*Hannah’s POV (11pm, Saturday the 31st)

Susan and I just signed out of Google to go to bed for the night. We start to clean up the dorm when Susan asks “Han, are you sure you’re okay with Emily and Kenz bringing their boyfriends to Sammie and Lou’s Christmas thing? I mean it’s hard for me but I’ll be fine. I worry about you though.” I don’t say anything for a minute.

I’m really not okay with it but I don’t want to be the only thing standing in the way of the girls being with their boyfriends for Christmas. “Yeah I’m sure. You don’t need to worry about me.” I say starting to take down some decorations. “I know, but I do worry. I know this long distance stuff is harder on you than me because you don’t get to talk to Harry as much and—“ “I said I’m fine, Susan. Can we drop it?” I say stuffing trash into our garbage can. “Yeah well I don’t believe you.” she says grabbing the garbage can out of my hands and leading me to her bed.

“I saw the way you constantly looked at your phone during the movie tonight. I saw how disappointed you looked when you never got anything from Harry during our whole hangout. And I also saw the dejected look you got when Sammie talked about Niall and Zayn coming for Christmas. You can’t hide how you’re feeling from me, Han. We may not have been that type of close before, but rooming with you this year has made me get to know you a little more already. You may be an acting major, but you’re still my best friend and sister.”

Why does she have to be right? Everything is true. I guess the truth needs to come out. “Okay, so I’m not fine! I miss Harry like crazy every single day. I want us to be able to exchange even one message per day just to check in or say ‘I love you.’ At least we got there on our 4 month anniversary last month that happened to not be a school night. I want us to be able to talk longer on the weekends and I wish I knew what’s keeping him so busy when it isn’t school.” “Awh, Hannah it’s gonna get better. I mean—“ “You know what…I’ll just come right out and say it.” I spring up off of Susan’s bed and stand facing her.

“I am jealous of your relationship with Liam. He sends you at least two messages per day, a good morning and good night, and on weekends you guys have whole Skype dates. He randomly messages you and leaves you cute little clichés. When he gets up for school at 6am and we’re going to sleep at midnight, he’ll sometimes Skype you so he can sing to you over the phone until you fall asleep! He does all of this cute boyfriend-type stuff and he’s halfway around the world! Harry is halfway around the world, in the same time zone as Liam, but yet he does none of that. He’s “too busy” to talk to me 5 days out of the week and on weekends he isn’t free until late at night for reasons that I don’t know!”

At this point I realize that I’ve raised my voice a little too high and I quiet myself down a little. “I’m just so frustrated that Liam is going out of his way for you and Harry can’t or won’t do the same for me.” I finish sitting on my bed across the room, arms folded. I’m too afraid to see the look on Susan’s face for me to look at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her get off her bed and come to mine sitting down next to me. She doesn’t make me look at her but she does say this: “You know your relationship with Harry is superior to mine and Liam’s in two very major ways, right?” Damn…I forgot about that.

“One, Harry had you meet his family before you left which is a really big step he took very early in your relationship. Liam didn’t do that for me. Not even over video chat. And two, Harry has told you that he loves you. I know you love him too. Now you’re happy and in love and have been together for over 5 months.” I decide to look at her now. I turn my body to face her and she continues.

“You know that I love Liam with all my heart. I have for a couple of months now. I want to tell him so bad, but I don’t want to get hurt if he isn’t there yet. Be happy that you know exactly how Harry feels about you. Liam may do all that stuff for me, but it all seems somewhat empty without knowing if he’s doing it because he’s in love.”

I open my arms and Susan gladly comes into them hugging me tight. “You’re right…I’m sorry, Susan. I forget sometimes that that part of your relationship is missing. …kind of a big part too. But I mean all of those gestures and cute things he does for you all the time speak louder than the words he hasn’t said. I believe that even though he hasn’t told you with words yet that he loves you, he does. Maybe he’s waiting for the right time. The perfect romantic moment to sweep you off your feet. Sure sounds like something Liam would do.” I finish making her laugh a little. Somehow this went from her comforting me, to the opposite.

“Yeah…maybe that’s it. I guess both of our relationships have their upsides and downsides.” she says. “Yeah they do. But I mean…hold on let me look at the calendar.” I go to the calendar in my phone and look at December. “If Sam and Lou’s gathering is on Christmas Day, that’s a Friday. Not only will you be able to Skype with Liam, but I can probably too with Harry at least for a little bit!” “Oh my gosh are you serious?!” she exclaims looking at my phone. “Yes, look! Friday, December 25. All of us will get to spend at least a portion of Christmas with our boyfriends. I can’t believe it.” I say hugging Susan.

“Well if we don’t want Sammie to make it Christmas Eve then we need to tell her!” she says. “Yeah but we can talk to her tomorrow. It’s getting late and it’s been a long day. We should get some rest.” “We probably should. This is so exciting though! I don’t know if I can get to sleep right away.” Susan says changing into her pajamas. “I definitely won’t get to sleep very quickly tonight.” I say doing the same. We get all ready and turn off the lights before getting tucked into our beds. “Good night, Han. Love you.” Susan says in the darkness. “Good night, Susan. Love you too.” I reply.

It’s after a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to go to sleep that I hear Susan’s phone vibrate. I hear her rustle to get it and see the bright light of her phone screen shining from across the room. After a few moments, I hear her giggle to herself. Liam must’ve texted her. She’s also lucky that he’s an early riser. Harry is like me and likes to sleep late. I roll over to face away from her bright phone screen and try again to go to sleep. Now my mind is back on how much I miss that wonderful man. It’ll be so great to see him on my laptop screen for a little bit on Christmas.

I’m about to drift off to sleep picturing that day when my phone vibrates next to me. I got a text and when I see it’s from Harry I almost don’t believe it. He’s never awake at this time! I open the message wondering what it could possibly say.

“Hey there, Han. I know you’re probably asleep already but I had to tell you this. I just woke up from the worst nightmare of my life. We broke up. I don’t remember why but we did. Promise me that we will never break up, baby. I can’t live without you. I miss you so much. I’ll try my hardest to talk to you tomorrow. Have sweet dreams tonight, I love you, blondie ;) <3 xx”

Heh…he calls me blondie because of Rapunzel in Tangled; it’s what Flynn calls her. I see a few teardrops hit my phone and realize I’m crying. I can’t believe he just sent me that. I’m so tempted to answer him now, but I decide to answer him in the morning and go to bed; his message running through my mind and a smile stretched across my whole face that I haven’t felt there for months.

Notes