Love through a suicidal act...
The right time
Harry’s POV
“Harry!” I hear someone saying, but I don’t really give attention…So I go back to thinking and before I knew it I got a backhand face slap. “OUCH!... what you do that for?” I say as I rub the sore skin with my hand. “C’mon it wasn’t even that hard” Niall laughed “well I was caught by surprise… that’s why” I say embarrassed. “YEAH… let’s go with that” Niall laughed before he came back to the reason all of this happened. “Anyways, what we’re you thinking?” Niall asked and I just sat there, not knowing what to answer. “Not much” I replied when I finally found words and remembered how to talk. “And I also know how much your not much really is” Niall said before he took a seat next to me. “Nothing” I said hoping he would just drop the subject, because this is something that I want to figure out on my own.
*The next morning*
Joan’s POV
“Can I ask you something?” Hayley asked me and I slowly agreed. “I’ve been thinking about it all night and you’ve never told me the reason why you said no one will ever love you- you just said you will tell me when the time is ready and you also sort of promised” she said- looking as if she had chosen her words carefully. “Oh yeah… well then I guess this is probably the best time to tell you” I replied and immediately it brought back bad memories. I looked at Hayley and she just nodded. I sighed before I started- it almost felt like an open wound that’s infected when I started talking- , “Do you remember I always just told you it’s complicated when you asked about my father” I said looking at her and she just nodded. “Well a few years before I met you… my father died and well right before he started getting sick, he started insulting me- almost like the kids at school- he stopped saying he loved me and he started treating me like a dog” I stopped for a few seconds before going on, “well he had cancer… don’t know what cancer- because my mother always and she actually still refuses to tell me- and well one day at school I got called out and my mother was there to pick me up. She took me to the hospital- less did I know that it was to say goodbye to my father- in any case, she took me to his room and she left the two of us alone and since that day my whole life changed. When my mother closed the door behind me, my father gave me a dirty look, but I just decided to ignore it- well I didn’t want him to see how much he had hurt me- but in any case, I went to sit on the chair next to his bed and the moment I sat down he started talking and he said, ‘I can’t believe I ever trusted you, you aren’t my child…’ he went on, but I choose not to repeat those words, EVER. The last thing he said to me before he died was, You aren’t worthy of anyone’s love and you never will be, no one will ever be able to love you… I hate you” While I was busy talking tears started running down my cheeks and I could feel Hayley’s hand on mine. “After he said he hated me, he let out his last breath and a few seconds later my mother came in and the moment she saw his lifeless body lying there she broke down and started crying and till this day she still doesn’t know about any of the things my own blood father told me, not even that he had used his last breath to tell me that he hates me” I looked at Hayley and she just sat there, motionless. “I never realised it was that bad” she said after a while of just staring at nothing. “Please don’t tell anyone” I said looking her in the eyes. “Promise” she replied before she gave me a hug.
Dylan’s POV
“Here you go mum” I said as I handed my mother her cup of coffee. I place my cup and the other two cups on a tray before I start walking in the direction of the rooms. “Where you going?” my mother asked before I walk out of the kitchen. “Niall and Harry” I replied yelling over my shoulder. I walked into Harry’s room and placed his cup on his bedside table before walking into Niall’s room and also placing his cup on his bedside table. I walk out of his room and into my room before grabbing my French horn. I stand in between Harry and Niall’s room (luckily they’re next to each other, making it a lot easier) and I start playing my horn- now everyone I know also knows that I cannot play a French horn to save my life, so I think you kinda know what’s gonna happen… DISASTER! - I keep on ‘playing’ and after a while all you could hear was Niall and Harry screaming like idiots. “Who’s stealing my food?!” Niall yelled as he jumped out of bed. “Who’s stealing my skinny jeans?!” Harry yelled and I just kept on ‘playing’ and when I stopped I yelled “Good Morning!” and after I yelled them a good morning I bursted out in laughter. “Don’t worry no one’s stealing your food” I said talking to Niall, “and relax no one’s stealing your jeans” I said to Harry before I went back to laughing. “I don’t believe you”, Niall said as he stormed out of his room and walked to the kitchen to check on the food.
After a while Niall returned, “Everything’s still safe” he said before standing in his door and leaning against the frame (just like Harry and I). “If you look on your bedside table’s you’ll find a cup of coffee” I said and as soon as I stopped talking Harry and Niall both turned around to fetch their coffee and while they went to get theirs, I also got mine – which was still on the tray, which I left in my room. When all of us were back in our door’s leaning against the frames we started drinking our coffee. “So what’s our plans for today?” Niall asked and Harry and I just gave him the ‘we don’t know’ move, “Me neither” Niall replied. “We could go visit Joan?” I suggested. “We can go to visit Joan when she had learned to treat Niall with some respect!” Harry yelled before he turned around and slammed the door close behind him. “Ummm…” was all that I could get out. “I’ll tell you” Niall said as he lifted himself off of the doorframe and walked over to my room. I moved out of the way and he then entered my room and I closed the door behind us…
“If it will make you feel better Joan sometimes also did that to me. One second she’s so nice and then the next she’s someone else- someone who doesn’t care about anyone else” I said as I opened my door and Niall and I walked out of my room. “Harry” Niall said as he knocked on Harry’s door. We stood there for a while until we head a small “Yeah” and a few seconds later Harry opened the door on a chink, just big enough for us to see him. “Sorry I had no idea” I said and I saw a small smile appearing on Harry’s face and when I looked at Niall who was out of Harry’s sight I also saw a smile appearing on his face. “Let me tell you a secret about Joan, when you say something that reminds her about something in her past she doesn’t take it well, partly because she’s been trying to forget about it- and let’s just say that Joan doesn’t have the best past.” I said and when I looked at Niall I saw his emotion changing to sad. “-but that does…” was all that Harry could get out before I cut him off. “Yeah, it doesn’t give her the right to be ugly with someone, but that’s the only way she’s been able to handle things- mostly because she doesn’t tell people about it- but if we work together we can help her… help her to open up to us and then we can help her find a way to handle things that had happened in her past and how she handle’s it when it comes her way again” I said and immediately I could see Harry and Niall’s facial expression changing. “I think you might just be right” Harry said and Niall nodded. “So what do you say? Are you guys in?” I asked and it didn’t take long before Harry and Niall both said “Yes”. It immediately placed a smile on my face and I just couldn’t stop smiling after that.
“Harry!” I hear someone saying, but I don’t really give attention…So I go back to thinking and before I knew it I got a backhand face slap. “OUCH!... what you do that for?” I say as I rub the sore skin with my hand. “C’mon it wasn’t even that hard” Niall laughed “well I was caught by surprise… that’s why” I say embarrassed. “YEAH… let’s go with that” Niall laughed before he came back to the reason all of this happened. “Anyways, what we’re you thinking?” Niall asked and I just sat there, not knowing what to answer. “Not much” I replied when I finally found words and remembered how to talk. “And I also know how much your not much really is” Niall said before he took a seat next to me. “Nothing” I said hoping he would just drop the subject, because this is something that I want to figure out on my own.
*The next morning*
Joan’s POV
“Can I ask you something?” Hayley asked me and I slowly agreed. “I’ve been thinking about it all night and you’ve never told me the reason why you said no one will ever love you- you just said you will tell me when the time is ready and you also sort of promised” she said- looking as if she had chosen her words carefully. “Oh yeah… well then I guess this is probably the best time to tell you” I replied and immediately it brought back bad memories. I looked at Hayley and she just nodded. I sighed before I started- it almost felt like an open wound that’s infected when I started talking- , “Do you remember I always just told you it’s complicated when you asked about my father” I said looking at her and she just nodded. “Well a few years before I met you… my father died and well right before he started getting sick, he started insulting me- almost like the kids at school- he stopped saying he loved me and he started treating me like a dog” I stopped for a few seconds before going on, “well he had cancer… don’t know what cancer- because my mother always and she actually still refuses to tell me- and well one day at school I got called out and my mother was there to pick me up. She took me to the hospital- less did I know that it was to say goodbye to my father- in any case, she took me to his room and she left the two of us alone and since that day my whole life changed. When my mother closed the door behind me, my father gave me a dirty look, but I just decided to ignore it- well I didn’t want him to see how much he had hurt me- but in any case, I went to sit on the chair next to his bed and the moment I sat down he started talking and he said, ‘I can’t believe I ever trusted you, you aren’t my child…’ he went on, but I choose not to repeat those words, EVER. The last thing he said to me before he died was, You aren’t worthy of anyone’s love and you never will be, no one will ever be able to love you… I hate you” While I was busy talking tears started running down my cheeks and I could feel Hayley’s hand on mine. “After he said he hated me, he let out his last breath and a few seconds later my mother came in and the moment she saw his lifeless body lying there she broke down and started crying and till this day she still doesn’t know about any of the things my own blood father told me, not even that he had used his last breath to tell me that he hates me” I looked at Hayley and she just sat there, motionless. “I never realised it was that bad” she said after a while of just staring at nothing. “Please don’t tell anyone” I said looking her in the eyes. “Promise” she replied before she gave me a hug.
Dylan’s POV
“Here you go mum” I said as I handed my mother her cup of coffee. I place my cup and the other two cups on a tray before I start walking in the direction of the rooms. “Where you going?” my mother asked before I walk out of the kitchen. “Niall and Harry” I replied yelling over my shoulder. I walked into Harry’s room and placed his cup on his bedside table before walking into Niall’s room and also placing his cup on his bedside table. I walk out of his room and into my room before grabbing my French horn. I stand in between Harry and Niall’s room (luckily they’re next to each other, making it a lot easier) and I start playing my horn- now everyone I know also knows that I cannot play a French horn to save my life, so I think you kinda know what’s gonna happen… DISASTER! - I keep on ‘playing’ and after a while all you could hear was Niall and Harry screaming like idiots. “Who’s stealing my food?!” Niall yelled as he jumped out of bed. “Who’s stealing my skinny jeans?!” Harry yelled and I just kept on ‘playing’ and when I stopped I yelled “Good Morning!” and after I yelled them a good morning I bursted out in laughter. “Don’t worry no one’s stealing your food” I said talking to Niall, “and relax no one’s stealing your jeans” I said to Harry before I went back to laughing. “I don’t believe you”, Niall said as he stormed out of his room and walked to the kitchen to check on the food.
After a while Niall returned, “Everything’s still safe” he said before standing in his door and leaning against the frame (just like Harry and I). “If you look on your bedside table’s you’ll find a cup of coffee” I said and as soon as I stopped talking Harry and Niall both turned around to fetch their coffee and while they went to get theirs, I also got mine – which was still on the tray, which I left in my room. When all of us were back in our door’s leaning against the frames we started drinking our coffee. “So what’s our plans for today?” Niall asked and Harry and I just gave him the ‘we don’t know’ move, “Me neither” Niall replied. “We could go visit Joan?” I suggested. “We can go to visit Joan when she had learned to treat Niall with some respect!” Harry yelled before he turned around and slammed the door close behind him. “Ummm…” was all that I could get out. “I’ll tell you” Niall said as he lifted himself off of the doorframe and walked over to my room. I moved out of the way and he then entered my room and I closed the door behind us…
“If it will make you feel better Joan sometimes also did that to me. One second she’s so nice and then the next she’s someone else- someone who doesn’t care about anyone else” I said as I opened my door and Niall and I walked out of my room. “Harry” Niall said as he knocked on Harry’s door. We stood there for a while until we head a small “Yeah” and a few seconds later Harry opened the door on a chink, just big enough for us to see him. “Sorry I had no idea” I said and I saw a small smile appearing on Harry’s face and when I looked at Niall who was out of Harry’s sight I also saw a smile appearing on his face. “Let me tell you a secret about Joan, when you say something that reminds her about something in her past she doesn’t take it well, partly because she’s been trying to forget about it- and let’s just say that Joan doesn’t have the best past.” I said and when I looked at Niall I saw his emotion changing to sad. “-but that does…” was all that Harry could get out before I cut him off. “Yeah, it doesn’t give her the right to be ugly with someone, but that’s the only way she’s been able to handle things- mostly because she doesn’t tell people about it- but if we work together we can help her… help her to open up to us and then we can help her find a way to handle things that had happened in her past and how she handle’s it when it comes her way again” I said and immediately I could see Harry and Niall’s facial expression changing. “I think you might just be right” Harry said and Niall nodded. “So what do you say? Are you guys in?” I asked and it didn’t take long before Harry and Niall both said “Yes”. It immediately placed a smile on my face and I just couldn’t stop smiling after that.
Notes
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Dancing in the dark
xoxo
Man Niall really screwed up
8/20/15