The Making Of Us

Two weeks after miscarriage

It’s been two weeks since that horrifying ordeal. My depression is back in full swing again. Niall and I decided to have the remains of our babies cremated but we flew back to the states to have a nice service for them. The hospital gave us birth certificates with their little hand and feet prints on them. We also named them so they have an actual birth certificate like any other child does.

Briley Maura Horan
Born: Tuesday July 21
Time: 3:47 A.M.
Weight: 1lbs 0.5oz 10.6 inches long

Gannon James Horan
Born: Tuesday July 21
Time: 3:48 A.M.
Weight: 1lb 0.2oz 10.3 inches long

Those were the names we chose, both strong Irish names Gannon means son of the fair haired one; Briley is Descendant Of Roghallach. I’m not too sure what or who that is but the name Briley is pretty I think. We fly to the United States to have the funerals. The service is beautiful, afterwards we go back to my dad and Tessa’s house instead of staying in a hotel. It’s not like we are going to be romping around anytime soon. We decide to take over the basement and have a huge slumber party like we did so many times before when the boys were on tour and visited.

“Shall we put on a movie and go to bed?” Zayn asks

“I’m not really tired, actually I don’t know what I feel” Niall says

“I’m going to go upstairs for a bit, I want to be left alone for a while.” I say

Taylor and Louis are missing; they decide to stay at her parents’ house so they have privacy and to give us privacy too since they have the baby and all. I’m so glad Taylor has been her for me; I’m grateful for all the boys sticking around and dealing with us as well. Niall especially I know he’s torn, he just doesn’t like to show his emotion, which scares me. He bottles up his emotions until he explodes and says things he truly doesn’t mean. I wish he would talk to me about how he’s feeling. He hasn’t so much as looked at me in almost a week.

Deep down inside I feel like this is all my fault, I don’t know why but I do. I think to myself a hundred times a day that’s why he won’t speak to me. Is this the end of Niall and I’s relationship? Because I’m not done yet. I love that man more than anything on earth, I fall in love with him more and more each day. I don’t have an explanation as to why our babies died, I guess their wings were ready it’s just that my heart wasn’t. I wanted nothing more than to raise my kids with the love of my life by my side helping me. I guess I’ll just try talking to him again in the morning; we go to pick up Briley and Gannon’s ashes tomorrow afternoon. We will stay her for another day then head back to London for the remainder of the summer before I have to come back home and get ready for school to start again.

**Knock Knock**

“Cassie?” I hear a voice on the other side of the door.

“It’s open come in” I say

Harry walks into my room a frown on his normally happy face.

“What’s wrong Harry?” I ask

“Just checking on you love, making sure you’re ok and not trying anything stupid” he says

“Harry I will be fine… eventually. I’m not going to do anything stupid what happened with my mom was something I regret everyday. It was stupid and foolish to try to kill myself, I wasn’t thinking of the people I had around me who cared about me I was only thinking of myself. But I promise there will not be a repeat of that.” I say

“That’s good Cass. We need you here… Niall needs you here. He loves you more than words can describe. He just has trouble showing it sometimes. Especially in difficult situations like this. This whole ordeal is just as hurtful and sad for him as it is for you too. Yeah you carried them for five months and dealt with the sickness and aches and pains but Briley and Gannon were his babies too. He spoke of them all the time. About how he would teach them about soccer and he hoped they had his singing ability cus lord knows you don’t” Harry says laughing a little

“Niall talked to you guys about that stuff?” I ask

“Sure he did love, he was just as much in love with those kids as you were and still are. He’s hurting Cassie he just doesn’t know how to show it properly. So he bottles it up and explodes taking it out on whoever is nearest him. Talk to him, pry a little bit eventually he will open up. He loves you and will do anything to make you happy.” Harry says to me

Heathrow Airport:

We’ve finally landed back in London. The storms coming out of New York were ridiculous the plane was grounded for hours before they would let us board. Then we were sitting on the tarmac for another hour and a half before taking off. Today seems like it’s a never ending day. I did get a chance to speak with Niall properly. He finally opened up to me after he got sick of me hounding at him. All I want is to know that he is alright. Which he is, I am too we are both strong level headed individuals. Tonight Niall is taking me out for dinner, to take our minds off of everything. Which is fine by me I need some time alone with my man, I miss my happy go lucky Irish prince.

“Hey baby are you going to get up and get ready for tonight or are you going to sleep all day?” I hear Niall ask

“UGHhhh what time is it?”

“It’s going on 6:30 and our dinner reservation at Silver Cross is at 7:30 so please get you sexy little ass out of that bed and get ready… I’m starving” Niall says

The night couldn’t have gone any better, my baby is getting the spark back to his attitude. He’s starting to be the happy go lucky man I fell in love with. We get back home and Niall is feeling a little frisky we’ll say. He pins me to the bedroom door, hands above my head as he slowly plants small kisses on my neck. I move my head to the side to give him better access, he finds the sweet spot that gets me all worked up every time. He lets go of my hands so I can start stripping him down.

“Baby are you sure we should do this? The doctor said to wait six weeks” Niall says

“You’re not going to get me all worked up then back out Horan. We are having sex and we are doing it now” I say with authority in my voice

“Ohhh I kind of like the tone you got going on. Turns me on a bit” he says

“Well then you’ll love this” I say as I shove him onto the bed.

I walk into our closet getting a few things out of my bottom drawer of the chest in there. I come back out and put the blind fold I grabbed around Niall’s eyes so he can’t see. I then cuff that sexy mother fucker to the bed, he’s not going anywhere. Next I finish taking off the rest of his clothes. He’s harder than I have ever seen him before.

“I see you have a special something for me Mr. Horan” I whisper into his ear before slowly putting his large and very hard dick inside of me.

Niall lets out a low growl as a soft moan escapes my lips. Our movements perfectly timed, its been so long since we’ve had sex I know I’m not going to last long.

“Niall… Yes baby” I moan loudly

“Shhhh Cassie Liam is next door quiet down a bit.” By this time the cuffs are off and so is the blindfold, they didn’t last long. I needed to feel Niall’s hands on me so I let him loose.

“GODDD YESSSS Nialll FUCK ME” I yell even louder almost going over the edge

Just a few seconds longer and Niall and I are coming together in perfect harmony; and yes we used protection. Actually before we left to go back to the states I went to see Doctor Glass about birth control options. I decided it’d be best to get and IUD so I wouldn’t have to worry about taking a pill every day or remembering to get a shot every three months. We do have to use condoms for the first month after getting it put in Just as a precaution.

*Knock Knock Knock*

Niall was in the shower already and I was going to follow suite but a loud knock on the door scared the shit out of me. I pulled my robe on to open the door.

“REEALLYYYY” Liam says

“What?” I ask sheepishly

“Look I’m glad you guys are back to normal per say, but please could you tone it down. These walls are not sound proof” Liam Says

“Sorry Liam next time I’ll have Niall shove a pillow down my throat ok.” I say giggling

“Ermm I don’t want to hear about yours and Niall’s kinks, it’s not happening to me so I don’t want to hear it from others. It’s bad enough I can hear Lou and Tay on the other side of my room. I may just move down to the theatre room.” He jokes

“Well I am truly sorry Liam, for your lack of sex and for my loud pleasure interrupting your beauty sleep. So sorry love” I say smiling still

Liam shakes his head and walks off back to his room. I feel great, better than I have in days, I go into the bathroom to join Niall in the shower.

“Who was at the door?” he asks

“Liam” I reply

“I told you to quiet down didn’t I?” he says

“Yea well he better get used to it for a while or he can move downstairs” I say laughing

“By the way where did you get the cuffs and blindfold ideas from?” Niall asks me

“I’m reading this amazing book series called 50 shades of Grey, basically just porn” I answer

“Oh well God bless 50 shades of Grey then.” Niall says

We finish our shower, get dressed and cuddle up in bed to watch a movie, it want five minutes into the movie and I was out like a light.

Notes

Hope you enjoy.. Niall and Cassie are going to be ok, Cassie overthinks things way too much but everything will turn out great for them i promise:) XOXO