THE DEATH OF YOU

When I enter the shack I immediately notice Eleanor stood at the door to the supply room. She notices me and waves me over.
"In here," she places her hands on my shoulders pointing me into the room.
It is full of people, more then what it really fits.
Louis, Zayn and Perrie, Ed and Ben stood sitting by a girl I do not know and now El and me.
"I'm here so let's get this over with," I demand, noting that Sarah and Guy are missing.
"So this is her?" The girl sneers my way. Her straight dark hair falls down her back with a shine any girl would be jealous of.
"I think we'll leave you to it," Louis nods to Ed who agrees. Everyone shuffles out except Ben, the girl, Ed and I. That is when I notice how bad Ben looks. His face is beat and it seems his nose is broken.
"This is your boyfriend's hand work," the girl says when noticing me stare at Ben's injuries.
"My boyfriend tried to help Ben he did not inflict those on him," I claim roughly.
"And the blood on your hands?" She eyes my palms. I glance down noting the red- brown stains.
"Calm down," Ed rolls his eyes.
"You do not tell me to calm down! Ben why are we still here? We need to go to the hospital and press charges!" She exclaims in anger.
"No!" Ed and I say in unison.
"Jade please," Ben whispers tiredly.
"This is crazy! He assaulted you!" She scoffs.
"And Ben has assaulted Harry multiple times as well, yet you don't see him running to the police," I mock her.
"No one is talking to you princess!" She sends me an icy glare.
"Ben, listen to me.. Harry doesn't remember. . I had to go over the whole racing thing to convince him.. I'm not saying what he did was right.. I condemn it, but I am begging you to let it be please.. He won't touch you again," I swear.
"You cannot promise such a thing," The girl called Jade rolls her eyes.
"But I can," Ed speaks up.
"Please Ben.. I know this is not fair to you and yet I am asking.." my voice trails off.
"He always has people excusing his bad actions," Ben says dryly, "as long it's the golden couple.. It’s ok- right?" He tells me.
"We are no golden couple.. We aren't even a couple anymore! Harry doesn't remember me.. He doesn't remember our relationship just like he doesn't remember you being punished!" I claim. That makes Ben's eyes jump to mine. "Is it true?" He questions Ed which nods.
"And yet you are still here fighting his battles," Jade scolds me.
"Who are you? Why are you even here?" I am growing impatient with her.
"I'm his girlfriend!" She says in a snotty tone.
"Well in that case you should already know about the kind of relationship these two have.. This love hate thing," I argue.
"Which is stupid," she says.
"Come one Jude lets go," Ben rises to his feet.
"Finally," she gets up flicking her hair back.
"I really don't see what all these boys see in you," she pulls a face as she passes me.
Ben walks after her, though before exiting the room he turns around to me.
"Is it really true? He doesn't remember you?" He question "are you really broken up?"
I nod, "he started to remember but I have a new boyfriend now," I reply.
"He's a very stupid and lucky man," he shakes his head.
"Why?" The words are out of my mouth before I realize.
"Stupid for not remembering you and lucky.. Because he still has you on his side, fighting his battles for him."
With that he leaves, leaving Ed and I on our own.
I stare after Ben before turning to Ed. I take a deep shaky breath and then look down at my bloody hands. I choke on a sob and hurry to the sink on the side to wash my hands. I scrub at them furiously trying to clean them the best I can. I cry in the process. I feel Ed's hands close on my own. I feel his body to my right as he helps me wash my hands for me. Once they are clean he folds me in his arms letting me sob into his chest.
"I've got you sweetheart.. Your fine.. you're alright," He murmurs softly, kissing the top of my head.
"What am I doing Ed?" I pull away and wipe at my eyes once I calm down.
"You tell me.." he watches me carefully.
"I think I'm going insane," I sigh, leaning against the wall and letting my body slide to the floor.
"Ok.. What is making you feel this way?" He sits himself beside me.
"Everything.. coming back home.. seeing everyone.. Harry... Austin," I play with my fingers.
"Overwhelming?" He questions and I nod.
"Don't get me wrong. . I love you lot so much.. you have no idea-"
"So why did you cut us out?" He asks.
"Because.. I felt I didn't have the right to keep you.. I felt as if you were borrowed.. as if you all belonged to him.. and after it all fell apart I had no right to share. . I had to give you back to him," I explain.
"That's crazy.. you kept in touch with Perrie," He states.
"But Perrie was mine all along," I tell him.
"Fair enough," he agrees, "But you probably understand now that it's not true.. we are yours just as much as his.. You can have joint custody," Ed smiles softly.
"He confuses me so much," I sigh.
"I think he is confusing himself as well.. Starting to remember is not easy for him.. He’s going crazy," Ed remarks.
"I know," I agree.
"And you helping him is making a big difference for him," he continues.
"Is it though?"
"Look.. No doubt he wants you to help since he remembers you know.. He remembers what you two had.. and he wants it back.. he thinks he can get you back," Ed says.
"I know.. he told me that," I confess.
"And? Will he?"
"I'm with Austin now. . Austin is a good lad.. Really.. He treats me right and he loves me... and Harry..."
"Harry loves you too," Ed tries.
"Harry remembers loving me.. but he doesn't love me right now," I tell him.
"No.. You know he does.. The real question is.. do you love him?"
"You know I do.. I will always love him.. but I.. I moved on.. I need to move on.. That is the best thing," I explain.
"You're saying that.. But do you believe it? I don't think you do," Ed explains.
"Why?" I narrow my brows feeling defensive.
"Because if you believed that.. You would never help him," Ed gets up, brushing off his jeans. I do the same. We leave the room, and leaving with it our conversation. Deep down his words ring truth. But I need to change it. Austin is the right guy for me. He is easy. And easy is how love should be.
"All right there?" Eleanor strides over.
"Yeah.. I'm going to head back, I left Austin with Harry together, which thinking back might have not been the best thing.. I should go fetch him," I hug Eleanor and wave goodbye to the others.
"I'll follow you," Ed says getting the keys to the SUV he shares with Harry.
I wait for Ed to park outside the flat before heading up.
"So what's going on?" Austin inquires as we enter. Ed heads straight to the fridge and gets a beer. He offers one to Harry who takes one, and one to Austin who declines.
"He won't be pressing charges today," I narrow my eyes at Harry. I'm angry. I'm angry that he has put me in such a position. That he has taken away from my time with Austin and got once again in the middle of something that should have been fun and festive.
"Thanks?" Harry asks picking up on my annoyance and not sure how to deal with it.
"Well.. We’ll be off.. Ready to go love?" I turn to Austin.
"Sure," a hint of a smile appears on his lips, him noting me ignoring Harry and I reckon liking it.
"Cassie- umm.. Thanks for everything.. really!" Harry's voice is sincere and I nod shortly.
"Bye Ed.. see you soon," I hug him, before Austin and I step out.
As we wait for the lift I reach out for Austin's hand, slipping my fingers through his and linking them together. He doesn't look at me but I feel the squeeze of his hand.
We climb into the car but I don't start it. Instead I just sit and stare straight ahead, both hands on the wheel.
"Cass?" Austin calls softly.
"Do you hate me?" I whisper to him, my eyes scared of meeting his so they look ahead.
"No! Cass! Why would you even think that?" There is slight panic in his voice.
"Because that I ruined once again our day together with Harry and his drama," I shake my head, blinking back tears.
"No, no.. look at-" He reaches for my face his fingers claiming my cheeks and turning my gaze to him. I glance down before finding the courage to look up at him.
"It's not your fault ok? If already I love you even more for going out of your way to help a friend," he says kindly.
"Harry and I are not friends," I tell him, trying to convince myself we are nothing else either.
"Yes.. Maybe.. but you love him," his voice drops and he isn't quite looking into my eyes.
"I love you," I reach out for his hand.
"You love him as well," He offers me a soft smile though I note the pain in it.
"But I love you more!" I promise him clenching his palms in mind, wanting him so much to believe me, and deep down wanting so much to believe myself.
I see something pass in his eyes, not sure what it is, it passing too fast for me to figure it out.
Austin leans in and places his lips on mine for a kiss. This is where I need to be. In his arms, cherishing this easy and uncomplicated relationship.
I start the car and drive us home.
"I was sure you'd be home already! What happen with Ben and Styles?" Sarah asks from the sofa. She was sat with Guy and it dawns on me they were waiting for us.
"That Jade girl! Where did she come from?" I drop onto the arm chair, Austin taking a seat next to Guy.
"About a year after you left.. He probably brought her on eBay or something," Sarah fans her hand.
"So was she able to convince Ben to press charges?"
"No.. I talked him out of it," I exhale loudly.
"Pay up!" Sarah sends a wicked smile over to Guy.
"How the hell did you know?" He smiles in disbelief.
"Because I know what a huge crush Ben had on Cassie and that just doesn't go away... bet you it didn't do very well to his and Jade's relationship," Sarah notes evilly.
"What is it with Cassie and racers? Anyone else I should know about?" Austin asks good heartedly, but I pick up on the hidden tone in his voice. He is slightly worried.
"No..." Sarah shakes her head.
"It's really only been Harry," she says to assure him. Which is the worst thing she could have said because by the look on his face it seems to dawn on him that it truly has always been Harry.. Only Harry.

Notes