The last day was sooo hard for me. I couldn't believe that I found the courage to tell Niall. I'm so proud of myself.
I know I have to take each day a step at a time to overcome this. It’s hard for people to understand how u feel when you are like this. I'm kind of relieved that Niall is staying with me today. I need him so much. I decided that I would at least look the part even if I didn't feel it or seem like I was. Not even my parent knows I am feeling like this.
Niall drove there as I still couldn't drive due to my medication. He said that Harry's cousin is a councillor and I will be speaking to her. I could almost feel a little relieved. We were on our way down to her quarters.
"babe if its alright can you sit in please it would make me feel safer." I said as we reached the destination.
"yeah sure you know I would do anything for you. your my princess. You ready." I just nodded.
We walked in. Harry had said that his cousin had put my oppintment under a different name. The receptionist knew who we were and said to wait on the seats. His cousin walked out.
Lisa.
katie
Niall
ohhh your here already. Come in. I'm Lisa.would you like a drink.
no I'm fine thank you.
I'm fine as well thank you. How are you Lisa. Niall said as we sat on the sofa.
I'm good thanks now what about you katie.
I'm okay I think.................... I've just been keeping a lot off things in and haven't told anyone. I was rushed into hospital at the weekend and I had rupptured a muscle and a tissue in my stomach but I I I I I also had a miscarriage. I thought I could deal with it but I can't.
Katie said as she did tears filled her eyes and started to fall out off them.
I only found out about her being insecure yesterday on our way back from London. Then I found her looking at herself in the mirror in our wardrobe. I went to hug her and she ran to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and I found her on the floor in a ball, hysterically crying and rocking. I was soo worried.I have never seen her like this, I'm soo worried.
Its like she is a different person. I liturally broke down in tears last night telling the boys that I couldn't do the appreance tonight. they understood.
The session went really well. I have got a lot off of my plate and I feel a hell off a lot better. Lisa and I have decided that I will keep a diary and any time I feel like I can't tell anyone I will write it and then let Niall see.
"babe I'm hungry can we get nandos please." I said flirting with Niall as we got back into the car. "well maybe we can if I get a kiss." he said cheekily.
I placed my lips on his and moved them quickly off again. I placed my sunglasses on as I had been crying and my eyes were all red. "nandos. nandos.nandos nandos. " I said. "no."
"fine then just don't expect me to talk to u for the rest off the day." I said a little stuburn.
Just then niall's stomach rumbled extremly loud.
"alright we will go nandos.kiss. I'm soo proud off you." Niall said giving in.
I just laughed.
"thank you Niall you have really helped me. I don't know what I would off done if you weren't here. Thank you."
We reached nandos. There were a few fans so we took a few photos. I still had my sunglasses on as I didn't want any photos with red puffy eyes. Niall had cried a little bit but he was alright. We were in there for about an hour or so and I was feeling a hell off a lot better.
We were on our way back to our apartment the radio was fall blast and we were singing along. We were laughing sooo much.
"ni ni. I want you to go to Cardiff and do your apperance. I am a lot better now." I said. Hoping he wouldn't say anything back.
"no I'm not doing it. I'm staying with you."
"so if I was to go with the others then you would come."
"well yeah but that's not the point. We are staying."
"that's it I'm calling Paul and telling him. That your coming but not to tell the boys. I will make them sing little thing first. As they are about to sing your solo you start to sing.okay we are going end off". I was detremind not to lose.
"fine ring Paul. But you are defo coming with me so I can keep an eye on you."
"yay. I will ring Paul.what time does ur apperence start."
"umm I think about 6."
"hmmm well it takes about an hour and a half to get there we need ur mic to be working."
"they will most prob leave at like 4. So we can leave like 15mins later. You gonna have to be really down to make it look like we are staying in." Niall said.
"okay. Well we can have our onsie's on but have our clothes on underneath soo as soon as they leave we can take the onsie's off and then get ready."
We both laughed. We were dancing away and laughing when we pulled up into the drive way off our apartment. We got out and we had to act normal. Well it was a little hard we were laughing as we were going up the stairs. As we reached the front door we calmed. Niall grabbed my hand and we walked in I kept my head down low and acted really down. I went straight to the bedroom to get changed into something comfy. Niall walked in after me and we burst out into laughter.
"this is gonna be a lot harder." I said.
We kissed for a little bit.
We walked out and joined the others on the sofas. Noone asked how I was. Thank god. I just kept on thinking off sad things. Everyone was really supportive it helped a lot.
Paul walked in.
"mornafternoon. How's everyone." he said
"amazing" all the boys and the girls said. It was now 2, Lauren was back from collage.
"hey katie. How are you." she said as she came and joined me on the sofa.
"I'm better than yesterday but still not me. Can I have a word with you in private please."
See Niall didn't realize that I liturally tell Lauren everything. She is like my sister not my best best best friend. Haha. I had to tell her what me and Niall are planning.
We walked out to the roof and sat down.
Lauren.
Katie
Soo what's up.
Nothing really but you have to promise not to tell anyone okay. I said becoming myself again just like I was when I'm with Niall now.
Umm okay. Katie. Are you seriously okay. U have gone from really down to being happy. What's going on.
well. After todays session I'm feeling a hell off a lot better. So me and Niall are coming to Cardiff but we are gonna surprise the boys. We are gonna leave like 15 mins after you lot have left. Paul already knows and I have got him to change the first song to little things. So when the boys start to sing nialls solo then he is gonna come out and start to sing.
Ohhhh okay. Soo you being down in there is just an act. So everyone thinks that you are staying.
Yeah. Shall we go back in. But don't let Niall know that I have told you.
Okay. Everyone at collage was asking after you.
Really I think I'm gonna ring Rob and tell him. I don't know why but I feel like I can tell him anything if that makes sense. He's a really close friend.
yeah I know what you mean.I feel like I can tell anything to Ellis.
We walked back in. Before I did I made myself cry. I went straight to my room.
I had decided that I would face time Rob and tell him everything. I mean everything. I had decided to go back to college tomorrow but take it extremley carefully. I know. Nialls only a phone call away but I really need to over come this on my own. Once I phoned Rob. I put my onsie on. And went back into the front room. I went and sat next to Niall and snuggled into him.
"soo everyone ready for tonight." Paul said as he walked in.
"yeah you sure you can't make it Niall" Liam said.
"yeah I'm sure. I'm just gonna stay here and look after my princess." Niall said before he kissed my forehead.
We had to play it cool.
As they all left Paul gave us a cheeky smile and shut the door.
"you ready superstar." Niall said as soon as the door shut.
"yeah I'm nearly ready just gotta sort my hair out won't be five seconds." I said as I got up and walked to the mirror by the front door.
I placed my hair into a messy/sexy pony tail. I then made my way back over to Niall who was still sat on the sofa. I took off my onsie and had on underneath. A pair off wetlook leggings a brown vest top and a camoflauge t-shirt that had a couple off jewles placed on to the shoulders. Niall just looked at me as I placed on my black heeled hi-tops and my leather jacket and I got my clutch bag.
"what's the matter babe have I got something on me. " you said starting to look at yourself to make sure you didn't.
"no babe there's nothing on u." he said starting to make a move towards you.
"so why you staring"
"cause you look amazing.actually there are no words to describe how you look. But are you gonna be able to run in them." he said as he gave me a hug from behind.
" umm yeah I can I think " you said not sure if u can cause you have never had to.
"well if u can't then I'm gonna have to give you a piggy back." he said as he reached for his keys and we walked out off the door.
We took the range rover the one I had been using a lot off.
As we headed towards Bristol nialls stomach started to rumble.
I reached behind my seat and got a bag out. I always kept food in the car just in case off emergency.
"babe what's in there." he asked
"its my emergency stash off food for times like this." I said and laughed.
It was only like haribo and other stuff like that. We were eating away when Niall pulled up to a set off gates. Well when I say a set off gates I mean a load off screaming fans trying to catch a glimpse off the boys.
I texted both Lauren and Paul to let them know that we had arrived.
We managed to get through the girls after having god knows how many flashes in our faces.
We had to still be sneaky and make our way to the changing rooms. The others were on their way to the stage.
Niall had to get changed into a suit. Ohhh how I loved him in a suit.
Then all off a sudden we heard the start of the opening video. Niall quickly got changed. I mean as quickly as possibly he could. I had to help in the end.