Change My Mind

STEFANIE

“That’s all you packed?” I asked as Liam came out from his hotel suite carrying a single duffle bag. He looked back and forth between the bag and I at least three times before answering.
“Um….yeah,” he replied deadpan and I shook my head at him. Obviously he had no idea what a Pennsylvania winter was like. The key to camping out in the Poconos in the winter was layers…lots and lots of layers.
“You’re going to freeze,” I laughed and Liam shook his head in defiance. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing my back to his chest before whispering in my ear, “Nuh-uh…that’s what I have you for.”
And of course Louis chose that moment to walk out of his suite. When Liam had first mentioned to me the idea of Louis and the rest of the boys coming I wasn’t sure it was a good idea but Liam had assured me that he wouldn’t let me do anything stupid as far as Louis was concerned. Needless to say, judging by the expression on Louis’s face as he stared daggers at Liam and I, I had the feeling that Liam would definitely be able to keep his word.
“I’m going to run this down to the limo,” Liam said, reaching over and grabbing his bag along with my two and sleeping bag, “I’ll meet you guys down there.”
For an awkward moment Louis and I stood in the hallway staring at each other, neither of us sure what to say. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, I happened to look up just in time to see Eleanor walking towards us. She walked over to Louis while simultaneously giving me a dirty look.
“What is she doing here?” she asked as though I wasn’t even standing there. I was really starting to despise this girl.
“Leaving,” I said shortly and turned to walk away.
“Is she going with you?” she snarled and I walked into the elevator as Louis began to answer her. It was bad enough when she was cornering me when no one else was around and now that she had moved on to public displays of hatred I was totally and completely over it.
“Hold the elevator!” a woman with a large double stroller yelled and instinctively I held my hand out stopping the door from closing. Unfortunately that left me the perfect view of Louis and Eleanor practically making out in the hallway. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. The way he caressed her cheek and handled her like she was the most precious thing in the world. I hated to admit but for a moment, just a small fraction of time I was actually jealous of Eleanor. I wanted someone to look at me like that and treat me that way and deep, deep down I knew that it was more than that…I didn’t just want someone to be that way with me I wanted Louis to be that way with me but maybe for the time being I’d just have to find someone that wasn’t him someone who could distract me.
The woman finally loaded herself into the elevator and the doors closed blocking my view of Eleanor and Louis. As the we began to go toward the main floor I started to think about who could possibly distract me from Louis, to think of anyone I knew that would understand that what I was looking for was…well to put it simply a friend with benefits. Someone to distract me from Louis some who would not only know but understand that my heart would never be in it.
And it was at that exact moment that the double doors opened.
And there with a smile plastered to his face, stood Liam.


I didn’t dare bring up anything to Liam until we were slightly secluded in the back of the plane to talk to him about the random thoughts that had gone through my mind earlier. I didn’t know exactly how to put into words what I wanted from him. I mean how did you ask for something like this? Liam and I were close but were we close enough for this?
“What’s going on in that head of yours baby girl?” Liam asked, leaning over in his seat so that we were eye to eye. He knew me so well it was scary sometimes.
“I want to ask you something but I just…” I trailed off, unsure of how to continue. He lifted his hand and tucked my hair behind my ear, “Come on, Stef. It’s me…just talk to me.”
I took a deep breath steeling myself for what I was about to say. Part of me wanted to just drop it and forget the whole idea but the other part of me knew that this may be the only way I would ever get over this stupid crush on Louis. I looked around the plane at the familiar faces of Erin, Harry, Niall and finally Louis, who looked up at me and smiled and strangely that was enough to give me the strength that I needed to speak up.
“How would you feel about being friends but more than friends?” I blurted out and the second it left my mouth I knew that it had come out wrong. Liam raised his eyebrows questioningly. I felt my face turning red and I began to shake my head back and forth, “Never mind. It’s stupid just forget it.”
Liam grabbed my hand and instinctually I tried to pull to away from him. But he wouldn’t let me.
“Are you saying what I think you are saying,” he asked and I knew it was now or never to explain myself.
“I was just thinking about things and I thought that the perfect way to get over Louis would be to get involved with someone else. But the thing is, is that emotionally I don’t think I’m ready for a real relationship. So I was thinking who could I approach about this that would understand all that? And I thought of you,” I blurted out in one breath. Liam looked away from me as he processed what I had just unloaded on him. I tried to wait patiently for him to say something, mulling over possible answers for any question he would ask me about the arrangement. But the one thing I hadn’t prepared for was of course exactly what he did.
He laughed and laughed even harder. He laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes. When he realized that I wasn’t laughing with him, he stopped and looked at me curiously.
“You are joking right?” he asked and I bit down on my bottom lip trying not to cry. I was so embarrassed. Not only was Liam laughing at me but I could feel the eyes of everyone on the plane boring into me.
“Stef?” Liam called, trying to get my attention, but I refused to have any part of it.
“Just shut up, Liam,” I whispered through gritted teeth and thankfully he did.

ERIN

I wasn’t sure who I was more upset with. Stefanie, for allowing all the boys, including Harry, to come on this trip and ruin it or my buddy Niall, who oh so graciously gave up his seat on the plane so that Harry could sit next to me. I was so excited about going home and now no matter how I looked at it, it looked like I was going to have a horrible time.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I glared over at him and shook my head, “Nothing, nothing is wrong. I’m just peachy,” I replied sarcastically and Harry held his hands up in what could only be taken as a surrendering motion. Every time I looked at Harry all I could think about was the way he had flirted with woman the morning after our movie night. I wished it hadn’t bothered me as much as it did but it did and the worst part was I wasn’t angry…I was hurt. Which in my world was so much worse.
When Stefanie had told me where we were going I couldn’t help but think that this trip would serve as the perfect place for me to get my head together. A place where I could go and think and rid myself of whatever this stupid issue with me liking the wrong men was. But no, I couldn’t get that break. I wasn’t allowed to have that. Instead of getting away from my problem, it was sitting right next to me.
The sound of Liam’s obnoxious laughter pulled my attention to the back of the plane where he and Stefanie were sitting. I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was going on. Liam looked as if someone had just told him the funniest joke in the world and Stefanie looked as though she was about to cry.
What the hell happened?
I stared at Stefanie urging her to look up and meet my eyes but she seemed determined to stare a hole into the ground. As soon as we landed I would make a point to talk to her and find out what was wrong but right now there was nothing I could do and it was killing me.

It seemed like forever before we landed in Leigh Valley Airport but the second we were allowed to move around the plane I practically ran to the back and grabbed Stefanie’s arm pulling her into the empty isle and down the walkway off the plane.
“What are you doing?” she asked, leaning back so I could no longer pull her along.
“What’s going on and why do you look like your about to cry?”
“I’ll tell you later,” she sighed and I was about to push when Liam caught up to us.
“Sorry I need to borrow her for a minute,” he informed me and before I could protest Liam pushed open the nearby door to the first class lounge and pulled Stefanie in with him.

STEFANIE

“What the hell, Liam?” I yelled, ripping my arm away from his grasp, “You and little Miss Handsy back there need to stop grabbing me and pulling me places.”
Liam reached out and took my left hand in his. The intensity of his stare caught me off guard and made my entire body tingle, “Listen, I handled everything wrong on the plane,” he began, “I thought you were joking and that was my mistake.”
I opened my mouth to tell him to just forget about it but stopped when Liam lifted my left hand to his mouth and kissed my palm, his lips just barely skimming the inside of my hand. He grinned wickedly. This was a side of Liam I’d never seen before and admittedly I was intrigued. At some point, I’d stopped breathing. Liam gently tugged me up against him, “We should give this a try,” he whispered and before I had time to think or refuse, Liam covered my lips with his. I was stiff in his arms for only a moment, the awkwardness of what was happening stopping me. But then I loosened up and before I knew it I was eagerly kissing him back.
After a moment Liam pulled back just enough to look into my eyes.
“Okay?” he asked and I didn’t trust myself to speak so I simply nodded my head. Liam slipped both hands around my waist and settled them on my hips, looking into my eyes the entire time to make sure I was still with him.
I was.
Slowly I moved my hands up his chest over the soft cotton of his t-shirt and that seemed to be all of the reassurance that he needed. He kissed me again, this time with more fervor.
“Liam, wait,” I sighed, breathless. His mouth and hands froze immediately.
“Not here, anyone can walk in,” I continued and Liam nodded his head in understanding.
“So this whole friends with benefits….it’s only behind closed doors?” he asked simply. I nodded my head hoping that this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for him but Liam simply nodded his head in agreement, “That’s probably for the best,” he paused cracking a slight smile, “We should head back out….but I think you should..a….go first.”
I looked at him completely baffled but moved towards the door it was until I saw him shift his pants from the corner of my eye that I realized why he had wanted me to go out before him.
When I opened the door I wasn’t surprised to find Erin standing right outside of it with her hands on her hips.
“Later, I promise,” I said quietly and then purposefully looked around the hallway at where the others were standing.
“Oh, yeah….definitely later,” she said with mock annoyance and then linked her arm with mine as we headed over to baggage claim.
The drive to Child’s Park waterfalls was exactly two hours which I drove most of. None of the guys could get over the whole ‘driving on the wrong side of the road’ thing. I simply told them welcome to our world. The drive gave me ample time to think about my kiss with Liam. I knew in someone way I should feel different towards him but every time I glanced back at him in the rearview mirror I still just saw Liam. There were no confusing emotions involved witch actually was like a breath of fresh air. I purposefully avoid looking back at Louis because I knew what feelings that would draw out of me and I just didn’t want to deal with that.
I pulled the large rented Dodge Durango into one of the many spaces of the near empty parking lot at the falls. Jumping out of the truck I took a moment to stretch, bending my waist from side to side before reaching down towards my toes…which felt absolutely amazing. When my stretch was complete I was surprised to find not only Louis but Liam staring at me with that dazed look in their eyes.
Well this was new.
“Come on guys, this stuff isn’t going to unload itself,” Erin said, struggling to pull the bags from the roof rack. Harry of course was the first one to come to Erin’s aid. He stood behind her, reaching above her head to grab the bag from her hands, I knew the second she realized it was him she was going to flip out at how close he was to her…poor guy.
“I got this one,” she snapped and Harry without hesitation moved away from her and grabbed one of the other bags.
Once all of our packs were cleared from the roof rack, Erin and I began walking towards the direction of the trail that would lean us to the camp grounds. We knew these woods like we knew our own back yards but as we neared the tree line I looked behind us and saw that the boys had all stopped.
“Are you guys coming or what?” I asked, laughing at the lost expression on all of their faces, “We won’t get you lost I promise.”
“Are we sure about this, mates?” Niall asked, looking over at the other three guys. Liam looked over at me before smiling, “I know I’m in,” he chuckled and walked over to me grabbing my hand. Without even thinking about what I was doing my eyes immediately shot over to where Louis was standing. Did Liam and I not just have this conversation about how this whole thing with us would be in private? Louis glanced down at Liam and I’s interlocked fingers and then met my eyes.
“Yeah, I’m in,” he commented and there was a harsh edge to his voice that I couldn’t help but notice. The other guys followed suit and Liam and I led the way hand in hand. As soon as I felt that he and I were far away enough from the other to be heard I asked him what the hell he was thinking grabbing my hand like that in front of everyone.
“Seriously baby girl?” he asked incredulously, “You’re being paranoid. You and I hold hands all the time. Why would that change now? You can’t start acting strange to me while everyone else is around or you will be the one that gives it away.”
I considered his words for a moment and realized he was right. I really was being paranoid. This whole friends with benefits thing was new to me…I’d never done this before. Ever.
We reached the part of the trail that broke off into two paths. The paths lead to either side of the waterfalls and both were filled with make shift wooden steps that lead down to the lower falls.
“Can you hear that?” Erin asked and immediately a smile formed on my face. The sounds of rushing water were unmistakable and mesmerizing and I knew it meant we were getting close to the camp site.
“Before we start heading down, I want to call Corrine and make sure that she still going down the river with us tomorrow,” I commented and Erin nodded her head in agreement.
“Who’s Corrine and what river are we going down?” Louis asked trying to make heads or tails of what Erin and I were talking about.
“We are going down the Delaware River,” Erin informed him and before she could answer the question about Corrine, Liam spoke up, “And Corrine is Stefanie’s kid sister.”
As I walked away to make my call I couldn’t help but notice the look on Louis face is was almost as if he was pissed off that Liam knew about Corrine, that Liam knew something about me that he didn’t.
“I didn’t even know you had a sister,” Louis said with an almost accusatory tone. As the phone began to ring I smiled back at Louis, “Yeah, well there is a lot of things you don’t know about me.”


LOUIS

What the hell was that supposed to mean?
As I watched Stefanie talk on the phone to who I could only assume was her sister I felt myself pondering that over and over again. Was she trying to imply that I didn’t really know her? I mean I knew lots of things about Stefanie. Why would she say that? Before I could drive myself even more insane, I heard the guys calling me and realized that everyone other than me had started down the path. I was left standing alone and I couldn’t help but notice that Stefanie and Liam were once again leading the way….hand in hand.
“What did you do to piss her off?” Harry asked falling into step beside me. I shrugged my shoulders, I knew that after our run the other morning that she and I didn’t leave things on the best terms but I thought that we had moved past that. I was trying to keep my distance and act like simply her friend even though it was killing me.
“I don’t even know,” I admitted, “It just feels like I’m always doing or saying the wrong thing when it comes to her, ya know?”
Harry laughed beside me, “Yes, I know how that goes all too well. Did you miss the way that Erin snapped at me earlier?”
“We’re here!” Stefanie said excitedly and I couldn’t help but notice the vast nothingness that we were surrounded by….this was where we were camping?
Stefanie dropped the backpack she was wearing and opened it revealing that the pieces inside could only be a tent. I knew this was a chance to come to her aid and maybe just maybe score some brownie points with her.
“Let me set that up for you,” I offered and Stefanie stared at me confused.
“Do you know how to set up a tent?” she asked.
“Of course I do,” I lied, Harry taking his cue from me was already offering to help Erin with hers.
“Don’t worry baby girl, I’ll make sure he doesn’t fuck it up,” Liam said, ducking past Stefanie and giving her a quick peck on the cheek.
I really wanted to hit him in that moment.
Putting my animosity aside I grabbed all the stuff, well at least what I hoped was all the stuff I needed to set up the tent. As I looked at the nearly identical pieces I couldn’t help but wonder if this damn thing had come with instructions. How was anyone supposed to figure this out? When I glanced over at Harry and Niall who were setting up Erin’s tent they seemed to be making just as little progress as Liam and I were. It was then that I glanced over at Stefanie and Erin, who at the moment were laughing hysterically at us.
Glad someone found this funny.
“You brought a broken tent!” Harry yelled in frustration, throwing down a set of poles against the ground.
“It’s not broken,” Erin chuckled and Stefanie began to laugh even harder.
“It’s getting dark and there is still another tent to be set up other than those two,” Stefanie quipped and when none of us responded she and Erin both rolled their eyes simultaneously.
“Let’s just start this one, E,” Stefanie said, whipping her long hair over her shoulder as she turned to grab the other bag of tent parts. I set back to my work with the tent with a new determination there was no way I was going to let Stefanie and Erin get their tent set up before Liam and I did. We scrambled around trying to figure out how to make this damn thing work. A couple times we thought we were actually getting it, key there being we thought. Just as our mess of tent fell to the ground again I looked over to where Erin and Stefanie had walked to, to set up their tent and my jaw hit the floor as I realized not only had their tent been completely set up but the two of them were lying on top of their sleeping bags inside of it.
“Yeah mates, I give up,” Liam laughed and I watched in annoyance as he headed over to the girls tent and climbed inside.
“Liam! Seriously there is not enough room in here for you! This is the small tent!” Stefanie laughed and I cringed as Liam grabbed Stefanie by the waist and maneuvered her on top of him so she was straddling his hips.
“Plenty of room now,” he declared and all I could do was stare at the two of the helplessly. I hated seeing him with her. He shouldn’t have his hands on her like that. Hell, he shouldn’t have his hands on her at all. Somewhere in the back of mind I knew that I shouldn’t feel like this, it wasn’t my place.
But damnit I couldn’t help it.
“I’m done with this shit, I’m going to take a walk,” I growled stalking off before anyone could stop me.



HARRY


Now that the camp site was all set up, I was hoping to have a little time to get to know Erin more but when I looked around to find her she was nowhere to be seen. I was walking towards Erin’s tent when I saw her walking away from the campsite all alone. I wondered where she could be going and decided to follow her. If you are going to get to know her, now might be a good time I kept repeating so I didn’t chicken out and let her go. I had debated about calling her name but thought that she would ignore me or worse yet…tell me to leave her alone.
About ten minutes into her walk I noticed she turned left and it wasn’t until I got closer that I realized she turned towards a bridge. She stopped in the middle and looked out over the railing and watched the waterfall. It was absolutely breathtaking, but what made it even more beautiful was how Erin watched it, carefully studying the way the water flowed over the edge of the cliff and crashed into the rocks below. I approached Erin and was surprised by the smile that greeted me. I’ve seen her smile before so I knew this wasn’t a real one but at least it wasn’t an eye roll or some other way of her letting me know I was intruding/wasn’t welcome.
“Hey.” She said sounding very relaxed.
“Hi.” I said cautiously.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” She asked.
“Yeah, it really is.” I looked out at the wintery scene laid out before me and heard Erin take a deep breath, enjoying the fresh cool scent of the surrounding forest. I looked at her and saw the smile start to become more genuine, she closed her eyes and took in the sounds of the water flowing beneath us. She looked so peaceful. She took one more cleansing breath and when she opened her eyes, she caught me staring at her.
“What?” She asked with a shy smile playing on her plump lips.
God I want to kiss her. Stop that! Don’t ruin this.
“It’s just—I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so at peace. I’ve seen you working before and you kind of go into a zone, but nothing like this. It’s amazing to see how relaxed you are, you’re so happy.”
I watched in anticipation as she seemed to mull over what I had said. I was starting to think I had said too much when she finally replied, “Well…This is my happy place. Right here on this bridge. I used to come here all the time and just sit here on a blanket with my sketch pad and draw. No matter how stressful life becomes, the sound of a waterfall puts things back into perspective for me…shows me how amazing life is.” She took another deep breath as she crossed her arms leaning on the railing, staring out at the water.
“Wow. You’re so—I just didn’t realize how…deep you are.”
She snapped her head towards me and shot a glare so cold in my direction I had debated jumping off the bridge right then and there.
“Right, because I’m in fashion I must be shallow, is that it?”
“No! That’s not what I meant at all! I just meant that I didn’t know this part of you!” I pleaded for her to hear what I was trying to say.
“Just forget it.” She said turning to walk away from me. I quickly jumped in front of her hoping she would just give me the chance to explain.
“Please, just hear me out? I only meant that I have only ever gotten the chance to know the side of you who is an amazing designer, and horror movie enthusiast. I don’t know you well enough to make any judgements about you nor would I try. I just meant that it was nice to see this side of you.” My eyes connected with hers hoping she would see the truth in mine and let me in to see more of her.
She calmed down and said, “Okay…You’re forgiven this time, but you should really think about what you are going to say before you say it in the future…people don’t like it when you accuse them of being shallow.”
“I wasn’t, I swear!” I said with a hint of panic still in my voice.
She eyed me carefully, turning to walk back towards the camp site. I followed and stayed silent, scared that I might offend her again. We walked on in silence for another minute or so when I heard a rustling noise coming from behind a large bush, not more than five feet away. I grabbed for Erin’s wrist to get her to stop long enough that I could hear the noise better.
“What are you doing?” she asked slightly annoyed at my brazen attempt to lay a hand on her.
“Shhh.” I said holding my finger to my lips. “Did you hear that?” I asked looking over at the brush.
“No?” she looked at me like I had several heads, and not one of them sane.
At the sound of movement that didn’t come from us I whispered, “There it is again!”
I took just one step closer toward the bush to see what could be making the noise when a deer jumped out from behind it and landed on inches from us. It looked directly at me then over at Erin and my instinct took over. There was no rational thought, it was staring Erin down and I had to make sure she was okay.
I jumped between Erin and the deer and when the doe lifted its front hooves as if to jump again I grabbed Erin and pulled her behind a tree pressing my body against hers so that when the angry deer attacked it would only get me. I used my arms to cover Erin’s head as a makeshift helmet to protect her when I heard a giggle.
“Uuuummmm…what are you doing?” she asked calmly.
“I’m protecting you from the deer!” I said matter-of-factly. How did she not see it, it was right in front of her?
“You mean the one that ran the second you moved a little too quickly?” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“What? No—it just—it jumped out at us! I was protecting you.” I repeated as I looked around for any sign that the deer was still lurking around. I looked right and then left and realized that the deer was in fact gone. “Where’d it go?” I wondered aloud.
“It ran when you jumped between us waving like a madman.” She said, as she burst out laughing. She clearly couldn’t contain it any longer. I had made a fool of myself and she was laughing at me…awesome.
“Awww. What’s wrong? Did Bambi’s mother frighten you?” she laughed again at my expense.
“I swear it was looking at you like it was going to charge!” I said defending myself. “Haven’t you ever seen that video where the deer was attacking that hunter?”
“Yeah, but Harry…that was a buck. This was a doe and not even an adult one, they’re much more timid than bucks are.”
There was no way out, I’d never live this down. The only thing left to do at this point was to laugh at myself and hope she would take pity on me and pathetic attempt at being a hero. I gave her a playful shove and we were back to walking towards camp, this time there was a lighter feeling between us. I didn’t feel like she was shooting daggers when she looked at me anymore.

Notes

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