Hurt

//p r e s e n t d a y 2 0 1 3//
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'It's all in your head. It is all in your head.'

"Michael get up. It's time."

By that point, I was up. My head filled with thoughts of complete and utter clouds. I've lost all things and yet, I still am here. At last, the day is here. The day of which I get to see my father in his casket, dead, and happy.

So here's the thing: My father was a drinker and a fiend. And the total craziness is that we both are kind of the same person: Insane and filled with unsanitized air. My mother on the other hand, she is just depressed. After the death of my father, she lost all of the sanity she had, so now I am forced to live with a crazy woman who thinks her cat can talk and my own self, the shadows of the past still ghosting my room.

What a day, right?

Let's start this off right. I'm Michael, some call me Mikey, which I hate. When I had friends, they called me Mikey, but since then I have just went by Michael. My mother and I don't talk unless it is about pills, and my father, well that's a death sentence.

I was taken out of school at the age of 14, for rationalized reasons. I was depressed. I actually attempted suicide at age 15, but it didn't work. So here I am, getting in all black, and wearing a Metallica tee shirt and ripped black jeans to my dad's funeral and still have a smile on my face. I am home schooled, though. I am actually trying to get into Australia's biggest universities, and it's either a hit or miss kind of thing.

"Michael, quit talking to yourself and get ready. We don't have.." By then, she cut herself off by mumbling.

For many people, life is fun, fulfilling. For me, that just is not the case. So now, I'm taking eight prescription pills a day, waiting for the right time to tell my mother that I want to quit taking these pills and live a normal life. But sadly, I don't suppose that will ever happen. Normality is ones way of functioning correctly, but people like me aren't normal. It's a way of living for us humans with these deficits.

Never will I be normal again.

//2 h o u r s l a t e r//

"Mom, I told you, we have gone over this before. I am going to the university when I am done with online schooling. You know this." I sigh as I drive past a few shoppes here and there while we drive back through the small town his funeral was in.

"Yes, well, Mikey-"

"Don't." I snap and give her a face of disappointment, my head snapping back in its place after looking at her.

"Michael. You have to understand that you are all I have left. Your father was my everything, my all. And your the remnants of what he is, what he was. I can't afford to lose you like I lost him." She sighs and looks out the window at the now passing fields in the most rural parts of Australia.

"Mom, you realize he was a drinker, right? You realize he smoked, right? He was killing himself and there was nothing you could ever do to save him. He wasn't going to stay on this earth forever, you know, and I think you're crazy to be thinking that he was. Life doesn't always set you up for sunshine. There is rain, and I guess this was the storm that ruined you." I sigh and roll my window down, the stale air rolling in.

"Yes, I.. I know. I know." She just slides down in her seat, her head against the passenger door.

The air is weird, quiet as well. The world around me spins in circles, my driving is blindsided. I can see my building up ahead, which is always a good sign. I speed up, still thinking about the death of the one person who knew what life was like for me.

But I guess it doesn't always work out. But as I drove into my driveway, and watched my mother get out of the car and unlock our stupid apartment.. She as well unlocked the shadows behind our stupid lives. Behind our stupid door.

Notes

here is the first chapter.

//e n j o y//

g r a c e e x. x.