She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was too much to face,
Though everyone said that she was so strong,
What they didn’t know is that she could barely carry on

But she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn’t let it get in her way

Sometimes it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don’t have to be afraid, because we’re all the same
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

So she would always tell herself she could do this
She would use no help it would be just fine
But when it got hard she would loose her focus
So take my had and we’ll be alright

And she knew that it would be okay,
So she didn’t let it get in her way

I took the kettle off the stove and poured it into the mug while I sang. Hopefully this would get rid of the massive hangover I was fighting. As I stirred my milk and tea my phone buzzed.

I had been getting non-stop text messages from the guys since six this morning asking if I was okay. There were also a few messages from Calhan asking if I had made it home last night. Deciding it was better to answer then have them showing up at my door, I quickly responded to them all. A second later I heard a noise and turned to see Mackenzie leaning against the doorway, phone in hand. Deja vous.

“May I help you?”

“Maeve’s looking for you.”

“Is she upstairs?” I asked. She nodded, still typing furiously on her phone. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing.”

I frowned at her in suspicion before heading back up to the attic. Maeve was sitting cross-legged on her bed, frowning at her computer screen. Her fire engine red hair sat in a matted bun on the top of her head and her adorably geeky glasses were sliding down her nose. As I stepped in she broke into a smile.

“I thought you already disappeared to studio!”

“Nope, not yet. What’s up? Kenz said you were looking for me?”

“Sit.” I did as I was told as she shut her laptop and took my hands . I raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Promise you won’t be mad.”

“Promise. What did you do?”

“Harry called me this morning.” She cringed back as if I was going to explode or break. Instead I sat frozen. It had now been a solid two weeks since the party and the last time he had spoken to me. I had given up hope that we would ever talk again.

“Okay…”

“He was worried about you,” she said, speaking very quickly. “He wanted to talk.”

“What about?”

“He wanted to know how you were doing…if you were okay.

“What did you tell him?” I asked hesitantly. Why did he suddenly feel the need to check up on me? He left. Isn’t that supposed to mean he doesn’t care anymore?

“I told him that you were doing well considering the lame ass move he pulled,” She replied. I couldn’t stop myself from breaking into a smile, which she returned triumphantly. “He didn’t believe me though. Apparently Niall—”

“Niall worries too much.”

“Yeah well you have more than Niall worried Thal. You may have the rest of the world fooled, but I know when you’re not okay. Honestly, you’ve been scaring me a bit. Between Harry and Calhan I’m just...I’m worried.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, instead I played with her hands on the comforter as I whispered, “I know. I’ve been scaring myself a little bit too. But I don’t plan on reliving last night anytime soon.”

“Honestly I was surprised when Kenzie told me you were home. I thought you left with Calhan!”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t. It…it wasn’t right.”

Maeve gave me a small smile and I knew she understood. It wasn’t right because it wasn’t Harry. She let out a sigh before saying; “Well I’m glad because Cal has been spreading rumors.”

“Shocking.”

“Harry told me Cal called him an idiot for trying to tie you down. That commitment wasn’t your style and that you two had hooked up when he was gone for tour.”

“Classy.” My mood instantly hardened. I knew it had to have been something like that. Calhan sure knows how to get under peoples skin. “Did he tell him anything else?”

“Pretty much that you were a damaged slag who was only using Harry to get closer to your dad.”

I snorted. “More like I used my dad to get close to Harry…God. And he believed that?”

“I think he was just too angry at the time to think it through.”

“Okay…so why didn’t he call me after he cooled down?”

“I think he’s just cooling down now.”

I rolled my eyes and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. If he was ‘cooling down’ then why didn’t he just call me? Why did he call Maeve, my best friend? Was he fifteen?

“He wants to talk to you.”

“Well I don’t really know if I want to talk with him.” I huffed, knowing that was a lie. I did want to talk to him.

“Thalia,” Maeve squeezed my hand. “If you can forgive Calhan, you can forgive Harry. I mean can we really blame him? I know if I would have been in his situation I would have done the same thing.”

I stared at her open mouthed and she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you give me that look. If Niall had come back and told you that Harry had slept with another girl on tour you would have run away too. You know it’s true. I know I would have if I ever heard something about Nate.”

“No, you would have gone and confronted Nate,” I corrected. “And maybe even broke an arm.”

She let out a laugh before tapping her fingers lightly against mine to make sure I was still with her. I let out a sigh. She was right; I couldn’t blame Harry. And the more I thought about it the less I did. I would have acted the exact same way. I just wish he had talked to me instead of running away.

“I’m not saying you need to go pretend like nothing happened or that you should let your guard down but…it’s Harry. And this was just a stupid miscommunication.”

“No, I know.” I sighed. “Wait hang on. I thought you hated Harry?”

She shrugged and gave me a sly smile. “What can I say? Dimples has grown on me.”

“Yeah well…same here.” I let out a groan in frustration at the situation. “I was just starting to feel normal again.”

“Okay, when have we ever been normal? What are you talking about?”

I let out a laugh fell back onto the bed feeling all sorts of confused.

-

I hummed along to the music blasting through my headphones as I worked. I had finished my painting of the city and was halfway through my fourth piece. I was now experimenting with oil pastels on a drawing that I had done at a café this summer with the girls. Maeve and I had been obsessed with the way the light played off of the glass of our four Coca-Cola bottles.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure appear in the doorway and turned to see a longhaired brunette with dimpled cheeks staring back at me. I set down my brush and my ear buds out as Harry Styles stepped inside. We stared at each other in silence for a moment before he spoke.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I tried calling you.”

I nodded in response. Seeing him in the flesh only aggravated me. I tried to keep my cool and remember what Maeve and I had talked about earlier.

“How have you been?” He asked.

“Do you want the truth or the answer I’ve been giving everyone?”

He chewed on his lip, contemplating on his next words. “I heard the truth is always best.”

“Are you sure? Because you seem to prefer rumors.”

“Thalia I’m—”

“Why the fuck would you ever believe anything Calhan says to you?” I asked harsher than I had meant to. But I wanted answers.

“Because he was confirming fears that I had already had!”

“What that I would cheat on you?”

“No!” he cried, a deep frown appearing on his face. “That you would be too afraid and you would run back to him. That you would give up.”

“I did give up. But only after you did.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. His voice was hoarse and I looked up to see tears glistening in his eyes. I turned away, unable to look at him. A second later I felt his hand on my cheek, his light touch setting my skin on fire. “Thalia I am so sorry.”

With his other hand he began pulling me closer. I could feel the heat radiating off of his body as I breathed in his cologne. His hand slid down to my waist and we were now only inches apart. But I wouldn’t…I couldn’t let him in.

“What took you so long?” I asked. Still refusing to look him in the eyes and keeping my limbs limp. “Not a moment has passed? Harry, plenty of moments have passed.”

“I just got back—”

“Then why not call? It’s been two weeks.”

“I figured you were mad.”

“I am mad Harry.” I replied, stepping back from him. “You left.”

Understanding suddenly crossed his face. He had finally realized what he had done as I pushed myself away from him. As much as I wanted him…as much as I needed him, my walls were up and I was shutting him out.

“I know.” He grabbed my hands to keep me from distancing myself from him further, not wanting to let me escape. “I know and it will never happen again. Thalia…fuck Thalia I was scared!”

“So am I!” I nearly screamed. I felt myself loosing control. My mind seemed to numb itself with the knowledge that somehow, in the past three months, I had opened myself up to this kind of hurt. This was the reason I guarded myself, the reason I never committed. But this time was different. Harry was different.

I closed my eyes in attempt to stop the tears that were threatening to break free. With a deep breath I whispered, “If you believed him then why bother coming back?”

“I tried to forget you.” He admitted. “I really tried but I couldn’t.”

I let out a hallow laugh. “Well that makes two of us.”

He frowned and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I wasn’t sure how much Maeve had told him or how much he knew, but now it was time to be honest.

“I did give up. I convinced myself that you were never coming back and so I tried to forget,” I whispered, stealing a glance at Harry. His eyes were red and there were tears slowly running down his cheeks making me feel even worse. I knew my next words were going to hurt him but he needed to know. “I went out with Calhan. I drank and smoked until I forgot. We-”

“Did you kiss him?” he asked with a hallow voice.

“Yes.”

“Did you sleep with him?”

“No.” His head snapped up at my words. I squeezed his hand tightly and took a step forward. “He kissed me and…and it wasn't right. I pushed him off and left...listening to One Direction the whole way home.”

We both let out a week laugh. A second later he pulled me into a hug before kissing my forehead and holding my face in his hands.

“We’re a mess aren’t we?” he whispered while wiping my tears with his thumbs. I let out another laugh that was immediately followed by a sniffle. We had both acted like idiots but it was now time to move forward.

“Literally…I’ve gotten paint all over you,” I giggled. We both looked down to see paint covering his t-shirt, hands, and neck. I’m not going to lie it was hot.

He looked up at me with a mischievous smile. “I didn’t know you were planning on using me as a canvas…it’s sexy”

“Now you’re colorful.”

“Am I a masterpiece?” He mused. He was drawing light circles on my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

“Almost.” I touched his nose, leaving a dot of bright red paint there. He broke into a smile before tickling me. I let out a scream and tried to escape but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

“You know something?” He asked.

I frowned in response.

“You should have been a singer.”

“Are my paintings not good enough for you?”

“They’re amazing…but so is your voice.”

“What are you talking about Harry?” I laughed and sat back so I could see his face, remembering how much I loved the way his odd brain worked. He gave me a crooked smile that made me melt all over again.

“Mackenzie posted recordings of you singing.”

“I knew she was up to something!” I gasped. “That little sneak! Why would she do that?”

Harry let out a laugh. “I’m glad she did. I listened to them everyday.”

“You did not.”

“Honest!” he pouted. He kissed my temple and turned my face so I was looking up at him, making our conversation serious once more. “She said you only sing when you’re sad.”

I looked down at my paint covered hands rather than responding. He took my chin and lifted my face to meet his once again. I searched his eyes, not knowing how to respond. He gave me a small smile in return.

“I wish you would sing when you’re happy too.”

“But you singing all the time makes up for my lack of singing.”

Harry let out a laugh, “I don’t sing all the time.”

“Yes you do. Do not even try to deny it.”

“Alright, alright!” he laughed. “I do tend to sing quite a bit.”

"I half expected to be serenaded when you walked in."

"Shut up." He said, breaking into a smile before he could help himself.

I giggled before both of us grew quiet. He ran his fingers across my lips, sending shivers up my spine. I looked into those beautiful green eyes and gave him the first genuine smile I had had in two weeks. He pulled me into a kiss, and I knew we were going to be okay.

Notes

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