Homepage › Stories › You aren't going to leave me even after I lied › Chapter 1

You aren't going to leave me even after I lied

1

Me: I am as sick as a dog.
Louis: Why? Babe please tell me.
Me: 'cos it's winter and hve a fever.
Louis: Are you sure it's not morning sickness?
Me: Yes, Lou, I am not pregnant.
Louis: Are you sure?
Me: *roles eyes* Yes.
Louis: Babe fine. I believe you but you're staying in bed and you are not going out a all 'till you're better. *says in a stern voice*
Me: Yes, Sir.
Louis: Babe you don't need to call me "Sir".
Me: Yes Mr Tomlinson.
Louis: And you don't need to call me "Mr Tomlinson".
Me: Then what should I call you?
Louis: Call me "Tommo" or "Babe".
Me: Yes ... Babe.
*Three months later*
Me: *walk into my ad Louis' house*
Louis: Babe where were you. *said in a concerned voice*
Me: At the dctors.
Louis: what's wrong? *worried voice*

Notes

Comments

i really love it, even though it's moving really fast, but i love the plot haha

A_wonderland_rabbit
11/4/15

@qoodvibes
Sure hope my new on is a bit better

Louis'lolies
11/4/15

@Liamharrylouisandniall
Thanx much appreciated will read more please also tell me what you think of my new story

Louis'lolies
11/4/15

The structure of a play is actually quite unique, maybe even difficult when it comes to fan-fiction. However, even though you have the structure, your story is still missing a huge chunk.

I agree, you should keep this story on pause and go ahed to read some other pieces from some different authors. After that, perhaps you'll feel more confident to write your story.

Again, you story has potential but perhaps you need to think more about the quality of your writing?

qoodvibes
10/29/15

Honestly I'm not trying to hate but your moving a little bit too fast. I think you should read a few more stories and see how they type/act out a story. Once again this is not hate it is constructive criticism.