When He Holds Your Hand

We ordered Chinese food then I went upstairs to get changed into something less slobbish, and despite knowing how awkward it would be to have Harry in my bedroom, I let him follow me up.
As I expected but had hoped wouldn't happen, he got distracted by the wall at the bottom of my bed which was covered in photos of Will and mine's wedding. I stripped off my clothes and stood in the middle of the room naked but got no reaction; even when I passed him to get to my walk-in wardrobe, his eyes stayed focused on the images of my wedding day.
In the closet my heart pounded as each picture flashed in my memory. There weren't just four or five photos on the wall, it was practically an entire photo album of the day on my way, starting with peach mimosas with my bridesmaids in the morning, to the ceremony, our first kiss as man and wife to speeches, to cutting the cake and the first dance.
Half expecting to find him gone when I came back out, I was surprised and sad to see him still taking in each detail of the gallery, face impassive apart from the tell tale folding of his arms across his chest.
"H, stop looking at it." Standing behind him, I leant my forehead against his back and wrapped my arms around his waist tightly.
"You look beautiful."
"This old thing?" I knew what he meant but looked down at the loose, strappy dress feigning confusion and hoping he'd get the hint that I didn't want to talk about my wedding with him.
Suddenly, turning to face me, Harry's face was serious and I prayed food arrived to interrupt what I thought was going to be a "I can't do this anymore..." speech.
"In the wedding pictures, Lil." As he gave me a sad smile, I practically leapt across the room to get away from how much my heart was breaking for him.
"We should get back downstairs, did you want to watch a movie? Or we can just listen to music?" I was babbling, trying to get back the little bubble we'd been in - I just wanted to get him out of my room. As I watched him, he walked over to my bed and sat on the edge, arms stretched out behind him. I could see clearly he had a defiant look on his face; he wanted to talk about the exact thing I didn't.
"Why did you marry him?"
Boom!
There it was, the question that would ruin our night.
"I'm not answering that, Harry, please don't spoil the nice time we've had."
"I'm not trying to ruin anything, Layla." I was surprised that he sounded angry; I had to shut this conversation down quickly, where the hell was food?! "All I'm asking why you married your husband."
"And all I'm telling you is that I'm not answering your question!" Snapping at him I turned away and walked out of the room. "Food will be here in a minute, this conversation is done."
I'd expected Harry to leave but, despite the mood being awkward and tense, he stayed and we ate dinner.
"I'm sorry," after what felt like an eternity of silence, he slid a hand across the glass top table and touched my forearm, "I shouldn't have asked that."
"It's fine, I shouldn't have snapped at you." Covering his hand with mine I focused on my wedding ring and sighed loudly, "I hate this situation so much sometimes, you know?" Harry's eyes were wide and sad as he nodded. "I just wish things weren't so complicated, and I hate acknowledging how fucked up everything is, that's why I don't want to talk about it."
"Layla, if you want me to go all you have to do is ask." He wasn't trying to make me feel guilty, his offer was genuine and I appreciated that, but I needed him with me more than I'd ever needed anything.
"No, please stay." To my absolute horror, I felt a fat tear roll down my face. "Oh Christ! Can we change the subject before I start bawling?"
Harry was up out of his seat and pulling me out of mine so he could hug me tightly. "I'm quite used to having girls crying around me but not usually over dinner." He kissed my forehead and enveloped me in his arms, whispering, "I wish this was easier."
I stayed silent and enjoyed his warmth around me. There had been few moments in my life where I was comforted so genuinely.
"I'm sorry!" Eventually we let go of each other and I stepped back a little, ashamed that I'd cried, "seriously, let's change the subject, I'm depressing myself."
"I have the perfect distraction." Harry's left eyebrow shot up suggestively and I knew what was coming, "we only got to 27, and I promised to make you cum 30 times."
"Just remember that I have neighbours."
Harry's smile turned devilish as his hands snaked down my behind and started to lift the hem of my dress, "She gon' be waking up my neighbors if I bring her 'round".
"Did you just quote Tinie Tempah at me?" I giggled, enjoying the distraction Harry was so good at providing, the heat between my thighs growing so hot I thought my skin would combust.
"Yes," he laughed. "They're very, very wise words."
I allowed myself to relax against Harry's body when his mouth met mine; his kiss was soft and gentle and reassuring. "I can't believe you've been here this long and that's the first time you've kissed me", I murmured dopily, resting my head on his chest.
"I can't believe it either." Harry wrapped his arms around me and I felt so safe that I never wanted him to let go. "But I plan on making up for lost time."
Putting a finger under my chin, he tilted my head back so he could see my tear stained face, and his eyes took me in until I had to turn away from embarrassment. "You're making me blush, stop it!" I giggled.
"I can't get over how beautiful you are, even with puffy red eyes." He kissed my neck and laughed while I indignantly tried to push him away.
"Harry Styles, you're actually the worst person I know!"
"Hey, I was being nice! Right, that's it!" Suddenly, I was being pulled towards the stairs, Harry's hand now wrapped around my already sore left wrist.
"Where are we going?"
"Upstairs, so I can make up for that lost time." Turning his head to look back at me, his smile was filled with devilish intentions, "and to show you I'm the best person you know."

Notes