"Niall Horan; You probably know him as the fun loving, care free, adorable, cute, laughing Irish lad from the internationally famous boyband One Direction. Well, that's who I used to be... I never felt the same after that night, that night that nobody knew about except me. Not even my bestfriends who are like my brothers, no not even them. I basically just showed the whole world the guy I was talking about in the first sentence but, when there's no camera or when nobody's looking, I just change. Only the boys see me like this, the version nobody knew about... the real Niall Horan. The Niall Horan who drinks when he can, sleeps when he has nothing else to do, is always negative, only cheers up when his friends make him, and always I mean, always puts on a fake smile. His fake smile is never believable to his friends but, they never know how to make him smile his real smile.. They just don't know what to do with him anymore, they just don't know what to do with me anymore... I don't know what to do with myself anymore.."

I wrote this in a matter of seconds... I don't know why I'm even writing in this journal... I guess because I don't have anyone to actually talk to.. Or maybe because I bought this out of nowhere when I was drunk... Who knows, maybe it'll help me or something...

"I sometimes wish I could just go back to the way I used to be, the way it was before that night... But, I guess we can never, I can never go back... It's just the way it is, they say the big man up there has a plan for all of us.. I do believe in him but, it's getting harder and harder to see if there was ever a plan for me...

Niall."

My eyes hurt and so does my throat, it's 1am here and I couldn't sleep... I take another swig of whisky and close my journal and decide to lie down. I stumble across my room and barely got on my bed, I need to sleep. Maybe all these things will go away and this would just be another nightmare that I have... Please let it just be another nightmare... Please.

Notes

HI THERE! 2 chapters in one day! Hope you like it so far! Can you tell what happened to our little Nialler? Guess you'll have to find out... Not sure if I'm going to make the 3rd chapter or not... Let's see!
But for now....

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Please and thank you! Love you all and stay perf! ;) <3

P.S. if you don't know me and haven't read my other fanfic, The Party of my Life, go ahead and check it out! http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/5471/The-Party-of-my-Life/