Eleanor POV


It’s been nearly a month since Harry caught me cutting and things have only gotten worse. I still haven’t told Louis, even though Harry thinks I have. I just made up a story and asked him not to talk about it. Which he hasn’t thankfully. I can’t do anything now without feeling worthless. My cuts there too, serving as a reminder. They had become a part of who I am. They’re my only relief in life. It’s something I do almost everyday now. And there’s no one around who can stop me. The boys are so busy about to go on tour. And I only speak to Sophia or Perrie when they call me up.
Today however Perrie was intent on getting me out of the house. So we were going out to the mall soon. She’d be here in 20 minutes to be exact, and I still haven’t started getting ready. Oops. I went into the bathroom and picked up the curling iron. Curling a few strands that were beginning to straighten out. As I was rolling the mascara wand over my eyelashes I heard a knock on the door.
I didn’t bother walking downstairs and opening it, knowing it was Perrie and that she would let herself in anyway. I don’t know why she ever even bothers knocking.
“Eleanor?” I hear my blonde best friend calling.
“I’m up here!” I yelled back. I hear feet rushing up the stairs and then she her in my doorway a few moments later.
“Hey! Ugh you’re not still getting ready are you? I’ve been up for ages.” She says rolling her eyes at me.
“I just got up.” I laughed. “Besides. I’m almost done.” I twisted the top on and set it down on the counter.
“Ready?” She asked. I nodded picking up my purse off the bed and following her down the stairs, and out the my front door. Locking the door behind me. We hope in Perrie’s black car and head off. I turn on the radio and smile when night changes comes on.
“Hey Pez look what’s on the -” I’m cut off by Perrie shushing me.
“Shh It’s Zayn’s part!” She smiles and sings along to her husband-to be’s solo.

going out tonight changes into something red
her mother doesn’t like that kind of dress
her mother doesn’t like that kind of dress
everything she never had she’s showing off

After Zayn’s part she allowed me to sing along to the song with her. We belted out the words, and did our best to dance in the car, though it was kind of hard. Then Louis part came on.
“Now it’s your turn to hush!” I said before singing along with my boyfriend.
Chasing it tonight,
Doubts are running 'round her head
He's waiting, hides behind a cigarette
Heart is beating loud, she doesn't want it to stop
Just listening to Louis’ voice come in over the speakers makes me fall in love with him all over again. And I’m the only girl in the world who can say he’s mine. We came up to the mall and hear screaming girls approaching.
“Shit.” Perrie said and look around us. “alright come on we’re making a run for it.” I really wasn’t in the mood to, but she was out of the car before I can protest. Sighing I open my car door and stepped out bracing myself. I smiled and wave to a few and jogged up catching up to Perrie. But the mob followed us. Of course there was the overpowering love for us, But the only comments that stuck were the ones that hurt.

beard
idiot
worthless
ugly
fat

There were slurs being thrown out at Perrie too. But somehow she managed to walk through proudly with her head up high. How? I mean her insults were just as bad as mine were.

Zayn doesn’t love you.
Ugly
Weird
Little mix would be nothing without Zayn

That last one made Perrie stop in her tracks. She whirled around and found the girl who made the comment. The crowd silenced and watched as she walked up to the girl. She found her and stood in front of her. Her expression then turned into a soft smile.
“I like your shoes.” She smiled then turned around on her heels and strutted back over to me leaving the girl speechless. We walked inside the mall with no one left following us.
“Let’s go in this one!” She says leading me in the shop. But I’m still shocked by what she said outside. That girl had just said awful things to her and all she had to say was that she has a nice scarf? How does she handle all of this so well.
We grabbed a few dozen dresses and tops and things to try on and went into the dressing rooms both walking into the large room at the edge of the hall. It wasn’t normally a big deal trying things on in front of each other, being so close. But I was afraid she might see my scars. She quickly stripped off her clothes and picked up one of her dress slipping it on before looking at me confused.
“aren’t you going to try anything on?” She asked looking at me. She sighs. “Do you want me to turn around?” She offers. I nod thankfully and she turns around buttons up the rest of her dress. I quickly began undressing wincing as my jeans rubbed against my thighs. I had started cutting on my thighs as well as my wrists. So there weren’t too many on my wrists just in case I ever got caught.
“What do you think of this one?” I asked whirling around so i was facing Perrie again. She turned and smile at me.
“El! It’s lovely!” She gushed smiling at me. I smiled and nodding. Looking in the mirror. I think I’ll buy this one. She turned around and we both started changing again.
“How are you so okay with them?” I can’t help but asking.
“Who?’ She asks.
“The people who think you’re a set up.” I ask carefully.
“You mean Zayn’s fans?” She asks smirking. as we both turn around.
“I was trying to be subtle. That’s cute.” I laugh looking at myself in the mirror. I can’t help but notice my legs are kind of big.
“Well I mean it bothers me but. I have so much more than them. I have an amazing career, great friends, and a lovely boyfriend. So who cares.” She says turning back around.
“Yah.” I agree quietly. But really I don’t feel much better. After all Perrie IS prettier than me. I sigh.
When we were done I went home and my day ended like almost every other one. Cutting.

Notes

ahh! this story got like 100 more reads in like a day and 2 more subscribers! Thank you guys so much! You really make me excited to write and want to update more! (Which I did) BE sure to leave comments I really want to know how I can improve my story! All feedback is welcome and appreciated!!!