Catching Red Eyes

I woke up groggy and my eyes were swollen. I must have moved to the bed from the bench in the midst of crying and trying to keep myself together. The covers were wrapped around me as I struggled to get out of the bed. After untangling myself, I opened the doors around me to revel only closets. I needed to go find a bathroom and wished I picked the room with a private bathroom. I looked outside and saw that it was still dark. I grabbed the door handle and instantly drew back remembering who was on the other side.

I wasn’t sure if Harry was still there as I slowly opened the door. Sure enough, there he was curled in a ball on the ground in front of my door. He stirred as I pulled open the door but didn’t wake up. I slowly walked over his long body and saw the bathroom at the end of the hall. I tip toed to it and closed the door behind me. I didn’t meet the mirror because I didn’t want to see what was looking back at me. After flushing the toilet and praying it didn’t wake him, I waited a few seconds before washing my hands. I pushed my ear up against the wood door and listened. I didn’t hear anything as I pulled open the door.

He was still asleep on the ground. I stood in the doorframe and my heart sunk. I quietly walked over to his sleeping body and looked down. His head was propped under his arms and his boots were up against the wall. His legs were pulled up against his chest and he was taking low deep breathes, in and out. His face was peaceful but he had a crinkle between his eyebrows.It made him look almost sad as he slept. I wanted nothing more than to wake him up and pull him into me but I couldn’t…not now. Not after everything that had happened.
I crept over him and went back into my room, closing the door behind me. I took a deep breath and went back over to the window and sat down on the bench. I looked up and saw a million stars and the giant moon. I was hypnotized by the view which was the opposite of the city. I leaned my head against the window and looked down at my left hand. I had grown used to the ring there and now it felt naked.

I was pulled from my gaze by the bedroom door slowly opening. I tensed myself to tell Harry to leave me alone but it was Laurie’s silhouette that I saw. I unclenched my fists and beckoned her in.

“Shut the door,” I whispered to her, walking over. Once the door was closed, we both sat down on the bench. She looked at me with her big, brown eyes wide. I knew her surprise was from the sleeping human outside my door.

“Dude, I cannot believe he came here and is asleep in the hallway.”

I nodded, looking back up to the sky.

“What did he say to you…I didn’t want to eavesdrop…”

“You know I wouldn’t have cared, honestly. He said that the model ex chick pretty much initiated the whole thing…she got the tickets, she invited herself back, she passed out drunk and threw up on herself which is why she had his shirt…I just don’t know, Laurie…”

“Well, I mean, it makes sense but what about the pictures. I mean they did seem cozy…”

“I don’t know. I just have no idea what to believe.”

“Well, the best thing to do is go by your guys’ past. You’ve only been together a few months but has he ever done anything to not make you trust him?”

I rattled my sleepy brain for anything. “The reasons we fought in the past were because of that stupid dating contract, then when he was shit faced wasted and then showed up at my graduation, then when he said he would get me a job and I said no way, then when he got mad for getting drunk with Charlie in Boston it was only because Zayn quit, and now this…”

“Christ, you guys have enough drama to last the rest of your lives…but none of those ever pointed him in the direction of him not being trustworthy, hon. I mean, maybe the whole him getting drunk thing but he was frustrated with you, just like how you get frustrated with him.

Row, I love you, you’re like my sister but you are so damn stubborn and always need to be in control of everything. Love isn’t something you can control. Ever. You love him so freakin’ much that you get inside your own head. You automatically assume the worse in him when you really need to just listen to him. Love is about figuring it all out together. I know I was all about you dumping him but honestly, coming all the way here to explain is pretty damn convincing that he is telling the truth… he’s also super, super famous so anything with his name or face on it is going to sell to any sleazy magazine or website. But you have got to let yourself relax with him and let him in that head of yours…”

I felt like I was being smacked in the face with a dose of reality from my best friend. She was right. I was too stubborn and too controlling. I hated not being able to know exactly what was going to happen. My entire high school and college and now adult life I had planned and I had a map of how I wanted things to look. I have achieved all my dreams so far and never made room for falling in love. I convinced myself I didn’t need it and I didn’t have time for it. But now…now my future looked completely different. I wanted to make the time for love because it was what I wanted and what I needed. I needed Harry. I instantly realized that Harry had me feel emotions and think things I never planned for myself until now. I wanted to walk down an aisle and have him be at the end…I wanted a home with him…I wanted a life with him.

I jumped from the bench and pulled open the door. I wanted to wake the sleeping human outside my door but instead, collided with Marsh.

Notes