Eleanor POV


I pick up the note and sigh. Gone again. I look down at my arm, still covered by the sleeve. I tug it down revealing the scars. I trace over them with my finger. Louis almost saw them yesterday. Hiding them is going to be hard. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.
I look at the razor blade still hiding in the space between the bottom of the cabinet and the floor. Well, if I already starting. What difference is a few more going to make? I stand up calmly and walk into my room. I don’t plan on being a mess like last time. This is not carving practice. This is physical pain to distract me from the emotional pain.
I turn on the bathtub, and let the water run till the tub is about halfway full then turn it off. I pick up the book, the blades, and a wad of tissues. I dip my feet in the tub and pick up the book. I open it to a random page and read the comments. I still hadn’t really looked through here in a while. The words destroyed me, but I can’t help but read them. They were more than hate. They were quite creative really.
“Eleanor has thighs almost as big as her fat stomach.”
“Eleanor’s hairline is weird.”
“Eleanor’s nose is weird.”
I look in the mirror. Is my nose really that bad? Wow. It is crooked. How did I not notice this till now?
“Eleanor is...Wait who is she?’
I felt a tear rush down my cheek.
“Eleanor is just a stupid beard hired by management to try and fool us and make poor Louis miserable. God! She’s just a waste of space.”
I try not to break down then and there, and close the book and set in down next to me as calmly as possible. I leaned over the tub a bit more so the drips of blood would land in the still crystal clear water. Cleanin up last time was awful.
I pick up the blade and began marking my skin. Crying, and thinking everything over. I face myself with a horrible question. Why does Louis love me? Does he even love me? Honestly I have nothing to offer him. I’m not a pretty girl. I’m not a skinny girl, but I’m not a curvy girl either, I’m a waste of space. The only thing he could ever possibly need me for is a Larry coverup.
What if he really does love Harry? What if I’m just holding him back from being happy? What if I truly do make my love miserable. What if-
My thoughts were paused when I hear someone entering the house.
“Hello?” called out a voice. It wasn’t Louis. Who was it? I panic realizing I hadn’t even bothered to so much as close the door. I quickly jump out of the tub. I reach down find the stopper and pull it out, so that the now red liquid can flow down the drain.
“Eleanor? Love? You here?” Shoot! it was Harry! If he sees me like this, he’ll tell Louis! Louis can’t find out.
I grabbed the mass of tissues and shoved them down on the bloody mess, tapping my foot as if it will go faster.
“Eleanor? Louis said he left his laptop here? By the bed. Mind if I come up?” He asked from the bottom of the staircase.
I don’t respond hoping that he will just go away, or wait for me to respond. I grab the razor blade shoving it into the drawer. I hear Harry’s feet padding up the stairs to me. Running out of time! I quickly close the door just quiet enough he won’t hear and threw away the blood soaked tissues. I picked up my book and shoved it into the small cabinet under my sink.
As i am tugging down my sweater sleeve over the red slash marks on my arms. I hear the bathroom door swing open to reveal a tall, curly haired figure standing in the doorway.
“Eleanor?"
I whip around to look at him, he looks back at me dead in eye, making me feel guilty. He knows. He obviously knows.
“Why are you doing this.” he asks crouching down in front of me. His green eyes were piercing into me.
“What are you talking about?” I asked. Maybe I can throw him off. He didn’t see anything after all. I shoved away the blades, tissues, and book. I covered the scares, and they’re not bleeding through. The only clue is the tear stains on my cheeks from crying. But those could be from anything.
“Don’t play stupid Eleanor.” Harry said Grabbing my arm and gently but firmly pulling up the sleeve to reveal the all the cuts. Some were a month or so old, and faded to light scars, mixed with more recent, and the ones from today.
“It’s none of your business.” I snapped trying to pull my arm away but to no avail.
“Eleanor, love you can’t keep doing this.” He said looking back up at me.
“I have to.” I whispered trying not to break. I already look weak. He sits me up on the counter and turns on the water. I don’t bother resisting, he’s just trying to help me. He picks up a washcloth by the sink, and then lets the tap water run over it.
“What about Louis?” he asks dabbing the wet rag over my cuts, I flinched back slightly. I looked up at him in horror.
“Louis doesn’t know.” I said.
“but, he has a right to know.” Harry says.
“No, no Harry please don’t tell Louis. He-he can’t know about this.” I choked out tears welling up in my eyes again.
“Eleanor, he will take care of you. Why don’t you want him to know?” He asks. Setting down the cloth and turning off the water.
“I don’t want to burden him with my troubles. He’s already doing so much by putting up with me I’m so bothersome and If I give him any more reasons not to love me, he may leave me, and I just-” I break down there unable to continue, Harry opens up his arms to me and I gladly fall into them. He lifts me up and again brings me over setting me down on the bed I share with Louis. I just continue crying into Harry’s shoulder. He’s so nice to hug. There are only two people better to hug then Harry, Perrie and Louis.
“Eleanor love, I promise you Louis William Tomlinson loves you. You are NOT bothersome. He loves you so much it will take so much more than this to even begin to change that. He just wants to look after you.” Harry says rubbing my back gently. It took me a minute to compose myself.
“Just please-” I said pulling away and sitting up, wiping my eyes. “Please, let me tell him. If he must know I don’t want him to find out like this.” I asked.
“Okay, as long as you promise you’re going to tell him.” he says.
“I promise.” I said looking at him. It was a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Notes

Okay sorry i haven't been updating writer's block will be my undoing. It's driving me insane! Please leave me comments letting me know what you think!