I grab my phone from my desk, flipping it over and checking its screen again, searching for a name that's not there and hasn't been there all day. I sigh when there's nothing but I unlock it anyway, just to double check that I haven't missed something. I glance at the messages icon and its undeniable absence of a red notification bubble. I'm the idiot who keeps checking a silent phone and I need to give it up. I set it back down on my desk and it hits a bit harder than I intend it to. Just as I grimace at the sound, Jamie walks over.

"You waiting for a call or something?" He asks as he leans against my desk, his hip resting neatly on the edge.

I breathe out defeatedly as I gaze up at him, leaning back in my chair and trying not to look so damn disappointed. "Yes...I mean, no..." I run my fingers through my hair and groan. I shake my head in frustration. "I don't know."

He looks at me with sympathy in his eyes. "Want to talk about it?"

He grabs a chair and pulls it over as I start to explain.

"So, like you already know, Niall and I have been talking again." Jamie nods as I continue.

"Well, it's all been really good. Everything has been going great and he seems really genuine, ya know? But I've got this worry that sits in the pit of my stomach. Like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm just waiting for him to go right back to how he was before." I lean forward resting my elbows on the desk and my head in my hands. "I'm sure I'm overthinking things or putting worry where there shouldn't be, but a few phone calls and some nice chats don't mean that I’m actually important to him." I look up, silently pleading.
"You can tell me if I'm just being stupid anytime now..."

Jamie chuckles from beside me. "You have always been one to worry, haven't you? Especially when it comes to Niall. But what does this have to do with the small portable piece of technology you've been abusing all day?"

I flip the offending phone over once more but the screen is still blank. I sigh again. "I talked to him yesterday and everything was fine. Usually, he texts me in the morning which would've been a few hours ago his time." Jamie looks slightly confused so I explain. "He's overseas. Nowhere near here." His confusion drops so I go on. "When he didn't text me I thought maybe he'd forgotten or gotten busy or something so I sent him a message. That was..." I open my messages to look at the time. "...five hours ago. Nothing. I've gotten nothing since."

Jamie's face scrunches up in thought. "Maybe his phone's dead? Or maybe he lost it?" He's trying so hard to sound hopeful and put me at ease. "Maybe he left it in a cab or something. I've done that before. Had a terrible time figuring out what had happened."

"Yeah. I guess so." I say out loud. Or maybe he just decided that he didn't want to talk.

Jamie stands up but lays a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Just give him the day. I'm sure you'll hear from him."

I try my best to lose myself in work but every manuscript I pick up is worse than reading the terms and conditions so I give up a little before five and decide to make it an early day. The ride home is uneventful which is usually quite welcome but today is the one day where a distraction would've been nice. I get off a stop early and stop by my favorite curry take out to grab dinner. The smells of cumin, ginger, and cinnamon swirl around me as I walk the last few blocks to my flat. The absolute silence that greets me at my front door makes my half-hearted smile fall completely. I walk in, flicking on every light I come to, hoping that the warmth that radiates from them will make me slightly less lonely.

Why do I suddenly feel like I want to cry?

I take my food to the kitchen and pull out a plate, determined to not just eat from the container while I stand at my kitchen sink like a miserable sap. I dish out what is normally my go to choice for take out and before sounded delicious but it is now turning my stomach. I let out a slow breath of exasperation and sadness. I don't want to feel like this again. It's just silly. Niall hasn't texted or called for a day. Less than a day. It hasn't even been 24 hours since we talked last. It's ridiculous to feel this way. But something about this feels weird and I can't shake it. I think I have more misgivings about Niall than I've admitted to. I sit on the couch and eat my food, ignoring all those thoughts for now. I drown them out with old episodes of Friends on Netflix and pray they stay away for a while.

Surprise. Surprise.
They don't.

The moment dinner is done, dishes clean, food put away and the flat is quiet once more that nagging little voice in my head comes back.

"He probably decided he had better things to do."
"Didn't want you then. Doesn't want you now."
"He'd probably just do the same thing all over again."

I put my head in my hands and groan. I rub my temples in a vain attempt to soothe my fears but it doesn't help. I think that maybe I could call Lily and I almost dial her number before I change my mind. It's still so close to our previous...thing..fight..whatever. I don't want to risk the I told you so that might happen.

I glance at the clock. It's 8:45.
Is that too early to go to bed?

I think for only a moment deciding that nope, it is, in fact, not too early for bed. I change into my pajamas and crawl into the cool soft sheets. As I sink into my pillow I think this is a lovely idea. Best idea I've had all day. Why didn't I do this earlier? Like at 7 am when I woke up. I pray that the sweet oblivion of my dreams makes me forget about this horrible let down of a day.

It feels like it's only been a few hours when I'm startled awake by the sound of my phone. Is my alarm going off? What time is it? What is happening?

I grab the damn thing from my nightstand and squint into the bright light of its screen. 11 pm. That's what the screen says. I ask myself why the hell am I awake but then I see the texts sitting there neatly, waiting to be read. Three of them. All from Niall.

"Hey Harps . I know you're probably asleep . I hope you had a good day ."
"Today was busy so I didn't get your messages until just now ."
"I know it's late. I'll call ya tomorrow . Okay Sunshine ?"

Even in my half asleep state I still have the wherewithal to groan and roll my eyes before laying my head down and falling straight back into beautiful unconsciousness.

The next day I wake up before my alarm which is odd, to say the least. I groggily roll over, my hand searching for my phone. I finally find it and bring it to my face, squinting up at the screen, sleep still in my eyes.

"5:30! Why the hell am I awake at 5:30 in the morning?" I grumble as I roll over and bury my face in the pillow. The voice in my head taunts me.

'That's because you went to bed at 8:45 last night dumbass.'

I toss and turn but no matter how hard I try I cannot fall back asleep. I give up on sleeping past 6 am as a lost cause and decide instead to take a shower. I sit up in bed and start to get up when the memory of being awakened last night comes back to me. I grab my phone quickly and reread the messages from Niall. I scoff again, this time fully awake to appreciate the excuse for what it is. That little curl of worry from yesterday comes roaring back but I tamp it back down into my gut. I will not think about this right now. I've got breakfast with Jamie to look forward to, I glance at the time again and snort. ...In about 3 hours.

I take another fleeting look at the texts from last night and decide that Niall got to wake me up so I might as well answer him at this ungodly hour and wake his ass up too.

"It's fine."

I press send and head straight for the sanctity of warm water, unconcerned with the fact that it is most definitely not fine. As I shower and get ready I wonder if men even realize that when a woman says that something is fine, it's not. It's not fine. It is rarely ever fine.

'Hey babe, can I go out with my friends and miss this thing that you asked me to do with you two weeks ago? Yeah, guys, she said it's fine!'

That poor sucker has no idea that his lady is at home plotting the best way to get revenge for the shit he just pulled. So the real question is does Niall realize that it's not fine? And honestly, he didn't text me for one day. Why do I care so much? It's one freaking day. When did I become some crazy obsessed creeper who can't go without speaking for 24 hours?
Deep down I know the answer. I feel the fear clawing it's way back up my throat. I know I care because deep down I don't believe that anything has really changed.
It's still not time to leave yet but I've got to get out of this house before my thoughts eat me alive. I decide to leave early and just sit at the restaurant and wait for Jamie. I'll have some coffee and read or something.

It's like the day is out to get me. Despite the weather being beautiful outside, blustery and cold but still beautiful, it feels like everything I'm seeing today reminds me of Niall. The broken promises of all the places we talked about going, and all the late night conversations we whispered swirl through my head.. My chin wrinkles at the thought. How did I never realize those were all lines? I shut my eyes, forcing those thoughts away. They aren't healthy or helpful. Not right now when I'm trying to trust him again.

I take my seat at a little table near the back and order a nice cup of tea from the sweet older woman who always seems to wait on me when I’m here. When she returns not only does she have the tea in her hands but also a piping hot croissant. She settles the plate gently in front of me and places her warm, weathered hand on my shoulder.

“You look like you needed this.” Her sweet motherly accent rolls from her tongue and it soothes my poor nerves as if she were my own family. “I’ve never met any problem that couldn't be temporarily solved by a nice hot cuppa and a warm pastry.”

I smile warmly if albeit sadly up at her and mutter a soft thank you.

She smiles down at me with an expression I can only describe as how a grandmother looks at their grandchild in a moment of fondness. Her hand gently pats my shoulder. “Whoever he is dear, don’t worry, it’ll get better. It always does.”

And with that, she walks away, back to the back of the shop, presumably to solve some other poor sop’s sadness with tea and baked goods.

I nibble at the buttery bread and it does taste lovely, even with the rolling nerves in my belly. I sip my tea and wait for Jamie, doing my best to keep my mind in one place and not running rampant through every misgiving I have about Niall. I am saved in the nick of time by the tinkle of the bell over the door. The wind blows Jamie in and he shakes off the cool air from the outside as he makes his way back to me. I stand and greet him with a big hug before settling back into my chair. He takes his place across from me and eyes me with a tiny twinkle.

“Harper? Have you been worrying all morning long? Please, please tell me you haven’t.” He sits back in his seat and scratches at his five-day-old scruff, waiting patiently for me to answer.

I fiddle with the food in front of me and avoid his eye. “I’ve not been worrying.”

“You're a terrible liar.”

I pucker my face in annoyance, “Fine. I’ve been up since before dawn. Happy now?”

He shakes his head sadly. “No, I’m not. Why would I be happy about that?” He stirs his cup of coffee that has just been dropped off by our dear elderly friend and sighs at me. “Is it still Niall? No call?”

“I’m fine,” I say as I continue to play with the pastry, tearing it to tiny pieces without thought.
“Completely fine.”

Jamie sits silently for a moment, watching me. I do my best to ignore it. I don’t want to talk about this. I know I’m an absolute disaster. I don’t need to be told outright.
Jamie’s hand reaches across the table, resting on mine, making it cease its movements.

“Your brutalized pastry says differently.”

I actually laugh when I look down at the plate. I’ve torn my breakfast to bits, absolute bits, without even meaning too. Damn having a fidgety personality and bad habits.

“Okay. Maybe I’m not so fine.” I take a sip of my tea and sit back for the long haul. “So Niall never did call last night.”

Jamie nods his understand but looks somewhat sad about that news.

“I ended up going to bed at an ungodly early hour. I was blissfully sleeping when my phone woke me up.”

“He finally called?” He asked hopefully.

I shook my head and he sneered slightly. “No. He texted. Something about having been busy and not getting my messages until late and then saying that he’d call me today. I’m assuming that he’ll call, if he even does call, around 9 or 10 because that’s his usual time. I’m trying my best not to think too much about it but you know me.”

He chuckles to himself. “You are a walking worst case scenario guide when it comes to this guy.”

“I know, I know. I wish I wasn’t.”

Jamie looks thoughtfully at me for a moment. “Why? Why do you think you’re doing that? Always expecting the worst?”

I look down at my lap, resisting the urge to shred my paper napkin. It’s a good question. Why am I like this? Why do I expect the worst out of Niall?

“I don’t know.” I shrug, “I guess he’s never given me a reason to expect anything else.”

Jamie’s expression turns sad and I can feel his pity radiating from him. It makes me feel nauseated. I don’t want to be pitied, even if he is only being a good friend. He reaches over and squeezes my hand in solidarity.

“I’ve an idea that I’d like to try.” I look at him skeptically and he holds up a hand waving off the sarcastic comment sitting on the tip of my tongue. “No, no, no. Hear me out first. There is something about Niall that you can’t let go of.” I open my mouth to argue him but again his silences me. “No, I’ve seen you through all of this and I think I know you well enough that you wouldn’t take this nonsense from anyone else. So, that leads me to believe that there must be something special about Niall. Regardless of his careless acts in the past you still let him back in, so I want to know why? What is it about him that endears him to you?”

I let out the longest deepest breath of my life. “Jesus, Jamie, you don’t ease in gently, do you?”

He sits back in his chair, arms folded, waiting and I resign myself to the fact that I have to answer.

“What is so special about Niall?”

Jamie nods.

“I don’t know.”

He shakes his head, “Nope. Unacceptable. When you first saw him what did you think of?”

My mind immediately travels back to that night and the background noise of the cafe fades away, replaced by the hum of voices and the thrum of a dispersing crowd. The room around disappears and I can only see that room backstage. I talk to Jamie and describe the feelings I had while standing there in that crowd of people.

“The moment I laid eyes on him it was like he was the only guy in the room. He shone so brightly. He was pure light. Pure, warm, pulsing light.” I sigh to myself as a feeling of warmth rushes over me. “I watched him from across the room. Watched as every woman tried to chat him up. Watched as every woman, though dismissed, seemed as if he’d agreed to a date. He left them all happy and smiling”

Jamie’s voice interrupted the scene playing in my head. “So he’s charming.”

I laughed. “No, he’s much more than charming. He’s magnetic. He made me feel like I was all that mattered at any moment. The way he looked at me is what girls dream of from the time they're small. Sometimes he would smile at me and it was like I became a puddle. And his laugh,” I cover the smile that takes over my face at that moment. “Oh god, his laugh. There is no better sound in this world than that laugh. That laugh could make the rain stop, the clouds disappear and bring the sun out of hiding.”

“He sounds like a catch so far. I mean, a drought-ending cosmic force with a healing laugh but still a catch.”

I can’t help but chuckle. “I realize I sound very enamored right now. A little like a fool, I’m sure. But there is no forgetting, he’s also an asshole. A very charming one but still an asshole. And one that I currently am not speaking to.”

Jamie shakes his head. “No, Harper, you sound like someone who fell in love and is still in love. That’s what I wanted you to remember. You fell in love with this man. As stupid and ridiculous as his actions may have been, you did. What you have to decide is if you are going to give that love you feel another chance.”

I sigh, letting the air blow out of my mouth in a wave. “I’ve got a lot to think about it seems.”

“Now that we have that figured out, I need to tell you something.”

I look back at Jamie with suspicion. “What?”

He laughs, “I don’t have Niall tucked in my back pocket or anything so calm down. I just wanted to warn you about something. Warn might be a strong word. Notify? Inform? Caution?”

“Jamie, spit it out before I have a nervous breakdown.”

“Sorry! I just wanted to give you the head’s up that Sarah is a little bit of a fan.” Jamie looks down at his lap avoiding my face.

“A fan?” I asked confused. “A fan of what?”

He clamps his lips together for a moment before just blurting it out. “One Direction.”

I roll my eyes so hard that it actually hurts. “Oh, Jesus. Please tell me that you didn’t tell her about me and Niall.”

He looks shocked for a moment. “Of course not! She just knows you were dating some guy who was a bit of a tool to you.”

I snort. “That’s the understatement of the year.”

“Anyway, I just wanted to warn you because sometimes she will randomly start talking about them. Like even I know way too much at this point.” He sounds annoyed but the look on his face is total and complete fondness and it makes me smile. “I mean, no guy my age should know Liam Payne’s middle name or that Harry’s got a sister who’s got a cat that she puts on Instagram a lot.”

“A cat?” I laugh.

“Yeah, a pretty cute one actually. All black and white. Super adorable.”

Now I’m laughing, big guffaws actually and Jamie just rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, Sarah’s adorable and if she wants to chat to me about the goings on of one of her favorite things then I will be happy to talk about Liam James Payne all damn day.”

“Someone’s in love.” I sing across the table to him.

“You’re one to talk.” He does his fingers in air quotes and his voice goes higher. “No, he’s magnetic.”

I smack Jamie playfully in the shoulder as we pay and make our way to the door. Once outside I hug him. “I can’t wait to meet Sarah, Jamie. I’m sure she is amazing.”

He smiles fondly and promises to see me later tonight. As I make my way back towards my flat I think of all the good things I remember about Niall and it makes me feel good about things but even as I think I’ve made a decision I can feel the questioning worry creep back in.

“Yeah, so he smelled nice and looked at you prettily. Did he ever mention you to anyone? Did you exist outside of your place?”

I start to feel disheartened again.

“That’s what I thought.” The worry in my head sneers.

I decide to spend the rest of my day not thinking about this and just enjoy some peace and quiet until tonight rolls around. Tonight is going to be a special night and I will not let doubt ruin it. For anyone.

---

The pub is packed, as usual, but none of us mind in the least. Tonight is all about love and happiness and as for me, maybe a little bit of hope. God that sounds cheesy. As I look around at my small but glorious gang of friends I feel completely at ease. Who knew an American could find her niche so easily in a city of 8 million people? I smile over at Lily as she drapes herself across Ben’s shoulders. She is a woman in love and it is oozing out of every pore. If I didn’t love her so much I’d probably be sick. I take a sip of my beer and my eyes drift over to Sarah and Jamie who, at the moment, are having an animated conversation with Ben. Sarah is the perfect addition to our little squad and she is just as lovely as Jamie said. They make a wonderful couple, honestly.

I take another drink from my glass and my happy exterior slips ever so slightly out of place. I’m surrounded by happy couples on either side of me. I’ve become the fifth wheel. Jamie has been introducing Sarah to everyone as his girlfriend. His voice is so full of pride every time he says it. His face full of joy and love. Ben hasn’t left Lily’s side all night. Everyone here is in love. Everyone here has what I wanted. Everyone here is happy. I am none of those things.

‘Shut up, Harper. These people love you.’

The tiny voice in my head has a point. I am loved by them to a large degree but that doesn’t stop me from feeling my own ache of loneliness. My mind drifts off to another place, a place I shouldn’t be going at all. I can imagine Niall sitting here next to me. Imagine him taking a swig from his bottle and dropping a smile onto my needy upturned face. I can imagine him laughing at Jamie’s terrible jokes and chatting Ben’s ear off about a football game on the telly. I can see it so perfectly that it makes my heart ache for it. Then I remember that Niall isn’t necessarily a possibility for me. I shake the thoughts out of my mind’s eye and focus on what Lily is saying. It’s something about twitter maybe. I’m only slightly lost.

“I have a love-hate relationship with social media,” Lily explains.

Sarah nods her head eagerly in agreement, “I’m the same way. I literally just had to unfollow a ton of update accounts because everything they posted made me sad.”

Ben raises his eyebrows, “Update accounts?”

Sarah blushes but only just, “Yeah, they were for One Direction. I’m a big fan.” She rolls her eyes. “Though I know that’s super taboo because according to most of their fans I’m ancient but I like them anyways.”

“Oh, Harper used to…” Ben begins but it cut off by a sharp elbow from Lily.

“Ben, would you go get us another round?” She asks sweetly, shooing him towards the bar.

She turns to me, eyes wide and mouths a tiny sorry.

Sarah seems super confused by this entire exchange but Jamie covers for me. “Harper used to love them. She’s not a giant fan anymore, though.”

I laugh. Yeah. That’s one way to put it.

“Sorry, yeah, anyway...what were you saying? Why did you have to stop?” I decide to ask against my better judgment.

“It’s kind of dumb really but my whole feed was just filled with these sad mopey pictures of Niall. Like we get it, he’s sad. Stop showing me.” She purses her lips for a moment before continuing. “I mean, I don’t know if you know anything about Niall really but he’s literally this like ball of Irish sunshine. But lately, he’s just been all pouty and depressed. It’s like someone kicked his dog.”

Wheels start turning in my head before I can put a stop to them. Sad? Pouty? Depressed? This is Niall?

“Any idea why?” I mentally facepalm after I ask her. It’s like I’m a glutton for punishment.

Lily and Jamie keep looking at me wide eyed, wondering where exactly I’m going with this. But the thing is, I have no idea.

What’s that phrase? Curiosity killed the cat? Well, get me a collar and call me Fluffy because
I'm about ready to fly through all nine lives with this conversation.

Sarah sits thoughtfully for a moment but she’s clearly excited that I’m asking her to expound. “There’s been a lot of speculation that it was a girl. See, normally Niall gets spotted out with friends or at sports related things. He’s everywhere. But ever since they went overseas he’s been MIA. And every time there’s a new picture of him he just looks sad. The last time that happened, the going MIA stuff, it was because he was secretly seeing some girl and everyone hated her the moment they got papped together.”

A pit forms in my stomach at the mention of a girl. I am never going to get what I want from Niall. All this new information just kinds of cements it for me. But the smallest inkling of hope flares up in my chest. I decide to ask one more question.

“Um, Sarah?” I begin awkwardly, “Does Niall ever mention girlfriends or anything? Like has he ever had a serious one?”

Jamie smiles somewhat sadly at me and I feel Lily’s hand pat my leg under the table. I can feel them both pitying me and it’s painful.

Sarah, thankfully, is completely oblivious. “No. He’s literally the most private dude ever. Like he posts pictures and stuff of his house and his friends but girls? Nope. If he ever put anything like that on Twitter or his Insta, hell, the fandom would probably implode. I mean, she’d have to be some crazy special girl and be the ultimate real deal for him to break his vow of silence.”

My heart sinks to the bottom of my feet. That’s it then. I know now. I stand up slowly and excuse myself to the bathroom. I need a moment to myself. I hear Sarah ask if she said something wrong and Jamie reassures her that I’ve just been having a rough time lately and it was nothing she’d done.

It isn’t anything anyone did. It’s what Niall didn’t and won’t do. All the doubt that had been hiding deep in my soul rises to the surface and I feel like I’m slowly drowning in it.
I never was and never would be good enough for this guy. It’s time to accept it, Harper. It’s time to move on. He’s never going to give you what you want. He’s never going to be that guy. I look at myself in the mirror and I try to see what Niall saw. I was just someone to keep his bed warm for the night.

I wasn’t the happily ever after.

I dab a bit of cold water onto my face. It hides the tears that are trying to fall. I take a deep breath and steel myself.

I can get through this. I will find someone who wants to shout from the rooftops about how amazing I am. I will.

It just won’t be Niall.

As I walk back to our table I let the sadness and doubt slide from my shoulders. I take a deep breath. I am ready to celebrate. I want to lose myself in the night and live in the joy of my best friends. I want to be happy for them. I can be sad later. Tonight is about them.

The hum of music from one corner draws my attention and I grab Lily by the wrist and pull her with me towards it. We dance as if we’ve not a care in the world. My heart is full when I see Ben make his way over with a smile plastered on his face. He has eyes only for Lily. He takes her hand and twirls her to the beat of the song then to my surprise he holds out a hand to me, spinning me on the spot. Laughter bubbles up from my chest as the lights become a blur for a brief second. Lily pats us each on the shoulder and motions to the bar. Ben starts to leave but she pushes him back with a laugh.

“No! Dance! The girl needs a good man to dance with her.”

I roll my eyes but I’m thankful for my friend's worries nonetheless. Ben smiles down at me before spinning me again. I almost lose my balance and fall into his chest.

“You okay there?” He asks through soft laughter.

I straighten myself, “Yeah, I’m good but maybe no more dancing.”

He drapes an arm around my shoulders and leads us back to the table. Ben is such a good guy and he’s been such an amazing friend to me over the last few months. I know he’s had to hear so much of the drama courtesy of Lily but never once has he made me feel bad for anything. I even got the occasional offer to kick someone’s ass, which is exactly how a big brother would act. I lean into to him ever so slightly as we stand around our table, everyone laughing and having a great time. He glances down at me with a raised brow.

“Thank you for being so good to Lily. You guys are doing to make the perfect married couple and I can’t wait to be there on that day.”

Ben’s eyes soften and a tender sigh escapes him. “The right guy will come, Harper, I promise. And until then you’ve me.”

He hugs me close for a second but a vibration from my pocket distracts me. I pull out my phone and see Niall’s name but I silence it and quickly put it away. I don’t need to worry about him right now. This isn't the time or place to talk to him. My brain is two steps away from diving into that pool of worry but a sharp gasp from across the table pushes the feeling away.

Sarah is staring wide-eyed over my shoulder out the window of the pub. Her mouth is open, creating a perfect circle of surprise. “That was really weird.”

We all look at her, confused, waiting for her to explain. She doesn't, just stands there staring out of the window.

“What was?” Lily finally ventures.

“I swear...but he can’t be here..but that looked...no..it can’t be..” She babbles away to herself.

“Sarah!” I snap my finger in front of her and her eyes focus. “What on God’s green earth are you talking about?”

She flushes pink. “Um...this is gonna sound so dumb. But I could’ve sworn I just saw Niall Horan.”

My stomach drops and my hand reaches towards my phone. Did she see that he called me?

She gestures towards the window over my shoulder. “Just there. It looked just like him but then he vanished.”

I stop breathing. Here? Is Niall here? This can’t be. No. He can’t be here. Not now. Not tonight. I can’t see him right now.

Sarah cocks her head to the side, thinking. “There’s no way that was him. He’s not even supposed to be here. He’s in America. That was just weird. It must have been his doppelganger, I guess.”

I’m afraid of what my face looks like. What if I’m as white as a ghost? I take a new breath, filling my burning lungs with fresh air. He’s not here. That wasn’t him. It can’t be him. Right? He would’ve told you he was coming back. That tiny obnoxious voice comes back.

“Would he, though?”
“Are you really that important?”

I’m suddenly not feeling so great. Lily looks concerned as does Jamie. “I’m feeling a bit knackered guys. I think I might call it an early night.”

Only Sarah is surprised by this change of plans. “Oh! No! But we were having so much fun!” She wraps her arms around me in a giant hug.

“I know. It was lovely to meet you, Sarah. I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot more of you and if I don’t I’ll just have to kick Jamie for it.”

Ben and Jamie both give me hugs and a pat on the back. Lily walks me to the door and waits with me while I call a cab.

“You okay, Harps?” She looks over me with the face of a concerned mother.

I smile softly at her because some things never change. “I’ll be okay. I’ve just got a lot to think about and I am feeling pretty tired.”

She hugs me tightly to her, “It’s going to be okay. With or without him.”

My resolution is still firm as I crawl into bed that night even though Niall called me twice more on the cab ride home. I’ll talk to him tomorrow but not tonight.

Tonight, I don’t have the strength to tell him how I feel.
Tonight, I need sleep.
Maybe tomorrow will bring a fresh mindset. It’s a new day and bound to be full of surprises.

Notes

A/N: Well, we’ve finally made it to chapter nineteen! It only took eight years! I hope you guys love it and I hope that it was worth the wait! The story is almost over and its been such a pleasure to write! I can’t wait for you guys to read the ending that’s lived in my head for such a long time! Don’t forget to leave some feedback in the comments for this starving writer! And please vote and subscribe to help share the love! Thank you so much for reading! Love you guys! *Christina