whiplash

I am laying in bed sulking. That’s right, sulking, like a grumpy little girl. I’m not going to lie and say that I hadn’t hoped that after last night Niall would have somehow thought differently about our… whatever this is. I was hoping I would wake up to find him still next to me but I didn’t. Instead, I found an empty pillow that is currently laying on my floor because that’s where it landed after I threw it. Don’t judge me. It smelled too much like Niall. I couldn’t deal with his cologne making its way up my nose and reminding me of last night. I couldn’t handle the memory of his face between my legs or the way his lips felt on my neck.

I rip my pillow out from under my head and bury my face in it, letting out a loud frustrated scream. I hate Niall but I also don’t at all and that seems to be a major problem. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him to leave me the hell alone. But I know and you know and the whole freaking world knows that the next time he calls or texts, or whatever I will be right back to putty in his stupid Irish hands. As I let out a long huffy breath I throw my own pillow to the floor and it lands with a soft thud next to my previously banished one. I should get up. I should take a shower. I should wash every trace of the stupid man from my body, but I’m not going to. I’m going to lay here and flounder about in my own disappointment.

I am well on my way to quite the impressive pity party when I hear my phone ring in the other room. I jump out of bed, excitement rushing through every limb. I don’t even care that I am stark naked. I’m just thrilled with the idea that my phone is ringing and it might be Niall. I grab it from the table by the door and quickly look at the name. My heart drops into my stomach and a rush of guilt takes over the place where excitement once lived. I reluctantly press accept and put the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”

My head is filled with an Irish accent, but it’s not the one I was hoping for. “Harper! How are you this morning? I hope I didn’t wake you!”

Even though I’m filled with shame and disappointment, Jamie still makes me smile. “Oh no! I’ve been awake for a while now. So you’re perfectly fine!” I walk back to my bedroom and wrap myself up in a sheet, taking a seat on the bed. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today. Isn’t there some sort of unspoken rule about not calling a girl the next day?”

Jamie laughs on the other end of the line. “I supposed there is if you are some sort of ass who likes to play with people’s emotions. But I tend to be the nice guy. I was sort of wondering if you might want to go get some coffee this morning?”

For unknown reasons my heart starts to race. Coffee? With Jamie? Should I be doing that? I have no real reason not to meet him for coffee, but then Niall’s face floats to the forefront of my brain and I swallow hard.

Niall. I slept with Niall last night.

Again.

I shouldn’t get into anything with Jamie if I’m going to keep doing this. That would just be wrong and I am not the kind of girl that can date two guys at once, if what I’m doing with Niall could even be called dating. It really just feels like I might be only a fucking hole, I laugh darkly to myself, or just a hole for fucking. But regardless of Niall’s intentions, I will not be the girl that strings Jamie along just because I can. I make the decision to meet Jamie for coffee and there I will tell him then that we shouldn’t see each other. I have no idea what I’ll say, but I’ll think of something on the way. I tell him that coffee sounds lovely and agree to meet him at a cafe just around the corner in about an hour.

I get ready quickly, dressed simply not trying to impress anyone. I sweep on the tiniest bit of makeup, grab my keys, and head downstairs. The first step I take outside I realize what a beautiful day it is today. I spent entirely too much of my day worried about a damn boy. I’m done with that now. I look up at the blue sky and decide that today is the perfect day for a walk. The cafe isn’t that far from my apartment so I start down the street with a new spring in my step.
This is how it’s always been for me. I’m usually pretty good at sloughing off the things that make me unhappy, but somehow I’ve managed to find something I can’t rid myself of that easily. I didn’t realize that when I first met Niall that this was how it was going to be between the two of us. I didn’t know that my thoughts would be constantly filled with him even when I didn’t want them to be. I hadn’t realized that Niall was a little like a drug that you couldn’t really wean yourself from without some help.

I see the cafe a block or so ahead of me and a feeling of dread slowly fills my stomach. I don’t want to let Jamie down, especially for such a dumb reason as this. I chew the skin on my lip as I open the cafe door and spot Jamie at a small table in the middle of the room. He smiles and stands up to greet me as I walk over to him.

“Harper,” He leans in and kisses my cheek before pulling my chair out for me. “I’m glad that you came.”

I scoot up to the table. “Of course! It was such a nice day outside I was glad to have the excuse to walk somewhere!” I look up into Jamie’s smiling face and suddenly as if I can’t even hold the words in, they all I spill out of my mouth. “Jamie, I’m not sure we should keep seeing each other.”

An unexpected look of relief spreads over his face. “I can’t tell you how thankful I am to hear you say that.” My brows knit together in confusion and he hastily continues. “Oh no! It’s not that I don’t want to date you! Quite the contrary, the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship with you is very very appealing to me. It’s just that after last night I worried about the fact that we work together and both really enjoy our jobs. I didn’t want to put anything in jeopardy by starting something between us.” He licks his lips and looks up at me with a small grin. “Though I will say that I am rather sad that won’t get another kiss like I got last night.”

I giggle and am instantly put at ease. “That is a sad thing. But who knows, maybe one day when life is different.” I shrug my shoulders. “They always say good things come to those who wait.”
A tiny laugh escapes his lips. “One can only hope. I do have a bit of a surprise for you though.” He bends down and starts shuffling through his bag at his feet but continues to talk. “So awhile back I bought tickets to go and see a really big show and I was supposed to go with a friend of mine, but he backed out at the last minute.” He finally sits up and lays an envelope on the table between us. “When I was thinking of who I should take with me, you popped into my head.”
I slide the paper over to me and open it, pulling out two tickets. When I read the name printed across the top my jaw drops open. “You’re inviting me to see The Eagles with you?

Jamie laughs lightly, smiling and nodding at my expression of complete disbelief. "I am indeed. Would you want to go? I mean, it wouldn’t be a date. Just two friends that really enjoy a good show. But I know how we talked about all the dream concerts we’d each love to see. They happened to be on both our lists. So who better to ask.”

“Oh my god. I think you might be my new favorite person in this world.” I read over the tickets more. “Holy Shit! Jamie! These are great seats!”

“I know. I may have been a little excited when I bought them.” He smiles at me expectantly. “So, do you wanna go with me?”

I nod adamantly. “Yes. Yes Yes. Yes!”

His face crinkles up in a smile that says I’ve made his day by saying yes. We spend the rest of our time together talking about our excitement for the upcoming show and the logistics of getting to the O2 after work on Friday. Both deciding that it is better to drive separately so that neither us have to do any backtracking after the concert, we excitedly work out our plans. When we stand up to leave the cafe I wrap my arms around Jamie and hug him tightly. I feel his big hands splayed over my back and my stomach does a tiny flip. If it weren’t for Niall I would’ve argued to keep seeing each other, work be damned, because there is an obvious connection between the two of us.

I pull back from him and plant a kiss on his cheek. “Jamie, you have made my day! I hope you know that!”

“I’m glad that I could!” We walk outside together and he hugs me one last time. “I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

I wave him off and then turn up the street, heading for home. I’m so excited that I feel like nothing could possibly ruin my day or my week! The rest of my Saturday is a breeze and I feel like I’m on top of the world. I manage to not even think about Niall for the rest of the day minus the one time where I catch a whiff of his cologne as I change the sheets. I fall asleep that night praying that every day will be as easy as this one was today. I am close to having my prayers answered too, because each day goes by faster than the last. Yet somehow I can never really get away from that little blonde asshole. He is constantly in my thoughts and just like before, I don’t hear a word from him at all. Not one little peep. I wish I could say that I am better than I was last time and maybe I am a tiny bit, but I still feel like I’m checking my phone every two minutes wondering if he’s going to text me.

But, of course, he doesn’t. Why would he? This isn’t what this is, is it? We are not in a relationship of any kind. I’m sure I’ll eventually get that through my head or go crazy in the time it takes. I, honestly, try my hardest not to be disappointed. Some days I succeed and others not so much. Those are the days that I dream about him. Really good dreams that are also really terrible. The kinds of dreams where I wake and it feels like I can still feel his lips on mine and his hands on me. They rob me of my breath and leave goosebumps along my skin.

That’s exactly how I wake up on Friday morning. My sheets are bunched at my chest with my fingers clutching them, my breathing is fast and my heart is thudding like I’ve just come back from a run, and there is a familiar throbbing between my legs. I let out one trembling breath after another until my pulse finally slows to a dull roar in my ears. This is not the way I wanted to start my day, but it serves me right for reliving my last Friday night in my head before finally drifting off to sleep last night.

At work I keep picturing Niall’s face in my mind and it is starting to get very distracting. Luckily I have the concert tonight to help me forget about my that certain distraction. The fact that I even need a distraction from Niall seems problematic to me, but I decide not to think about it. Instead, I glance at the clock and see that the day will soon be over. So I grab my bag from under my desk and head to the ladies room. I’ve brought a change of clothes and my makeup bag so that I can refresh my look before I head out. As I slip on my favorite pair of skinny black leather pants and a somewhat sheer black top, the excitement for tonight starts to really kick in. This is one of those shows that I have on my list of things to do and I’m finally going to get to cross it off. I also have to say that going with Jamie is actually very exciting. We have the same level of appreciation for good music so I know that I will have an amazing time. I finish getting ready and walk out of the bathroom to find Jamie sitting on my desk with his keys in his hands. He stands up immediately when he catches sight of me. I watch as he gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

He clears his throat quietly but his voice still breaks when he speaks. “Um…Harper…Wow…”
I smile and twirl for him at my desk. “I look okay?”

He laughs. “Okay? Yeah, you look okay. You are actually making me question my entire decision about dating in the workplace.”

I snort and grab my keys. “You ready to go then, stud?”

“Yeah, about that, I was wondering if you wanted to share a cab there. That way we could enjoy ourselves a bit more and sober up in the cab on the way back. Sound okay with you?”
I nod. “That actually sounds perfect.”

“Good, because I already ordered it. Should be here right about now.” He holds his arm out to me. “Shall we?”

Our cab ride is surprisingly short considering the traffic so we decide to grab a drink at a nearby pub before making our way into the arena. We laugh and have a great time together. Without the worry of the whole idea of dating its much easier for me to talk with Jamie. We still flirt shamelessly, but it seems that is just the type of friendship we are destined to have.

When we finally make it into the arena and up to our seats I am so excited I’m bouncing all over the place. I can’t wait for the show to start and for the music to fill my soul the way music always does. I take a look around trying to take everything in while there is still light enough to see everything. The place is packed with people, which is understandable when you think of the band we are about to see. This is classic stuff right here. I look over at Jamie, who has a smile on his face that is big enough to match mine and say thank you for the thousandth time.

“You’re very welcome! I hope this means that we can still be friends.” He says with a nod in my direction.

I put a hand on his shoulder. “I am completely up for that. As long as you don’t mind a little flirting here and there.”

Jamie lets out a loud laugh and then taps his finger to his chin in mock deep thought. “Hmmm. A pretty girl still wants to flirt with me? That is a tough one.”

I punch him lightly in the shoulder before turning to head back up the stairs. “I’m gonna find a bathroom while you mull that over.” He waves me off with a call of ‘Don’t get lost’ and then turns back to the stage. I slowly make my way through the throng of people milling about in the corridor. I’m almost to where I need to be when a squeal draws my attention in a different direction. I look over and see a small crowd of people. I wonder what the hell is going on over there? I start to take a step closer and then I see who it is they are all fawning over.
It’s Niall.

Of course it is.

Of course.

Why wouldn’t he be here?

I turn around and walk straight back to my seat forgetting about the bathroom altogether. I don’t think he saw me. He appeared too busy with fans to notice that I was even near him. I hate that I ran away too. I’m such a coward.

Oh well. It is what it is.

When I sit back down next to Jamie I hope that my anxiety isn’t visible to him but I don’t have to worry long because the lights dim a few minutes later and the show starts. Just like I’d hoped I lose myself in the music. My hips sway to the rhythm of songs that I have been listening to my whole life thanks to my dad who is a fine connoisseur of good music. I’m in my own little world, enjoying myself when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and check the screen. My heart almost jumps out of my chest when I read Niall’s name. I open it quickly to read what he’s sent.

“I can see you.”

Just that one sentence and my head whips up and I start looking around for him. He can see me. But where is he? How can he see me, but I can’t find him anywhere? My phone buzzes and it’s Niall again.

“Aw poor little Harper can’t find me.”

I scowl at my phone and huff as I read his words. What an asshole. I don’t even give him a response. I just stuff my phone back into my pocket and go back to the show. Jamie is completely unaware of what has just happened and I’d like to keep it that way, but I’m not sure I can because I feel my phone vibrate against my leg again.

I stiffen my shoulders and ignore it. I will not look at it. I don’t care what he has to say. I don’t want to hear it. But then it buzzes again and curiosity gets the better of me. It turns out that I am the cat that curiosity killed.

“Don’t be like that sunshine.”
“Want me to remind you how much you like me?”

I roll my eyes, but I don’t put my phone away. I keep it held in my hand and that’s when Jamie notices. He glances over and nods at it with his eyebrows raised in question. I smile, holding it up and shaking it. “I told a friend I would be here and she wants all the details.”

He nods and smiles, returning his attention back to the stage and my phone lights up again.

“Who’s the guy?”
“Oh wait”
“That’s Ireland isn’t it”
“I can see you’ve got a thing for us Irish lads.”
“Cant say I blame you. I am pretty good looking.”

Anger floods through me and I can feel myself turning red.

“You're pretty hot when you're mad”

Ugh. This man is infuriating. I take another futile glance around at the crowd trying to see if I can spot him and still I find nothing. I look down at the screen and decide not to answer him at all. I will not play this game with him. It’s as if he knows that I’ve made the resolution to ignore him because he texts again.

“This is fun. you not answering me. I can say whatever I want.”

I try and get back to the concert, try to lose myself in the music once more. I close my eyes and start to sway to the guitar. Thankfully my phone stays silent for quite a while and I forget about the stupid blonde ass that is trying to distract me. I finally start to enjoy myself again. Jamie says something that makes me laugh with my whole body and I catch him watching me with a trace of regret written on his features. He touches my shoulder lightly and leans to speak into my ear. “I’m going to go grab a drink. You want one?”

I nod with a smile and he disappears up the stairs. My attention goes back to the music and my hips start to move once more. It’s only a few minutes later that my phone buzzes again.

“I like the way you dance - it reminds me of the way you move when we’re in bed.”

His words shoot straight between my legs and I actually clench my thighs together. How does he do that? I will never understand how he can make me have such a physical response to him. Is it just me? Or does he do that to every girl? Maybe it’s just him.

Jamie comes back with four drinks in his hands. Two shots and two beers. He hands me one of each and then holds up the shot glass to me. He calls out over the noise of the crowd and the music. “To a great night!”

I smile and tap my cup against his before taking the shot down in one gulp. Two full beers and a third that I am currently sipping on later and I have finally managed to not care about what Niall is saying to me. Though he has kept up a steady stream of commentary on my drinking. Not that he is really one to talk considering wherever the asshole is he’s probably had more to drink than I have. I take another sip and look down at the lit up screen of my phone.

“Did ya really need this one too?”
“Haven’t ya had enough, sunshine?”
“I’m gonna have to take ya home myself if ya keep this up.”
“I guess you’re not gonna listen to me then.”

All I can think as I read the last one is that he’s exactly right. I am not going to listen to him. Instead, I let Jamie take my hand and twirl me around once or twice, dancing with me. It makes me laugh and I throw my arm over his shoulder and lean against him. I kiss his cheek and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I don’t even pull it out and check it, I just stay right there and sway with Jamie. I finally pull myself away because I don’t want him to get the wrong impression. I stand on my own moving with the song and pull my damn phone out from pocket again. Two more messages.

“You’d be having more fun if you were with me ya know.”
“But keep dancing though I like to watch.”

I don’t know why, but the fact that Niall is watching me makes me blush and I mean blush hard. Another message pops up within seconds.

“Damn, I can see you blushing from here.”
“Ya know what’s even prettier than that?”
“The way your whole body does that when I look at you.”

The memory of the last time we were together rushes through me and it leaves me angry with myself. I didn’t want to go there and now I have. I make the decision to turn off my phone for the remainder of the show. No more Niall as a constant interruption. I get to finish this concert in peace and it is unbelievably good.

By the time it’s over my buzz has worn completely off. I don’t see Niall as Jamie and I make our way out with the enormous crowd of people. We somehow manage to get a cab in all the chaos and spend the ride back to our cars, reliving the show and all of our favorite moments with each other. I finally say good night to him with a kiss on the cheek and the promise of meeting for brunch tomorrow. Eventually I get back to my apartment and I am just this side of exhausted. I had so much fun tonight, now I just need a shower and bed. I strip my clothes off and am about to turn on the hot water when my door buzzes.

I have no real idea of who could be at my door and only one person jumps to the forefront of my brain, but that would just be crazy. I wrap myself in a robe and look through the peephole. Well, I’ll be damned. It is him. I open the door to a smirking Niall leaning against my door frame. I barely open my door with only enough room for my body in the opening and I mimic his body language.

“Can I help you?” He doesn’t answer, just lets his eyes trail over the gaping top of my robe and it makes me sneer. “You think you can just come over here whenever you want. What makes you think I’ll let you back into my house and between my legs? Why should I?”

He raises himself to stand up straight, licks his lips and looks straight into my eyes. “You know why.”

I scoff. “No. You give me one good reason why I should even think of letting you in.”

He grins and runs his tongue across his teeth, looking the part of cocky asshole perfectly. “Harper, I can give you three. Cause that’s how many times I will have you calling me God in the next hour or so.”

Well, fuck me. I let out a long huffy breath, hating myself for what I’m about to do, but the thought of him over the top of me, pounding into me, sounds like the perfect end to a perfect night. I push the door open enough to let him step inside and he chuckles as he passes me, pausing to brush his lips over mine. “I knew you’d see sense, sunshine.” He snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me flush against his body, closing the door with his other hand.

“Though ignoring my texts all night and then turning off your phone. Bit rude of you. I might have to punish you a little for that.”

I roll my bottom lip between my teeth and feel the heat pooling between my legs. “Well, you’ll just have to wait for punishment because I was getting ready to take a shower.”

Niall lets me go and gestures back to my bedroom. “Well get in there then and don’t take too long. I’ve been watching you all night and I’m tired of waiting.” He sends me into the bathroom with a smack on my ass.

I turn on the water so that the bathroom steams up immediately and drop my robe to the floor. I climb in, stepping under the shower head and letting the water rush over me. The heat from it feels amazing. I turn around and let it rinse over my face, smoothing my wet hair back in the process. I hear my shower door open and I yelp in surprise when Niall steps in behind me. I clutch a hand to my racing heart. “Jesus! Fuck! You scared me.”

“Sorry, sunshine, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on ya. 'Specially not after watching through this damn glass door. Do you know how fucking tempting you look right now?” He steps up to me and his big hands start to glide across my wet skin. I lean my head back, enjoying the feeling of them on me. The rough, callused tips of his fingers make me whine when I feel them brush over my breasts. He reaches up and presses one hand to my throat, fingers splayed and resting on my jaw, thumb stroking down my neck. Then he lowers it and caresses over my chest. “I liked seeing you today. It was an unexpected surprise.” His thumbs roll over my nipples and they harden from the attention. “I’ve been thinking about this body all week. Doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t get you out of my head.” I watch as he dips his head down and his mouth covers my nipple. His tongue swirls over it and my hand presses into the back of his head, pushing his mouth harder against my skin. His teeth nip at the sensitive bud and I moan out his name. He pulls his mouth away, moving to attack the skin on my neck. “I missed the taste of this body. This sweet skin.” His fingers trail down my torso and then dip into the wetness between my legs. “I’ve missed this. This delicious, juicy center.” He pushes two fingers inside me with one smooth motion and I sigh. “I’ve missed those little noises you make too.”

The water is splashing against our skin and the heat is a stark but welcome contrast to the cold tile at my back. I’ve missed him too, but I don’t dare say it out loud. It’s one thing for him to go on and on but quite another for those words to leave my lips. Admitting it to him would make this too real, so to keep all those feelings inside I smother my mouth with his. Our kiss starts slow and soft, lips gliding over each other, tongues dipping in and out. We each are just enjoying the feeling of our lips molding together and the dance it creates. I pull at his bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth and nipping it with my teeth. That’s when I hear a low growl come from Niall and suddenly our kisses go from soft and sweet to heated and needy. His tongue pushes against my own and he takes control. His kiss sucks the air from my lungs and I practically sink against him. My hands claw at his back as I pull him to me. I feel like I can’t get enough of him like he is a drug that I want to overdose on. I want to fill my veins with him and let myself drift off into sweet oblivion.

His hands grip my thighs and he lifts me slightly off the ground. I take the hint and wrap my legs around his waist. I can feel his hard length pressed against me. I want nothing more than to feel him inside me right now. I reach my hands up, wrapping my fingers over the lip of the shower wall. Niall’s eyes find my own and he smiles. “I do like it when you’re eager.” He adjusts himself and while supporting me with one hand, slowly slides inside me. My head falls back as he fills me and my body clenches around him. “I can’t get enough of that face, ya know.”

I raise my head up and look at him questioningly. “What face?”

He starts to slowly move inside me, pumping in and out and I try hard to concentrate on his words and not the pleasurable feeling he’s giving me. “You make the same face every time I sink inside you. It’s like my cock is the best thing you’ve felt all day.” He pushes hard and deep into me and I cry out softly. “It makes me want to fuck you deep and slow so that your body will remember the feeling of me forever.”

I drop one hand to his neck and curl my fingers into his wet hair. “It already does that. It reminds me every night while I’m asleep about just what it wants.”

My words bring a smile to Niall’s face and his hips start to really move. He’s thrusting into me so hard that my body is bouncing and sliding along the wall. My heels dig into his butt, pressing him deeper with each upward motion. Our rhythm continues like this for a few minutes, each movement being punctuated by small moans and grunts. I feel the tingle in my limbs begin to grow, my high building in my belly, ready to burst. Niall dips his hips once or twice and the feeling of him driving into my most vulnerable spot pushes me over the edge. I cry out to God in the moment as wave after wave rush through me. Niall’s thrusts grow sloppy and I can tell he’s close. I squeeze my muscles around him and he groans out, spilling his seed inside me with a few twitches of his cock.

Niall drops his forehead and presses it to my breastbone. His breathing is heavy, causing his shoulders to rise and fall with each breath he takes. He stays still inside me. When he speaks, we are still connected. “Jesus, Harper, how can you always feel so good?”

I slowly unwrap myself from his waist and he gently lowers me to the floor. My limbs feel like jelly so I wrap my arms around his neck. I kiss his swollen lips softly. “I could ask you the same question.”

I feel the water starting to grow cold, so I reach down and turn it off. I pull a towel from the rack outside and start to dry myself off, but Niall takes it from me. He pats down my body, wiping away each tiny droplet of water. And because he’s Niall, he rubs two fingers across my swollen and sensitive center, causing me to take in a sharp breath. “I think maybe we should try this again. See if you still feel so wonderful the second go round.” He wraps the towel around me and grabs his own, stepping out of the shower. He holds his hand out to me and I take it, following him back to my bedroom. I drop the towel and Nialls eyes look over my body, still pink from the hot water. He traces a finger over my belly. “I think that you will…”

I let Niall take me to bed. And even though I wish it wasn’t true, I know that he will be gone in the morning. But as he slowly kisses his way down my body I honestly couldn’t care less.

Notes