The Notebook

I am sat outside on the terrace, where I can be usually found, just watching the gardens. I like sitting out here, letting my thoughts take me away, watching the sun, the rain, the snow.. Just watching.
We came a long way since bringing down Company X. My kind is left alone and with no fear of other babies turning out like us we could finally rest in peace, well, most of us.
My friends are finally moving on with their lives, pushing through the loss we suffered. It was to be expected, after all it has been a little over two years.
However Louis and I are moving slower than the others, since we did lose more.
Louis went through this phase of looking for El in his future, even after we buried her.
Her and Harry are side by side and I visit frequently. Sometimes I’m accompanied by Louis or Niall, but most of the time I’m on my own.
I like going to visit him solo. When I’m alone I can sit and talk to him and Eleanor I can sit as much as I want, I can cry, laugh, I don’t need to provide anyone with answers.
I guess that is the reason Louis and I stayed the closest, aside from Niall. Niall was a close friend from day one, I guess it’s because our abilities worked best together, or maybe Niall is good with everyone since he is that kind of person. Maybe he was my glue, keeping my pieces together for me.
I am better now though. I mean... I still go to see Harry at least once a week, but I meet my friends more now, I also found a job. I work at a nursery, my mind reading helping to understand the little kids.
I see Niall almost every day, he comes by after work. We usually get supper together or watch a movie. Sometimes joined by some of the others.
I know the reason for Niall coming around so frequently. At first it was because he could ease my pain, put it to rest and provide me and Louis with a time out. But after a while his reasons changed, him and I growing even closer. I guess it was bound to happen spending all that time together. I knew when his feelings towards me changed. I felt it in the way he acted and then I read it in his mind. I try hard to never read my friends, never wanting to intrude on their thoughts, however sometimes I just can’t help it. I try not to lead Niall on, even though a part of me likes him. I can’t let it happen no matter how much it might appeal to me. I love Harry. I will always love Harry. I can’t betray Harry that way. I promised him forever and I intend to keep that promise.
It is getting late so I get up and head in side to get ready. It’s the New Year’s tonight and we are all getting together at a local pub, since Louis and I don’t like when it’s too many people.
“Lizz? Did you change your mind?” Niall is right behind me catching the door before it closes.
“Oh hi- no I’m coming- let me just change,” I flash him a smile.
“We need to pick Louis up on our way- have you spoken to Perrie? She was trying to reach you,” He calls after me.
“No, I didn’t have my phone with me, what did she want?” I raise my voice so he can hear me, as I pull my jumper off and put on instead a light knit.
“I think she was afraid you might not show,” He says. I reappear in front of him brushing out my hair.
“No, I’m coming, is Louis coming?”
“Yeah he said he is- that’s a nice top, is it new?” Niall points at my knit.
“Um.. sort of, Natalie sent it for me a few weeks ago, but I didn’t have a chance to wear it yet,” I explain.
“Well, it’s lovely.” ‘You’re lovely,’ I can hear him think. I feel my cheeks grow slightly hot, so I turn my face while mentally growling at myself for letting myself enjoy his affection. However I know that turning around from him isn’t helpful since he can probably feel the change in my emotions.
This has been going on a while already, which makes us walk on seashells around each other.
“I’m ready,” I sigh, collecting my phone and some bills, tucking them into my pocket.
Niall holds the door open for me and I thank him as I pass his side. He lets the door close after him, and I lock it with my mind.
I climb into the passenger side of his car and put my seatbelt on while he starts the engine.
“Lou’s coming and she’s bringing Lux,” Niall remembers.
“Really?” That puts me in a better mood straight away.
At first right after Harry.. After what had happen I shut down not able to climb out of my black hole. Everyone stayed away then, giving up hope, but Lux being a little girl, didn’t read the signs and pushed her way through to me. She would climb onto my lap, hugging me quietly. Niall noted the slight change everytime Lux was around and made Lou bring her more often, and sometimes staying overnight. Those nights were the easiest, being Lux would sleep in my bed. Her effect on me almost like Niall though she didn’t have any kind of ability.
Louis is already waiting outside for us, and by the look on his face this is the place he least wants to be at.
“At least put on a show mate,” Niall says when he gets in the car.
“Just drive,” he rolls his eyes. I am a ray of sunshine compared to Louis and parties, being good at concealing my feeling long before I came to know this group of people, Niall being the only one to know my true feeling by feeling them himself, oh- and Harry who just knew me so well, however, Harry is dead which s only Niall to pick up on my true emotions.
“So Louis who are you going to kiss at midnight? The tombstone?” I taunt him, being the only one who can actually joke with him about that.
“As matter of fact, that has been my midnight kiss for the last 2 New Year’s so why not?” He replies. I am happy he is playing along, keeping me from reading his mind and finding out how he is really doing.
It might seem as if we are broken beyond reaper.. It might have been just that a year ago, but it is true what they say about time healing all, and the pain, even though it is still there, you learn to live with it.
You learn to ignore it and act as if you’re fine, you’re ok, you’re whole again, and people who didn’t know you two years ago believe it, and the people who did know you then play along.
“We are a full house lads!” Luke calls as we enter holding up his beer. His words sting, since how can we be a full house? We are missing two very important parts of our group, the leader for one, however I know he didn’t mean it like that, and I know that somehow Harry and El are with us tonight- how can they not be?
“Lizz! YOU came!” Perrie shouts running over to me with outstretched arms.
“Hi love how’ve you been?” I smile as we pull away from each other.
“Very well, and yourself?” her lips are smiling but her brows are set in a slight frown trying to detect the lie, since she knows very well that holidays are the hardest times without loved ones.
“It has been so long- we should get together more often,” I claim realizing how much I truly have missed her.
“We will- I have some good news- Zayn and I are moving back,” She claps her hands in delight.
“That is wonderful news! How exciting- do you know where?”
“Hopefully someplace close to you and Ni,” She gushes.
Zayn comes up then to kiss my cheek and say hello, and we all stand and chat catching up on the last few weeks.
I feel a tap on my back and turn to see who it might be.
“There she is! I was wondering where you might be,” I smile down at the little girl with the big infectious smile.
“I’ve been here waiting for you Auntie Lizzie,” She giggles and I bend down to give her a heartily hug.
“Where is your mummy?” I ask when I let her go and she points at a smiling Lou.
“Good thing you finally showed up, she needs to be in bed soon and refused to leave without seeing you first,” Lou grins as she approaches us.
"Wait- aren't you staying?" I question.
"Well.. we've been waiting..." Lou replies.
"Mummy- I want to stay with Lizzie! please mummy?" Lux begs.
"Oh well.. I reckon we can stay for a little while longer, but when I say we are leaving then no song and dance about it.. alright missy?"
Lou's answer provides Lux with such a wide smile that makes me happy I came.
"Lizz!" Natalie hurries over. I haven't seen her for a while since her and Ashton where touring for some months now.
"Nat? You're back?!" I exclaim, gobsmacked by her presence.
"I wanted to surprise you" She thinks, and I grin, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. I stand and catch up with Natalie for a while longer when suddenly someone covers my eyes with their hands.
"Hi Luke," I giggle, reading his thoughts.
"I thought you don't read us anymore," He frowns playfully.
"Well I lied," I shrug, hugging him too.

Sitting with my group of friends was refreshing. We kind of drifted apart since that day, everyone going there own way, making sure to meet up only once or twice a month. I've missed them, and spending time with them now is good.
We laugh and bring up memories, the good ones we have together, the funny.. I was excited for Perrie to move back home, having her here as well as Louis and Niall. Natalie and Ashton are also back, and will be staying at mum's house.

It was long past midnight and I'm sat with Niall on the terries I lay my head on his shoulder as we look out into the garden, a glass of red wine in my hand.
We do this quite a lot, sitting outside with wine, sitting quietly together.
"Today was nice, wasn't it?" He murmurs.
"It was.. I'm glad I came.. Louis was glad he came," I smile, remembering to read his mind as we let him off at his flat.
"I think we might be getting better," I add, "I think I can do this."
I feel Niall’s lips touch the top of my head.
This is Niall and me, not needing the use of words, him feeling my emotions and me able to read his thoughts. He is a good friend to have and I thank god that sent him my way.
"Ni.. Thank you," I say suddenly. I sit up and look at him, my head feels light from all the alcohol I consumed today, I feel happy, alive.
"For what?" He furrows his brows, a soft grin on his lips.
"For everything! For years of just being here for me and understanding me and being on my side even when no one else was," I explain.
"Lizz... I would do anything for you," He whispers, his face close to mine. I can feel his breath on my face, it smells of wine, and I have this sudden urge to kiss him.
He is thinking about just that, so I inch closer, and feel his lips touch mine.
I move my hands up to the sides of his face, running them down his neck and onto his shoulders. The kiss grows hungry and Niall pulls me onto his lap, running his hands down my body and placing them on my waist.
Niall is the first person since Harry I kissed or touched. But I push the thought out of my mind, focusing on what I want right now, and right now I want Niall. I want him, I want him to kiss me, to touch me, to love me. It might be the alcohol pushing at us, at least I will be blaming the intoxication in the morning.
Being with Niall was an experience I have never had before. First I knew exactly what he liked, what he wanted- since I could read his mind, which with Harry I had to guess, his mind being blocked to me. Second, Niall being able to feel the situation and emotions around the room, was able to know what I liked- what I wanted, it was a kind of connection no one else in the world but us can have, only because of our special abilities.

When I wake in the morning he's gone, and I sit in bed staring out the window, feeling empty.
What have I done? How could I have done this to Harry?- I promised forever. I push myself out of bed and stride to the bathroom.
On the mirror there is a note left by him.
'Don't hate yourself for what happen.. I'll talk to you tonight. Love, Niall'
He knew I would feel this way in the morning and I wonder if he feels the same.
I promise myself never to slip this way again, since I also know his feeling for me. I push last night to the back of my mind and decide to go about my day as always.
Niall, staying true to his promise, called later, saying him and Louis are coming over with a movie and pizza later tonight.
When they arrive, Louis is watching me carefully and Niall tries to act the same as always. I have a feeling he told Louis, and try to conceal my anger rising in. They are close friends.. if Natalie or Perrie were here I would have told them.. Wouldn’t I?
When the movie is over it is late and they both get up to leave. Niall reaches out to hug me first.
"Goodnight Lizz," He whispers in my ear, placing a soft kiss on my cheek. I can't help but blush, the sensation of his touch waking up every inch of my body.
Louis hugs me next. He hugs me a little longer than usual and I let him, holding myself from reading his thoughts.
"You will be happy.. I promise you," He remarks. That statement astonishes me, and I slip, trying to read his thought, however he is keeping them from me by counting numbers. I wonder what he is hiding. They leave then, not giving me a chance to find out.
I let my mind travel back to last night once they are gone, back to Niall. I hate myself. I hate myself for enjoying it, for thinking about him, for forgetting about Harry. I can't help the tears that come, can't hold them back any longer.
"Why is this happening to me? Why did you leave me?" I accuse, talking to Harry out loud.
I fall asleep holding my pillow, the tears still falling from my eyes.

The next few weeks pass when suddenly one morning I wake up sick. I don't know what has gotten over me, so I call work, taking a sick day.
I take a pill and wait for it to kick in, and take effect, but it doesn't. I spend the day, running from my bed to the bathroom, too weak to do anything else.
My phone beeps and I check it.

From Niall- I'll pick you up for lunch at about 13:00.

I text him back, letting him know I'm sick at home. Niall... Niall! Could it be? I count back my days. It can't be. I sit up and pull on my boots. I leave the house slamming the door after me, rushing to the nearest boots. I cannot be pregnant can I? didn't we use protection?
I perches a pregnancy kit and make my way back home.
I take the test, and feel my blood go cold when the result comes through. NO! no, no ,no! This cannot be true! I cannot be pregnant.
The tears come and I fall to my knees in a sob.
What am I going to do now? How will I tell Niall? Should I tell him?! I need to stop this. I cannot have a child- not with Niall.
"Lizz? Lizzie?!" I hear Nat's voice calling for me. What is she doing here?
She knocks on the bathroom door and opens it peeking in.
"Oh honey," She kneels down beside me pulling me into her arms.
I let out another sob and go into a full meltdown, while she strokes my hair, holding on to me for the whole time.
"I miss him Nat.. What am I supposed to do?" I question, wiping my eyes and picking up the stick from the floor. I show it to Natalie, and she gives me a sympathetic smile.
"You knew.. how did you know?" I inquire. She doesn't need to answer, I read her mind. Louis. Louis knew. He sent her over.
It finally downs on me he knew all along, not because that Niall had told him, but because he saw it coming.
"Where is Louis?" I question Nat, getting up to my feet.
"At home, waiting for you."
He also knew I would come looking for him.
I walk out with Natalie, and get into her car.
"Lizz.. I know you are confused and missing Harry.. I know you feel like you're betraying him- but you're not," She turns and takes my hand in hers.
"I can't.. Everything I do reminds me of him- and I hate myself- and I hate him for leaving me," My voice breaks and I stop, not wanting to start crying again.
"I know, but you shouldn't.. and I know that even though you still love Harry- you love Niall too- and he loves you, and you need to stop holding yourself back- Harry would hate to see you this way- he would want you to be Happy- and Niall can provide you with that happiness," She says.
When I don't answer she starts the car and drives to Louis.
Nat waits in the car, as I walk into the building and up the stairs alone.
I knock on his door, and he opens it straight away. He doesn't say a thing, just moves back, making room for me to enter. Louis closes the door after me, and turns in place, facing me.
"Tell me what you see- what will I choose?" I say straight away, cutting all introductions.
Louis closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. I let myself read him, he plays what he saw for me in his head.
I gasp.
I am sat in a back yard. There are little children playing. Lux is one of them but she is older. Perrie and Natalie are sat next to me while I watch the children.
They look alike- you can't miss it. They are twins.
"Harry- let Eleanor play with the toys too," I call out. The twins are mine. I am about to say something but then Niall comes into the picture. He kisses the top of my head. he is happy- we all are. I catch the glint of a ring on his finger.
"I told you.. you will be happy," Louis finally speaks.
"What about you? Will you be?" I question.
"I will," He says shortly.
"Does Niall know?" I ask.
"No.."
I leave shortly after and climb back into the passenger side of Natalie's car.
"I'm driving over to Niall right?" She states.
"Yes but I need to pop home a moment before."
After retrieving the stick, Nat drives us to Niall. Again she stays in the car, giving me space to talk to him alone.
"Ni?" I call as I open the door.
"Lizzie? I just got back from your house- I came to check on you but you weren't there,” He comes out of his room.
"How are you feeling?"
"I need to talk to you," I cut strait to the chase.
He nods feeling the tension and follows me over to the sofa. I sit down, and he sits next to me, facing me.
I take the stick out of my pocket and hand it over.
"I washed it so.."
He takes it from me and stares at it gobsmacked.
"When- wh- is it?"
"Yes Ni.. it's yours- it's ours.." I sigh.
"Are you cross?" He questions, not sure how to read the vibe in the room.
"No.. I came straight from Louis.." I explain.
"He knew? He told you what he saw?"
"He did.. there are two.. twins.. Harry and Eleanor," I whisper.
"Twins?" He gushes, eyes full with tears.
"And you had a wedding ring on," I try to smile.
"I did?"
I nod.
"Lizzie.. I.. You know I love you right?" He hurries to say.
"I know.. and.. I think.. I think Harry would want us to be happy," I stutter.
"I promise you Lizzie- I will make you the happiest person alive- you and the kids will be the most cherished human beings in the world," He takes my hands in his.
"I know," My words shake. I am trying so hard to hold my own tears. But once Niall’s tears spill over and on to his cheeks, I don't, I let them fall as well.
“I miss them too you know.. I think about them every day.. Harry was my best mate,” Niall cries.
“I know..” I whisper, wiping his cheek.
"I love you Lizzie.. I have for a long time," He whispers inching closer.
"I know.. I love you too," I whisper, and then his lips touch mine.

Notes

Promised a sequel didn't I? I'm already letting you lovelies know I am working on another one- and it is taking place when Lizzie and Harry were in high school- yep Harry is alive and well in this one..
rate and subscribe!

and you're welcomed xx