Chapter Two
Eleanor stared into the webcam, her voice clear as she spoke. She knew her words would be taken as both good and bad, some people would agree with her depiction of the girl she was describing, but others might be taking offence.

“Perrie Edwards, as we all know, is the President of the Christian Student Coalition and is that rare breed of human born with a stick the size of a baseball bat implanted up her anus. God’s honest. I’m sure it’s in some medical dictionary somewhere.”

The pure mention of Perrie, sent Eleanor’s thoughts back to one distinct memory of the girl, she was a lot to handle at the best of times, and she earned her reputation as a bible basher all on her own. “Last year’s cause celebre was the changing of the school mascot, which she spearheaded.” She said into the camera with an eye roll.

That very moment that she was thinking about flashed through her mind, Perrie was wandering the halls with her best friend Jade, handing out fliers of ridiculously over the top Christian slogans, only to watch the students throw them in the bin as they walked further.

It was that same day that Perrie seemed to crack, with the new introduction of the school mascot, tipping the poor girl over the edge, and not in the cute way either. Niall Horan, the school’s class clown was painted blue from head to toe, proudly showing off his new ‘Blue Devil’ mascot uniform, if you could even call it that. The auditorium was bursting with energy, the crowd all riled up as Niall thrust his matching pitch fork up in the air in a mighty triumph, his pride was written plain on his blue coloured face. “Blue Devils! Blue Devils! Blue Devils!” He chanted, and of course the crowd followed.

Eleanor had noticed Perrie’s reaction, as she grabbed a passing student dramatically, fisting a pamphlet in her hand in a frustrated manner, her face was flustered, as if she didn’t know what to think about the whole situation.

“How can we exhibit school pride when we’re conveyed to others as Satan worshippers?” She asked the student in a frantic, when the frightened girl finally weaned her way out of the crazy girl’s grasp , she whisked away as fast as she could, Eleanor remembers the slow clap she had administered proudly upon watching the face of Perrie as she then stood alone.

Eleanor didn’t know if Perrie had anything to do with the second mascot change, but it happened, a few months later. She remembers this moment clearly because of a conversation she shared with her always ridiculing friend, Danielle.

“What the fuck is a meerkat anyway?” Danielle asked as they sat down on the bleachers side by side each other.

“Beats the hell out of me. But can we just take a moment to applaud the marching Band for their very ambitious effort to learn all of the James Bond theme music in a single year? I personally wish them all the best in their endeavor. Ku-dos!” Eleanor had cheered with a small fist pump for extra effect.

“I think I speak for all of the female students and faculty - and maybe a couple of males - when I say that I liked Niall much better when he was shirtless. I actually looked forward to these disturbing displays of -- what do they call it?” She paused, looking at her friend for assistance.

“School spirit?” Eleanor asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah. That’s it.” She laughed.

“Even dressed as a meerkat, I still fantasize about him.” Eleanor giggled, burying her face in her hands at how silly that sounded.

“Ha! What are those people called again? The ones that dress up like stuffed animals when they do it?” Danielle asked, squeezing Eleanor’s shoulder in an effort to come across as affectionate.
Eleanor frowned, trying to think. “Communists?”

Danielle giggled, nodding her head. “Shhh. Don’t let Perrie hear you say that word. The last thing we need is McCarthyism at Barbara Bush.”

“Isn’t high school already a hotbed of just that?”

“True.” Danielle shrugged, taking another glance across the field, eyes travelling back to Niall. “Yeah, I’d totally fuck Meerkat Niall” She purred lustfully, causing Eleanor to giggle.
---
“So, of course, immediately I knew that the little white lie I told to my then-best-friend in the ladies
room would come back to bite me on the ass. However, even I - who my fourth grade teacher stated on my report card ‘has an imagination that should be quickly expunged’ - had no idea how quickly this article of fiction would spread. So, now we move on to Part Two: The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude.” Eleanor continued into her webcam. It was funny how for years she had been invisible to the entire student body, only to now be flooded with almost one thousand viewers on her podcast.
Eleanor had always felt as though Perrie hated her, even slightly, sure the girl preached loving everyone equally but Eleanor knew that was bull. It was one day soon after the bathroom incident when Eleanor was standing at her locker, exchanging her fourth period books for her fifth when Perrie and her follower turned best friend, Jade walked past, both wearing repulsive looks across their previously pretty faces. Eleanor slammed her locker shut and decided for some unknown reason to catch up to the judgmental pair.

“Hey Perrie, can I talk to you for a second?” Eleanor called out, causing both girls to turn, Perrie looked at Jade, the two exchanged a look, before Jade reluctantly walked away to give them a moment to themselves.

“What?” She asked rudely, obviously expecting some kind of rude remark in response.

“Listen, what you heard in the bathroom, that wasn’t true. It’s actually a funny story. Do you ever watch ‘The Brady Bunch’?” She asked with an awkward giggle.

Perrie frowns, not buying her Brady Bunch analogy. “Eleanor - that’s your name, right?” She asked, although they both knew that Perrie was well aware of her name.

“I’m not the one you have to answer to for your depraved behavior. There is a higher power to judge your indecency.” Perrie said sweetly, Eleanor knows it was just her way of ‘caring’ no matter how twisted it seemed, but even then, she took the time to joke about it.

“Who? The guidance counselor?” She asked with a sly smirk, although Perrie did not see the funny side of it at all.
“I hope for your sake, God has a sense of humor.” She snapped icily.
“Oh, I have sixteen years worth of anecdotal proof that He does.” Eleanor responded cheekily. She looked right past Perrie’s shoulder, too scared to look her in the eye, just in case looks really could kill. She noticed Jade talking to a group of boys, who just so happened to be watching the Perrie/Eleanor showdown with confused faces. Perrie follows her gaze, a smirk planted on her face.

“Look. You’ve made your bed. I just hope for your sake, you cleaned the sheets.” She retorted, looking back at Eleanor once more before rushing off to her friends, leaving Eleanor more confused than ever.
“Did I just get saved?” She asked herself with a giggle.

As she continued to wander down the hallway, a boy she had never seen before called out to her at random, this startled Eleanor at first but she wasn’t going to let him know that.
“Hey El. How’s it going?” He asked her, obviously wanting her to stop, which she did not, she opted to answer on the go instead, something she was very good at.

“I’m swell, guy-I’ve-never-laid-eyeson-before. Thanks for asking.” She called over her shoulder.
---

That evening, after an afternoon filled with stares and snickers, Eleanor was glad to finally be safe in a house with people who didn’t see her as the slut who lost her virginity in more ways than one. She was sitting at the dinner table alongside her parents and younger sister, Tina.

“Hey, you guys know that I was here all weekend, right?” She asked them as she played her fork through her mashed potato, a food that she clearly hated. Her parents looked at each other, nodding their heads as an answer. “And you would testify to that?” She asked, looking up at them for the first time.
“What’s up, sweet pea?” Her father asked, he was concerned but he didn’t know why he felt that way. It was such an odd dinner discussion one that he didn’t quite understand.

“It’s nothing. Just the rumor mill.” Eleanor shrugged, taking a mouthful of her juice as she tried to act natural.

Her mother nodded, as if she knew exactly what her daughter were talking about, which she didn’t/ “What’s the rumor mill turning out these days?” She asked, patting her husband’s knee underneath the table as if to say ‘I’ll take this one’

“Seriously, it’s nothing.” Eleanor shrugged, downing the rest of her potatoes, hoping that they would just drop it, even though she was the one who started it.

“Don’t forget your brother’s staying here next weekend.” Her mother said finally breaking the lonely silence.
“Why? He never comes home.” Eleanor asked with a frown.

“They’re fumigating the dorms. And thank God for that. Last time I was there, I saw three cockroaches.” Eleanor rolled her eyes, her mother was a bit much sometimes. It was actually amusing.

“Mum, can you please not say that word while I’m eating?” Tina asked in that annoying baby voice, Eleanor hated so much.

“Sorry, hon.”
---
As Eleanor walks through school, the next day she is met with a totally different energy. She no longer blends in. Guys are checking her out. Girls are glaring at her, scornfully. She’s kind of digging it to be honest.

So, while she would never have classified herself as a wallflower, she was now the center of attention and who doesn’t love that? Jeez, if she’d known that losing my virginity would create such a new persona for herself, she’d have lied about it back in eighth grade. Eighth grade sucked. She did get her first kiss back then, however. It was gross and kind of turned me off to the whole my-tongue-in-otherpeople’s-mouths thing. Not to mention, the even-worse otherpeople’s-tongues-in-MY-mouth thing. Seriously, folks. Who invented kissing? Why is everyone so deadset on sticking their body parts in other people’s orifices? If there’s a hole on a person, rest assured, somebody wants to stick something of theirs in it.
Her mind, just like every other day wandered back to her first kiss. It was eight grade at a party, and for some reason or another she had ended up in a closet with Louis Tomlinson, who by the way looked scared shitless.

“So, I think this is the part where you’re supposed to stick your tongue in my mouth. It’s just what I’ve heard.” She said awkwardly, sensing the awkward tension that lurked in the small confined space the two of them shared.

“Just give me a second, okay?” Louis snapped, as he tried to calm himself down.

Eleanor tapped her watch. “According to my watch, you have 382 of them.” She said informatively, Louis looked at her admirably.

“How do you do that?” He asked curiously

She shrugged, not knowing what he was talking about. “What?”

“Add so fast. And you also talk like a grown up.” He asked with a shy smile.
“Don’t worry. I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am.” She joked, causing Louis to snicker, she could see he was starting to calm down.

“I think it’s just practice. For when I do grow up. Plus, don’t sweat it. Girls mature faster than boys.” She added, causing Louis to smile wider.

“That’s what they say.” He said proudly.

“And it’s probably the reason I’m ready to do this and you’re not.” She said quietly, looking at him to see his reaction.

“Is it that obvious?” He asked shyly, causing her to nod sweetly, not wanting to embarrass him. Heck that was the last thing she wanted to do.

“Painfully so.”

“So, if we didn’t do anything, would you tell everybody?” Louis asked, he was so nervous of stuffing it all up. He didn’t want to kiss a pretty girl and have her tell everyone that he royally sucked at it.
“Absolutely. I will tell everyone you pussied out and the whole school will make fun of you and you’ll most likely spend the rest of your teen years as a joke - no, even worse - a cautionary tale.” She joked, causing the pair of them to laugh together warmly. Eleanor liked the sound of his laugh, it made her stomach tingle.
“The Kid Who Opted Not To Kiss The Girl.” He declared the title.

“They’ll tell it for years. It’ll be a suburban legend.” She joked, earning another giggle from Louis.

“Thanks, El”

“Don’t mention it.” She whispered, patting his knee gently.

“No. YOU don’t mention it.” He whispered back. Eleanor raised her pinky finger, Louis wrapped his around her smaller one, making a promise together.

“We still have five minutes and thirty six seconds.” She whispered after their hands departed.

“I’m really interested in politics.” Louis randomly blurted out.

“Oh yeah?”

“Totally.”

“Well,... Uh.... Cool.”

--
When time was up, Louis stood to his feet ready to leave but Eleanor stopped him. She just had to know the truth, it was eating her up inside.

“Real fast - and you can tell me the truth. It’s not because I’m –“ She stopped and Louis shook his head.

“No. You’re very pretty.”He extends his pinky and she links it to hers. He kisses her quickly on the cheek and darts from the closet. Eleanor sat in the closet for a moment, contemplating what just happened, wondering if he was telling the truth, then she opens the door. The coast is clear, except for another pre-teen kid walking past. She aggressively grabs him and pulls him into the closet with her and, promptly, thrusts her tongue into his mouth, and that was how she had her first kiss.