Louis P.O.V

Running my hands through my hair not giving a shit because we already fucked it up. I let out an irritated groan as self-hatred courses through my veins. I chased after Vanessa for one reason. One fucking reason and I blew it. I wanted to ask her to come to the beach with me and go on a date, I can just imagine Vanessa in the water with her cute bikini and a smile on her lips. But now she will think I'm the womanizer I have the reputation for, She already hated me when we met at breakfast.


A dark blue 3/4th sleeve blouse was peeking out of her closet at me when it struck. I could search her room and find out what she likes! Taking a closer look at her bedding it's blue, I assume it's her favourite colour because they are not provided and she wouldn't choose bedding she didn't like. Her desk has a black spinning chair at it with a mac laptop on it. I walk over to her laptop and opening it hoping there isn't a password. To my shitty luck there is, attempting to hack it I try the passwords, football, dragon, mustang, 696969, shadow, password, and monkey, all with no success.


I open the first of the three drawers on the left side, sitting in her desk chair. When I scavenge through her desk I find,

-One pack of sour peach candies

-Eight black pens

-Twenty-five pack of pre-sharpened pencils

-All of her class books

-Nine candy canes

-Blue EOS chapstick

-A photo of her and an older woman, probably her mom

-$110

-A creepy doll that I think is the vampire dude from twilight

At least I know she likes the twilight saga and those peach candies. But what has confused me is why she has the photo of her and presumably her mom inside her desk and not on top, or why she has her school book inside her desk instead of on her book shelf. I scan over the limited amount of books on the shelf, "The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath", "Paper Towns, The Fault in our stars, and Looking for Alaska, all by John Green", "Twilight saga, Stephenie Meyer", "The Hunger games series, Suzanne Collins." And that was it on the several shelves that can fit thirteen books or even twenty-six if you put a layer behind another, she had eleven books.


I open her closet curtains and see nothing that stands out, it's mostly black or dark blue skinny jeans, a couple pairs of sweatpants, a variety of jumpers, a few shirts, and four pairs of shoes. I learned almost nothing from searching her room. I grab my adidas zip-up in my hand and walk towards the doors of the school. As much as I like my room mate I am not in the mood for any amount of talking. I start running outside in the rain, edging closer to the forest.


I had always felt as though I never belonged anywhere I went, sure girls thought I was funny and invited me to their parties or boys always wanted to be my friend. But something wasn't right, I could never get a deeper connection or go past small talk with any of them. I have no idea to what has drawn me towards Vanessa.


I push my legs to take me faster through the small dirt path in the abyss of green wildlife. The rough breeze and heavy clouds above me swirled as rain poured down, but I didn't feel cold. I felt very still and empty, it was the first time I thought something might be seriously wrong with me. Maybe I deserved to feel like this, empty and alone. It's the only thing i've been feeling for the past few years. Before I met my roommate I had nothing to live for, my family hated me; I didn't want to be a doctor, so to my family I was nothing to them, just an empty and useless sack of skin that they wasted their time raising.


Caught up in my thoughts I trip over a tree branch, propelling myself through the air and onto the dirt. I remain laying their for time that does not register, I won't go back to my room tonight I will stay on the ground in the dirt where I belong.

Notes

I've had so much dental work done and I am in so much pain I feel like laying on the ground and dying also:(

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