Strictly you.
How can you love someone, if you don't really love yourself?
5:00 PM June 4, 2016
It was a warm day in Los Angeles, Penny and Harry were visiting Zayn – getting hype for the release of his new album. Despite Penny being due any day, she couldn’t miss his big day. She was so proud of him for following his dreams and standing up for what felt right to him, Harry of course felt the same way.
“Penny, love, could you maybe do something with this?” Zayn asked as he ran his fingers through his growing hair. It always grew so fast that he couldn’t manage it without multiple haircuts.
“If you don’t mind getting jabbed with my extra large tummy, then certainly.” She said with a laugh walking over to him.
“I think I can handle it, you do look like you’re about to pop though…when are you due?” He moved to pull a chair out, sitting in it, and watching her walk around to grab her bag.
“Two weeks, so I should be good.” She was rummaging around in her bag when she finally found the case she’d been looking for. She pulled the glittery pink pouch out and removed her sheers and comb.
“Okay, so just shape it up?” She asked as she looked back at him with a smile.
“Yeah, nothing major. I’m trying to be more chill or whatever, you know?” He said with a shrug.
She nodded and walked behind him, combing his hair back.
Harry was sitting on the couch, his eyes on the television as he watched some random documentary about Aliens or maybe Nazis or perhaps even Alien Nazis. He was captivated.
“Harry, could you find me a spray bottle and fill it with tap water babe?” Penny asked as she sectioned Zayn’s hair off.
“What, yeah one second. Commercial should be soon.”
“Or perhaps now?” She said with a glare his way.
“Don’t upset her Haz, I don’t want to deliver a baby from rage right this moment.” Zayn said with a laugh.
“Fine, fine.” Harry said standing up and pulling his gaze from the screen.
“So, Zayn. How are things going? This is when we used to talk about your love life, so you must fill me in.” She said with a smirk before taking the water bottle from Harry – thanking him with a quick kiss.
“Oh, of course. This is tradition after all.” Zayn chuckled. “My love life is at a standstill to be honest, Perrie hates me and I can’t really blame her, I don’t really handle stress very well so when I left the band things got so crazy…I knew I couldn’t be in a relationship. You know?” He sighed.
Penny was spraying away as she listened, pulling pieces of hair up and trimming them down. “I know babe.” She said softly, the grief he had over everything was still very present in his tone.
“I thought I loved her, but how can you love someone if you don’t really love yourself?” She could see his jaw clenching, this was the first time they’d spoken about this.
“You don’t love yourself mate?” Harry chimed in, obviously transfixed on something else now.
Zayn looked up, pulling his mouth into a lopsided frown.
“I didn’t. I lost myself somewhere, you know? It broke me to leave you guys and it was like the nail in the coffin after what happened with Per and things were so scary for a while. Mum told me to clean up my act before I was only in the spotlight because people were mourning the loss of me. It hit deep when she said that, you know? Like she saw I was on a downward spiral all the way from across the world.”
He paused briefly; the two were captivated by his words, not speaking as they listened.
“I put all my angst into this album though mate, I’m so glad you and the boys were willing to help me. Especially Liam, he’s got such a fucking future in producing albums. You lads are still my family, you know right?” Zayn’s eyes moved to Harry’s.
He nodded, giving him a small smile. “Always mate, brothers always.”
The atmosphere was heavy, Penny was almost finished with his hair, and then she felt the most excruciating pain in her lower abdomen. She dropped her scissors and clasped her hand on her tummy, letting out a yell as she winced in pain.
Harry jumped up and ran to her, Zayn followed suit and they each put an arm around her to steady her balance.
“What is it? Is it the pea? Are you okay?” Harry asked, frantic.
“I think s-‘’ Her voice cut off by another wave of pain, shooting through her body.
“Love, you’re all wet…” Zayn said, dumbfounded as he looked at the crotch of her denim jeans which were murky dark from the wet.
“I think this is it. Fuck.” Penny swore, looking at Harry with worried eyes.
“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll call the hospital, Zayn please call us a car and we’ll get you to the hospital love. Oh my god.” Harry’s voice was rushed and he was clearly freaking out.
Penny let out a laugh, it was her defense mechanism. “I’m having a baby in Los Angeles, why god?” She cried out dramatically before laughing once again. Harry looked at her with arched brows.
“What in the world? You’re a mess, come on. Let’s get you walking toward the door.” Harry said shaking his head and pulling his phone from his pocket.
Penny listened as he called the hospital, letting them know they were on the way. She reached for Harry once he’d hung up.
“Call my dad so they can get on the first flight, please!” She demanded, her attitude getting more dire with each contraction. Zayn appeared at the door and placed his arm around Penny helping her out and to the lift. They’d finally reached the car when Harry hung up the phone again.
“David is picking up Evelyn now and I’ve got someone meeting them at the airport, everything is going to work out” Harry reassured as he helped Penny into the car.
Zayn hopped in with them and checked his phone.
“The lads are coming to, Louis was already in LA so he’ll probably be there first, but Ni and Liam are getting on the first flight they can find. They can’t miss this.” Zayn’s eyes were beaming, you could tell he was so proud of them for banding together once again.
“Louis, he has experience. This is good.” Harry said, breathing in sync with her.
She smiled, grabbing his arm and squeezing as hard as possible, another wave shot through her.
“Ow, ow, ow!” Harry shouted, but quickly shut up from the death glare Penny gave him.
“Hurry!” Penny yelled at the driver, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
--
Penny’s eyes were heavy as she awoke the next morning, not ready to face the day, to go to the funeral home and help her mother pick out the ornate box in which they were to bury her father. She looked to the side; Harry was sleeping soundly with his arm draped over her waist. She yawned, licking her dried lips, and moving her hands to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
“Har…” She said softly, nudging into as she tried to wake him.
He sat up abruptly, moving his long hair from his face and blinking down at her, exhaling deeply as he saw she was okay.
“Sorry, I tried to stay up as long as possible, must have dozed off.” He said before lying his head back down on the pillow. She nodded and gave him a slight smile.
“You don’t have to stay up for me baby, you need rest too.” She said as she placed her hand to his jaw, tenderly stroking his soft skin.
“How are you holdin’ up?” He asked, his green eyes intently looking for some sign that she was okay.
She pulled her hand down her cheek and nodded. “I’m fine, I’m worried about my mom.”
“She’s going to need you now more than ever.” His voice trembled.
“I know. Which means I’ll need you now more than ever…”
It was a warm day in Los Angeles, Penny and Harry were visiting Zayn – getting hype for the release of his new album. Despite Penny being due any day, she couldn’t miss his big day. She was so proud of him for following his dreams and standing up for what felt right to him, Harry of course felt the same way.
“Penny, love, could you maybe do something with this?” Zayn asked as he ran his fingers through his growing hair. It always grew so fast that he couldn’t manage it without multiple haircuts.
“If you don’t mind getting jabbed with my extra large tummy, then certainly.” She said with a laugh walking over to him.
“I think I can handle it, you do look like you’re about to pop though…when are you due?” He moved to pull a chair out, sitting in it, and watching her walk around to grab her bag.
“Two weeks, so I should be good.” She was rummaging around in her bag when she finally found the case she’d been looking for. She pulled the glittery pink pouch out and removed her sheers and comb.
“Okay, so just shape it up?” She asked as she looked back at him with a smile.
“Yeah, nothing major. I’m trying to be more chill or whatever, you know?” He said with a shrug.
She nodded and walked behind him, combing his hair back.
Harry was sitting on the couch, his eyes on the television as he watched some random documentary about Aliens or maybe Nazis or perhaps even Alien Nazis. He was captivated.
“Harry, could you find me a spray bottle and fill it with tap water babe?” Penny asked as she sectioned Zayn’s hair off.
“What, yeah one second. Commercial should be soon.”
“Or perhaps now?” She said with a glare his way.
“Don’t upset her Haz, I don’t want to deliver a baby from rage right this moment.” Zayn said with a laugh.
“Fine, fine.” Harry said standing up and pulling his gaze from the screen.
“So, Zayn. How are things going? This is when we used to talk about your love life, so you must fill me in.” She said with a smirk before taking the water bottle from Harry – thanking him with a quick kiss.
“Oh, of course. This is tradition after all.” Zayn chuckled. “My love life is at a standstill to be honest, Perrie hates me and I can’t really blame her, I don’t really handle stress very well so when I left the band things got so crazy…I knew I couldn’t be in a relationship. You know?” He sighed.
Penny was spraying away as she listened, pulling pieces of hair up and trimming them down. “I know babe.” She said softly, the grief he had over everything was still very present in his tone.
“I thought I loved her, but how can you love someone if you don’t really love yourself?” She could see his jaw clenching, this was the first time they’d spoken about this.
“You don’t love yourself mate?” Harry chimed in, obviously transfixed on something else now.
Zayn looked up, pulling his mouth into a lopsided frown.
“I didn’t. I lost myself somewhere, you know? It broke me to leave you guys and it was like the nail in the coffin after what happened with Per and things were so scary for a while. Mum told me to clean up my act before I was only in the spotlight because people were mourning the loss of me. It hit deep when she said that, you know? Like she saw I was on a downward spiral all the way from across the world.”
He paused briefly; the two were captivated by his words, not speaking as they listened.
“I put all my angst into this album though mate, I’m so glad you and the boys were willing to help me. Especially Liam, he’s got such a fucking future in producing albums. You lads are still my family, you know right?” Zayn’s eyes moved to Harry’s.
He nodded, giving him a small smile. “Always mate, brothers always.”
The atmosphere was heavy, Penny was almost finished with his hair, and then she felt the most excruciating pain in her lower abdomen. She dropped her scissors and clasped her hand on her tummy, letting out a yell as she winced in pain.
Harry jumped up and ran to her, Zayn followed suit and they each put an arm around her to steady her balance.
“What is it? Is it the pea? Are you okay?” Harry asked, frantic.
“I think s-‘’ Her voice cut off by another wave of pain, shooting through her body.
“Love, you’re all wet…” Zayn said, dumbfounded as he looked at the crotch of her denim jeans which were murky dark from the wet.
“I think this is it. Fuck.” Penny swore, looking at Harry with worried eyes.
“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll call the hospital, Zayn please call us a car and we’ll get you to the hospital love. Oh my god.” Harry’s voice was rushed and he was clearly freaking out.
Penny let out a laugh, it was her defense mechanism. “I’m having a baby in Los Angeles, why god?” She cried out dramatically before laughing once again. Harry looked at her with arched brows.
“What in the world? You’re a mess, come on. Let’s get you walking toward the door.” Harry said shaking his head and pulling his phone from his pocket.
Penny listened as he called the hospital, letting them know they were on the way. She reached for Harry once he’d hung up.
“Call my dad so they can get on the first flight, please!” She demanded, her attitude getting more dire with each contraction. Zayn appeared at the door and placed his arm around Penny helping her out and to the lift. They’d finally reached the car when Harry hung up the phone again.
“David is picking up Evelyn now and I’ve got someone meeting them at the airport, everything is going to work out” Harry reassured as he helped Penny into the car.
Zayn hopped in with them and checked his phone.
“The lads are coming to, Louis was already in LA so he’ll probably be there first, but Ni and Liam are getting on the first flight they can find. They can’t miss this.” Zayn’s eyes were beaming, you could tell he was so proud of them for banding together once again.
“Louis, he has experience. This is good.” Harry said, breathing in sync with her.
She smiled, grabbing his arm and squeezing as hard as possible, another wave shot through her.
“Ow, ow, ow!” Harry shouted, but quickly shut up from the death glare Penny gave him.
“Hurry!” Penny yelled at the driver, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
--
Penny’s eyes were heavy as she awoke the next morning, not ready to face the day, to go to the funeral home and help her mother pick out the ornate box in which they were to bury her father. She looked to the side; Harry was sleeping soundly with his arm draped over her waist. She yawned, licking her dried lips, and moving her hands to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
“Har…” She said softly, nudging into as she tried to wake him.
He sat up abruptly, moving his long hair from his face and blinking down at her, exhaling deeply as he saw she was okay.
“Sorry, I tried to stay up as long as possible, must have dozed off.” He said before lying his head back down on the pillow. She nodded and gave him a slight smile.
“You don’t have to stay up for me baby, you need rest too.” She said as she placed her hand to his jaw, tenderly stroking his soft skin.
“How are you holdin’ up?” He asked, his green eyes intently looking for some sign that she was okay.
She pulled her hand down her cheek and nodded. “I’m fine, I’m worried about my mom.”
“She’s going to need you now more than ever.” His voice trembled.
“I know. Which means I’ll need you now more than ever…”
Notes
So I'm kinda getting a pattern down now -- Flashback, "present time" is the order.
Let me know if it's confusing, if so I'm so sorry :(
Anyways, thanks for all your positive feedback!! I'm happy to know you're enjoying it-- makes me enjoy writing it even more!
all the love!
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Pleaaaaaaaase update
10/14/16