get my head together and finish my stories.
-Tessa x