Catching Red Eyes

I woke up and it was still dark but I needed water more then I needed oxygen to breathe. I felt someone next to me and recognized Charlie’s soft snoring. I quickly got up and walked into the kitchen and opened the fully stocked fridge. I must have stood in the kitchen for a good ten minutes and chugged at least six water bottles. I awkwardly carried the water bottles to the hidden garbage can. I spun around and was seriously confused.

“It’s next to the stove, love, just pull.”

In the second I heard his voice, all the empty water bottles flew out of arms and landed on the floor. “Jesus, Harry. A little warning next time maybe. I can’t even see you. Why are you sitting in the dark?” I squinted my eyes and tried to see even the smallest outline but saw nothing. “Harry, I really can’t see you.”

After picking up the water bottles and finding the secret garbage can, I walked into the dark living room. I found Harry laying down on the couch. I laid, sort of fell, onto him but his hands found me and laid me down on his body so that I was laying on my stomach. I rested my cheek on his chest and his cool skin felt good on my hot cheeks. I smelled his incredible sweet woodsy smell and felt content.

“Hi.”

“Hi, love.”

“You ok? I didn’t wake you did, I?”

“I’m fine, Rowan, and no I wasn’t sleeping.”

Even though there was no space between us, he felt far away. The alcohol was still circulating through me and I didn’t have the energy to ask him anything else before falling back asleep.

I woke up the next morning to the amazing smell of bacon and pancakes. I also found myself alone on the couch. I lifted my head to find Charlie sitting at the enormous dining room table with a huge pile of food in front of her.

“Morning!! Come eat, you need to eat.”

I did need to eat. My empty stomach was not happy. The smell was intoxicating as I sat down and started eating before I even had a plate. The only thing I wanted more than this food was to know where Harry was.

“Did you happen to see Harry when you woke up?”

Charlie shook her head with a mouthful of pancake.

“I woke up and saw you on the couch and then ordered room service. I’ll obviously pay you back but we needed this.”

“No, don’t worry. This is on Harry’s tab, not ours.” I felt sort of abandoned by Harry considering I had no note or text or phone call from him. I didn’t dream laying with him last night, did I? I felt the anger bubbling up thinking that Harry was acting weird. I pushed it away and enjoyed my very hungover morning with Charlie. After breakfast, I begged Charlie to stay but she had a date with the library and some very heavy law books.

After walking Charlie out and hugging her and promising to visit more, I showered and changed into comfy clothes. I found a cheesy romantic movie on and only got up for the occasional water bottle. My mind kept wondering back to Harry. I knew all I had to do was call him but I felt he should have told me he was leaving. I must have dozed off because I woke up to the suite door opening and slamming shut.

“Hey.”

“Hey, love. How are you feeling?”

“I’m ok…where were you?” I looked up at him from the couch and saw that he was sweating and had a gym bag slung over his shoulder. “Oh.”

He disappeared into the back room and I heard the shower turn on. Something was wrong…did I do something last night? I instantly felt guilty and slowly walked into the bedroom like a child who got caught doing something she shouldn’t have.

“Um…are you…are we…ok?”

I twirled my shirt in my hand and looked down at my feet. Harry was in just a towel as he looked back and had a blank look on his face.

“You tell me, Rowan.”

His tone was hard to read. I instantly felt sick.

“Um…I mean, I think so, yea. Did I do something?”

I thought back to the night before and yes it was very fuzzy and very hard to remember but I didn’t do anything stupid. Right?

Harry didn’t say a word but handed me his phone. My jaw dropped and I knew I was going to be sick. His phone was open to a trending article with a sickening headline.

HARRY’S GAL GETTING COZY WITH ANOTHER GUY! WHERE’S HARRY??

And there were pictures.

“I-I…you-you can’t be serious…nothing happened. He was just some random drunk guy who got too close for comfort. Harry, I pushed him off, of course you wouldn’t see that in the pictures because they only want to show this part. Y-you can’t honestly think that I would want anyone in this world but you…” The last few words got caught in my throat as I realized I was crying.

I looked down at my feet again as the tears streaked my face. I vaguely remember the stranger at the bar but I know I didn’t do anything else. The pictures did show us dancing rather close but that didn’t mean anything. Harry rested his arm against the molding of the door frame and took a deep intake of breath.

“Don’t cry, love…please. I don’t like when you are upset.”

“Harry, I don’t want you think that I would want some stranger in a bar…please…you have to believe me…”

“Look, I think…for now…you just lay low here until our publicist releases a statement. The press are going to hound you if you leave and probably say some brutal things…it’s for your safety especially with the fans right outside. Our fans are very…protective of us…so you just stay here for the time being.”

My head was spinning again. Harry had only told me to stay here and not leave. He didn’t say anything about believing me or saying it was ok or anything to calm my nerves. The tears didn’t stop as these thoughts swirled around in my head but before I could ask anything more, Harry was in the shower. I felt like I was being punched in the stomach over and over again. I mindlessly walked into the back bedroom and sat on the bay windowsill. I looked down at the crowd of people down below and for the first time in my life, wished I was someone else.

How could I have been so stupid? The memories from last night were coming back full force now. I remember dancing with that guy and remembered him kissing my neck. I rubbed my neck raw even though I had already showered. I still felt his disgusting lips. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sank my head onto my knees. My tears were quiet as they fell. I wasn’t sure how long I was sitting there for but my legs started to tingle as they fell asleep but I didn’t care. My ears and head perked up as I heard Harry’s boots clicking across the kitchen floor. I watched as his profile came into view.

He leaned into the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. “There you are…have you been crying this whole time?”

“H-Harry, please tell me you believe me…I don’t want to lose you…I can’t lose you…”

He closed the gap between us and kneeled in front of me. He wiped away my tears that were still falling. I looked down into his blazing green eyes. They were the closet thing I had to perfection. The idea of not having Harry was never a thought for me and now it felt like my insides were being ripped out.

“Love, don’t think those things. Look, I have the show tonight and I’ll be back after. Just rest today and I’ll be back later.”

His words did nothing for me. He kissed me on the cheek and he was gone.

I felt like whatever was holding me up had just collapsed.

Notes