Silent Laughter (Louis Tomlinson) [BOOK 3]
"The girl is literally lifting like two-hundred pounds randomly in her room and her mum doesn't say anything."
He looks over at me, his eyebrows raised and his smile wide in amusement.
'Girls can lift weight too.' I respond, trying to hold back my own laughter as Louis rolls his eyes.
"I didn't mean it like that. I mean that she's not even breaking a sweat, she's like sixteen or some shit, doesn't even have anyone with her to make sure she's even doing it properly so she won't hurt herself, an- Oh my fucking god."
He interrupts himself when we both look back at the screen, seeing this random guy go through her window, trying to scare the shit out of her.
The girl screams and dramatically gets up quickly, placing her hand over her chest in an exaggerated way.
This movie is pure gold.
'You scared the shit of me!' The girl says, the acting horrific.
I almost feel bad for her.
Louis just begins to laugh, his head falling back slightly as his hands make themselves to his tummy.
I laugh too.
"Come on! I am a really crappy actor, but I'm not even this bad!"
I feel myself snort and Louis just laughs even more.
We're both at the summer home, all the windows open with gleaming sunlight seeping in as well as a few chilling winds. Louis is wearing a gray beanie today, a few of his hairs falling over his eyes that look especially blue this morning. It 's Tuesday, meaning both of our sessions are in the afternoon today so we decided to spend time with one another early before we go together. Also, Louis has practice he has to attend to for the big game tomorrow right after the ward, so Coop is going to pick me up right after, Louis and I having to part separate ways for the day after we both enter the rooms of our therapists.
He's leaving Saturday morning and even though this awful movie has distracted me for a bit, I can't help but glance at Louis with all of his glow and welcoming presence and Marvel comic t-shirt. What if I never get to see him again?
What if the rain stops falling and leaves the smoke all by itself so it can fall over something else?
"Hey, are you okay?"
I realize that my smile has vanished and I quickly force it back.
"Did I do something?"
Now his smile has vanished, his eyes growing concerned and even a little hurt.
'You're going to forget about me' is what I want to say, what I have not been able to stop thinking about, but I don't want to give him any of my own burden.
'No. It isn't you.' I respond instead, looking back at the television and seeing how the weight lifting girl and you scared the shit out of me guy are now talking about weird threesomes with his friends that have now snuck themselves through the window as well.
This movie is called Troll 2.
When the fuck are these trolls going to come in to play anyway?
"What is it then? This movie too scary for you?" He says the last thing teasingly, obviously trying to lighten the mood and a chuckle releases from me.
'Yes. I'm so fucking terrified.' I reply, a small smile returning.
I glance at him briefly, seeing how his eyes are still on me and he just fixes his beanie.
"Same. I may get nightmares."
I laugh, raising an eyebrow.
'The trolls haven't even come out yet.'
He looks back at the screen, pointing at it with his dainty finger.
"That girl is scary enough as it is. Sixteen, skinny, and can lift two hundred pounds without assistance?! Winifred, that girl is a walking muscle. You tick her off in any way and she can break you in a second."
I'm going to miss him calling me Winifred, not gonna lie. Even though it can be annoying at times.
'Doesn't scare me.'
Louis snorts, shaking his head when his eyes meet mine again.
"If you saw that, you would head for the hills."
I shake my head and his eyebrows raise.
'She's obviously going to see a troll and freak out. Why would I be scared of that?'
Louis didn't really understand the last part, so I wrote it down on a napkin and handed it to him. He nodded his head in understanding as he read my words, holding the paper in between his index and middle finger.
"I don't think she'll be scared. I think she'll beat it up."
I roll my eyes, smiling a little in disbelief.
'You have quite the expectations for this chick, Louis.'
He smiles lightly at the last part and for some reason I feel my cheeks heat up at that.
"Are you challenging me thy ever so ignorant, Winifred?"
'No.' I reply, trying to hold back my own amusement.
He just continues on babbling about how when a woman questions a man's honor that the man must reclaim it or some shit and I just pull my legs and feet on the couch, bringing them to my chest and resting my chin on my knees as I gape at him.
Who would have ever thought that I would even be friends, let alone miss this man, but here I am sitting right beside him as I finally agree to do the stupid bet just to make him happy so I can see those crinkles by his eyes when his whole face brightens and thoughts of how much I'm going to miss those crinkles envelope my mind.
Louis lost the bet, the weight girl screaming when she saw a single glimpse of the creatures. I smiled in complete success, Louis groaning and expressing his disappointment towards the fictional characters and the movie in general.
Since we didn't really talk about the stakes and winnings of this bet, Louis insisted on making me a victory sandwich, one with two slices of wheat toast and three slices of ham and two of cheddar cheese with tomato and lettuce. It was pretty decent, what you would expect from a simple cuisine except it was eaten in a greater atmosphere, adding this sense of splendor to the whole meal all together.
Louis made himself one as well and we ate them on the table in the small corner kitchen. We talked about the movie and how horrendous yet wonderful it was, the conversation though heading a toward different direction as he began to talk about his mum and sisters who he dearly misses.
His cheeks flushed a few times when he would catch himself gush about how adorable the twins are and I would just nod, wanting him to continue and he smiled this modest yet appreciative smile.
I always smiled back.
His mum is getting married soon and he feels as if he's more nervous about the wedding than she is. I can just imagine Louis being the bridezilla when it comes to helping his mum plan for the whole reception and all the arrangements. He is going to help her pay for it which is very admirable of him and so if something comes out to his mother's disliking, he'll probably go mad.
I laughed a few times, nodded, and didn't even finish my food since I was just completely focused on him.
As he just continued on talking about these different things he is passionate about like his family, football, and performing, I just grew this consuming urge to hug the guy.
I restrained though, not wanting to ruin the moment, so instead I listened on until he ran out of things to say and so instead I grabbed a napkin and began writing.
'I want to show you something.' My words read.
He took a sip off his water as he read, his face going soft soon after.
"Show me, Winnie." He said.
I drank the rest of my water nervously before clearing my throat and nodding again.
The wind continued to blow and blow throughout the house, yet my whole body felt warm.
I was nervous.
I mean I literally took this guy to one of the most personal places of mine after only knowing him for two months.
My emotions are the definition of a catastrophe.
I lead him to the back of the house where the yard is.
"I've never seen this part of the house before." He commented, making me swallow hard.
'Yeah.' I mouthed, not really sure if he even saw me say anything.
I don't think he did.
The grass is mostly dead, besides a few weeds and fallen leaves there isn't really much vibrant green vegetation left, but to me the beauty still remains.
It may be dead, but it's still living.
A silent 'whoa' left Louis' lips and I felt myself grow even more anxious.
He didn't give me even the slightest of attention as his eyes roamed towards the main event.
The laundry lines.
He looked down when he felt his foot touch something that wasn't usual.
He bent down, staring at the many squares under his chin more closely.
His hand grabbed one of them.
"So this is what happened to those pictures." He whispered, his face unreadable and my bones feeling chilled.
My hands began fiddling with one another when he got himself up, still holding one of the many polaroids scattered throughout the yard.
The one he picked up was highly damaged, the rain causing the image in the middle to turn completely blue as well as distort it all in all, the sides soggy and ripped as well.
"So you take pictures, you hang them on these lines, and then you just let the weather do what it wills with them?" He questioned, his eyes meeting mine again.
They looked even bluer than the sky.
'Yeah.' I mouthed, my hands rubbing with each other even faster.
For a second I thought I was going to even create a spark due to the amount of friction.
"Not that it's bad or anything because trust me it's not, but why? What's the meaning behind it?"
He emphasized the word meaning and for a moment I forgot everything I was planning to say as I looked at him with his intense eyes.
To make things worse, I forgot the napkins inside so I had to explain everything through physical and wordless translation.
"You don't need the napkins, you know."
His words took me off guard, a small smile even creating itself upon his face.
I calmed at that and began to explain in the best way that I could.
I told him how it was my own ritual in a way, my small entity that I created. I take these pictures in random places where the crowds are gigantic and all consuming, each picture becoming a captured memory of a memory, ones that I don't care to keep. They are each irrelevant to me since I don't know these people or care much for the moment and moments happening between them. It's their life anyway, not my own.
I would then come here, a few hours before a predicted storm would commence and I pin all of them up on the lines with the colorful wooden clips before going back inside and waiting patiently till the rain would visit again.
The memories would fall from the lines and become damaged, becoming erased from the world.
It gives me control over which memories I want to stay and which I don't.
The only people that really know about this are Coop, Iz, my father, and Sylvia.
Well Louis now too I guess.
Each person usually seemed confused by the whole concept though, still not comprehending my reason, but neither have looked down upon me for it and for that I'm grateful.
I just wasn't sure if Louis would break that streak and that's what scared the shit out of me.
However, he did break another streak.
"Damn. You have the world's first handcrafted superpower, Winifred."
I literally beamed at that and I didn't think I was the type of person that beamed.
Damn you Louis Tomlinson.
I just began to giggle, shrugging and this time he smiled back.
"No. I am not shrugging back because you should really have your own comic book. Maybe even Marvel can make it!"
He sounded like a small child and I continued smiling like one as he placed his arm around my shoulder, both of us walking around for a while as he continued discussing his pitch for a new superhero.
"Every hero needs a theme song though. Winnie, you need a theme song. Which shall it be? Eye of the Tiger? Jailhouse Rock? We will rock you?"
I turned my head up to the side, catching his gaze.
I chuckle a little before biting my lip in thought.
He tried to hold a serious face, only lasting maybe about three seconds before bursting into laughter, me joining him.
He pulled me closer to his side, kissing the top of my head before sighing.
"Ah, Winnie, a woman after my own heart."
We then continued laughing and enjoying each other until time flew by and we both went to the ward, my session cold again since that day.
However, when it ended and I walked out, I saw Louis standing outside the door with his body leaning against the wall.
He was supposed to be gone already since his session on Tuesdays end earlier than mine, yet he was there, his smile blooming once he spotted me.
"I just wanted to say bye to you before leaving."
I stood there, not really knowing how to respond. I mean yeah it's routine for him to wait for me after, but this time it's different. Maybe because we usually would leave together after or because we both know that he only has a few days left here or maybe something else entirely. Whatever the reason was, it's just felt like more.
'Bye.' I mouthed.
He became serious and just fixed his beanie.
Neither of us still walked away, we just remained standing there in the side of the hall until he
pointed his chin up in a what now? way and I just shrugged.
He shrugged back and then I shrugged again, both of us chuckling like idiots at our idiotic tendencies.
'Bye, Louis.' I say again, this time with a smile.
He gave me a small wave which I returned before finally walking off, leaving me there.
"Geez, you two make me want to fucking barf."
I then remembered that Coop was sitting on the bench only a few feet away and I just kept on smiling anyway as he approached me.
"You weren't kidding about the whole shrugging thing. Damn. For a second I thought you two were acting out a John Green novel."
He shrugged in an exaggerated way and I just rolled my eyes as I began walking passed him.
"What? We can't have a shrugging thing to? Hold on!"
He drove both of us back to my place, Izzy having to stay at the hospital overnight today for tests to see how the heart is doing. Coop and I both wanted to go, but only one visitor is allowed so Celeste stayed.
My mum told me that I have to remember who Izzy's real mother is and I snorted at that.
I know I'm not Izzy's guardian, but she is like a sister to me, so I don't know why it would be so bad for me to stay with her overnight.
Life is life I guess.
Coop and I are now up in my room, his IPod playing some weird folky indie hipster song in the background.
We're both on the floor putting one of my Hello Kitty puzzles together.
"No. It doesn't go there damn it! That piece obviously goes over there." He points out as I try to put the corner piece in the corner.
I shake my head at him and point a finger up as I place it down in its obligated place.
'Don't underestimate my puzzle skills.' I sign, his eyes rolling.
'Don't do that. You're contacts might go to the back of your head and all you will ever see is orange.'
He laughs a little before flipping me off.
"That won't fucking happen, you twat."
I shrug and he laughs even more.
"Louis isn't here."
I feel my eyes widen and I grab the pillow behind me and I throw it at him.
He continues to laugh his arse off, throwing the pillow back at me.
"You shall not defeat the power of Captain America!" He announces, grabbing his own pillow and placing it in front of him as a shield.
'You're fucking british.' I say, laughing a little bit myself.
He genuinely looks offended.
"I don't have to be American to be Captain America."
I narrow my eyes at him.
'His name is not Captain Europe for a reason.'
He opens his mouth to continue speaking his gibberish, but I silence him by flinging the cushion yet again.
He let his guard down.
He grunts when it hits his face, his hair going all over the place as my head tilts back in laughter.
"Hey morons, dinner is ready."
Both of us look over at the door to see Gene peeking through it with her face un-amused and evidently annoyed.
"Tell Diane that Captain America and Thor shall be there in thrice the time of a mere mortal!" Coop announces with the most confidence a twenty-five year old child obtains.
Gene rolls her eyes and sighs.
"You're the most immature twenty-five year old I have ever fucking met." She complains, putting a strand of her long black hair behind her ear to keep it from falling over her eyes.
"I am not twenty-five, I am eighty- seven! I may look young but that's because I was born in 19-"
"Just come to fucking dinner! Or don't come, I don't really care!"She interrupts, slamming the door angrily behind her before finally leaving.
The room goes silent for a while and Coop just places his hand dramatically on his chest.
"Oh Thor, your brother Loki is getting colder each day. I fear he may be turning into a frost giant again."
'Captain America doesn't even talk like that.'
He stands himself up and I do the same.
"Nar!" He yells aloud, causing me to flinch.
I raise an eyebrow at him before laughing once again, him still going along with act.
"Let us go feed off the flesh of deceased animals!" He screams yet again.
Iz, Coop, and I once for Halloween all dressed up as 3 / 5 of the Avengers. I was Thor, Coop was Captain America, and Izzy was Spiderman. It has kind of stuck with us and so yeah sometimes Coop will quote Captain America out loud for no reason or even carry around that cheap shield he ordered from Ebay for the whole day, but it makes him feel happy and strong as well as make Iz smile so I just go along with it. Besides, I really fucking love Marvel even though I do see myself as more of the Ironman type, but oh well.
'You're fucking vegan, Coop.' I sign to him, causing him to snarl.
I snort and he just locks our arms together before walking us both down to the kitchen.
Sylvia made a special vegan eggplant ratatouille since Coop joined us today, everyone chowing down except my father who says and I quote, "No offense Coop but I work with test tubes filled with substances that can possibly kill me if not used properly every day for about twelve hours, sometimes more. I need my steak.", in which Coop just chuckles and nods in understanding as my father scarves down his 10 oz rib-eye.
As the meal went on my mum asked the usual questions.
"How was your day?"
"What did you eat?"
"Was therapy good?"
"How was the traffic?"
Coop and I have everything rehearsed since my parents still don't know about Louis, everyone except Sylvia thinking that I went over Coop's this morning.
I would be so fucked if they ever found out.
So Coop told this made up story about how we all went outside for a while with Izzy, taking a stroll together and getting breakfast at McDonalds before going back to their place to watch Netflix.
I mean it does sound like something we would do, so I don't think they suspected anything, except maybe Gene who just kept on staring at me with her eyes narrowed.
Then again she could have just been killing me in her mind as always.
The food was as good as vegan food could get and I just grabbed one of my popsicles from the freezer before going back up to my room again.
"How can you eat those things? They're filled with so much corn syrup an-"
'Happiness.' I interrupt, Coop laying himself across my bed.
He sticks his tongue out at me and I just continue licking my popsicle.
"Can you pass me my phone, it's right behind you." he states and I oblige.
I'm sitting in my red swivel chair next to my small desk and I do a quick spin before bending down to grab his cell that was charging in one of the outlets beside me.
He catches his crappy blackberry and I briefly check my own cell, seeing how it's now my turn in Draw Something against Celeste.
She must be bored out of her mind over there.
I press the app and see what she's drawing.
Is that a banana or a boomerang?
I quickly look at Coop, his mouth slightly open his back now perfectly aligned as he immediately sits himself up.
"Winnie. Holy shit. Louis, I- Shit!"
I practically drop my popsicle when Louis' name is mentioned, resting my phone on my lap.
I swivel myself closer to him as quickly as I can.
'What happened?' I mouth, signing not fast enough for me at the moment.
His eyes look worried as they go back and forth from his phone to me.
"Danny texted me like three hours ago from practice. Apparently Louis beat the shit out of one of the players!"
I don't want to finish the popsicle anymore.
"He got kicked out of the place and everything! Fuck, I'm so sorry if my phone was only charged I would've known sooner. I'm so sorry, Winnie."
I roll away, my eyes on the ground
Why in the hell would he do this?
He's in therapy for anger management for fucks sake and now people are going to think shittier things about him.
My eyes go to my dessert for a brief second and I begin to contemplate whether or not I should just throw it away in the garbage bin downstairs or if I should just act upon my own anger and throw the thing at the fucking wall.
I do neither.
I just take a deep breath as I close my eyes.
"You know him, Winnie. Maybe not that much since you just met, but you know him better than I do and maybe even more than Danny. Is this something he would do for no reason at all?"
My eyes open and I think over his words for a bit.
I know things about him of course but do I really know this man?
"I mean he is your friend right?"
My head turns to Coop and my whole body relaxes.
'He wouldn't do something like this without a reason.' My self-conscious speaks for me, not really surprising me at all.
"Let's go then."
My head snaps up completely.
He stuffs his phone in his pocket and gets up abruptly from his position.
"Let's go then." He repeats.
I practically came up with every reason in the world as to why I should not go.
A.) Louis could seriously just be in a pissed off fucking mood and might even snap at me.
B.) My parents might catch on to what's happening.
C.) Louis might not even be at his hotel.
D.) He might want alone time and will find me oober fucking annoying if I even attempt in speaking with him.
E.) All of the above.
I spent about ten minutes, trying to reason with Coop, but he just kept on fighting me back with reasonable responses.
He told me that people that have shrugging and smoke/rain things would not snap at each other, that he would come up with a logical excuse to tell my parents as to why I'm leaving the house with him at eight-thirty at night, that it doesn't hurt to try, and that if he does get annoyed than he's a dick wad.
I laughed at the last bit a little, but agreed nonetheless.
I took a stack full of napkins in my pocket along with my pen, Cooper taking care of my parents as I waited in the passenger seat of his hippie-mobile.
He told my parents that Izzy wanted to see me before she goes to sleep and my mum couldn't say no to that especially since she knows everything Izzy has gone through in the past weeks.
I do feel sort of bad that I keep on lying to my parents constantly but if I did tell them the truth, then they wouldn't let me do anything and I hardly do anything now.
I know that it's just because they care but they are never like this with Gene and I just don't find it fair that they're most likely doing this because of my past.
I can do whatever twenty year olds want without permission.
When I got to the hotel, the whole area was surrounded with paparazzi and fans like usual and Coop just walked me through the back, the hotel employees already knowing my face by now and letting me in automatically.
Coop decided to stay in his little bus to make sure no girls come and scratch it or something and I just ran up the stairs to his floor.
Damn if this place doesn't get their elevator fixed soon I'm going to begin thinking that Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory lives here or something.
If you have five stars, I think you can afford a fucking mechanic.
I see Garett and some other guy standing in front of Louis' room. They're both wearing these fancy black suits that make them look more scary than they actually are.
Garett is like a puppy.
'Nice suit.' I comment once I get to him, my breathing slightly uneven due to my small workout.
He gives me an appreciative nod.
I wave to the other guy who just lifts his chin up in response.
"So I'm guessing you heard."
I glance back at him and I take one more deep breath before nodding.
'Yeah. I did. Can I see him?' I mouth.
The other man shakes his head a little at Garett who catches his attention since I guess he can't fucking speak.
Before Garett can even say anything, I just roll my eyes.
'Why can't I see him? Is he okay?'
"Yeah. He's fine, Winnie. He just has a few scratches and bruises but he'll be fine. And I apologize but no one is allowed in. Orders."
All my hopes fall, but I keep on trying anyway.
'Come on, Garett. The only other guy here is him.'
I point to baldy over here, hoping Garett will make an exception for me.
"The orders were not from Modest." He confesses, my body tensing.
Louis wanted this.
'Not even me?'
My bottom lip rolls under my top set of teeth and I bite down hard.
Garett looks a bit guilty even though none of it is his fault. He's just following orders.
"Especially not you, Winnie. I'm sorry." He whispers the last part and I feel my chest become heavy.
I want to give up.
I just want to look at the door behind them and not care at all.
I want to walk away and forget about him and everything before he lets me go.
But for some reason, my feet remain pasted down to the floor and the only thing that moves are my hands to my pockets.
I take out a napkin and pen and I begin to write.
'I know that you know I'm here, that I would find out. But just know that I know you had a reason behind whatever you did. So please talk to me when you want to. Whether it be today...tomorrow...or even on your last day here. Just tell me why and I'll be here, Louis Tomlinson.
I write my number down in the bottom of the napkin just in case he has to stay indoors for pres reasons or something and won't be able to reach me in any other way.
I hand the napkin to Garett, his eyes already on the paper.
'Please.' I mouth.
Both of the men look at each other briefly, the other one obviously not wanting Garett to help me out.
"Of course." He says, giving me one last smile before I say a thank you and I walk out of the place.
It's cold outside and when I enter Coop's bus, I begin to shiver.
He puts the heater on and I give him an appreciative smile.
He smiles back, his eyes looking worried behind the bright orange plastic.
"How'd it go?" He asks, the car not starting yet.
As I'm about to answer, I feel my phone vibrate in the pocket of my shorts and I quickly take it out.
It's a text from an unknown number.
I'm sorry, Winnie. I really wish I had a handcrafted superpower like you, but not everyone has one and I am everyone.