The Misfits

I pulled the visor down on the passenger side of the car and used the small mirror to reapply my lipstick. It was a deep maroon color and helped give me the courage I was looking for. After smacking my lips I turned my attention out the window to watch the city fly by. I didn’t know why the boys had made us go to their place first for our flat was much closer to the venue. But they had wanted to stop at Calhan’s buddy’s place before heading to another underground concert.

Calhan drummed his hands on the steering wheel as we sat at a red light. Johnny, Nate, and Maeve sat in the back seat singing the lyrics to every song that had come on the radio since we had entered the car. Calhan turned down one of the side streets and pulled up in front of a depressing looking apartment. We all knew the address even though Calhan and Johnny were the only ones who had been inside.

“We’ll be back in a minute,” was all Calhan said before he and Johnny headed towards the door. Nate gave Maeve and I an evil smile before pulling out a blunt and lighter. Feeling my phone buzz, I looked down to see a text from Perrie asking how I was doing.

I seriously missed that girl. I quickly responded letting her know I would be out with Maeve tonight and to disregard any texts she received from here on out. I felt a nudge on her arm and turned to see Nate holding out the blunt. I took it without a word and lit the tip, taking a deep breath and letting the smoke fill her lungs.

It had been twenty minutes before Calhan and Johnny returned. Cal was carrying a small bag in his hand, which he quickly shoved into the glove box. I knew better than to ask so I just shot him a smile as he started the car.

We were able to park a few blocks away, which was lucky considering we were in the heart of the city. The cold October air stung my skin as I stepped out of the car but at this point I welcomed any feeling I could get. I felt Maeve take my hand as we walked down the crowded street towards the club. Calhan caught up with us and draped his arm around me as we continued to walk. I had a good buzz going since pregaming earlier and gratefully used him to stabilize myself.

Two blocks down we hit the main road where clubs lined every corner. I lit a cigarette, something I only do when I’ve been drinking, and tuned out my surroundings. After a few more minutes walk, Calhan pulled us over to a club with a line down the block. He walked up cockily to the bouncer, slipped him something, and then pulled us in after him.

Calhan was one of those people with connections everywhere. The brown-haired beauty was the guy most girls dreamed off. His dark brown eyes could put any girl in a stupor, and the way he carried himself could intimidate any guy. He was the typical bad boy…and nothing like Harry.

Harry was sensitive and caring. He made me laugh until I had stitches in my side and always knew what to say whenever I was feeling down. He encouraged me to be my best self. He believed in the good in me. Calhan on the other hand knew my experience and knew my pain. His own life had been full of it and it taught him to resent the world. He had turned himself into the person everyone believed him to be, a no-good drug addict with anger management issues. And he encouraged and expected others to do the same.

Calhan had been easy to forgive because his behavior hadn’t been a surprise. But I had trusted Harry more than I had ever trusted Calhan. He had brought out the best in me, a part that I had never seen before. When he left he took that with him and I was once again the guarded girl he had met three months ago.

I felt Calhan pull me through the crowd, stopping to talk to at least five people on the way to the bar. Once there he pulled her close and held out a small white capsule.

“Ready to be happy again?” He asked. I took the pill in my own hands before placing it on my tongue. Calhan handed me water and I quickly swallowed the pill. He flashed me a devilish smile as Maeve, Nate, and Johnny joined us. Calhan slipped me a piece of gum so I wouldn’t bite my tongue off and within thirty minutes I began to feel the effects of the molly. As the show started I was pulled onto the dance floor. The lights began flashing and a minute later I was engulfed by the music. I felt a smile spread across my face and realized this was the best I’d felt in a while.

Three songs in I had lost the others in the crowd. Realizing I should probably go look for them I made my way towards what I thought was the bar. Instead I found a staircase, and decided to climb up it, curious as to what was at the top. It took me to a balcony that looked over the entire club. As I began to search the crowd for my friends I stepped one step too far and could feel myself beginning to fall. Before I had enough time to scream, a hand wrapped around my middle and pulled me back to safety.

“Careful there babe,” laughed Seb. I relaxed and broke into a large smile.

“Seb! You’re here!”

“Where else would I be? Hang on, what are you doing up here by yourself?” He asked with a frown. I thought for a moment before remembering the answer.

“I’m looking for everyone! I’ve lost them!”

“Well let’s go find them,” he laughed. We headed further into the club in search of our friends. Just as we were about to give up and head back downstairs I heard my name.

“Oh fuck! Thalia?”

I turned to see a familiar brunette staring at me open-mouthed. I frowned. I was definitely supposed to know this kid. Then it suddenly dawned on me.

“Josh?” I laughed. He broke into a smile and waved me over. Ignoring Seb’s skeptical look, I headed over to give One Direction’s drummer a hug. “This is nuts! What are you doing here?”

“Partying of course! Come chill with us!” He said excitedly. Due to the alcohol in my system, and the fact that his friend was wearing a bandana, I decided to stay and chat with them a while. “Lads, Lads! This is my friend Thalia!”

“Hello!” they all said enthusiastically as I sat down.

“Are you here alone?” One asked as Josh handed her a drink.

“No, Seb is—” I turned to see Seb nowhere in sight. I frowned wondering where he could have disappeared to before shrugging it off. “Well you guys are here aren’t you?”

“Yes we are,” they laughed.

“Where are your drinks? You boys need to get on my level!”

“You know, she’s got a point there lads,” giggled Josh. They quickly cheered and tossed back the alcohol before Josh turned back to me. “So where are the boys? Where’s Harry?”

“They’re in North America still aren’t they?” I asked. I felt a pang in my chest at the mention of Harry’s name, but played it off as best I could.

“Oh yeah that’s right! Hey come here, let’s send them a video!” Not knowing how to get out of it, I took another shot and moved closer to Josh. His friends talked around us as Josh held up his phone. “Guess who I just found at the club!”

He panned the camera over to me. I made a funny face at the camera before bursting into giggles at my reflection. Part of me recognized that I probably shouldn’t be having this much fun with one of Harry’s close friends, but at the moment I really didn’t give a shit.

The guys ordered more rounds and after another hour of sitting I convinced them to go dance. I found myself dancing my ass off and having the most fun I had had in a while. I let the drugs take over my senses and slowly the voices of the crowd became engulfed in the music. I could feel my heart beating along with the drum as I danced with the boys, threatening to leap out of my chest.

The crowd cheered loudly when the set finished and a DJ came on until the next performance. Sweaty and out of breath, I was led to the side of the room by Josh and his friends. We chatted for a bit before I felt a tug on my shoulder.

“Mae!” I cried out over the thumping music. Maeve gave me a lazy smile and pulled me into a hug. I grabbed Josh to get his attention, “Look who it is!”

“Holy fucking shit,” Maeve screamed. She gave him a hug before turning back to me. “Is this where you’ve been the whole time? Mingling with this loser?”

“Hey!” laughed Josh.

“Calhan’s been looking for you. He’s going mad,” Maeve whispered into my ear. But I was in too good of a mood to let Calhan spoil it. I listened to Maeve and Josh talk as the music thudded into my chest. Suddenly I felt a vibration and quickly pulled out my phone.

From Leprechaun: I can’t believe you’re with Josh right now ! That’s crazy !
To Leprechaun: I know rifht!! I din’t even expect it!!’
From Leprechaun: hahaha how much have you had to drink babe ?
To Leprechaun: just a bit, by my fiend Molly helped me out XP
From Leprechaun: Who’s Molly?
To Leprechaun: nooooo..,.
From Leprechaun: WAIT. You took Molly?!?!? WTF Thalia!
To Leprechaun: Its okay I promise I all be goos

A second later my phone began ringing. I frowned as Niall’s picture popped up on the screen. Silly Niall, I was at a club. No one takes phone calls at a club. I was pulled from my thoughts a moment later as Maeve grabbed my arm.

Seb had appeared and had been talking to Maeve. When he saw me he let out a laugh and pulled me into a hug. “How are you doing ya little gremlin?”

“What do you want beanstalk?”

“Calhan’s been asking abut you.”

“Don’t tell him you saw me!” I said. I was fully aware that Josh was listening to our every word, but I couldn’t risk Calhan spreading more rumors. Seb agreed and I felt my phone vibrate again.

From Loulie Boo: Thalia Jane where the fuck are you ?!?!?!?!

Great. Now I was getting texts from Louis too? I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I knew how to take care of myself – they were taking this sibling thing too seriously.

To Loulie Boo: At a concer with mae and cal where a yos lou
From Loulie Boo: You’re with Calhan ?!!?
To Loulie Boo: No I don’t know where he went. If Josh is here!!!’bn

From Leprechaun: Damnit Thalia . Stay with Josh !!!

From Louilie Boo: STAY WITH JOSH.

“Uh oh, I’m in trouble,” I giggled while holding my phone up for Josh to read. He squinted at the text before letting out a laugh. Taking my phone from my hands he stood next to me and took a selfie.

“There. Maybe now Niall will let you off the hook.” He shot me a wink before handing back my phone.

“Doubt it.”

From Z: T be careful. We love you babe.

Zayn's text was the tipping point. I fought back the tears that were threatening to escape and turned to Josh.

“Hey I’ll be right back I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” I told both Josh and Thalia. I turned and made my way towards the back of the club, using the wall as a guide for the mix of alcohol, pot, and Molly had begun to blur my vision. I had no intention of going to the bathroom, I just needed to get away from Josh and everything that was reminding me of Harry’s absence.

“Thal.” I felt a strong hand wrap around my arm and turned to see Calhan standing over me. He looked relieved. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’ve been happy. Isn’t that what you wanted?” I asked, putting on a smile.

He let out a laugh. “It is. I’m glad you’re happy again Thalia. It’s good to see you smile.”

“I know,” I said cockily. “I light up the world.”

"You do indeed." He leaned down so his face as hovering inches above mine. I pretended not to notice how close he was. The strobe lights danced on his face, illuminating his perfect jawline. He hadn't shaven in a while, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"Does that mean I'm a star?" I mused.

"You're the sun."

"Hmm I don't know if I want to be the sun."

"Why not? You're both hot as hell."

I laughed aloud at his joke, pausing when I felt his arm a wrapping around my waist. "Where the hell did you get that shitty pick-up line?"

"I made it up myself," he replied with a proud smile. With his arm around my waist he pulled me closer to him and a second later I felt his lips on mine. It was rough and full of lust, nothing like the loving ones from Harry I had grown to crave.

Harry.

I pulled Calhan closer, moving my lips with his and trying to forget. He hoisted me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I was pinned against the wall as he began his assault again. He was pinching, prodding, and rubbing.

"I missed you so damn much," he growled.

I desperately wanted to be able to say I missed him too. I wanted to forget but I couldn't. He was wrong. And everything about this was wrong. With every pinch and pull yearned for a softer one. And with every kiss I imagined Harry.

"Stop." I head myself say as he continued his assault on my neck. "Calhan stop!"

He did, but rested his head in the crook of my neck, breathing hard. "C'mon Thal. Don't do this."
"I can't," I whispered, shaking my head in attempt to rid the image of Harry from my mind. "I just..."

He lowered me back down to the earth. My head was spinning and I felt like I couldn't catch a full breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm...I'm just gonna go." I stammered, looking around frantically. How did we get into this dark hallway?

"Let me at least walk you home." He said, taking my arm to prevent me from leaving.

"No." I said louder than I had meant to. "No, I'll just find Mae."

I began making my way back to the dance floor with no intention of finding Maeve. I heard Calhan call after me but ignored him and quickly dodged behind a group of people to avoid him. The music once again became overwhelmingly loud, though I didn't mind for it helped drown out my thoughts.

Across the club I spotted Maeve and Josh still talking and laughing. I knew I should go over to them, but instead I turned to the exit. Once I it the cold air I finally felt as though I could breathe again.

I realized I was only a few blocks from my flat and headed off in that direction. As I walked I realized I wasn't upset, in fact I was the exact opposite. And although part of me recognized this might just be because of the Molly - I chose to ignore it.

It had taken me this long to finally realize that Calhan wasn't a bag guy, he was just the wrong guy. The right guy was off sining his heart out in America 5,000 miles away.

Notes

So to say that this week has been rough is an understatement. I hope everyone's doing (relatively) okay and if you ever need to talk please know I'm here for you always.

It's a horrible situation for everyone. The guys have been working ridiculously hard for us these past years and it was only a matter of time before it got to be too much. Zayn needs time to recuperate emotionally and we can only hope (pray) that he will eventually rejoin the guys. As for Louis, Harry, Niall, and Liam...they need out support and love now more than ever. God only knows what they're going through and how hard this must be on them. It's going to be hard for while. But I'm grateful for the time that we had getting to know Zayn and basking in his angelicness. I wish him all the happiness in the world and I know we will all continue to support and love him in whatever he does.

As for my story, I don't plan on letting Zayn go (no way am I emotionally ready for that). It would be near impossible to do the situation justice and accurately depict everyone's emotions.

Stay strong directioners! We can do this. <3