This Is Us
23. All You Ever Want To Do Is Quit
Niall’s POV
‘’Congrats on the success, Niall. It’s been quite a long time since you first came around.’’ Harry chuckles lightly, not able to keep this whole ‘fancy and proper’ act going any longer. ‘’You idiot.’’ I laugh, rolling my eyes at him as he nudges me with his elbow.
‘’But seriously, you got everything you ever wanted.’’ Harry sighs as he and I both look at the same thing, Jana talking to some girl she knows, how she knows her well I don’t know that, she has her ways so I just let it go.
‘’I guess you could say that.’’ I shrug lightly at that. ‘’I don’t know if.. Jana told you.. but uh, Sel and I.. are trying.. to um, you know, have a baby.’’ Harry mumbles to me. ‘’No, she didn’t tell me.’’ I say, staring at Jana as she laughs with the woman she’s talking to.
‘’Yeah.. it’s.. not going well.’’ Harry admits, turning to face me. I do the same to him and just nod lightly, understanding completely. ‘’After.. after the mis-miscarriage.. I thought she’d.. give up on me.’’ He sighs ashamed. ‘’Why do you say that?’’ I ask, furrowing my eyebrows lightly at him.
‘’She wants this so bad.. and I can’t even.. I can’t even give her what she wants.. why would she want to stay with someone.. who can’t fulfill her dreams?’’ Harry laughs out of pure nervousness, he does that sometimes, so do I.
‘’I know I don’t seem.. like the person to be.. saying this, but uh, I know how you feel. Jana and I have three little angels that aren’t with us.. and.. I know.. what it feels like.. to try so hard.. and it all just.. going down the drain.’’ I gulp gently to myself, it was a hard topic for me. Not many people know about this, Harry is obviously one of those though.
((A/N: I told you to expect the unexpected! There’s somethings that aren’t directly talked about, and this is one of them! & soon in this chapter you might be a tad confused, if you are, just go back to chapter 18 in The Best Of Me, not the actual chapter 18, but that’s what the title is!))
‘’Yeah.. We just.. were so ready for the baby to get here.. And then.. we found out. We couldn’t even make it half way to half way.’’ He sighs, shaking his head lightly from side to side as he stares at his feet. ‘’You and Jana are lucky, Ni. You’re completely happy.. kids or no kids, you two would still be happy.’’ Harry tells me as he lifts his head, glancing over at Jana..
‘’Aren’t you and Sel happy too?’’ I ask, sticking my hands in my front pockets casually. He doesn’t reply right away, he just stands there, shifting his weight slowly from foot to foot, staring down at the ground. Harry shocks me with his next move, he just.. shrugs.
‘’Define.. happy.’’ He mumbles under his breath. I don’t say anything, I just stand there. It even hurt me when he said that, I can feel whatever pain he has. I can feel it, that’s how close of friends we are. I can feel his pain, and I know what’s up, even when he doesn’t want to admit it at times.
‘’If you only knew..’’ Harry whispers lightly. ‘’Knew what?’’ I ask. ‘’I can’t tell you yet.’’ He shakes his head lightly at me. ‘’And why not?” I say, wondering why he can’t just tell me whatever it is. ‘’Because.. March 31st hasn’t came yet.’’ He shrugs.
‘’What does my anniversary have to do with anything?’’ I ask, laughing lightly at that reply of his. ‘’Not your anniversary…’’ Harry steps away as his words fade out, leaving me alone in the middle of the huge ball room. What the hell was he talking about? And better yet, what did it have to do with my.. anniversary?
Tori’s POV
I released a long, hard sigh as I held the guitar on my lap, repeatedly strumming the G chord over and over, just bored out of my mind. Dad taught me how to play years ago, so now it’s just a hobby I have. Some people would say they expected it, because of Dad and all. But other’s would say it was natural for me.
But I don’t know who to believe.
My eyes scan over the lines of unorganized lyrics in my journal, just trying to come up with something in my head. I had all these ideas in my head, but nothing was flowing out. Writer’s block, as usual. This hits me a lot, half the time not even in the music, but in some school work too. I just can’t get my thoughts straight, everything’s so crazy in there.. all jumbled up together.
As I stared at the page, my phone beeped a few times, telling me I have a few messages. I sigh as I grab the guitar by the neck and prop it on the couch beside me, picking up my phone in its place. I roll my eyes as I read the messages over a few times, making sure they said what they really did.
Dalton: C’mon babe, answer the phone.
Dalton: I can’t keep trying if you won’t give me a chance.
Dalton: Please, I don’t care what your dad said.
Yeah, but I do. So that’s what makes this difficult. But I could never come out and say that. I had no more love for that bastard, none at all. You called me a whore, even though you were the one that suggested we’d give it a shot.
But yet, I’m the whore.
How could you say that to me? Make me feel useless and worthless. You broke me, you hurt me, you.. you ruined me. But yet.. I’m the whore, you say? I am. But you know, I think you are. Because I’m actually going to commit myself to this, even after you ran away because you were too scared to grow up.
A few days ago, Dalton tried to convince Mom and Dad that he was ‘right’ for me and that he can actually ‘be here’ for me. But even he knew it was a lie. Dad has nothing to do with him anymore, after nearly attempted to beat the living hell out of him and trying to rip his head off.
Mom, on the other hand, wasn’t that upset at Dalton’s presence in our living room at the time. I wasn’t in there, but I was listening from the kitchen, Dad knew I was though, so I didn’t get into any ‘trouble’. But I knew Dalton would give up, that’s just what kind of a person he is.
He’s a quitter.
How can raise a kid.. if all you ever want to do is.. quit?
Niall’s POV
‘’C’mon Ni,’’ Jana sighs, rolling her eyes as she tugs at my hand, wanting me to go wherever it is she wants to go. I was in the middle of a conversation though, with someone very important in the music industry. But yet, Jana was more important than any producing deal.
I fall in for Jana’s demanding of me and improperly excuse myself from the two men I was talking to. ‘’What is it, baby?” I laugh a little as she drags me towards the corner of the ballroom.
‘’I wanna talk to you, besides, you’re mine, I outta get the chance.’’ She giggles as she pushes me against the wall. I was so close that if I would have turned my head slightly, my nose would be brushing the adjacent wall.
‘’What?’’I smirk a little as her hands find their way to my hips, pulling herself against me. ‘’Tonight.. we need to.. do something.’’ She whispers softly as I look down on her, just to see those beautiful eyes staring back up at me.
‘’We will.’’ I wink lightly as she blushes at me, smirking a little just to get me turned on more than I already am. ‘’Why can’t we blow this thing and just leave?’’ She laughs a little as she asks me this thought of hers. ‘’Because babe, we have to do this. But it’ll be over before you know it.’’ I tell her.
‘’But what if.. what if I need to.. to take care of myself?” Jana’s grin turns into a sexy smirk as she bats her eyelashes at me. ‘’I’ll take you to the bathroom.. lock the doors.. fuck you hard.’’ I whispers the words softly to her. She nods in return before slightly slapping her hand against my cheek playfully just before she walks away.
Damn, she knows she’s such a turn on.
‘’Congrats on the success, Niall. It’s been quite a long time since you first came around.’’ Harry chuckles lightly, not able to keep this whole ‘fancy and proper’ act going any longer. ‘’You idiot.’’ I laugh, rolling my eyes at him as he nudges me with his elbow.
‘’But seriously, you got everything you ever wanted.’’ Harry sighs as he and I both look at the same thing, Jana talking to some girl she knows, how she knows her well I don’t know that, she has her ways so I just let it go.
‘’I guess you could say that.’’ I shrug lightly at that. ‘’I don’t know if.. Jana told you.. but uh, Sel and I.. are trying.. to um, you know, have a baby.’’ Harry mumbles to me. ‘’No, she didn’t tell me.’’ I say, staring at Jana as she laughs with the woman she’s talking to.
‘’Yeah.. it’s.. not going well.’’ Harry admits, turning to face me. I do the same to him and just nod lightly, understanding completely. ‘’After.. after the mis-miscarriage.. I thought she’d.. give up on me.’’ He sighs ashamed. ‘’Why do you say that?’’ I ask, furrowing my eyebrows lightly at him.
‘’She wants this so bad.. and I can’t even.. I can’t even give her what she wants.. why would she want to stay with someone.. who can’t fulfill her dreams?’’ Harry laughs out of pure nervousness, he does that sometimes, so do I.
‘’I know I don’t seem.. like the person to be.. saying this, but uh, I know how you feel. Jana and I have three little angels that aren’t with us.. and.. I know.. what it feels like.. to try so hard.. and it all just.. going down the drain.’’ I gulp gently to myself, it was a hard topic for me. Not many people know about this, Harry is obviously one of those though.
((A/N: I told you to expect the unexpected! There’s somethings that aren’t directly talked about, and this is one of them! & soon in this chapter you might be a tad confused, if you are, just go back to chapter 18 in The Best Of Me, not the actual chapter 18, but that’s what the title is!))
‘’Yeah.. We just.. were so ready for the baby to get here.. And then.. we found out. We couldn’t even make it half way to half way.’’ He sighs, shaking his head lightly from side to side as he stares at his feet. ‘’You and Jana are lucky, Ni. You’re completely happy.. kids or no kids, you two would still be happy.’’ Harry tells me as he lifts his head, glancing over at Jana..
‘’Aren’t you and Sel happy too?’’ I ask, sticking my hands in my front pockets casually. He doesn’t reply right away, he just stands there, shifting his weight slowly from foot to foot, staring down at the ground. Harry shocks me with his next move, he just.. shrugs.
‘’Define.. happy.’’ He mumbles under his breath. I don’t say anything, I just stand there. It even hurt me when he said that, I can feel whatever pain he has. I can feel it, that’s how close of friends we are. I can feel his pain, and I know what’s up, even when he doesn’t want to admit it at times.
‘’If you only knew..’’ Harry whispers lightly. ‘’Knew what?’’ I ask. ‘’I can’t tell you yet.’’ He shakes his head lightly at me. ‘’And why not?” I say, wondering why he can’t just tell me whatever it is. ‘’Because.. March 31st hasn’t came yet.’’ He shrugs.
‘’What does my anniversary have to do with anything?’’ I ask, laughing lightly at that reply of his. ‘’Not your anniversary…’’ Harry steps away as his words fade out, leaving me alone in the middle of the huge ball room. What the hell was he talking about? And better yet, what did it have to do with my.. anniversary?
Tori’s POV
I released a long, hard sigh as I held the guitar on my lap, repeatedly strumming the G chord over and over, just bored out of my mind. Dad taught me how to play years ago, so now it’s just a hobby I have. Some people would say they expected it, because of Dad and all. But other’s would say it was natural for me.
But I don’t know who to believe.
My eyes scan over the lines of unorganized lyrics in my journal, just trying to come up with something in my head. I had all these ideas in my head, but nothing was flowing out. Writer’s block, as usual. This hits me a lot, half the time not even in the music, but in some school work too. I just can’t get my thoughts straight, everything’s so crazy in there.. all jumbled up together.
As I stared at the page, my phone beeped a few times, telling me I have a few messages. I sigh as I grab the guitar by the neck and prop it on the couch beside me, picking up my phone in its place. I roll my eyes as I read the messages over a few times, making sure they said what they really did.
Dalton: C’mon babe, answer the phone.
Dalton: I can’t keep trying if you won’t give me a chance.
Dalton: Please, I don’t care what your dad said.
Yeah, but I do. So that’s what makes this difficult. But I could never come out and say that. I had no more love for that bastard, none at all. You called me a whore, even though you were the one that suggested we’d give it a shot.
But yet, I’m the whore.
How could you say that to me? Make me feel useless and worthless. You broke me, you hurt me, you.. you ruined me. But yet.. I’m the whore, you say? I am. But you know, I think you are. Because I’m actually going to commit myself to this, even after you ran away because you were too scared to grow up.
A few days ago, Dalton tried to convince Mom and Dad that he was ‘right’ for me and that he can actually ‘be here’ for me. But even he knew it was a lie. Dad has nothing to do with him anymore, after nearly attempted to beat the living hell out of him and trying to rip his head off.
Mom, on the other hand, wasn’t that upset at Dalton’s presence in our living room at the time. I wasn’t in there, but I was listening from the kitchen, Dad knew I was though, so I didn’t get into any ‘trouble’. But I knew Dalton would give up, that’s just what kind of a person he is.
He’s a quitter.
How can raise a kid.. if all you ever want to do is.. quit?
Niall’s POV
‘’C’mon Ni,’’ Jana sighs, rolling her eyes as she tugs at my hand, wanting me to go wherever it is she wants to go. I was in the middle of a conversation though, with someone very important in the music industry. But yet, Jana was more important than any producing deal.
I fall in for Jana’s demanding of me and improperly excuse myself from the two men I was talking to. ‘’What is it, baby?” I laugh a little as she drags me towards the corner of the ballroom.
‘’I wanna talk to you, besides, you’re mine, I outta get the chance.’’ She giggles as she pushes me against the wall. I was so close that if I would have turned my head slightly, my nose would be brushing the adjacent wall.
‘’What?’’I smirk a little as her hands find their way to my hips, pulling herself against me. ‘’Tonight.. we need to.. do something.’’ She whispers softly as I look down on her, just to see those beautiful eyes staring back up at me.
‘’We will.’’ I wink lightly as she blushes at me, smirking a little just to get me turned on more than I already am. ‘’Why can’t we blow this thing and just leave?’’ She laughs a little as she asks me this thought of hers. ‘’Because babe, we have to do this. But it’ll be over before you know it.’’ I tell her.
‘’But what if.. what if I need to.. to take care of myself?” Jana’s grin turns into a sexy smirk as she bats her eyelashes at me. ‘’I’ll take you to the bathroom.. lock the doors.. fuck you hard.’’ I whispers the words softly to her. She nods in return before slightly slapping her hand against my cheek playfully just before she walks away.
Damn, she knows she’s such a turn on.
Notes
>>Yes, I'm pregant... ;)<<
I will update very soon!! You guys are going to love the next few!! xx ♥♥ Love you!
||-B-||
@samie_horan
His mom, remember it was a whole chapter about it before??
10/18/15