Broken Parts

Rachel’s P.O.V.

I make my way off of the bed, toward Niall as he locks the door behind us. I can tell that I have taken him by surprise. He turns toward me and his eyes widen, as a large grin falls upon his lips. I smile slightly as I crash my lips into his, he doesn’t resist me. I know he wants this as much as I do, but I can feel him holding back.

I pull myself back looking at him confused. “What is wrong?” I question him, as he looks me over up and down. I giggle slightly as his eyes scan my fully clothed body. I impatiently wait for his response. “Nothing is wrong. Are you sure you want to do this?’ He questions me, his eyes serious. “I don’t want to push you into this, if you aren’t ready.” He states plainly. I ignore his words, and press my lips against his once again. I can feel his tongue tracing my lips. I grin knowing what he wants, but I only tease him.

I lift his shirt over his shoulders, and he gently unzips the back of my dress. As my dress falls to the floor my confidences starts to fade, and Niall notices. He looks at me unsure of how to react. He slowly lifts my chin so that our eyes meet. “If we are going to do this” He pauses before he continues. “I want you to be mine and only mine.” He says while looking at the ground, unsure of what my response will be. I freeze, in the moment realizing that I am practically naked; panic in my eyes. He steps back a bit hurt. When I look at him, a tear rolls down my face, I quickly wipe it away, and grab his hand in mine trying to reassure him that I am not rejecting him.

He looks at me with questions in eyes, but he slowly brings my hand to his lips and kisses it gently. The thought of me hurting him breaks my heart. I smile small at him, not sure what to say. “You don’t have to say yes, if you don’t want to.” Niall states a hint of disappointment hides behind his voice. “It’s not that I don’t want to.” Boldly I blurt out. “I am sorry, my nerves always get the best of me.” Anytime I get nervous my reaction is always to pull away and isolate myself, I have been doing it for years.

“I have never felt this exposed.” I try to explain. Everything was happening so fast in the moment that I didn’t have time to think. “When I finally realized that I was standing in front of you practically naked I panicked.” I admitted, knowing that it would make me look even more ridiculous. “So does that mean that I can call you mine?” He questioned me, completely ignoring everything I said. “Yes, I want to be yours.” I looked into his eyes, and I could see them change. His eyes become hard as he kisses me greedily.

He pulls away from the kiss and large smile pulls over his lips. His eyes are set on me, they trace my every curve up and down. I try not to let him see how nervous I am. I don’t like to look at myself without clothes, and I defiantly don’t want anyone else to see me without them.
He pulls me into him, and I can feel his shirtless chest against my skin. Everything inside me wants to run away, but I don’t let myself. I want this more than anything and I won’t let my insecurities ruin it. Nothing is going to stop me from being with him.

The grin on his face grows large as he lifts me off my feet and places me onto his bed. I smile shyly beneath him. His eyes are soft once again as he looks down at me. Gently he pulls my body into his as he kisses my lips. His hand runs across my arm, and he stops cold in his tracks. I look at him completely confused. His eyes shoot toward my left arm and then they shift toward my right arm.

The sad look in his eyes break my heart. I avoid eye contact with him. Instead I close my eyes and move my lips toward him, he doesn’t stop me. Instead he kisses me gently. As my face is pressed into his, my cheek becomes dampened. I open my eyes and see tears falling down Niall’s face.

I pull myself back, “Please don’t cry.” As the words come out my mouth my voice cracks. Niall looks down at me grabs my hand and places it on his chest. “There are so many scars.” He states while looking at my arms. My face becomes pale, I mean I know I have scars all over the place, I just don’t see it in a negative way any more because they have become a part of who I am. I can’t remember a time that they weren’t there.

The scars on my arms aren’t from me cutting, but I guess it is just as bad. I have always been insecure about them, but sometimes I forget they are there. It is a mental thing I am sure of it. Whenever I get nervous, tired, upset or really feel any emotion or even when I am just board I have a tendency to pinch my arms repeatedly. I don’t even really feel it anymore it doesn’t hurt. Somebody once brought it up in one of my psychology classes, but we never actually discussed it. Maybe I should see someone about it, but I don’t need anyone digging in my mental stability. I barley hold myself together sometimes, I don’t need a stranger trying to figure me out. I can’t even do that myself.

The more I think about my arms the more self-conscious I get. The stretch marks on my stomach start to bother me. I have a tendency to gain a lot of weight then loose a lot, right now I am somewhere in the middle of that cycle. It is so stressful, I am never really confident in the way I look. I am either too heavy or way to thin. At one point my bones stuck out through my skin and I was turning slightly yellow. It is like no matter what I do I am just never gonna be the pretty girl.

In the middle of all my thoughts I am interrupted by Niall. I feel his soft lips running up my arm. I look down at him, and as I do he looks up at me. “You are so beautiful, please don’t do anything to harm yourself anymore.” I can’t help but cry as the words come out of his mouth.
He wipes my tears away and gently kisses my lips. I never really thought that I self harmed, but I guess the scars say differently. I have become so numb it is just normal to me. Something that makes me feel better. I guess it occupies my brain so I don’t have to think.

As the tears fall down my face, Niall pulls me into his chest. My face lays on his bear chest his heart racing faster than it had been before. My scars were kinda a mood killer but as I said before nothing would stop me from being with him.

I take him by surprise as I roll myself on top of him so that I am straddling his body. He looks up at me and a greedy grin forms upon his face once again. I can’t help but giggle. He gives me know warning as he flips us over so that he is now positioned on top. The look in his eyes tell me he wants to be in control.

He is gentle as he removes my bra and panties, throwing them aside. He takes a moment to look my fully exposed body up and down. My face turns bright pink, he chuckles in amusement. The next thing I know the remainder of his clothing is thrown on the floor right beside mine. He moves slowly only teasing me. He brings his lips to mine and kisses me gently as his tongue traces the outside of my mouth. Because I like my kisses to be a little rough sometimes, I bit his lip. I bit him a little harder than he expected, he pulled away and looked at me with a devilish smile.

My heart started to race as he moves his hands up and down my body. All my senses were heightened with every touch. He was gently with me, the entire time. I bit and kissed his neck repeatedly leaving a small trail. I wanted everyone to know that he was taken. As he gently kissed my lips one last time, our bodies melted together and we became one. I could feel his bare skin sticking to mine. I felt electricity in my body as we lay together in his.

Niall’s P.O.V.

I look down and see Rachel’s head laying on my chest. She has fallen asleep in my arms. I smile thinking about the event that just occurred. She gave a piece of herself to me, it’s something that she can never take back. I hope she doesn’t regret it. Some people find it easy to sleep with whoever, which is fine for them; but others need to feel a real connection first. It isn’t always easy to give that part of you away to someone.

I know that she had done this before, the thought of her being with anyone else upsets me. Whoever she gave that part of herself to for the first time, must have really let her down. It is guys who use girls just for sex that make all of us look bad, and make good girls untrusting of anyone.
I want to be different, I want her to know that this isn’t going to end as long as she doesn’t want it to. We moved forward very quickly, and I don’t want her to feel like I am only using her. I knew from the second that I saw her, that I had to make her mine. I have seen so many girls and they are all beautiful but she was different.

As the thoughts in my head start to fade away I can feel myself getting tired. I let out a small yawn and gently kiss Rachel’s forehead. She moves slightly, but I pull her in wrapping my arms around her as I slowly fade away.

Notes