Catching Red Eyes

I gravitated to the living room and cried until my head hurt. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up and it was dark. I quickly checked my phone and there was nothing from Harry. I felt like I was waiting for my execution inside this hotel. I needed to get out but I know he told me to stay. I was restless. I went into the bathroom and the girl looking back at me was broken. This wasn’t like me. The girl looking back at me was a stranger. I was instantly angry that I was being told to stay put. I grabbed my phone.

“Charlie, hey, listen can I come stay with you?”

The best thing about Charlie was that she never asked any questions. It only took twenty minutes before I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to just see that Charlie was in the hallway alone. I felt a sting that Harry didn’t leave even one guard behind but was grateful considering I wanted to leave unnoticed. I put all the borrowed clothes back onto the racks and made sure everything was there. I changed into my clothes that I wore into Boston and realized I had nothing else with me.

“Damn, Row. You really didn’t have anything…it’s totally fine, I have more than enough stuff for you. Come on.”

As I was about to leave, I remembered I had something of Harry’s.

“Hang on, Char.”

I walked back into the dining area and opened up my wallet. I put his credit card on the table. It felt heavier than it did last night. Along with the card, I put the Ray Ban sunglasses and the Grateful Dead ring down. I fought back tears but knew this was what was best for me. I had lost myself and needed to find me again.

“Ok, let’s go.”

The sheer madness that greeted us when we walked from the lobby to outside was something I could never be prepared for. I was blind from the cameras flashing and the things people were screaming was unreal.

“Rowan! Rowan! Why did you cheat on Harry?? Did he kick you out??”

The fans didn’t make it any easier either.

“You don’t deserve him!! You’re such a slut! How could you?!?”

I felt Charlie’s hands pull me through the crowd and we bolted towards a cab. Charlie shouted an address and the cab shot off. I knew Charlie lived close to the hotel but I was grateful we were safe as we could be inside the cab. After circling the block a few times, Charlie and I finally ducked inside her apartment. I was, of course, in tears again.

I covered my face and leaned against the brick wall inside her apartment. “I-I’m s-s sorry, Ch-Charlie. I’ll p-pay you back for the c-cab.”

“Rowan, stop, its fine, I’m glad you called. Come on, why don’t we get you some clothes and we can talk.”

After changing into fresh clothes, Charlie made tea and we sat in her small but beautifully decorated apartment.

“Ok, so what happened…I feel awful because I wanted you to go out…”

“Stop, Char. No, this is not your fault. Please, don’t think that. I guess when that guy was dancing with me last night, someone took pictures and sent them to some stupid website and Harry showed me this morning. He was just so…so distant from me…like as if he found me literally mid fuck with some guy…he was talking to me like I was a child or like his dog, telling me that I had to stay put. All I did was go out with my friend and yes, I did drink a lot but why am I getting treated like this? I don’t get it…”

Charlie listened to me vent and I took a deep breath and took a sip of the warm tea.

“Well, Row…from his point of view, I guess I get it. The whole world is looking at him and he seems like a bit of private person…and now the girl that he is openly with just caused this huge media drama but it doesn’t mean that he can’t just tell you that he loves you and that everything will be ok…he kind of just shut off.”

“Exactly. He just turned a switch off and was like this emotionless person today. Before, when we fought, he would get pissed and yell and then apologize but I knew it was because he was fighting for us. But now…it’s like he is a puppet and is just doing what someone else is telling him to do. I don’t get it…I mean I kind of do but he just left me crying in that stupid hotel. That isn’t the Harry I fell in love with…”

“Do you think you guys are done?”

“I don’t know…I don’t want to be but I did leave his ring and stuff behind. I guess I just need some kind of emotion from him…maybe leaving that stuff behind will get him to understand how bad he hurt me today.”

“Row, I know. It sucks. He shouldn’t have left you like that...I know he had his concert to get to but you’re the girl he is in love with…”

I was instantly captivated with guilt. I wanted to go back and get my ring and sunglasses but what was done was done now. I felt the tears welling back up and they spilled over. I couldn’t regret doing what I did now. I leaned on Charlie and cried on her shoulder. I didn’t think I was able to cry any more than I did today but the tears kept falling. After using all of Charlie’s tissues, we got blankets and pillows and set ourselves up with a movie and popcorn on her couch. Somewhere between the conflict and the rising action of the movie, I fell asleep.
I woke up to the DVD replaying the opening credits. I searched for the remote and shut the TV off but before I settled back into sleep, I saw my phone light up from Charlie’s little kitchen table. I ignored it. I shut my eyes and the light turned off. A few seconds later, the phone lit up again. Worrying that it was something back home, I got up and picked up the phone. Harry’s name flashed on my screen. My heart dropped. I heard Charlie get up and stand next to me. We both looked at each other and the phone call ended. As it did before, it lit back up again.

“Row, you gotta answer it…look he called you like twenty times,” she said, as she scrolled through my missed calls.

My hands shook as I answered.

“H-hello.”

“Rowan, are you seriously acting like this right now? I came back hoping to find you and I find everything else you left behind. What is going on, where are you?”

“Harry, listen, you left me alone in that hotel room completely shattered…you couldn’t even tell me that you believed me…you just left...”

I heard him breathing on the other end.

“I know…I’m sorry…I should have made sure you were ok before I left but my head was in a different place. I had the PR people breathing down my neck when those photos surfaced…I hated seeing you cry, you know that. I wish you would have stayed though but I should know that you don’t stay put when you feel trapped or feel betrayed. I know when I left that there was a good chance you were going to leave but I do wish you were here.”

I started crying again. I knew Harry had his flaws but so did I.

“You’re right…I do run when I feel hurt but I have full standing to feel this way. You made me feel like I was the worst person in the world for innocently dancing with some guy who doesn’t even matter and is nothing compared to you. Famous or not, Harry, you’re the one I will always wanted but…right now, I need some space…I love you but the past 24 hours have taken a huge toll on me and I really need some time.”

The words left my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. Was I really asking for time away from someone that meant everything to me? Did I really want this? I didn’t but I knew that I needed it.

“Ok, love. Please, take the time you need but come back to me. I love you.”

“I love you.”

I hung up the phone and sank to the floor.

Notes