Valerie’s POV

-I’m going to have a shower and then you and I are doing something together. – Sandra says throwing a cherry at me and leaving the kitchen.

I sit on the counter checking my email and see that Roger has sent me one asking me whether I want to go to David Letterman show to talk about the shooting of Bonnie and Clyde and I agree. I like David so it’s nice to go to his show to support him.

I’m way more relaxed now that Sandra and I have talked about everything and I replay in my mind our conversation as I lay on the couch with Lennon waiting for Sandra to get out of the shower.

*Flashback*

When I’m able to move after Harry’s magnificent speech I decide I’m running so that I can get this anger and frustration out of my system. Running always works and I wish I could talk to Sandra or Eleanor after this but neither of them is here and even though I like Soph, I don’t really know her that well. I guess I’m not talking to anyone then.

As I get back home I feel new. I am sweating as hell and I can barely breathe but for this half an hour my mind was blank and now I see everything with endorphins which are awesome; quite simple. I have this endless shower with cold water at first and then I turn the water hot so that my blood runs slower and I get this calm feeling that I do need.

-Valerie! Valerie! – No way Sandy is back. – Are you at home?

-Sandra? You home?

-Yeah, the kid is unbearable. She cries all the time and just eats, sleeps, makes lots of poo and cries the hell out of her. Why would you want that little monster in your life?
She sounds so frustrated that makes me laugh. Gosh, I’ve missed her. I get out of the shower and run to hug her in my towel, wetting her entire body with her flowery crop top and jeans and her long amazingly straight blond hair.

-Val, you are wetting me!

-I have missed you! – I say hugging her tighter.

She laughs and hugs me back.

-I’m so glad you’re back! – I practically yell.

-I’m glad you are back too. – She laughs slightly.

-What are you talking about? – I ask her pulling out from our welcome hug.

-You know... old Valerie, my best friend of all times, is back. Now you are caring again and smiley and, well, you.

I swallow looking at her, my wet hair dripping my back. I remember that she used to tell me that all the time a few months ago and I suddenly understand why I have cried that much when Harry has said all those things to me and why his words hurt so much.

I realize that they hurt because that’s what Sandra used to tell me and I realize that they are right. I know I have changed but it was the only way to quit hurting myself. I thought I changed to better but now I am wondering whether that’s true. I look into her eyes trying to find that comfort look that only your best friend can give you and her expression changes from bliss to concern.

-What’s wrong Val?

Her words make my teardrops roll down my cheeks and she hugs me again.

-Shit, I’m sorry, Val. I didn’t mean that. You know you are my best friend no matter what. We all change; I shouldn’t have said that.

-Harry doesn’t like my life style with “distract moral values” either.

-Harry? What are you talking about?

-He came here and he said these terrible – I can’t even talk with the annoying sobs interrupting me all the time – things to me and then I slapped his face and he left and I messed up with a dude before that happened and he didn’t deserve that and I didn’t know what to do and I called Cameron and....

-Calm down, honey. I haven’t understood a thing of what you have just said. I need you to calm down so that we can talk. Let’s go dress yourself.

I put on an oversized t-shirt and Sandra dried my hair with a towel and then she combed it. I start telling her everything since my day with Harry at the pier. As I talked to her even I discovered some things about myself which apparently I didn’t know.

-For some reason I decided to show him the pier. You know I don’t do that kind of things but I truly wanted to spend the day just with him and get to know him better and then we played 21 questions and he opened himself up to me. He trusted me to the point of telling me his fears and his dreams and things like that and I had this urge of comforting him and...I don’t know I was feeling something inside of me I couldn’t quite put my finger on and then I opened myself up to him and tell him things I never thought I would let anybody knows.

-And that’s giving you a hard time because...? – She asks calmly.

-Because it scared the shit out of me to think that I might be falling for him, Sandra. He is trouble and this is trouble for me. I don’t want to fall for anyone right now, much less for a worldwide famous singer. So... I wanted to prove to myself I hadn’t had fallen for him and I ignored him for like a week.

-Valerie, we have talked about that a lot of times and you know I don’t agree with your way of interacting with men but I let go, if you don’t need men to be gentlemen with you that’s okay but you can’t treat people as shit. Especially if they care about you and Harry does. He doesn’t deserve that you ignore him.

She is supposed to be helping me, isn’t she? She holds things against me now? What the hell? She caressed my shoulder and I looked at her through the mirror and she smiles at me.

-I’m on your side, okay? You are my best friend and I’ll be on your side no matter what, but I am not going to lie to you and tell you that you are right if you are not, sweetie. – She says sweetly and that urges me to go on.

-I went out with Cam one night to forget about my stupid feelings and... I hooked up with a guy.

-Does Harry know? – She asks me braiding my hair.

-He came here this morning and yelled at me. He asked why I sold myself that easy to men and whether that made me feel good. He made me feel as a cheap whore, Sandy. It was terrible.

-Do you blame him? – She looks into my eyes through the mirror. – I mean I guess he was rude but how would you have felt if he had done the same thing to you? Have you put yourself in his shoes? How did he find that out anyway?

-I don’t know. I didn’t tell him.

-So he probably read it somewhere. Can you imagine how terrible that must feel? – She turns my chair around so that I’m facing her and she bends to be at my height. – Look, Valerie, I know you weren’t trying to hurt him but I know you and...I think that you were also trying to see how he would react to that because you are falling for him and in the back of your messy mind you want him to fall for you too. You guys wouldn’t talk to each other and you are going to end up hurting one another for real. I don’t even know him but I have seen you guys together a couple of times and he has got it bad as well as you.- She takes one of my headbands and put it on me. – I know you are scared about it but you are only twenty, you can’t give up on love just yet. It didn’t work with Doug so what? Maybe you fall crazily in love with Harry and you find out that he is the one and not Douglas or maybe not, but you will never know if you don’t try. Give him, give yourself a chance, Valerie.

*End of the flashback*

-So we are watching Lilo and Stitch! – Sandy says smiling and showing me the movie. She knows it’s one of my favourites.

-I invited Louis to join our girls’ night. Do you mind?

-What? No, not at all! Louis is sweet.

-Sand.

She turns around with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her lips.

-Thank you.

---

Harry’s POV

Coming back home from Nialler’s wasn’t a good idea. Now I am going to be alone at home, which would be great if Valerie could come over but she is with Louis. I don’t even know why I still get jealous of the two of them together when I know they are just friends. I think it’s because I’d like to have with Val what Louis has with her. He said “I love you too, Val” when they were talking on the phone, which means he was told I love you by Val first. I don’t think she would ever say that to me. Do I want her to tell me anyway? I don’t even love her. I guess I just want her to be with me.

When the bell rings I can only expect it is Niall; he probably got bored. But when I open the door I find Sandra standing in front of my door messing with her hair, nervous. What is she doing here?

-Hi, Sandra. – I tell her both confused and amused at her nervousness.

-Hi, Harry. So you probably wonder what I’m doing here; I mean I myself wonder that too. I just wanted to see if you were okay, I guess.

She wanted to see if I was okay? I have to laugh at her timid smile and her good intentions. This girl is just so sweet. She is so different from Valerie and still her best friend which seems sort of puzzling to me if you ask.

-I am fine, Sandra, thank you. Do you want to come in?

She gets inside my house passing me as soon as I tell her to walk in. She was quick and timid. She really is shy, I guess. I close the door and pass her going to the garden and notice she isn’t following me. She might be waiting for me to tell her to come. What a kid.

-Follow me. – I laugh. – I’m leading you to the garden. Do you want anything to drink?

-If you have any juice.

-Sure.

I take the orange juice from the fridge and two glasses and walk to the garden, Sandra following me. We take our seats at the table and I stare at her while she keeps messing with her hair.

-Your hair looks fine, Sandra. – I tell her amused.

-Yours too. – I laugh. That was weird. – I’m sorry I intrude your house this way and start talking nonsense and steal your juice. – I have to laugh again and she gives me a smile. – I just wanted to talk about Val, I guess.

I inhale. So this is what this is all about. She is probably going to hold that I’m a dick against me. I already know, though.

-I know I’ve been a dick, but if you want to speak for your friend and tell me to fuck off, that’s fair enough, I guess.

-What? No! Valerie is a bitch! – I raise my eyebrows unable to believe what the kid has just said. – I mean she has been a bitch to you. She is not a bitch though, she is just a mess.

-You guys are so different, but she is your best friend, isn’t she?

-We aren’t that different really. Val is just...you have to know her to know how extremely sweet and cute she is. She is the best person I’ve ever met, she really is.

-That I believe. – I tell her sincerely. – Look, when I talked to Valerie this morning...I know I shouldn’t have said all those things to her because it isn’t my place but I can’t say I don’t think what I told her.... I just think she deserves to have someone who takes care of her and who sees her as more than someone to fuck. I don’t know why she wouldn’t use a bit of affection. I guess we are just different.

-Harry, I appreciate that you told all those things to her. – What? – I mean I don’t particularly enjoy all her later crying – so she kept on crying later on. I’m such a dickhead – but I think she needed to hear it from someone else other than me. You know I used to talk to her about that a lot before but, at some point, I just gave up.

-Why would you talk to her about that?

Sandra sighs.

-Alright well I want you to know I’m just telling you this because I like you and I like what you have been doing to Valerie. – I nod confused at her mystery. – So you probably know about Valerie and Douglas?

-He is her exfiancé, isn’t he?

-He is. Well Valerie is, or at least used to be, this sweet lovely girl as crazy as she is now always messing around but so caring and affectionate and cute. – I see she misses that girl she is talking about. – But then damn Douglas let her down when they were engage and she just...broke down. You know – she looks at me sheepishly smiling – I used to daydream on finding someone who would make me smile as Douglas made Val smile. They were the perfect two and she was madly in love with him. She would daydream about getting pregnant with Douglas’ babies and all that kind of things. – Those two sentences make me frown and tense for some reason I don’t want to know. – When they were done Valerie just was so damn depressed that when I saw her walking around with that smile of hers again I was just happy that she was fine. Then she started to hang out with a blond friend of hers who is trouble and made Valerie trouble too. You know she is twenty years old so I totally get that she wants to have fun but she wasn’t like that before and I feel like she has just given up on love. Geez, that was cheesy even for me. Sorry I’m cheesy as hell and I feel like I’m talking too much. I apologize if I’m boring you.

-No, no. I mean thank you so much, Sandra, for telling me all of this. – I am glad that she trusts me to tell me.

-Well, I’m telling you because... you know, while I was in Spain Valerie and I would talk by Skype and sometimes I just... felt like... we were back in London eight months ago. She looked happy and cheerful just like she is and she would talk about you all the time. I have seen her even second guessing herself because you wouldn’t have sex with her. – Now I’m embarrassed and she notices and laughs. – Sorry we tell each other everything. – She apologizes.

-I do want to have sex with her.

Oh, shit, that slips out of my mouth. Sandra has talked to me about these personal things so I just felt like, shit. She laughs.

-Well, I just want you to give her a bit of time. I mean she is trying to run away. She doesn’t want to get attached to you but even if you guys are just friends, don’t be too hard with her. She cares about what you think because she cares about you.

-Does she? – I ask her as an insecure sixteen year old.

The truth is with Valerie sometimes I feel like I’m in high school again and it’s the first time I’m talking to a girl. Sandra laughs slightly at me and then she nods smiling.

-I gotta go – she says standing up – I don’t need Vally to find out I’ve been here.

-Do you need a ride? – I’ve noticed she doesn’t drive.

-No, thank you, I like walking.

-Do you want to walk alone or can I walk with you?

-Yeah right so that Valerie sees me with you alone. I value my life too much for that.

-There is no way in hell Valerie Veneel would get jealous.

-It’s not about jealousy. She would think I’m telling you something about her and she would be right. Thank you though. You are sweet. – She smiles at me.

I walk her to the door and before I open it, I hug her, grateful that she has been this nice to me since I met her. I could definitely be friends with this little Spanish blonde.

-I’m glad Valerie found you and I really hope you guys find your way back together to whatever you guys are doing. – She says shaking her head unable to understand my relationship with Val.

I don’t blame her. To be fair, I don’t understand it either.

---

Valerie’s POV

-Hey, Valerie Veneel – Louis says pronouncing every letter of my name, making me laugh. Why is he this way? – How are you?

-I’m dying to see you if I’m honest.

-Geez, me too. And by the way, I have talked to Harry. You know you can talk to me, don’t you?

-Thank you Louis, I don’t want to talk about that though if you don’t mind.

-Sure. Sorry. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me about anything whenever. You are my friend too, Valerie, don’t forget that. – I smile at his sweet words.

-Can I have dinner with you tonight then?

-Yes, please. I really want to see you and make sure you haven’t forgotten about me yet.

-Forget about you? Bullshit. – He laughs at that.

-At the wagon?

-Sure.

-See you later then, Val.

-Louis – I say so that he doesn’t hang up just yet – I love you, don’t you forget that either. – I tell him sincerely.

-I love you too, Val. – He says laughing at my cheesiness and I hear male voices making fun of him. Probably his friends have heard him.

-Are you with the lads?

-I am with the lads, yes.

-Will you say hi for me?

-Valerie says hi you guys. – He shouts to the guys and I hear Niall and Liam saying hi back. I don’t hear Harry though.

-Isn’t Harry with you?

-He is. – Louis says confused.

-Okay. See you later Louis.

I haven’t really thought about what happened between Harry and me three days ago. I was so more calmed down after talking to Sandra that day but we haven’t spoken about that again. I think she is giving me some space to think about it and she wouldn’t bring that up unless I do. I appreciate that to be honest, because I’m giving myself some time off too. I have been all messed up since Harry and I are seeing each other and it was supposed to be an easy thing, just fun. I am really considering that maybe it is better for us to be just friends. Maybe we are messing everything up too much. Maybe it is not worth it.

Louis and I are seeing each other at this terrace fast food wagon near the beach so I drive there listening to my playlist. Free fallin by John Mayer is on the radio and it happens to be one of my favourite songs. “I wanna free fall out into nothing / Oh, I wanna leave this world for a while.” I would sing along but I’m the worst singer of all times and I don’t want to ruin this.

As I make my way to the terrace I see Louis talking to the waiter. I place myself next to him and nod at his words, introducing myself to the conversation naturally. When Louis sees me he hugs me tight and I burst into laughter.

-Jesus! Here you are!

-Geez, I’m happy to see you too! – I say trying to get rid of his grip.

We both sit down in a table and they bring our orders and we talked and laughed hard during the whole dinner. We challenge each other on a dance dare and we take turns to get up of the table and dance behind people. I dance hard behind an elderly woman while Louis records my dance with his cell phone laughing his ass out. In Louis’ turn he walks dancing behind the waitress until she turns around because all the clients are laughing and she catches him. They both laugh and she asks him for a picture. Of course she would be a fan. He then comes back to the table and takes his seat laughing slightly.

-Hey, how are you and El doing?

-We are good. She is so excited and I’m happy for her. Thanks for asking.

I smile at him.

-I know you don’t want to talk about Harry and I sort of imagine he has been a dick. – I actually want to talk about Harry. – But you need to know he was hurt when he said all that shit to you. He was like shit later at our place and he has been...worried, I guess, lately.

-He didn’t have the right to come to my place to yell at me and tell me how much of a whore I am. Quite simply.

He nods at my harshness and I sigh before sipping from my Diet coke.

-I guess it was bound to end like this anyway. To be honest I knew it.

-You knew what? That he was a dick? Because you could have warned me.

-That you were going to hurt him.

I can't help but to chuckle.

-What? – I ask flabbergasted.

I can’t believe he is also blaming me. My friend Sandra took Harry's side. Louis has to take mine.

-Don’t take me wrong. It is his fault.

I look at him confused while he have a bite of his burger and when he looks at me I raise my brows and shake my head urging him to go on.

-You told him since the very first moment that you didn’t want a relationship, that you just wanted to have fun and he agreed. He just got carried away.

-Actually, he was the one who told me he didn’t do relationships and I agreed.

-Well, I guess I just wanted you to know he is sorry. You know he is my best friend and I know him quite well; he is not a dick.

-Good to know. – I take a fork full of pasta and bring it to my mouth. – We can be friends as soon as I forgot everything he said to me. It was not nice to hear that.

Louis nods and has his burger while I have my vegetarian pasta. Maybe I just didn’t want to hear all of that bullshit because in the back of my mind I feel like he was right. I mean I did feel a failure when I saw Douglas. But what can I do? I don’t have him anymore and he left taking away a part of me so I’m just this mess right now. I guess this is who I am now.

Notes

Ho Ho Ho you guys!!

Valerie is considering being just friends...

I wanna leave this world for a while ....